Patience tips with toddler whilst pregnant/newborn..?

[KatBar]

Hoping all you ladies have some good tips, or advice for trying to remain patient and calm with a testing toddler whilst pregnant (& eventually with a newborn)..

I just over 32 weeks and my 2 year old is definitely starting to enter that “testing phase”. His really not a bad kid, and is generally happy go lucky. But lately the tantrums are becoming more frequent, and all I am hearing all day is “I want, I want”, or “Mine!”, or just other generally nagging/whinging (like whining the entire time you’re making their breakfast or lunch).

I do my best to stay as clam as possible, and not raise my voice, but it’s getting harder and harder to not react, or let it get to me emotionally. I am practically ready to throw him at my hubby and run by the end of the day.
And then on top of all that, I feel guilty about it!!

Please tell me this “eventually” gets better lol?!!

Love to hear from you seasoned mums of toddler and bubs!

 

[Zephram]

I am expecting my third, so I have been there, done that! My biggest problem whilst being pregnant is patience with my two kids as they are both little terrors and not at all calm and sedate children! It’s really hard being pregnant with a two year old and is is doubly hard when you also have a cheeky 5 year old!

My DS1 was 2 years 8 months when I had DS2 and I will have DS3 when DS2 is 2 years and 7 months, so I have/will have spent all of their respective age 2-3 being pregnant or dealing with a newborn.

A 2 year old is hard enough without being pregnant too! I will fully admit to have yelled at both a fair amount more than I should have just because pregnancy emotions and hormones completely steal my chill. What I’ve realised is that you have to learn to let things go. It’s easier said than done, but I’m trying to get there. If your son has a tantrum over something silly - let it go. If he whinges and whines about something small - let it go. Remind yourself he’s only two and that he’s not trying to be an asshole.

If necessary, take yourself for a mummy timeout. Lock yourself in the bathroom for a couple of minutes and just take a moment. Don’t worry if he’s crying outside the door - it’s important to take care of your mental health. Also don’t worry about a bit of extra screentime. You also have to not feel guilty about a bit of TV for your eldest when you have a newborn too. So, put something on for your son and make a cup of tea and put your feet up. Distractions also work wonders with tw year olds. Keep a bubble wand in the kitchen and when things go all to shit, get it out and watch him instantly stop crying because bubbles are magic. All of these things will help you get through the day.

Does it get better? It does, so don’t worry. Kids will always be challenging, but age two is a particular doozy. Can’t say it go too much easier for us until DS1 was closer to four - he was also a terrible threenager and was not particularly thrilled with having a younger brother, haha, but he’s now 5 and is excited to be having another new baby brother. He might have learned to back chat and act as stubborn as a rock, but if you talk to him right he is more reasonable than a two year old.

With DS2 I tend to cut him more slack than I gave DS1 at the same age as I know the way he’s acting is age appropriate, even though he’s being a whiny little monster. So in this sense I have indeed learned to let it go.

So hang in there. You’ll get through it. When in doubt just go for a hug. Whiny two year olds and pregnant mamas all need lots of hugs.

 

[Berri]

I'd say take advantage of this sunshine and get the little one outside and let him run riot, get dirty and make noise! Fresh air makes my life easier for all of us.

I have yelled at both my boys quite a bit lately but if that happens I always make sure to apologise later and explain that I still love them (even when they are little shits!).

 

[superfrizbee]

It's hard work! But it does get better.

I love this idea for staying calm when the kids are pushing your buttons.

https://www.scarymommy.com/rubber-band-positive-parenting-idea/

But you can absolutely be forgiven for losing your cool sometimes.

 

[Bonnie11]

2 years olds are largely awful. It's not just you! I wasn't pregnant when she was 2 and it was hard to keep my cool for the most part!
Just keep remembering it's a phase. Don't be afraid to walk away to another room for a bit to breathe and regroup. And get outside as much as possible as being indoors gets stir crazy!

Honestly there isn't much more you can do, it's a rough age and I'm not looking forward to doing it again! Let alone without the tiredness and hormonal pregnancy side to it.

Give yourself a break and don't feel bad if you do lose it now and again, they will still love you! X

And it did get better when she was turning 3, they are still challenging but in a more defiant way rather than just tantrums 24/7 which I found harder to deal with!

 

[KatBar]

Thanks ladies - I appreciate all the tips and knowing not alone!

Zephram: It definitely sounds like your well seasoned in that area with your third on the way hehe. Hopefully it all goes smoothly. It’s certainly comforting to hear it does eventually get a bit better!
And I hear you on the learning to let go.. I really do think I need to focus on this and getting better at it, as I know my son is just being a typical child for his age group, and it’s not really his fault.

Berri: I do love getting my son out in the nice weather as much as I can (I honestly hate being stuck inside myself, and instantly feel better being outside). It’s a bit of a catch-22 this week though, with the massive heatwave we’re having (& doesn’t look like it’s letting up anytime soon). I take my son out in the morning whilst it’s still cool enough, but it’s just too hot by the afternoon (his also very fair skinned, and we’ve had lots of trouble getting the right sunscreen for his extremely sensitive skin - I do think we’ve finally found a winner though).
Another catch-22.. We’re on 20 acres (not complaining), and it can be a real challenge getting my son to come back inside when it’s time to haha. When I am not pregnant, it is fine - I just pick him up, kicking and screaming, and take him back inside. But right now, I don’t have the energy or strength for that (his just over 16kg). I occasionally bribe him with a piece of chocolate or biscuit , but it’s not ideal to do everyday.
Then there is also my shocking hayfever...

Superfrizbee: Thanks for the link - any helpful tips like that are great, spesh whilst very hormonal haha!

Bonnie11: Definately glad to hear it’s not just me ! I have noticed that defiant behaviour in some friends 3+ year olds, so can appreciate what you’re saying! I agree tho, the tantrums just wear you down more than anything (although at this point, I can’t compare yet since the real defiant behaviour hasn’t quite started).

 

[Bonnie11]

Yeah on balance I would take defiance because they are at least able to reason better and rarely tantrums which i find just draining!

Honestly it's just a crap age and you are doing the best you can. It does get better. The best tip I have for you is to give them a choice as often as you can. They like to feel in control so guving them a choice often avoids the tantrums. But make it 2 choices that you want! Ie 'do you think we should have carrots or broccoli with dinner?' 'Do you think we should put our shoes or coat on first?' 'Do you want to come inside now or do xyz and then come in?' So it's getting both the things you want done but letting them have some
Control over the situation. Works really well for us and I still use it now and she's nearly 4. Another one that works well is asking them how you think you should approach something.. he's a little young now but the arguments we have are for example about sharing, her and a friend both want something and I say 'hmm this is tricky, you both want the same thing. How could we sort this out and make it so you are both happy?' And they usually get distracted thinking of a solution which generally stops a meltdown and also helps them sort problems out themselves. As I said he may be a little young for that but you
Might be able to adapt it for yourselves. 'Hmm mummy to go inside and start cooking but you want to stay out here, what do you think we should do so we can both be happy?' And then offer some suggestions like bring the thing he is playing with inside etc.

Good luck mama x

 

[jessmke]

Two things work really well for me. The first is doing activities outside the house as much as possible. My 2 year old is much better behaved when she is around other kids and away from our house where honestly I think she is acting badly out of boredom. Mon-thurs we have activities that keep us out from 9am-12pm. Basically I use other people's kids to entertain her so I don't have to.

The second thing is I repeat my mantra to myself a lot: 'She's not GIVING me a hard time, she is HAVING a hard time'. I find it so helpful and calming to remind myself that her behaviour isn't intentional or vindictive, she is growing through a difficult time and is feeling just as miserable in that moment as I am.

Honestly I feel like I am pretty patient with her UNTIL the baby is crying. When you add the screaming newborn into the equation my patience with my toddler just goes totally out the window!

 

[elsiegrab]

Kids are very agile. This happens because they don't have any tension in their mind and we elders we were agile too while we were kids. As we grew up tension and pressure deletes that agile nature from us.