Pangs of Jealous & Lost for words

[Sambatiki]

Hi Ladies,

Ive been very lucky to have made some wonderful friends on BNB, many many many of whom have moved onto the sunny climes of preggers lane.
Most of the time I can breeze in and out of their journo's getting swept up in all the excitement of it all..... then suddenly... I cant go in there, the green eyed monster takes over and feel like there is nothing valuable I can add... I mean how will I know which buggy is the best.

I know that they understand that it can be difficult and as friends wouldnt feel offended. Nor do I want pity iygwim.

How does everyone else get 'over' these feelings??

 

[MrsF]

heya hun,
i think it's normal to feel how you do, as i've just written in another post we all have our defence mechanisms. I wouldn't say i've gotten (is that actualy a word, lol!!!!) over those feelings, just more come to accept that they are normal and they do subside after a bit. I know when my first treatment was unsuccessful i distanced myself a bit, but then as a i feel stronger and more positive, i respond differently.

i'm not sure if that helps you really bud, but sometimes knowing you're not on your own can be quite comforting

x

 

[sparkle83]

I really don't know... I tend to just stay away, as I did when SIL was PG. I saw her twice in the whole 9months, even though they only live 2 miles away. For some reason, now my niece is here, we go there loads. Its not the baby side of it that sets my jealousy off, but the whole pregnancy-feeling like a failure-not a real woman side of it.

 

[maz]

At the moment, I'm really struggling to deal with my emotions regarding other women's pregnancies ... I heard last week that Clare Nasir off GMTV is pregnant, and she commented how she felt blessed with her miracle baby. When I googled her, she's been trying for 8 years and endured 2 years of IVF - but I still feel envious. I just wish it was me. I don't know the best way to deal with the jealousy and bump envy that takes over us all from time to time, I guess we just have to remind ourselves that one day our future babies will decide they are ready to show themselves to us...

 

[chefamy1122]

I don't really know how to answer that one, b/c the green eyed monster seems to have a pretty tight grip on me right now I think it comes and goes though.... One day I am looking at my best friend's baby registry picking out stuff I want to buy for her, then the next day, I barely want to get out of bed b/c I can't stop crying....

 

[Lilly123]

it comes and goes for me too hun.. alot of my friends on BnB are preggies or have already had their baby and it reinforces that we have not succeeded..our failure.... there are days when i dont go into preggy journals.. not because i dont like my friends... because i love them - but because it hurts to much and then other days i am fine.. my preggy friends have been a great source of support for me and i am forever grateful but some days i just cant handle to see a bump or new cot etc .. just hurts... but other days i am fine.. i would give yourself a break from pregnancy journals when u need it and when u feel stronger u can go in again.. thats what i do.

good luck hun

xxx

 

[Sambatiki]

Thanks ladies.... I find it strange because I might go through half of the preggers ladies journos and feel fine.... and then all of a sudden, I just dont know what to say iygwim then end up not visiting the rest of the ladies. Then I feel guilty for the ones I have left out! Its silly I know!

 

[NickyT75]

its not silly at all babes

I know what you mean tho coz it happens to me too i'll try to visit a couple of my friends then feel like I need to leave the preggo sections but find myself worrying that 1 of my friends who I didnt leave a comment for will see i've posted in some journals but not theirs & take offence

I just hope they understand we dont mean to hurt them & we are feeling bad xx

 

[Farie]

Aww darling
I can relate to how you feel, often I worry my preggo ex-LTTTC buddies will think I'm ignoring them, but I'm not, its just very hard sometimes.
Some days I can jolly along, but other, not so much.

Your not alone honey, and I don't yet know of a fail safe proven way of coping, we just get through each day and week, enjoy the days we feel confident and positive, and just don't beat yourself up on the days when your not feeling so positive

You know I'm always about if you need to chat darling

 

[CurlySue]

It's not silly at all. How can one talk about buggies and dopplers when they have not experienced such things? And how can one feel good about NOT being pregnant when other people are so delighted to be?

I'm so very tentative in my pathetic little five weeks that I dare not venture to First Trimester, firstly because I don't feel I belong their, secondly because I am so tentative and don't actually believe this is going to last. Thirdly, I have no 'relationship' with pregnancy, nor do I know what it is. I have NO symptoms (and envy those that do) and will forever be looking over my shoulder waiting for The Witch to arrive because I didn't conceive naturally.

I get the green eyed monster when I read the journals of those who can tell the world at four and a half weeks because it doesn't even occur to them that their pregnancy may not be 'safe' and I have not once referred to my second line as 'a baby' - it's not a baby. It's an embryo. For all I know it might not even be in there. I envy those that can safely believe from the get-go that their pregnancy will succeed.

So...as sad and as uninspiring as it may be, the jealousy and the wordlessness does not go away. We're affected by our LTTCishness and probably always will be.

 

[digs]

I'm feeling it today - brother and girl friend off for scan on second accidental baby! Grrrrrr love them to bits and my little niece but when will it be me!!! Fed up of being poked proded, filled with drugs and tired of just one line!

Even my hubby looked sad last night at yet another single line and he normally picks me up. If it getting to him it must be bad.

Grrrr - come on guys PMA................whatever!!!

 

[jojoD]

I too am going through all the same emotions. Yesterday my DH and I went on list for ICSI and this morning I went with my best friend to her 37 week midwife appointment. Then this afternoon I got a text from another friend telling me she had just had her twelve week scan.

I am happy for my friends but so envious of what they have. Another friend is complaining about her baby crying so much... find it hard to have sympathy as I would swap situation in a heartbeat........

 

[Kirstin]

I often got jealous when non lttcers got their BFPs so I used to disappear off this forum for a while, relax away from TTCing and come back refreshed

 

[Lyns]

I know only too well how you feel babe.....I'm 2 days away from my due date from my first loss and having to congratulate everyone in my buddy group on their babies. And I am truly happy for them.....but I can't help but feel a little jealous thats its not me.....

Its still really hard but I find going into the pregnancy journals easier than going inot the BFP section at the mo. I can't stand another post of 'pregnant with my second child, when my first is only 3 months old and we were breastfeeding and not even trying......' I feel bad for not congratulating complete strangers that only joined the site 3 days ago, but I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to do it. Call me bitter, but I will be so happy for my friends, like you, who've tried and tried and tried, but not a complete stranger who breezes in whaps out 12 posts over 2 cycles and then says 'Pregnant....finally!'

 

[puppymom32]

I so know how you feel and its ok to feel like this. It seems like everyone in the world is pregnant right now except us. When my cousin same age as me called and told me she was pregnant I actually cried on the phone not because I was happy for her but because I was jealous. She got pregnant first mo off BC. Her baby was born in Mar I still havent gotten the courage to go see him. My little sister only 23 is pregnant with her second after having a fling. I think WTF??? does this seem right no way. I told her there is no way that I can be in the room when she has the baby it is just way too hard. Her baby shower was hard enough. A girl at work was pregnant she brought her baby to the office and I hid because I knew it would only make me upset. I also have only been on this forum for less than a month but already in the TTC forum I am so jealous of all the BFP's after trying for 1 or 2 mo. Why is that not me. Why has it been almost 5 years for me. I just keep wiping my tears and telling myself it will happen and I will love that baby more than anything in the entire world.

 

[puppymom32]

It's not silly at all. How can one talk about buggies and dopplers when they have not experienced such things? And how can one feel good about NOT being pregnant when other people are so delighted to be?

I'm so very tentative in my pathetic little five weeks that I dare not venture to First Trimester, firstly because I don't feel I belong their, secondly because I am so tentative and don't actually believe this is going to last. Thirdly, I have no 'relationship' with pregnancy, nor do I know what it is. I have NO symptoms (and envy those that do) and will forever be looking over my shoulder waiting for The Witch to arrive because I didn't conceive naturally.

I get the green eyed monster when I read the journals of those who can tell the world at four and a half weeks because it doesn't even occur to them that their pregnancy may not be 'safe' and I have not once referred to my second line as 'a baby' - it's not a baby. It's an embryo. For all I know it might not even be in there. I envy those that can safely believe from the get-go that their pregnancy will succeed.

So...as sad and as uninspiring as it may be, the jealousy and the wordlessness does not go away. We're affected by our LTTCishness and probably always will be.

CurlySue,
I couldnt agree more. Even if I make it past the 1st Trimester (once I get pregnant) I will always have this fear that most people will never understand or even think of. Best of luck to you I am really pulling for you!!1