Overwhelmed

[laura109]

Hi ladies just trying to keep myself calm but feeling abit rushed. I'm due Christmas eve and feeling like I want to just stay home now and put my feet up bit it's so hard! I feel so bad for my two year old as we don't do much now as it is.

Usually we go to playgroup twice a week or a park date with a friend I met through having our toddlers at the same time. She's lovely and understanding but I still feel anxious about letting her down or when it's time to say I'm gunna stay home now till baby comes.

I have another friend who had a baby last month and wants to meet this week. I'm already stressed about it as dd has been ill all weekend with constipation and I get abit anxious going to peoples houses now as I can go from feeling fine to weak in a flash which is not nice when you also have a toddler to control etc. My oh is working from home now to keep close so I can't really have children around here either.

It's my nephews birthday on Wednesday and every year my sister drops it on us the day of his birthday that she wants you to go up the bowling alley at night or wherever. I don't want to mention it to her because she reacted badly on her daughters birthday 3 years ago when I was 38 weeks pregnant and i didn't feel up to going out at night. But that is stressing me out as I feel awful at night now from heartburn and aches and controlling my daughter in a hot bowling alley will probably make me want to pass out.

I just can't stop worrying. I have an adult neice back from uni for the next three days. I really want to see her today but I feel like the house is never presentable due to my toddler. The mad rush u have to do when people visit surely isn't just me?

My friend keeps saying she will call in after work one night as not seen her for weeks now she works in a nursery. Nightime visits are not ideal for dd bedtime routine and I could be doing without it as oh has finished work and we want our tea and to rest ourselves once we've done the bedtime battle.

The final fluster is oh family have decided on the 10th Dec as we are the half way location their whole family want to come here to exchange gifts for Xmas. I could be in labour or extremely uncomfortable or even had the baby so booking that in was abit stressful.


I know I sound like I deserve to be left to it and nobody bother but it's honestly so hard to have 3_4 people wanting a day and time each week. It's not just me I have to consider dd in everything I do too and Christmas is coming up adding to my list of jobs. I feel like the house will never be ready and I'll never be able to stop and breathe before this baby comes. Xx

 

[MEPride]

First and foremost, it OKAY to say no. Second, your health and the health of your baby and toddler take priority over everything and everyone else! Your daughter isn't quite 3 yet... to be completely honest, she won't remember this Christmas and won't remember missing a play date and won't remember that mommy is exhausted and overwhelmed. She might be unhappy in the present, but she won't remember it for years to come. You need to take care of you and to hell with the things that can be put off. Us mom's, we are superwoman. Superheroes. But even super heros need a break. Repeat this: it's okay to say NO. You can make every excuse in the book, goodness knows i have. But it's ok to say no. Let the house be a mess. Forgo the play date. Don't put up all the Christmas decorations. Take a breather, because you won't have this opportunity with a newborn and toddler.

Something that helps me to relax is to take 5 min each night and do this relaxation technique: lie down in a comfortable position. Tighten the muscles of one foot for a slow count of 10 seconds, then relax the muscles and take 3 slow breaths. Tighten the muscles of your other foot for 10 seconds. Relax and take 3 deep breaths. Repeat for your calves, thighs, butt, abs, back, hands, arms, and face. Repeat as necessary but I'm often asleep before i reach my hands.

 

[Bonnie11]

Absolutely agree. It's ok to say no! Just warn people now that you're not feeling great and may be a bit flaky the next few weeks, I'm sure they will understand. In the grand scheme of things it's only a few more weeks left. People can wait to come round/have play dates etc, it's not forever.

I've started really slowing down and I'm not quite 29 weeks yet! I have SPD and it's just too much for me to keep going out and doing things. For those people that haven't suffered maybe they do think I'm being lazy or whatever but to be honest I don't care! It's more important that I'm healthy for me and the baby and my daughter rather than having to explain to her that I can't play with her easily because I did too much in the day/got overtired. It's not forever and in a couple of months she will have her (tired!) mummy back.

Get other people to do as much for you as they can. Maybe your oh can take your daughter to parties/whatever she needs to do? Or another family member?

Your health is most important and being overtired you will be no good to anyone, rest rest rest! X

 

[Boothh]

I've had a friend fall out with me over the past few weeks for not wanting to be on the phone for hours at night and 'not caring how lonely she was' when I was 35 weeks pregnant with a ear infection lol. I've vomited every day through out this pregnancy at least once and I'm thoroughly drained by now. I've had to start being harsh because I'm really at the point where I Cba. I've told people I'm not up to going out far over the past few weeks made people come up to mine (which isn't the norm cus I live in the middle of nowhere), I don't feel bad for taking a while to reply to messages, etc because I don't always feel up for a chat anymore. I'm tired, in pain and stressed enough trying to make sure everything is ready for baby. Everyone else can p off. If they don't want to help you at this point they're hindering you and don't feel bad about being honest and saying no.

 

[Fire_fly]

I agree with pp. Yourself, baby and toddler come first. Just tell everyone your not feeling up to going out etc and they would have to be pretty selfish to not understand or give you a hard time over it. Your health is more important so don't feel guilty about saying no.
My family and friends come to visit me rather than me going to them nowadays as they understand it's not easy (although there is the odd one that tries to make it all about them but that's another story!�&#56900
I understand about going out and doing things with your toddler, I've been exactly the same. It's difficult. I've had pretty bad SPD since around 20 weeks and on crutches since 23 weeks. Can't take my two year old to any of her usual classes or to the park etc, felt terrible at first but it's not forever, our baby's will be here and we'll be back to normal before we know it. Luckily my partner has been able to take her to one of her classes she loves once a week and I've been able to get out a little with her as well if I can get a lift. Otherwise, we do fun activities at home. Is there anyone that could take your wee one to some classes for you if that would help?
Hope you feel better soon and remember, it's okay to put yourself first right now. Take care! x

 

[kewpie]

I agree with all the above posts. This time is now about you, your baby and toddler. I would just cancel everything, put everyone off, do whatever it takes to get yourself some peace and quiet. Above all, I would ask family to relocate the Christmas hosting on the 10th. It is only two weeks out from your due date, how can they expect you to host a whole family get-together? Can your partner rearrange that for you so you don't have to be the one to call around? They have to respect your wishes and I think being two weeks from giving birth is enough of a reason.

Take care!

 

[Zephram]

Learn to say no! It is okay to say no, learn to say it and don’t feel guilty about it. I would absolutely not host Christmas at 38 weeks and I wouldn’t give a hoot if someone in the family got miffed about it. You need to put yourself first.

I also don’t feel bad for cancelling plans or play dates if I don’t feel up to it. Also don’t worry about the state of your house. You’re pregnant with a toddler, no one expects your house to look like a display home. Seriously, don’t worry about it! And don’t worry about people judging. Most people wouldn’t and anyone who does is a jerk, so their opinion doesn’t count.

You sound very stressed out, I’ve noticed this in several of your recent posts. Please be easier on yourself, and if you’re still feeling stressed and anxious, don’t hesitate to bring it up with your midwife/doctor - you don’t have to struggle alone.

 

[Palladium]

I completely agree with everyone else, you need to stop putting everyone else's whims ahead of your (and your baby's) health.

Your DH's family doesn't get to just decide to invade your home 2 weeks before you're due. Have him call them and tell them it's not possible, don't even bother trying to justify/explain, and repeat as often as necessary.

Same thing when your sister wants you to go out for your nephew's birthday. "Its just not possible." You don't need to spend time making excuses for taking care of yourself. If she gets upset, that's her problem, you can't control her behaviour.

Maybe make a list of everything that you really need to do before Christmas/baby comes? And be really critical of it, take off anything that is just something you'd like to do if you have time, or is only for someone else's benefit. Just keep the things that are absolutely essential, then you can focus on the stuff that's really important. If you get time/energy to do extra stuff then great, but if you can get the real priorities done then that's enough!

Good luck!

 

[WackyMumof2]

At the moment, this is all about YOU. With your due date being so close and juggling life with a toddler as well, then I would be say be saying 'no' too. If people really care about your health and well-being they won't get offended. They will understand. If they do take offense, well, that pretty much tells you that they don't care. As for your niece coming home, who cares if the house looks like it has a toddler in it - it does!! And I bet you anything regardless of toys being thrown for miles around the house and food left behind from where she's been wandering around, your niece won't care. She loves you and she's there to see YOU!

 

[laura109]

Thanks for the replies. You are all right. I think it stems from family just expecting you to get on with it yourself. We have two sets of unhelpful grandparents who could do the odd bit but choose not too. If only they knew and cared how much it would help me if they picked dd up for even 2 hours once a month. I wish their was somebody to take her for a while but there's not. Thank ladies after this week I'm slowing down xx

 

[erinrose07]

Hey Mama,
You might benefit from lowering your expectations of yourself, giving yourself some grace (recognize you are not going to be 100% for some time) and resetting your loved ones expectations of you too. My goodness, you have a lot going on with pregnancy and a toddler, to worry about anyone else outside of the family inside your home right now is kind of an after-thought. Truly, any mom in your situation would need some help from friends and family.

You might not be able to go to birthdays.
You might not be able to take your child to playgroups or parks even.

I would love to see a family member offer to take your kiddo to the park for you, but these days we don't always have a village to help raise them, right?

I was pregnant with a toddler also and you know what I've learned? As long as you give them some extra love and explain why things will be different, they are no worse off. Check out pinterest for how to keep them busy indoors if you'd like--it was a life saver for my active 2 yr old. Read stories, color together, or watch movies together. As long as your with your child and feeling less stressed, it will be excellent quality time together.

Let yourself off the hook a little bit mama and enjoy the quiet moments by just being still and not putting pressure on yourself to do anything. Hugs!