Parents of only children...

[Toms Mummy]

Hi

Parents of only children (if there are any on here?!) How do you find your day to day life compared to those around you (friends/family) with more than one? Would you say it was easier/harder? Do you feel you have to entertain LO a bit more just incase they get lonely? Are you and your child happy with the decision to have just the one child?

I ask as we have 1 3and a half year old. I have been going back and forth on wanting another and not wanting another, I can see both sides. OH on the other hand does not want anymore children. I respect this as i know I will be happy with not having anymore. Our LO is happy and sociable but he's only 3 and a half so I thought i'd find out from those who have older only children how they find having one?

Thanks x

 

[isil]

I only have my boy At the moment I love it. When we had snow, lots of his friends couldn't go sledging after school because they have baby brothers and sisters. But we were able to and in general, we can be really led by his likes and interests. There are also things we wouldn't be able to afford to do if I had another - like swimming lessons and extra curricular activities. It might sound like he's spoilt, but actually I find he's more eager to share things and share experiences with other children when he has the opportunity because he's an only child. At his school a few of the other boys who have younger siblings want their own computers for ICT lessons where as my son is happy to take turns

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks for your reply isil! I was beginning to think there were no parents on here with one child!

I too love having one and the freedom it gives us, and as you say the opportunities open to him and us. But I do worry that he will be that type cast only where he's spoilt and self centred! Due to the fact I'm worried about it, I hope I parent well enough for him not to turn out like that!..... But I can see it starting already! I still carry him alot, when he doesn't want to walk and I still dress him a lot, although I'm getting better at encouraging him to do it, when there isn't another child to distract you it's just so much easier to do it yourself :doh: !!

 

[sophxx]

We have just one at the moment.He has so many more opportunities compared to friends with more little ones who re tied with feeding ect. We have the best of fun swimming seeing shows at the theatre going to forest school, days out on trains cinema ect. He's really sociable and happy to play with other children.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thank you

It's never really worried me that he would be lonely as they spend so much time in school and that's where you meet most of your childhood friends!

We have currently stopped ttc, after too ing and fro ing. My OH doesn't want anymore and as Tom gets older I'm starting to come round to his way of thinking!

 

[seoj]

I think it depends a lot on the kid- and parents. I know, that doesn't help- but maybe this will. My SD was an only child for 14yrs- I came along when she was barely 9yrs. She has ALWAYS been very very social and outgoing etc... although that is a great quality, she does not fair well left to her own devises. LOL. She always wanted to be doing something as a kid- either with us or friends. So she could certainly take some energy! She has grown into such a lovely young woman though- very self assured and fun and silly and loving. As always. But she is also OK at times just doing her own thing- not something she would have done even a few years back.

Our LO, on the other hand, does great playing alone. NO issue. She loves to socialize with us as well- and we make sure to have games and read books etc... but she'll walk off to her play room alone no issue. This is not something my SD ever did (according to her father).

I do think if you only have one- you do need to make an extra effort to allow them to have friends over etc... but even if you did have two kids, they may not necessarily play well together? My brother and I were buddies from very young (only 2.5 yrs apart) and when we took family trips- we would chat and hang and play. But as I got older and he had different interests- we kinda grew apart. We are close now- as adults with our own families and kids. And we've always loved eachother and gotten along well etc... but those in between years we really didn't hang out much or talk often like we do now.

So hey- I guess, I'm no help... LOL... just do what makes sense for YOUR family. And you'll work it out There is no right or wrong answer.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks seoj. Tom is very happy playing on his own but he likes to see his friends too. I think he (and me) like the balance

Most of my muumy friends now have a new baby and although they're cute I do like the fact that I can sit and have a coffee at soft play, not too tired to play and tom happy to play with his friend! Although he's always a bit clingy with me for the 1st 20mins or so!

 

[Eternal]

I have three and they all miss out because of that.

However,I was an only child and hated it, still do sometimes.

But there are advantages to both, and if you have or do not have siblings you will aways feel unhappy about it atone point. If your happy then don't feel pressure to have more.

 

[River54]

I have a 16yo girl, only child, though we are ttc another now.
I was a single parent for most of her life, and she always bugged me to have a sibling (and still does)

Been quite happy with just her. Though I've always wanted more, circumstances prevented it until now.

I personally think it has been alot easier. My brother has 4 boys all under 6 and every visit is exhausting.

With having the 1, we haven't had to deny her reasonable pursuits because of time/ other siblings. This had enabled her to make choices and really think about what she wants.
Some parents I know with more, have to limit their children to 1 pursuit, and some say they had to all be in the same things regardless of the child's wants.

My daughter has never really been clingy, and I haven't had to really 'entertain' her because she was alone. - Pretty sure that is a personality thing though. As mentioned before - she has always advocated for a sibling - brother or sister - didn't matter, even now.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks River.

I have a brother who is 16, so he is 13 yrs younger than me and I moved out when he was 7 so he has spent his teenage years as an only child and he has turned out really sociable with lots of friends but he also likes his own space at home and is happy not to have a sibling close to his age. He is currently in new york with his dad, an opportunity he wouldn't have got if there was another one!

 

[Logan's Mum]

First post in this area, seems quiet

I was like you, couldnt decice on having another one, then decided not to. What changed my decision was what would happen when Logan was older, this sounds dramatic but if anything was to happen to me or OH I would want someone there for him. I want him to go through his life knowing he has someone else to play with and have as a friend, you lose friends over the years but siblings are always there (as long as you dont fall out etc....) And this LO will benefit from Logan as I could see he would make an awesome brother for a lucky sibling

My advice is, dont look at yours or his life now, but look in 10 years plus, and see what you think. And look at the family around you and see if theres enough there for him.

Hope this helps x

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks Logan's mum, I do think about the future and how tom will be without a sibling. I am close to my sister but my OH isn't very close to his so it's difficult to make a decision based on that. I do like the idea of having lots of grown up kids around me with kids of their own haha!

 

[RachA]

I do have two children so I can't really say from a personal view but I thought I'd just just shared my observations.

As PP said you need to think long term. I didn't get on with my sister growing up but now I don't know what I'd do without her. If and when my parents end up needing care etc then the burden, financial as well as time and emotional, will be able to be split 3 or 4 ways (I have three siblings but one lives abroad at the moment).
Things like holidays can be a challenge-I've been away and seen only children really struggling with what to do. The parents are wanting to relax but the child can't play on their own so the parents were getting frustrated and the child bored. I know this could just be due to how the child was brought up etc.
The other thing is that you can obviously have friends round to play and your child go to friends but you have to decide if you want friends round all the time. I know only children who had a different friend round after school every day. Yes it's nice for the child but sometimes as a parents you just want to relax without someone else's child there.

I know there are pros and cons to everything and as I said I'm not a parent to an only child so I'm not really elegiable to comment.

 

[upsy daisy1]

the point logans mum made is the exact point i was discusing with oh the other day. i have one child at the moment. she is 3 and doesnt like babys and doesnt want a brother or sister as she tells us. she is very attatched to mummy and daddy and doesnt want to share. when my new niece came to visit she acted very badly, kept trying to smack the baby etc. but after a few weeks( she was here for over a month) she stopped feeling so threatened and just got on with it. we want to try for baby no2 next year when mia is 4. i would prob happily have mia only as she is such a lovely child, entertains herself, likes to play alone as well as with others. very smart and talkative, but i have to think of her in the future. when she has kids it would be nice tor her to have a sibling to turn to and her kids to have aunties and uncles and cousins. like logans mum said, down the line when me and her dad get old and pass i dont want her being alone. yes she has cousins but they will never feel the same. i grew up with my cousins as well as my siblings and my cousins, we grew apart but my sisters are still close. everyone has different opinions and its what works for you. depends on what is a priority to you.

 

[hattiehippo]

Tom is an only child and I can't see that changing. I'm 41 this year and was very ill during his delivery so having a second is potentially difficult for me. Add on top that he still doesn't sleep well, has massive tantrums and is generally a high maintenance child, trying for a second really has no appeal at the moment.

It's a really hard call but I think you have to go with what works for you as a family and I wouldn't do anything based on 10, 20 years time tbh. Our family works well as the 3 of us and feels right at the moment. He's close to 2 of his cousins who are 6 and 10, he has lots of friends at preschool and we also have a hobby that means he will go away camping with friends and their children 6 or 7 times a year.

My dad and nan were both only children and both got on in life fine. My DH's brother is nearly 8 yrs older than him and they hate each other. I'm close to 1 of my brothers but it's a very complicated relationship and often a lot of hard work.

I don't think there's ever a right answer to this one - do what feels right for you and your family.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Thanks Hattiepoo x

 

[HGsurvivor05]

Hi ladies,
I have an only child DD who is 7. It was planned we would have at least 2 but I suffered severe hyperemesis with DD and we decided no more as I could at that point not handle another pregnancy physically or emotionally. DD knew about my hyperemesis and never had any complaint about being an only child, she is not spoilt in the way she gets what she wants when she wants, we as a family have firm boundaries and expectation although she does get more than what her friends with sibling do. I spend more than I should on branded clothes and activities i.e we love concerts, theatre, city trips but for a 7 year old she respects all her things and is polite and hard working at school she is amazing and don't want to loose that. Last year though she became very emotional when she found out the last of her BFF was going to be big sister it tore my heart strings as we both have siblings and remember the good times out playing and having that extra protection I then started thinking about who she was going to have to talk to when we get old. I suddenly found this strength in me to cope with another pregnancy for the fact it will give her the sibling she dreams of. I could not look or hold a baby after hyperemesis but 7 years later I am so broody. Things will change a bit when we start TTC but know its for the best. I must say I was worried about huge age gap but I think I have timed it well as DD will becoming more independent and will be able to enjoy a baby in the house and she dotes on her friends baby brother always wanting to help. I will miss the girlie days but these can still happen as I am hoping will be a little less stressful having the age gap than having 2 close to each other she is also at a better age to understand hyperemesis and if it returns. We have holiday to florida in July so going to make it a special one, its her first real holiday and think we will start saving now to take our increasing family in another 7 years time! so next year it may me back to sleepless nights and nappies.

Only you can make the decision in the end DD used to always like someones attention and looked for us to play with her but over last couple of years she will disappear to play room for good couple of hours and you hear her doing her maths classes or English with her barbies or teddies! so cute to listen too!

 

[utterbubble]

I wrote a similar thread a few weeks ago, i am only having one, i think another would be to much for me to cope with, my family is complete

 

[Shey]

I have only one son and I do feel like I don't see him much cause he goes to school and I go to work so my parents watch him for me when he gets out of school and when I do have off we have mommy and me time. It is hard having a child especially one that is special needs.