Planning Before Getting Pregnant

[DSemcho]

What kind of things do you think couples should decide on before getting pregnant?

Names?
Themes for nursery?
Circumcision?
Breast Feeding?

What is to soon to decide?

 

[daddiesgift]

Everything! half of what you have planned or think will happen wont happen! I think you shouldnt really plan anything until you are pregnant then go from there. Id start with nursery or name. Maybe talk it over with your OH where you both stand on things like circum. or breastfeeding. Id talk it all over..it is fun anyways but dont set anything in stone

For my oldest we picked Pooh Bear before he was born..this kid hasnt liked anything Pooh Bear a day in his life! I shouldve for seen Elmo Breastfeeding was more my choice although it didnt work out at all like I had planned. With #1 I had this huge birth plan..went straight out the window when I really went into labor! So with #2 I knew the basics and told them as I got to the hospital I didnt brief them my whole pregnancy

 

[Palladium]

I say for me the big ones are who/when you are going to tell that you're TTC/pregnant (especially families) and if you are going to find out the sex or not. Also if you are going to tell other people the sex and/or name before the birth. You don't want one half telling their family everything and the other keeping it all quiet.

Things like circumcision are probably good to discuss in advance. I probably wouldn't worry about specifically choosing names until later, unless you may have an issue that might cause disagreements like naming them after family or something.

Maybe cloth vs disposable nappies, that sort of thing. Also, how long you're likely to take off work (if you work), if/when you'll use a daycare centre. I think you need to discuss all of these sorts of issues that some people can get very passionate about, or that have potential to cause problems. Stuff like nursery themes can wait until you are actually pregnant I think.

 

[Nelle84]

Totally agree with Palladium.

I think you need to make sure you're on the same page about how you want to bring the child up- names and nurseries can wait until closer to the time.
Even just trying to conceive can potentially cause extra stress so we talked about the plan for after the baby, but also how much we intended to "try" to start with and how far we were willing to go to end up with a kid.
I made sure he was happy with my plan to be a sahm, and he made it clear that even though I didn't take his name when we married, the baby would.

Make sure you know where the money is going to come from to pay for baby and all its needs too, sound simple until you want the all-mod-cons pram but he doesn't want to spend more than $50 on it etc etc

 

[HappyHome]

I think the importance of tests and what your choices are if any abnormalities are found.
Keeping healthy before and during pregnancy, what you and your OH expect from each other. (no smoking/drinking, that kind of thing)
Finances need discussing, things like names, nurseries, the latest baby buys can wait.

 

[DSemcho]

Names and nurseries were just examples. I was just wondering what other couples discussed while TTC or agreed on before baby.

 

[Wonderland79]

Me and hubby are in our second month of trying to conceive. We have discussed all sorts already: discipline, names, cloth nappies, me staying at home til they're in school, not wanting to know the gender until birth, baby wearing, we're both against co sleeping, finances, when we will tell people we are expecting a baby, how we will tell people, breastfeeding. Those are just some of the things we have talked about.

 

[DSemcho]

The only real decisions we made is that we are making one, we will wait to announce to anyone (even parents. But didn't how long) and if it's a boy we are circumsizing.

 

[kirstyjane13]

Me and dp spoke about surnames before ttc, I had already told him I wanted my children to have my surname (and I would keep my surname if we got married) only because my dad passed away when I was 16 and its my last little bit of him, but dp wants our children to have his surname so I settled for our children having his surname but i'll keep mine when we get married.

I have brought bits, lots of unisex and got carried away at the mid season next sale a few months back when we first started ttc. Luckily my sister has a 1.5 yr old so she has given me moses basket, steriliser and lots of other bits and lots of girls clothes and said I can have Isabelle's cot when she's finished with it, and I already have a pram and car seat as I look after all of my nieces/nephews a lot so it was easier to have my own.

we often discuss things but I don't think we will make any set in stone plans until I am pregnant and nearer the due date xx

 

[daddiesgift]

Me and dp spoke about surnames before ttc, I had already told him I wanted my children to have my surname (and I would keep my surname if we got married) only because my dad passed away when I was 16 and its my last little bit of him, but dp wants our children to have his surname so I settled for our children having his surname but i'll keep mine when we get married.

I have brought bits, lots of unisex and got carried away at the mid season next sale a few months back when we first started ttc. Luckily my sister has a 1.5 yr old so she has given me moses basket, steriliser and lots of other bits and lots of girls clothes and said I can have Isabelle's cot when she's finished with it, and I already have a pram and car seat as I look after all of my nieces/nephews a lot so it was easier to have my own.

we often discuss things but I don't think we will make any set in stone plans until I am pregnant and nearer the due date xx

My best friend and my cousins children have their and their husbands surname last name here in America lol so its an option! My mother when married my dad kept his and her name she was Mariella hill then became Mariella Hill-Feller

 

[kirstyjane13]

My 2 nieces have a double surname, but dp didn't like this option either
hopefully he will change his mind when we are pregnant, but we shall see xx

 

[Pirate]

Personally, I think the big stuff (e.g., when will you tell people, breastfeeding, discipline, finances, type of delivery) should be discussed beforehand, but the minor details (e.g., nursery theme, type of car seat) can wait until you actually conceive. But all people are different, so I would encourage you to do what you feel comfortable with.

An advantage of waiting until we were a little older to TTC is that we have seen many friends and family who have had children and we've made notes of things we will do and not do.

 

[Wonderland79]

Me and dp spoke about surnames before ttc, I had already told him I wanted my children to have my surname (and I would keep my surname if we got married) only because my dad passed away when I was 16 and its my last little bit of him, but dp wants our children to have his surname so I settled for our children having his surname but i'll keep mine when we get married.

I have brought bits, lots of unisex and got carried away at the mid season next sale a few months back when we first started ttc. Luckily my sister has a 1.5 yr old so she has given me moses basket, steriliser and lots of other bits and lots of girls clothes and said I can have Isabelle's cot when she's finished with it, and I already have a pram and car seat as I look after all of my nieces/nephews a lot so it was easier to have my own.

we often discuss things but I don't think we will make any set in stone plans until I am pregnant and nearer the due date xx

When me and hubby got married we both took on both our surnames. My surname was Mundon so we both became Mr and Mrs Mundon-Carter. We changed our surnames by depol. I have always been very proud of my surname and have never understood why I would be expected to take on just a man's surname. I wanted to bring both our families together and pass both surnames on to our future children, not just my husbands. I also didn't want to have a different surname yo my hubby and kids. So we discussed it and he was happy to also change his surname. It's actually a very old English tradition in the upper classes and the woman's surname is always first when double barrelled. Seeing as we are both very English and love our history, that also worked well for us! Plus my dad passed away in 2010, so it became even more important to protect and pass on the surname Mundon.

 

[kirstyjane13]

I would be happy to take on dps surname but I dont think he would change his. He's quite set in his ways, but now you say it I dont want a different surname to dp and children. Hmm maybe me anddp need to discuss more xx

 

[Wonderland79]

I would be happy to take on dps surname but I dont think he would change his. He's quite set in his ways, but now you say it I dont want a different surname to dp and children. Hmm maybe me anddp need to discuss more xx

Yeah, I definitely think it's worth you both having an in-depth discussion about it. I think it's a very important decision and you should both be taken into consideration. I don't think it should just be a case of the man putting his foot down and not budging!

 

[DSemcho]

That is an interesting option. I took DH's last name, but there is a big reason behind that lol. Plus Dill-Semcho looks weird

 

[kirstyjane13]

Going to drop it into conversation later and see if I can start another discussion about it try and change his mind xx