Partner's who arent sure...

[louisaL]

First of all hi!

When i first met my husband he was all up for having children (and still is he says). But in the last week as i am preparing for us to start trying i.e getting my period out the way, counting my cycle days and buying some ovulation and pregnancy strips he has started coming out with things like well maybe we should get some more money together, or worrying about loosing his job etc.

To me they seem to sound like excuses cause its 'getting real'

what do you think?

his scared or I should let him decide properly?

 

[Vickie]

My DH was extremely nervous when we first started TTC. It actually took me about 6 months to convince him that we were ready to try, and than after we started he worried more than ever. I think it's quite a normal feeling for guys to have. The best thing you can do is to talk it over with him. Good luck

 

[Caroline]

My OH was nervous about ttc no 1. He was ;ike your OH. He wanted to, but was like can we afford it. In the end I just finished my supply of BCP then told him if he didn't want me to get pg he'd have to sort out the birth control. He never did lol & 8 months later DS arrived.
Similar haappened ttc no 2. He said he did want another but was worried about me being pg. I did the same as b4 and 8.5 months later DD arrived.

DD3 just happened.

I think men are nervous about ttc. Maybe worthwhile finding out exactly what his concerns are & try & reassure him.

Good Luck, and hope you get a sppedy BFP.

 

[Jewels]

Oh yeah, I was thinking my hubby and I were never going to have a baby due to him never being ready. He kept saying "we'll have a baby" - at some point... (I never got a firm time frame out of him) After two years and much baby fever on my part, I only recently got him to agree to start trying late this summer.

He still seems a bit worried about the money issue too as we recently finished an addition onto our house, so we're trying to get things paid down. However, he can't really use the money issue as an excuse anymore because he knows that by the time we actually start trying, we will have already paid down a lot. He kinda knows it's time.

I don't care what anyone says. No matter how much you try to be ready for a baby, nobody is ever FULLY ready, moneywise or other.

It does sound like he wants to have a baby. He'll come around. Just hang in there. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel.

 

[louisaL]

thank guys, i know your absolutely right and was saying what i wanted to hear lol

I have spoken to him and he said well get 'those sticks' (ovulation sticks) and we'll see what happens

 

[Alchemist]

thats so positive. I am embarrassed to say that every time I go to the pharmacy I buy a box....they all over the place . DH is starting to get cross cos i already have a gazillion hair products everywhere....ha ha....

 

[LankyDoodle]

My husband is more sensible and practical than me. He's 34 this year and I am 25 this year, we have financial security, the house, the careers (well I will have after training ends in June), the emotional stability but still have things to do... I want to get back to preillness weight for one as I think it is only fair to the baby that I am at my fittest and also will make it easier for me; plus I enjoy riding my horses so I suppose waiting til my horse is a bit older and can't be ridden so much would make sense. Anyway, my husband is sure but he wants to wait a bit until things are settled and particularly until I have lost some more weight, so we are going to try early next year/end of this.

 

[anita665]

Loads of guys get like this. My OH was one of them - constantly going on about not affording a baby or being too young (he's 33). It's like suddenly it gets too real and they get scared and always want to put it off till a 'better time' but really when is there going to be a better time. You never know whats just around the corner.

 

[Monkeh]

My OH was always the opposite. At first, the idea of kids scared him, which is understandable, seeing as we're only 21/22 now. We were far too young at first. Now though, he is as broody as me, and can't stop going on about how beautiful our baby would be, and he can't wait to be a daddy

We'll see if his attitude changes once we start TTC though!

 

[elley_baby248]

My OH was completely against the idea 2 years ago he was petrified just said a straight no.

Now though he is coming round to the idea, he hasn't said no. Just "don't know" which in chris's language is you make the decision and i'll do as i'm told. I think he knows how desperate i am.

 

[Alexandra]

Apologies if I'm in the wrong forum and it's a faux pas.

This sounds simplistic but it's not really: stop over-analysing, go with the "get those sticks" even if it's not as good as "Oh yeah honey, I can't wait to get a baby, which brand of OPKs are you using, are they the best?" and then see how the tune changes once you're in the full swing of BDing. Good luck.

 

[Liz]

hey babe, men get like tht they all get a lil scared! i wudnt worry about it at all just hava sit down and tlk about it. its completely natural for them to panic xxx

 

[Omi]

I think its the good old 'man as provider' that often swings into things.. they worry about the practical side of things even if they never put it that way.. its a guy thing.. plus they see things from a 'problem-solution' point of view.

My OH was very worried to about all those things until it became obvious that no amount of preparation is ever enough, and then his sister had kids and he was like ' i want one of them'...

Sadly i mc last month but he is now more determined than ever to become a dad and has totally forgotten about the worrying aspects of having a baby..

i know he'll worry again, as will I, but only when i get pg in which case it'll be much more appropriate!!

Good luck everyone!

 

[Lazy Leo]

With my DH I've always been ahead! I told I'm loved him after only a few weeks and he nearly ran a mile. The following few months till he told me he felt the same were tough but I respected him for not 'just saying it' because it was easier. I was ready to get married before he was and I was ready to have kids a few years ago. We had a discussion about 3 years ago about what would happen if I fell pregnant even though I was on the pill. He was surprised when I said, if he forced me to make a decision I'd chose our unborn baby over him. Don't get me wrong there wasn't a suggestion that he would have forced that decision, but he obviously thought at that stage it might have been up for discussion at least.

When I brought up stopping the pill last year I expected the same 'what if's' but he agreed the time was right and he is as into ttc as me. He gets upset when I try to protect him from the 'eeky' bits like CM and cervix position and god knows what else cos he wants to know. Crikey, he even holds my legs up for me post sex to help the spermies reach the egg! He is fantastic. And I feel good knowing that we both want this baby 100%. I don't know how I would have felt if I had ever thought I had coerced him into it......

Sorry for the long rambling post, but you'll know your OH better than any of us and I'm sure you'll do what's right for you both

 

[Alchemist]

having an image of him holding your legs up....thats sooo cute ha ha

 

[alyxzandra]

My fiance and I were not planning on getting pregnant. And when it happened, he completely freaked. In fact, we were completely shocked because I was told 7 years ago I would never have children.

He was worried about money, etc. We never argue, but in the first three months we had three arguments all over the baby. However, he always said he wanted the baby, but did not know how to deal with it. And now he cannot stop touching my bump. He goes to sleep holding it! He also insisted on a doppler that we call BabyFM. And he is now talking of trying for a second baby!

 

[Alchemist]

thats soooo cool. nice to hear happy endings.

 

[sandy299]

Well with me I got "baby fever" last August after finding out two good friends were pg. I told my dh how I felt and at the time we lived far from our families. So in October we moved closer but he wanted to get financially settled and now I finlally started a job 2 wks ago. He wants me working 6 mos and wants the ducks in a row. I guess I can't blame him though

So, now that his friends have babies I think he is more up to the idea. He even mentioned he does want to but wants to wait b/c I had been nagging him and once I stop nagging him we will set a date. I don't know why he is like that. maybe they get nervous being pressured. We are due to talk about ttc this coming Jan. So I think we are moving forward and I am happy. I want to ttc anywhere from Feb-August '09. I am not set on a certain date. I am just wanting it in '09 and Ithink he is Ok too.

I am 32 and will be 33 in Sept and dh is 30 and will be 31 in June.

But we have come a long way since last August. Back then he didn't think he was ready to be a daddy and now I think he is. Now I hope to give up bcp's sometime in 2009.

 

[Coral]

I have just popped over from the TTC threads!

Although we have only been ttc for 2 months, one thing I learnt quickly is to not be too vocal with hubby, ie use your OPK's, HPT's etc but dont necessarily tell them when your testing, the results every day etc otherwise I think it all can become a bit too full on for most men! I dont even tell my hubby when Im ordering OPK, or HPT's I just get on and do it!

My hubby and I maybe talk about it all once a week, but apart from that I get on with my OPK's by myself without giving him a daily run down - he does normally ask when we have to "go like rabbits" as he calls it but the rest of the stuff I generally keep to myself - I dont think men like to obsess about it as much as us ladies

Just a thought!

 

[porkpie1981]

well i have a 2 yr old that wanst planned but we planned r last one(i had a mc tho). My oh is treally nervous about it all. I feel pregnant 1st time both times so last time he didnt have much time to change his mind. Now dot get me wrong im not forcing him, its just he does want more kids but hospitals etc freak him out and he panicks. So we are trying in a few months as that was the earliest i could get him to agree to
I wont be talking about tests etc at all as it really freaks him out. When i did that last time he starting saying of u arent pregnant this month mybe we should leave it soon(i tested and was preggnant), he was happy but freaking out.