Parents thinking of adopting my baby....

[SilentBeauty]

Hi! I'm Denise, 19 currently 26w6d pregnant. I don't know what to do actually, my mom told me yesterday that they are planning to adopt my little angel after. She says its for the better, so that when I'll find someone for me I won't have any extra baggage around to worry about. She has a point in it, but then I think that if that someone really loves me then he should accept me & my baby as a package deal, right? I don't really know. I'm kinda getting worked up about it really, my problem I think really is, if they adopt him/her then that would make him my brother, right???? I kinda don't want that.

 

[17pregnant]

Hi and welcome They can't tell you what to do, it has to be what you want. If it's what you think is right then that's what you can do. I agree with you when saying that the right person will accept you and your child otherwise, they're really not worth it. It's all your choice. You can PM me if you need to talk My name is Evita and Im 10w5d x

 

[baby9]

Definitely don't let your parents make the decision for you. You must be 100% happy with your choice before you go ahead.

 

[xforuiholdonx]

This decision is yours, As is this child and your mother has no right to tell you what SHE plans to do with him. If you have planned to keep him, I would make the clear to them and call it good, as an adoption can't go through without your waiving of rights.
There is more to it then "making it easier for you to find someone later"... If you know what I mean. Can you live with they way they raise him? Or could you treat him like a "little brother"?
Even if you do decide to go through with the adoption, it's still something you will have to tell future partners, for the sake of explaining certain things.. I guess I don't see that as a reason for your mom to decide she's taking your kid... Sorry, this is nothing personal against you, I promise.. This is a huge decision and you need to think about what YOU want. Not what SHE expects, kwim?

 

[teenmommy15]

My advice would be to not let them adopt unless you think its better for the baby and if they do i would want my child to know that im they're mom. but if someone loves you enough they should except you and your child. you dont need a man but you do need you little boy do whats best for you, hope things go well hun

 

[jozylynn896]

My advice is, if you feel it is best for you and baby then let them! But don't only give uo your child for the sake of possible future boyfriend.

 

[MommyGrim]

I personally wouldn't, but they cannot make that decision for you, like PP's have said. Do not do that because they are pressuring you into it. Honestly, I wouldn't do it unless you were 100% positive you wanted to. Also, after you have him, if you decide that your parents were right, and you want to give them rights, you still can, you do not have to decide at birth.
On another note, it may be 'easier' to find a significant other later on, but you'll find (in my opinion) a bit more responsible and quality significant other if you have a child since you'll be looking for a potential father. Not always the case, but I've seen it happen more times than not.

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

Not their decision to make. They can put the offer on the table, but it is ultimately YOUR baby and YOUR decision to make. Don't let them force an adoption on you when that's not what you want. Sounds like you are going to need to sit them down and have a real heart to heart about how you feel. If you want to raise YOUR child, then do so!

 

[JBeansprout]

It's not up to them, it is really your decision! If you don't think that is best for your child, then don't do it, if you think it is, then go ahead! Please don't let them make the decision for you, it's your baby. And one day you will be able to find someone who loves you and your baby!
Btw I'm marissa, fifteen, and I have a seven week old daughter!

 

[snowfia]

You are the only person who can make that decision, no one else can tell you what to do with your baby.
No offence but the fact a baby is 'baggage' and you won't find someone is bull! That is definitely not a reason to give your baby up.
My OH isn't LO's bio dad. I have been with him since just after I found out I was pregnant. He is LO's dad in everyone's eyes and he didn't love me any less because I have a baby and now we're expecting number 2.
Don't feel pressured by anyone telling you what to do with your baby, it's yours and only your decision.

 

[SilentBeauty]

This decision is yours, As is this child and your mother has no right to tell you what SHE plans to do with him. If you have planned to keep him, I would make the clear to them and call it good, as an adoption can't go through without your waiving of rights.
There is more to it then "making it easier for you to find someone later"... If you know what I mean. Can you live with they way they raise him? Or could you treat him like a "little brother"?
Even if you do decide to go through with the adoption, it's still something you will have to tell future partners, for the sake of explaining certain things.. I guess I don't see that as a reason for your mom to decide she's taking your kid... Sorry, this is nothing personal against you, I promise.. This is a huge decision and you need to think about what YOU want. Not what SHE expects, kwim?

thanks for the advice hun. I know I'm still the one who's supposed to decide whether or not to go through the adoption. My mom is just thinking of whats best for & for the baby since I'm only 19 & is still acting quite like a baby myself. She just thinks of my future, as always, because well she's my mum. the thought of treating my own kid as little is a bit off/awkward for me though , I don't think I'd be able to do that.

 

[teenmommy15]

She may be thinking of whats best for you, but honestly sometimes moms dont always know whats best for you. Only you know whats best for you and if you want her to adopt the child then so be it but dont let your mom talk you into doing it because she claims "its best for you". do what you think is best for your child.

 

[SilentBeauty]

thank you ladies for your advice. My parents aren't forcing me, they just think its for the better since I'm only 19 & still acting quite like a baby myself. I can't really say I've grown up or matured just yet to become a mum for my child. I'm still taking baby steps on this, trying to grasp the situation as it is, thinking about not just my future but also the baby's as well. It's not just about finding someone in the future they're worried about, but also other stuff. We haven't sat down & talked about it really, since it was just my mum who mentioned it but the thought of having my own baby & treat him like a little brother is awkward for me. I want to be the one he would "Mommy!" whenever I get home & stuff a son does for his mum. My idea on the adoption thing is still kind of blurry but somehow my heart is kind of set to be a mum already though my brain is still taking things step by step. i was just kinda freaked out when my mum told me about it. Got kinda worked up as well. But thank you so much for your ideas & advice loves. I really appreciate it.

 

[baby9]

If yout parents are willing to adopt baby then would they be willing to help you out with the care of his instead? So you'd raise him as your own but they'd help when you needed it.

 

[magic93]

That is a very personal decision that you will have to make.
In the end do whatever is best for you and your baby! Dont let your parents influence your decision in any way. That is YOUR child that you are carrying and will give birth to & NOTHING will ever change that.
Surely tho if a man couldnt accept your child then hes not worth anything believe that hun! But do whatever is right for you!!

 

[Pheonixsmummy]

It is totally up to you what you think is best for your baby. I am going to be a single mom, and like you said, a man should love you for you, even if you have a baby. In my situation, my mom wants to adopt my baby as well. (Maybe it's an Asian thing though lol jk, my mom is from Thailand). And I know how you feel, I don't want to live my life having my daughter as my sister! I couldn't do it.

Trust your gut, and who knows! You could've made an amazing decision.

 

[SilentBeauty]

It is totally up to you what you think is best for your baby. I am going to be a single mom, and like you said, a man should love you for you, even if you have a baby. In my situation, my mom wants to adopt my baby as well. (Maybe it's an Asian thing though lol jk, my mom is from Thailand). And I know how you feel, I don't want to live my life having my daughter as my sister! I couldn't do it.

Trust your gut, and who knows! You could've made an amazing decision.

Maybe it really is an Asian thing, haha, my mom's a Filipino. Just the thought of treating my baby boy as a little brother is very, I don't know, wrong per say? For me that is, it just feels wrong. And in the end, I'd still have to tell him I'm his birth mother when he gets older.

 

[MummyMana]

I could understand this if you were, say, 14, however as an adult, by offering to take any responsibility out of your hands, they are essentially preventing you from growing up. You're at an age where you should be setting out on your own and although they probably feel as though they're doing you a favour by offering to adopt your child, in the long run it'd probably cause more harm than good... Remember you have every right to your child and no one should be able to ask you to sign those rights away

 

[jozylynn896]

I just think it would suck if you love him like a son. And if you don't like the way they raise him, not that they'll be horrible towards him, but for everything like what school he'll go to, and thinga like that, you have no say so that would make me very mad and resentful to see my son and not be able to care for him like a mom should
I agree with pp, it may do more harm then good.
Ultimately the choice is yours though.

 

[lauren1991]

Sorry I'm on the mobile site so I see all posts.

I'm 21 and have a 4 and half month old.

I was pregnant at 16 and 19 Both miscarriages but fell pregnant with my son shortly after the second.

The minute he was born I knew I would lay my life down for him. He's my absolute world. U could be 40 and be a shit mum and u could be 17 and be a fantastic mum. Its not ur age its ur ability that's being tested. Personally I couldn't do it. The minute kameron was born he was MINE no one else's. I still don't let him stay over with grandparents.

I guess what I'm tryin to say is dont make any big decisions like that until u have held ur baby, its a whole different ball game then.

Good luck! X