PAL - February 2013 rainbow babies

[hope88]

Mrskg i also havent had any testing as ive only had 2 losses i was planning on taking aspirin to around 36 weeks as well but i read that the women that stop the aspirin at 36 weeks get induced at 38 weeks but seeing as that wont be happening with me as none of the doctors are taking me serious im worried that stopping it to soon maybe bad. The only one thsts taking me seriously and is supportive of my choice is my midwife who said shes seen alot of success with women and low dose aspirin and i mention about alot of bleeding when given birth and she said that shes never seen more blood loss from someone who takes low dose aspirin and someone who didnt.

Allmacsnow i think he wanted me to take to cyclogest till around 12 weeks but he was also unsupportive of the aspirin

 

[rosebud111]

Hi ladies
im really confused and worried ive been taking cyclogest (progestrone) since 4 weeks as a doctor from my surgery suggested i try it as i had 2 previous losses and i also decided to take low dose aspirin myself. At 11 weeks i saw my actual gp as the other doctor was away on holiday, my gp told me that i never should have been given it as theres no proof it works and that doctors arent allowed to usr people as guinea pigs so i said well so far so good and he said that i wont no that because baby could be born with one arm or leg etc by this point id had enough and asked if he knew anything about the drug and he said it wasnt his area of expertise so i told him to go and find someone who knows what there talking about so he phoned the hospital and they said it was fine and to prescribe another 20 pessesaries. I went to the hospital today at 14.4 weeks and a consultant said to stop both the cyclogest and thr aspirin as theres no proof they work and he doesnt even no y a doctor wud prescribe it he wouldnt listen to anything i had to say either about my concerns of stopping after getting this far i understand people that take progestrone stop around 12 weeks when placenta takes over but i really not ready to stop the aspirin i dont no what to do

hi hope, i have been taking 200mg progesterone at night and my dr told me to stop now that i have reached 12 weeks. she also agrees that there is no proof that it helps but i have a few girlfriends who have also had losses and were prescribed progesterone and had healthy pregnancies. this is why i asked my dr for it. i think some doctors are all for it and some are not. my dr isn't necessarily for it but that's because she feels like it "doesn't help or hurt" and feels it's more for the mothers to have peace of mind. anyway, do not worry. it won't cause harm. i stopped yesterday at 12w 2d and some women don't stop until 14w.

 

[rosebud111]

she was online on facebook and I messsaged her. I explained:



7:20pm
you know the obvious, as does everyone else. I tried to bring it up three times in conversations last night, and either everyone ignored the comments, didn't hear them, or they went right over their head. Not quite sure but nobody was commenting either way. I never announced it on facebook because I wanted to talk to you first. I have been so afraid this news would hurt you because I know how badly you want your little one, and how long it must feel like it's taking.

and she replied:


7:21pm
I could tell. Thanbks for telling me.
Hope al is well
and yes I do9
I can't really do this right now. thanks for letting me know

my last message:
and I didn't mention it earlier because I have spent the past 2 months in terror of another miscarriage
ok. I understamd


Sad I don't feel any better, just feel like crying, so I will

hi perpetual - i am sorry that you are dealing w/this. i think you are such a good person for reaching out to her and trying to cushion "the blow" since you are aware that it may hurt her feelings. it was difficult after my losses to see my friends post on facebook about their new pregnancies, newborns, how great it is to be a mom, etc but i always knew it was my issue and never took it out on them. if it bothered me too much i would just "hide" them on fb so i wouldn't have to see their posts. anyway, i don't think you should have to tip toe around your friends and cater to them. you tried telling them and if they want to ignore or not comment then let it go. that is just rude of them. just enjoy being prego and your wonderful gift and spend your time with people who you know are happy and supportive of you like your hubby, family, and us!

 

[NT123]

I'm not on progesterone or aspirin, I wasn't told that either would help, and when I asked if there was anything I could take I was told that there was nothing and that it is more likely that I had an mmc due to a chromosomal problem which would not be helped by either. I guess (albeit ur docs are not at all helpful by giving mixed messages ) u have to do what u feel is right for u in ur circumstances .

On a different topic, has anyone else been feeling super-emotional about their mc(s) since getting a good result at the 12w scan? I just keep thinking about peanut and feeling so sad again for the loss, I wish I had a place of burial to go to, but I didn't opt for that at the time and I regret it sometimes, not having somewhere I can go to grieve. I know I'm supposed to just move on now I have this little one but I am finding myself keep thinking about my lost baby and I guess getting pg again so quickly probably didn't give me enough time to properly grieve. I know it sounds stupid but becuase people dont know about the loss of peanut i almost feel that by getting exicted about Bean it eradicates the mmc like Peanut never existed, i feel further away from the mmc but yet it's so raw and peanut may have only been a tiny spec of a baby at 10 weeks but he/she was my first and it still hurts so badly and I have this grief on one shoulder and this excitement/nerves on the other. The outside world just know about the excitement but this grief I have to keep to myself and I feel like screaming sometimes that there is another baby out there, that isn't with me, that i miss so badly and all the potential that there once was before he/she was stolen from me. One day I hope I can feel this happened for reason and maybe when I get bean I will see that but somedays like today, i just feel as bad as I did the day I saw the blank face of the sonographer. Like my heart broke.

 

[Lulu]

I haven't had my 12 wk scan yet (3 days to go!) but I know what you mean. I've thinking about my mmc a lot over the last week and wondering if I should plant a special tree or shrub in the garden as a little reminder. Not many people know about the mmc but it would have been due this week so I'm feeling it more than I have, plus worry over my scan its so difficult to explain even to DH how I feel. I've been using the Olympics as an excuse for being so emotional!

 

[debzie]

Wow such a lot to catch up on.

First off I think both flutter and Perpetual need some hugs.

FOR ALL THE GREAT SCANS.

hope I too was taking cyclogest It was given to me by my consultant who specialises in early pregnancy loss. He believes that it helps maintain the lining of the womb and promote good blood flow to the developing baby. He said to stop it at 12 weeks as the placenta can then make bucket fulls of progesterone itself. I weaned off it past my 12 weeks scan and stopped it by 13 weeks. He told me to stop the aspirin as a bleed was detected early on.

I saw him again today and as there is no bleed I have been restarted on aspirin until 36 weeks. He has also handed me back to the midwives for monthy appointments.

 

[hope88]

Thanks ladies i think im going to stick with the aspirin, i feel abit silly getting all worked up over stopping cyclogest when some of you stopped around 12 weeks im 14 weeks glad its all going well for you all

 

[PerpetualMama]

First: Yes, awfully emotional about my loss, and having gotten past my loss date while pregnant. It was 4 years for me August 1, and my neice is due on my due date for my loss (4 years later) march 11. I am thrilled to be pregnant again, and still find myself crying over the loss, and wishing my 3 1/2 year old was here to greet a baby brother or sister too. While I was pregnant I had gone in to design a tattoo of my son's baby hand prints and they ask if you're pregnant. I didn't know I was, but wasn't ready for the tat yet anyway. I found out a day or two later that I was pg and postponed the tat til after delivery and nursing. When I lost Blip I was so crushed and needed a reminder so I drew out an embryo with wings and put Blip above it with the month and year of when (s)he lived. It even has a little heart beating. I had the tattoo done the day after the loss thinking the pain of the tat would help ease the pain of the loss. It didn't, but the reminder is wonderful. DH and the tat artist didn't think I should do it, but I insisted. No regrets.
I still did not get over it, but mothers day of 2010 I had a break down and ended up doing a "letting go" ceremony. I wrote a poem to the baby and a letter. Out of the letter I made a boat. I created a caricature of the baby (like my tattoo) on a piece of tissue and place it in the boat. I read the poem, also on tissue, then placed it in the boat and launched it off the rocks into the ocean. (DH was so supportive and found me the perfect private spot to do it, and stayed away for my privacy). I prayed for release and I cried and I told the baby I was untying the strings that held it tethered to my heart so that it could be free and if it was meant to come back to me then some day it would. This actually helped me a lot. I would be willing to share pictures of my tattoo, and copies of the poem and letter if anyone wanted to see it.
I hope you ladies find some comfort for your losses. I am lucky it has been 4 years for me between babies and people knew of my loss. You might make a memorial, write him/her a letter or poem, or have a releasing ceremony of your own. Prayers and hugs to you my frinds!

 

[PerpetualMama]

Second: I posted baby's heartbeat on youtube then shared the link on my Facebook page with Baby Belisle's heartbeat 13 weeks gestation. Have a listen!
That was my announcement to my friends (aside from Diane who I talked to last night). My friends who were at the party were stunned. OMG is that why you have a meat aversion? They were clueless and said next time to whack them in the head with it, or be blunt. (There will be no next time LMAO). Another friend laughed so hard to see their shocked comments and said did you seriously not feel that belly when you hugged her? I knew right off the bat! And she did because I confided in her at the party if I was nuts and didn't look pg and she said either I was pg or had just polished off a cake whole before arriving. Everyone seems happy (except of course Diane who sort of has a right to feel down about it. She's only looking for a chance to have ONE child...so it's hard to see someone who has 5 get ANOTHER one. I'm getting her dream. I guess I can honestly understand and sympathise even if it hurts me to have that reaction).

 

[shocker]

NT i know what you mean, its hard, especially with some people saying "oh your having your first baby" i correct them every single time because rowan will always be my first baby and it hurts when people act like he never existed. I wasnt able to feel the 'this happened for a reason' thing until quite recently and if Im having a hard time I try and remember that if I hadnt lost rowan then I would more than likely not be pregnant now, I dont have a place to grieve either but I found that making a memory box really helped at the time. I still have the box, it has my congratulations cards, sympathy cards, a crocheted angel and the little babygro i bought at 12 weeks, if i want to feel close to him I go to his memory box and just hold the things inside and think about him and it makes me feel better! Its not too late to do that, even just putting one thing that reminds you of a moment with your baby you while you were pregnant, like a cd of song you really liked or maybe sang to bump, a teddy, whatever you like! I found it really helpful, its bound to be hard going through something that should be so exciting/happy when its been tainted by negative memories, hope your ok

 

[Mrskg]

pal is sad

 

[shocker]

First: Yes, awfully emotional about my loss, and having gotten past my loss date while pregnant. It was 4 years for me August 1, and my neice is due on my due date for my loss (4 years later) march 11. I am thrilled to be pregnant again, and still find myself crying over the loss, and wishing my 3 1/2 year old was here to greet a baby brother or sister too. While I was pregnant I had gone in to design a tattoo of my son's baby hand prints and they ask if you're pregnant. I didn't know I was, but wasn't ready for the tat yet anyway. I found out a day or two later that I was pg and postponed the tat til after delivery and nursing. When I lost Blip I was so crushed and needed a reminder so I drew out an embryo with wings and put Blip above it with the month and year of when (s)he lived. It even has a little heart beating. I had the tattoo done the day after the loss thinking the pain of the tat would help ease the pain of the loss. It didn't, but the reminder is wonderful. DH and the tat artist didn't think I should do it, but I insisted. No regrets.
I still did not get over it, but mothers day of 2010 I had a break down and ended up doing a "letting go" ceremony. I wrote a poem to the baby and a letter. Out of the letter I made a boat. I created a caricature of the baby (like my tattoo) on a piece of tissue and place it in the boat. I read the poem, also on tissue, then placed it in the boat and launched it off the rocks into the ocean. (DH was so supportive and found me the perfect private spot to do it, and stayed away for my privacy). I prayed for release and I cried and I told the baby I was untying the strings that held it tethered to my heart so that it could be free and if it was meant to come back to me then some day it would. This actually helped me a lot. I would be willing to share pictures of my tattoo, and copies of the poem and letter if anyone wanted to see it.
I hope you ladies find some comfort for your losses. I am lucky it has been 4 years for me between babies and people knew of my loss. You might make a memorial, write him/her a letter or poem, or have a releasing ceremony of your own. Prayers and hugs to you my frinds!

Bawling my eyes out at this, that is so beautiful I'd love to see your tattoo it sounds great, I got a big butterfly on my upper arm to remind me of rowan, its so bright and everyone always comments on how vivid the colours are

*edit* in relation to what you said about the friend, i think you are putting yourself under unnecessary stress, you have done all that you can and gone out of your way to make sure this is as painless as possible for her, try and relax from here on in and not stress about upsetting anyone, you've done everything you can

 

[PerpetualMama]

Motherly Ties 5-9-2010.


by Suzanne M Belisle on Sunday, May 9, 2010


Ties.
Chords of my love
that keep you bound to me.
Your memory.
Your life
so brief.
Your soul
is not mine to keep.
With a mother's love I untie you.
I set you free
and weep.
Sail free.
Return to me?
If that is what is meant to be...

The letter I wrote is quite heart wrenching. I think I'll spare you the agony of reading it

DS loves to look at the tattoo. He asked one day what it was and I told him about the baby who would have been. One day last month he asked if this baby was going to die like his other brother or sister did. I told him we should say a prayer right then that it doesn't happen. He is unbelievably excited about the baby. That scares me still a little, I would hate to see him devestated.
He also asks if mama's die sometimes when the babies are born. I am assuming he must have seen something in one of the shows DH was watching (Like Little House on the Prairie reruns) and that had his focus for days. He reassured me if I died having the baby he'd take good care of it. The kid is full of thoughts beyond his years these days.

Shocker: I hate saying this is my sixth baby. It's not, it's my seventh. I'm making an effort to say if everything goes well it will be my sixth child. I feel horrible not to be able to count Blip.

btw, you are right about my friend. I have done what I can and it is up to her to deal with it as she feels she can. I appreciate your encouragement and that of the others. You ladies are all my newest friends and I look forward to coming on here and rejoicing with the positives stuff and shoring up whenever I can when someone needs the encouragement. This thread has been a Godsend for me, because nobody gets it like you guys do!

 

[flutterbaby]

perpetual thats lovely sorry your going through hard times hun and the poem and tat are lovely

the b'day went ok we just never spoke all day so it could of been better but it's done now he's still here he said if i pack his things he will leave because i know i mean it
he's on the sofa which is bliss full nights sleep i've said my peice and im now not talking to him but he was gutted yesterday because i had a word with my mom and shes gonna only have boys once a week for him so it means the most he can go out now is 3 times 1 week and 5 the next rather than 5 and 7 the twat so at least the boys will see him

im working 15 hour days til thurs so tbh im not fussed if hes here or not he will be sex starved first

 

[PerpetualMama]

flutterbaby. I've been in similar shoes with DH #1.I hope it gets better for you. It's no fun having a bunch of kids with someone expecting they'll actually be a parent to the little ones only to find they're still too consumed with themselves. Hang in there sweets

 

[Mrskg]

Love your tattoo perp xxx

 

[hope88]

Perpetual thats such a lovely tattoo and poem

 

[NT123]

thanks ladies for telling me how you feel, makes me feel im not being a complete wreck alone over something i suppose i never really had albeit felt was and is very real to me. im going to get a special rose for my garden this weekend and plant it in peanut's memory as my place to think about him/her. x

On a brighter note i got the NT result as low risk today so thats positive. still feeling nauseated and getting the odd stabbing pain in tummy so hoping little bean is doing well. roll on the 20 week scan!

 

[PerpetualMama]

thanks ladies for telling me how you feel, makes me feel im not being a complete wreck alone over something i suppose i never really had albeit felt was and is very real to me. im going to get a special rose for my garden this weekend and plant it in peanut's memory as my place to think about him/her. x

On a brighter note i got the NT result as low risk today so thats positive. still feeling nauseated and getting the odd stabbing pain in tummy so hoping little bean is doing well. roll on the 20 week scan!

I was talking to my DD (20) today. She has been going through a real rough time lately. She opened up a little today as to what she's feeling and what's going on in her head (she doesn't do that much lately, she has a lot of issues these days). She lost a baby in February-a mmc which I recognized when I went in with her to see my first grandbean--but held out hope that somehow it wasn't true. She would have been 34 weeks today, and is dreading September 25th- her due date. She told me she has requested the day out work, and is going to make a cake and sing happy birthday to the baby. She's also going to get the tattoo that she designed of the baby that day. I think that my being pregnant must be a little bitter sweet for her, but she is wonderfully supportive none-the-less.

 

[Mrskg]

everything perfect measuring 13+1 x still a bit shell shocked but on