marycotter567
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I know this may sound crazy but I feel very lost and afraid and feel I cant talk to people in real life about this because I dont want to be judged.
I'm married in a so-so relationship with a 4-year old. My husband has wanted more kids for a long time and I came around a few months ago mostly because I wanted a sibling for my son. We got pregnant rather quickly after TTC (2nd month). I was very disappointed the first month of TTC when the test was negative. And the 2nd month when the test was positive I was so excited... at first. Then worry started to set in just a few days after and I didnt think much of it but decided to hold off on telling people and seeing the doctor. Eventually major worry set in mostly around how will I be able to cope with another few years of raising a baby when life now is still hard with the 4 year old and both of us working, long commutes. My first born was also a handful - woke every 2 hours for the first few months, was collicky, would only be soothed by me and didnt sleep through the night until age 2+. Naps were an ordeal all on their own and he had terrible tantrums in the 2s-3s. Now he is in preschool and things seem a bit better and I feel like I will finally start to get some relief but Im 10 weeks pregnant and about to go throguh it all over again, this time older, more stressed out and with a 4 yr old at home on top of it... I am seriously terrified of this and feel like I wont be able to handle it. On top of the worry, I have been feelign really sick and extremelly tired for the past 4 weeks or so - nauseas and throwing up, dizzy spells, hungry but cant eat, losing weight and extremely tired to the point where I am having a really hard time functioning at work (at home, forget it - my husband has to do everything because I just fall asleep right after work). The last 2 weeks I have started to seriously consider terminating this pregnancy - every time I see a pregnant lady or baby I feel disgust. It's horrible. So 2 days ago I scheduled an appt for this morning. I woke up this morning with doubts about the whole thing but forced myself to go anyway - I had doubts all the way up until I was sitting in the waiting room with the gown on next to be called to get the procedure. And at the last moment I panicked, grabbed my clothes, went to the bathroom, changed and ran out of there. At that moment, I told myself to snap out of this that it will be hard for the first few years but I can do it and that in 10 years and later I will be happy with 2 kids and a sibling for my son. But as soon as I got home, I started feeling sick again - major exhaustion, threw up, hungry again but cant eat, cant take care of my son (he watched cartoons for 5 hours while I lay on the couch) and now Im feeling again like I dont want this baby and thinking of rebooking my appt and this time blocking out all emotion and just doing it.
I feel like I am going crazy and need some non judgemental advice maybe others have had the same experience, thoughts?
Thank you
I'm married in a so-so relationship with a 4-year old. My husband has wanted more kids for a long time and I came around a few months ago mostly because I wanted a sibling for my son. We got pregnant rather quickly after TTC (2nd month). I was very disappointed the first month of TTC when the test was negative. And the 2nd month when the test was positive I was so excited... at first. Then worry started to set in just a few days after and I didnt think much of it but decided to hold off on telling people and seeing the doctor. Eventually major worry set in mostly around how will I be able to cope with another few years of raising a baby when life now is still hard with the 4 year old and both of us working, long commutes. My first born was also a handful - woke every 2 hours for the first few months, was collicky, would only be soothed by me and didnt sleep through the night until age 2+. Naps were an ordeal all on their own and he had terrible tantrums in the 2s-3s. Now he is in preschool and things seem a bit better and I feel like I will finally start to get some relief but Im 10 weeks pregnant and about to go throguh it all over again, this time older, more stressed out and with a 4 yr old at home on top of it... I am seriously terrified of this and feel like I wont be able to handle it. On top of the worry, I have been feelign really sick and extremelly tired for the past 4 weeks or so - nauseas and throwing up, dizzy spells, hungry but cant eat, losing weight and extremely tired to the point where I am having a really hard time functioning at work (at home, forget it - my husband has to do everything because I just fall asleep right after work). The last 2 weeks I have started to seriously consider terminating this pregnancy - every time I see a pregnant lady or baby I feel disgust. It's horrible. So 2 days ago I scheduled an appt for this morning. I woke up this morning with doubts about the whole thing but forced myself to go anyway - I had doubts all the way up until I was sitting in the waiting room with the gown on next to be called to get the procedure. And at the last moment I panicked, grabbed my clothes, went to the bathroom, changed and ran out of there. At that moment, I told myself to snap out of this that it will be hard for the first few years but I can do it and that in 10 years and later I will be happy with 2 kids and a sibling for my son. But as soon as I got home, I started feeling sick again - major exhaustion, threw up, hungry again but cant eat, cant take care of my son (he watched cartoons for 5 hours while I lay on the couch) and now Im feeling again like I dont want this baby and thinking of rebooking my appt and this time blocking out all emotion and just doing it.
I feel like I am going crazy and need some non judgemental advice maybe others have had the same experience, thoughts?
Thank you