Partner isn't being understanding or supportive at all!

[Dobsd]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow. It was my partners idea to start trying and we got pregnant on the first go. I'm really happy but also nervous as we already have a 15 month old and live on the opposite side of the world to our families.
My partner seems to show no interest in the pregnancy at all. I've been throwing up pretty much constantly for the past week and he's being really insensitive about it. I spend most of the day wretching and I can't help it. Every time I do it, he just rolls his eyes.
On Tuesday he was at work and our daughter was at nursery. I'd usually use that day to get stuff done around the house but I was feeling so crappy. Every time I moved I would throw up! I text him saying "don't expect me to have done anything when you get home, I'm feeling really rough and have spent most of the day with my head in the toilet".
He text back saying that was fine, but when he got home he was really stroppy, walking around tidying up and banging around. I asked what was wrong and he said that he didn't expect me to have ACTUALLY done nothing and he was frustrated about it.
Since then, I'm scared to tell him I feel sick. I'm walking around the house with a carrier bag incase I need to be sick and can't get to the toilet. I'm feeling so awful and he has zero understanding. He hasn't shown me any support so far and last night, he even asked me if I'd consider a termination! I told him no and that I'd rather be a single mother than do that and that I was upset he wanted that. He told me he didn't actually want a termination but was just interested in my thoughts on it!!
I'm so confused why he's being like this when he was the one who wanted to try for another one. I have no family or close friends here so I'm feeling completely alone.
I'm not sure what to do

 

[bcos21]

No idea. Mine says yeah I know, you don't feel good. For me I don't throw up, I just feel like walking death all day but since I'm not actually throwing up he thinks it's not that bad. He doesn't pull his weight in house work on the best of days. Dunno what to tell you other than youre not alone!

 

[george83]

Tell him to f**k off and concentrate on you, the baby and your lo. You said it yourself he wanted the baby now he needs to accept everything that comes with it. I don't think anybody can truly appreciate how awful morning sickness is unless you've been there so try not to take it too personally. The housework and jobs can wait and will still be there when you feel better if he genuinely can't be bothered to help you

 

[Isme]

That is truly awful. It sounds like he may have liked the idea of another baby, but now that you're actually pregnant he's realized that it a bit if an inconvenience and is changing his mind. He sounds really selfish, and I seriously hope that he changes his attitude soon. Was he like this with your first pregnancy?

 

[minties]

What a dickhead. Tell him to drink a bottle of vodka every single morning for the next 10 weeks, then he might have an idea how you feel!

 

[pam1532]

I know how hard it is living far away from friends and family. I've moved to South Korea to be with my husband, and even his family live on the other side of the country. Luckily, my husband is usually very kind and understanding. But when he isn't, and when we fight, it's amplified x100 for me just because he is the only person I have here. I can talk to my mum and sister online, but it's not the same.
Honestly, if my husband acting that way about the baby and even mentioned termination I would be so upset and disappointed in him I think I might actually leave and go home. Because I gave up so much to be here with him.
I'm sorry your husband is acting this way. Don't let his stinking attitude force you to hide how bad you're feeling. He needs a serious talking to and a kick up the backside to stop being so selfish and straighten his ideas out.

 

[Wombat]

It's horrible he is acting that way!

You need to sit him down. And talk. Explain how you feel. Explain that you NEED his support, otherwise it is 100% worse.

Show him some articles online (men respond well to that), about other women being pregnant, and that's normal to feel like that.
Also show him things like "what NOT to say to a pregnant woman" and "how can you help your pregnant wife".

Hope it will get better for you Pregnancy can be horrible, and without support it is x100 times worse.

 

[KatO79]

I think men sometimes do have a hard time understanding what pregnancy is like since they've never felt it on their own bodies. So many times I've wished there was some sort of technology so I could get DH to feel what I feel for a few days and see how it'd change his once in a while less than empathetic behavior (although most fo the time he's ok)

I think the best option is to sit him down and discuss his behavior. Try using sentences like "When you roll your eyes at me when I'm throwing up, it makes me feel ..... so please don't do that anymore" or "When you say things like that, it makes me feel.... so please don't." Although I do admit that sometimes I do say things more harshly to my DH if it's really bad though (in general and not necessarily pregnancy related stuff) and he gets the message right away I don't think avoiding discussing it is helping matters as he'll just continue doing it until you set a boundary. I'd say if you're having issues setting boundaries with him then you may need to get some counselling or something to help you do that. If he's in reality a good guy that's just being a bit of an ass right now then he won't leave you for setting healthy boundaries. If he does than he's got serious issues and you don't need him in your life. Hope you soon get him to stop behaving so badly

 

[cupcake23]

He's attitude is horrible, like a pp poster said, he probably liked the idea of another baby but the reality of it is freaking him out, it's a shame he can't talk to you and at least have some empathy towards you.

I hope you can take some time and talk to him to make him realise how he is making you feel, without his support he is actually making you feel worse, emotionally and physically. All the best x

 

[Nikko88]

Men have no clue. And if he isn't very empathetic, you need to stick up for what you need. Take care of yourself. Have him do what you can't handle.

This doesn't mean he isn't excited about the pregnancy. For a lot of men, pregnancy is a mysterious stage and things don't get real for them until there is a baby in their arms.

 

[Unexpected212]

It honestly sounds like he is regretting the pregnancy for whatever reason. He doesn't have any sympathy or patience because he doesn't really want the baby and so has no patience with the symptoms that come with it.

I'd be having a sit down talk with him about why he wanted to try for a baby and now he is mentioning terminations. He was clearly testing the waters. If you'd turned round and said 'Yes lets get one' I bet he would have let you.

Could be time to seek couples counselling. His head is obviously in a dark place. Not that it's any excuse for how he's treating you. Yes he works but you aren't asking him to do everything just saying your struggling.

I've been sick pretty much from 6 weeks till now and it is REALLY hard. My husband supported me stopping work around 25 weeks because of it and he took over the housework and childcare when he's home and hasn't moaned about it once. I do what I can when I feel ok because I feel guilty but thats what a partnership is. He needs to remember it's only a few months out of his life and he needs to be more supportive.

 

[Natasha2605]

What an ass! Tell him to suck it up and be thankful that you are carrying his child so shouldn't be worrying about the housework with feeling so ill

 

[MrsKatie]

This is really awful. Rolling your eyes when you're throwing up? That got me. That's horrific. Who would actually do that?

That men "don't understand" is a terrible excuse. You don't have to understand what someone is going through to show empathy and compassion. It's not like we are only sympathetic to others who have identical experiences to our own.

This treatment is just really, really awful. I'm so sorry.