People just taking LO when they feel like it

[elephant29]

Sorry for the moan.

I feel like things are totally outwith my control at the minute with regards to Lo and her childcare.

So OH calls me on his breaks and decides to tell me his dad is going to be taking LO all day tomorrow. He is just back from a 2 week holiday and also LO has never spent anytime over an hour or so alone with him in her life! I feel as though I cant say no though as it's OH's dad and what gives me the right. I just feel a little shaky and I cant explain it. I wasnt asked about this, just told which makes me feel weird. It means LO being taken out of her CM for a whole day. His dad speaks to her in a weird way. He will talk to her like 'What have I told you about making noise/playing/throwing food'. I know he isnt being mean or nasty but I dont like it. I wish he would speak to her normally! Also he hasnt fed her before or put her for a nap, she's never spent the night at theirs....argh!

Also now my CM just called and said my mum called her and had come and picked LO up! This wasnt arranged by me....I knew nothing about it. LO doesnt get picked up until after 5.30 normally. I wasnt asked again!!

Can someone tell me I am over reacting please as right now I am actually on the verge of tears. I feel like everyone is just helping themselves to her and I have no say because I am at work. I know hormones may be playing a part but I hope thats all it is and someone tells me to grow up and let go a bit!

xxx

 

[QTPie]

No, I wouldn't put up with it - your child, you should be consulted about any childcare decisions and be 100% happy with them.

Speak to your OH and get him onside.

You are not being unreasonable at all - I would be very angry and am not pregnant (so no pregnancy hormones here...).

 

[elephant29]

No, I wouldn't put up with it - your child, you should be consulted about any childcare decisions and be 100% happy with them.

Speak to your OH and get him onside.

You are not being unreasonable at all - I would be very angry and am not pregnant (so no pregnancy hormones here...).

Thank you!

I kinda knew I wasnt over reacting but was hoping I was if that makes sense?

My OH will be allowing it because he has LO in the morning before dropping her at her CM and going to work. His dad taking her (from 10am!!!!) means he will get a bit of relaxing before work so he will be happy with it!

I am just so annoyed!! I feel like just walking out of work and going home and not coming back as I cant take much more of this to be honest.

xxx

 

[smelly07]

HELL NO!!!!!!!!!

its not on at all..........if you arent happy you need to tell your OH straight away.........No one picks up your LO from childminders without consulting you and you are not happy with you FIL taking your child out all day alone......you are not over reacting at all but if you dont say something they will think this is okay and you are happy with it and it will just get worse. xxx

 

[pinktaffy]

oh wow no i wouldnt be happy at all. for a start were is your fil taking her? is anyone else going to be there to help?. and u should of been asked not told.

and if anyone just picked my child up without asking i would be on the war path.

 

[QTPie]

Childcare should always be a joint decision... And the childcare should be "appropriate": we couldn't leave DS with the FIL (alone) because he just wouldn't know what to do... He is great at "entertaining" but the man can't even make a cup ifvtea for himself (luckily the MIL is always around to help). I understand your concerns, plus I always want to know where DS is: only natural.

Are you having other problems (with OH?)? Sometimes men can be just ignorant.... My DH does that quite a lot: not intentionally, just most men don't think very much....

 

[elephant29]

Thanks guys, glad others feel I am not over reacting.

I bet FIL would just take her to his house and let her play. The thing is though their house isnt baby proofed. He has this cabinet that has little handles on it and LO immediately goes for it everytime. My OH asked him to put a little bit of tape on it last time to stop it opening (it opens down the way, is solid wood and would be right on top of her head) but he refused point blank!

xxx

 

[elephant29]

Childcare should always be a joint decision... And the childcare should be "appropriate": we couldn't leave DS with the FIL (alone) because he just wouldn't know what to do... He is great at "entertaining" but the man can't even make a cup ifvtea for himself (luckily the MIL is always around to help). I understand your concerns, plus I always want to know where DS is: only natural.

Are you having other problems (with OH?)? Sometimes men can be just ignorant.... My DH does that quite a lot: not intentionally, just most men don't think very much....

Yeah there has been other things going on actually. I feel a bit peed of with him because he isnt pulling his weight so he gets all defensive!

xxx

 

[lepaskilf]

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this. I don't feel comfortable with anyone looking after my child who has never had the experience before, or had it for a long time such as grandparents (I'd break them in slowly before letting them have Tom for the whole day), or friends/siblings who don't have children of their own!

 

[misshopefull]

I wouldn't be happy at all.

I would tell the CM not to let anybody take your LO with out your prior agreement and have a word with your mum about being unhappy with what she did.

I am guessing that you have probably already paid for the CM tomorrow or will have to pay for it. Can you maybe compromise and let your FIL have LO for a few hours then get him to drop them at the CM?

I think it is totally unfair that you have no say over this arrangement and if it was me I would not be happy and would say no way, but it might be easier to try and meet in the middle. Your FIL is probably in for a bit of a shock if he has never had the LO all day before!

Hope you can sort something out

 

[fluffpuffin]

that's not right at all hun. no wonder you're upset. I would be too.

I think considering your FIL hasn't had her for any length of time to look after, him having her for a whole day might upset her. babies and toddlers like routine, so if someone who they're not entirely familiar with or spend a lot of time with suddenly takes them for a whole day it can really upset them. could maybe a compromise be made so FIL takes her for a few hours just to check she would be happy there. also babyproofing is a big issue. I wouldn't be happy with Isla being somewhere with someone inexperienced in a non-childproofed house. I think you need to talk to your OH about this and make an agreement you're both happy with.

 

[Raggydoll]

Did your CM let your mum take LO without consulting you or your OH?

 

[hattiehippo]

I seriously would be unhappy about the CM letting someone take your child without consulting you whether its your mum or not and would be talking to her about it.

With regards to your FIL - it doesn't sound like him having your LO for a whole day is really a good idea. If you've already paid for your CM then I would say to your OH that you don't want to waste that money and it would be better for FIL to have LO at a later date when he's had chance to get to know her better.

We left Tom with my in-laws on Saturday from 10 to 5 and although he knows them and has stayed with them (but not for about 3 months) before he got really upset in the afternoon and they found it really hard going - and I'd say my MIL is pretty on the ball when it comes to looking after a toddler so I wouldn't leave him with someone he doesn't really know and they don't really know what to do with him.

 

[elephant29]

With regards to my CM. My mum will collect LO most days as I generally dont get home in time from work, however she should be there from 11am until 6pm. My mum didnt ask me today if she could collect her early. My CM txt me at work saying my mum had called her and asked to pick up LO so this part was fine and I dont have an issue with my CM doing this really. My mum would have been doing what she thought was best, getting LO home to have her dinner, bath and settled etc but it just bugs me that I didnt get asked first. I think LO needs to maintain a routine and she isnt getting that just now and it's a shame!

With regard to FIL. I just really dont feel comfortable with this. He is a lovely man but it's been 30 odd years since he's looked after a baby (LO is the 1st grandchild). He has a manner about him were he say's 'i'm not putting up with this nonsense' to LO and I just dont think he's 'practiced' enough to have her a whole day. If MIL was there I wouldnt bat an eye as she's had LO loads and I trust her 100%. I'm just bloody annoyed that not oone of them has txt/called me and asked me if this is ok.

I'm going to speak with OH when he gets home.

xxx

 

[wishingonastar]

Not read the other replies, but firstly tell CM no one is to take LO without authorisation from you/your OH...my nursery will not release my children to anyone else unless I or OH have rung in advance to advise and have also given nursery a password for the person collecting to say.

With regards your FIL, if your OH is insistent he spends time with LO tomorrow then I think he needs to accept a whole day with what is essentially a stranger (through your LOs eyes) is unfair on LO and maybe he could have LO first thing in morning for few hours or collect from CM in afternoon for few hours?

I'm all for sponteneity providing it is a positive outcome for all and stressing you or LO out with adhoc arrangements unnecessarily does not seem positive!

Your FIL can then see LO for a longer period in the company of you or OH another day

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

What was the CM thinking letting your LO go early without you or your OH arranging it beforehand?

 

[LPF]

Blimey, I'd have words with the cm actually - there are rules about just letting anyone pick up a child - has to be prearranged by a parent......

 

[LPF]

Sorry just saw your post about the cm!