Planned pregnancy, now contemplating abortion - Help :(

[marycotter567]

I know this may sound crazy but I feel very lost and afraid and feel I cant talk to people in real life about this because I dont want to be judged.
I'm married in a so-so relationship with a 4-year old. My husband has wanted more kids for a long time and I came around a few months ago mostly because I wanted a sibling for my son. We got pregnant rather quickly after TTC (2nd month). I was very disappointed the first month of TTC when the test was negative. And the 2nd month when the test was positive I was so excited... at first. Then worry started to set in just a few days after and I didnt think much of it but decided to hold off on telling people and seeing the doctor. Eventually major worry set in mostly around how will I be able to cope with another few years of raising a baby when life now is still hard with the 4 year old and both of us working, long commutes. My first born was also a handful - woke every 2 hours for the first few months, was collicky, would only be soothed by me and didnt sleep through the night until age 2+. Naps were an ordeal all on their own and he had terrible tantrums in the 2s-3s. Now he is in preschool and things seem a bit better and I feel like I will finally start to get some relief but Im 10 weeks pregnant and about to go throguh it all over again, this time older, more stressed out and with a 4 yr old at home on top of it... I am seriously terrified of this and feel like I wont be able to handle it. On top of the worry, I have been feelign really sick and extremelly tired for the past 4 weeks or so - nauseas and throwing up, dizzy spells, hungry but cant eat, losing weight and extremely tired to the point where I am having a really hard time functioning at work (at home, forget it - my husband has to do everything because I just fall asleep right after work). The last 2 weeks I have started to seriously consider terminating this pregnancy - every time I see a pregnant lady or baby I feel disgust. It's horrible. So 2 days ago I scheduled an appt for this morning. I woke up this morning with doubts about the whole thing but forced myself to go anyway - I had doubts all the way up until I was sitting in the waiting room with the gown on next to be called to get the procedure. And at the last moment I panicked, grabbed my clothes, went to the bathroom, changed and ran out of there. At that moment, I told myself to snap out of this that it will be hard for the first few years but I can do it and that in 10 years and later I will be happy with 2 kids and a sibling for my son. But as soon as I got home, I started feeling sick again - major exhaustion, threw up, hungry again but cant eat, cant take care of my son (he watched cartoons for 5 hours while I lay on the couch) and now Im feeling again like I dont want this baby and thinking of rebooking my appt and this time blocking out all emotion and just doing it.

I feel like I am going crazy and need some non judgemental advice maybe others have had the same experience, thoughts?

Thank you

 

[Ella86]

I just want to hug you.

Ok, I will be back tomorrow to comment better, but I just quickly wanted to say for now - Please consider going to your doctor and getting a prescription for a med to help you with the sickness. Being so sick really messes with your mental state - if you felt better physically, you could likely think more clearly about your options and situation and come to the best decision for you and your family, whatever that is. I feel that you are really overwhelmed right now, and you need to unload that stress. I am really glad you posted here. I promise everything will be ok. I'm going to be honest, when I was first pregnant I was freaking out because I was so sick I felt like I was frigging dying. I was panicking. I feel MUCH better now, mentally, that that is better under control for now (I'm on meds). I really think it's something you should consider. Anyways, I will be back tomorrow to talk more

 

[MrsKatie]

It is very very dangerous to make major decisions under the influence of first trimester hormones. I can not emphasize that enough. First trimester hormones made me an insane person. A weeping, hysterical insane person. I contemplated doing things I won't even write down they are so insane. Nothing dangerous or that would physically hurt anyone-- but definitively insane. These hormones are demons and they are liars. I truly believe when you emerge from this tumultuous and excruciating time you will gain clarity on all this.

You say your marriage is "so-so"-- is your husband supportive of you and helpful through this? What needs to change the most?

HUGS. And more hugs. Just move through each day and don't believe the thoughts in your head. The first trimester cannot be helped, it can only be borne. And you are almost there.

 

[mummof1]

First off , I'm sorry that you're going through this
I'm also sorry you feel as though you can't talk to anyone.
I think first thing is that you NEED to talk to someone though , perhaps your husband but if you feel he won't be able to have a civil conversation about it then a professional would be a really good idea (therapist) .
It sounds like you may have anxiety or suffer from depression?
I'm not a doctor but just by the way you describe your feelings, I think you will feel much better if you're able to express your feelings by someone who can help you though.
I believe that you can do this , you just need support

 

[RandaPanda]

Big hugs from me too I'm so sorry you're going through this.

My son is only 15 months old, but he wakes constantly in the night, is a very sensitive boy, and gets upset easily. It's taking a huge toll on my husband and I, and we're also dealing with some major career setbacks. My current pregnancy was a surprise, though we were going to start trying this summer and were excited about that. Now, I feel like absolute garbage from the morning sickness and exhaustion, and my moods are terrible. There have been moments where I wished I wasn't pregnant, so I have a little understanding of where you're coming from.

I agree with the ladies above about maybe getting some medication to get the morning sickness under control, and I think that telling a friend about the pregnancy and sharing your feelings might make you feel better. I had to tell a friend almost instantly, because I was so shocked and overwhelmed that I was pregnant. I chose very carefully who to tell, because I needed someone supportive and kind, and it has helped immensely to be able to vent to this friend, have her text me to see how I'm feeling, etc.

It's great that your husband is picking up the slack around the house, and hopefully he's doing it without begrudging the task - I can't keep up with the household tasks right now either, and my husband is doing so much (while also sometimes getting the brunt of my crankiness). First trimester can be SO hard to get through, and even though I don't judge you at all for your feelings, I really think you CAN do this and in the long run, it will all work out okay. You can vent on here as much as you need! At the same time, only you really know how you're feeling, and whichever choice you make, please don't beat yourself up (I know that's hard - the mommy guilt runs deep for a lot of us!) What does your husband say about your thoughts on terminating? It's a big decision, and I hope you guys can share your feelings with one another and that he gives you some good, reassuring emotional support. Although I think that it's good to be open to recognizing signs of anxiety or depression, but I also think that first trimester hormones can make us feel completely out of sorts without it being part of mental illness.

Sending lots of love and support your way! Please keep talking your way through first trimester, and know that people are here for you and care

 

[Katt36]

I am very sorry you are experiencing this time of confusion and sadness. I would definately speak to your Doctor about medication options to help with some relief. Your feelings of being overwhelmed are very understandable. I am pregnant with baby #4. At times I wake up literally panicking about how I can manage between my husbands work schedule, my work schedule and being a good mother to my three beautiful sons that are already here. I am a clinical therapist so I would definately suggest finding a therapist to speak with to help you process all of this. I am praying for you. Big hugs.

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

I really really urge you not to re-book that appointment right now, if you make that sort of desicion when you are not one hundred percent sure it is what you both want then you will regret it for the rest of your life. You really need to talk to someone soon as possible. What does hubby say? I feel I might be getting the vibe that you didn't tell him you where going for the termination? If that's the case please please don't do Anytning without talking to him Hun, you don't want to risk your marriage on top of everything else. I hope you get some help and peace x

 

[smileyfaces]

I believe this thread will be locked as we aren't to discuss A on this site

Have you spoken to your husband about this? Was you going to terminate without his knowledge?

I agree that you need to see a doctor to discuss antisickness meds as that might help you to feel better x

 

[Jkelmum]

Sorry your feeling like this don't act in hast but I am pretty sure this shouldn't be in the first trimester forum

 

[AP]

Please read the forum rules

While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.

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