Please don't judge me..

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by nattys, Jan 28, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. nattys

    nattys TTC no.2

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2010
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    0
    It is with a heavy heart I write this post. I wanted to tell my story but fear that I will be judged or worse.
    Here it goes ....
    on 17th January I went for my 12 wk scan feeling on top of the world. When doing the NT test I was told my baby had a 7.3mm fold & there was a 1:5 chance it had a chromosome problem. The bottom of my world collapsed, not because of the fact that my baby wouldn't be 'perfect' but because I knew of the many health concerns some of these sydromes have. A week later I had a CVS carrried out and futher detailed scans, it was not something I entered into lightly. On 26th January the Dr called & confirmed a diagnosis of Down Syndrome but also a severe heart condition which meant IF I was lucky enough to carry the baby full term it would then have to have major heart surgery as soon as it was born. My husband & I were suddenly faced with the toughest decision we have ever had to make, whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. It was a heart breaking thought as only 2 weeks ago I was on cloud nine! After a long and difficult 2 days we have decided not to continue. I only ever wanted the best for my baby but I don't think it is fair to put him or her through so much pain or either for my family.
    I really hope someone understands why I did what I did and don't think to badly of me x
     
  2. CamoQueen

    CamoQueen Mom of 2 & 1 on the way!

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    3,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think badly of you at all, you made a very tough decision but the one that was right for you. I hope you recover quickly and give your heart some time to mend. :hugs:
     
  3. inperfected

    inperfected Mum to a 29 weeker

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2010
    Messages:
    830
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey Hun

    That sounds really difficult *hugs*. If you wanted to, you can ask for access to the ethical losses section where others have been through similar things
     
  4. Freya

    Freya Toddler and baby

    Joined:
    May 14, 2008
    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gosh, honey, I'm so sorry to hear you've been through all this stress and trauma. You will only have love and support from me. Sending you strength to get through the difficult times that 'may' be ahead.

    There is a section on baby and bump called 'ethical loss', perhaps you could post in there also to get the maximum understanding and advice?

    Xxxxx
     
  5. mum2beagain

    mum2beagain mum to 3 under 5

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2009
    Messages:
    2,618
    Likes Received:
    0
    hi hun i do not have experience of this but justwanted to suggest maybe request entry to the ethical prenatal loss section(i think thats whats its called ) as i think others in there will have been in your shoes bug :hugs: im so sorry you have had to go through this x
     
  6. welshprincess

    welshprincess mum of 3 handsome boys

    Joined:
    May 6, 2010
    Messages:
    2,045
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs: no person in their right mind would judge what you have done, you made a very hard decision that only u and your OH could make. I should imagine it took alot of talking and tears before the decision was made :hugs: I know its easier said than done but keep smiling, hold your head high, u have not done anything to be ashamed or embarassed over.
     
  7. kaths101

    kaths101 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2010
    Messages:
    3,345
    Likes Received:
    0
    awww hun of course no-one is going to judge you! What an awful situation to be in, I believe you did the best thing for your child, a totally unselfish decision.. as you say one of the toughest decisons you will ever have to make.
    Take care and hope to see you here again soon :hugs::hugs: xx
     
  8. Kittifer

    Kittifer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2010
    Messages:
    1,113
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think you're bad for making the choice that's right for you. It must have taken incredible strength to come to ANY decision.
    :hugs: I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, and commend you in your strength and bravery.
     
  9. tootsweets

    tootsweets Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2010
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honey, I'm so sorry this has happened. It could have happened to anybody, please don't blame yourself.

    I am sure nobody will judge you - you are doing the right thing for you. As long as you have thought it through and have weighed everything up in a considered way, you will be making the right decision.

    If anyone says otherwise - you never know what you 'would do' unless you are in this exact situation.

    Take care :hugs:
     
  10. NOMORENUMBERS

    NOMORENUMBERS Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2010
    Messages:
    3,543
    Likes Received:
    0
    Aw hun anyone who has not been through what you have been through will ever know what they would do in that situation even if they think right now they would still proceed they cant possibly know that unless they had been there, i dont think anyone on here will for a split second judge you xkx

    i would say though that you will probably get even more support and answers from the miscarriage support section. i go in there every now and then, a friend of mine lost her baby at 13 weeks and found myself thinking am i saying the right things to her, there are some really really lovely people in that section who fully understand what you are going through and can offer some really good help and advice for you

    i am so sorry for everything you are going through, it is one of my worst nightmares and hope every second that we are blessed with another healthy baby

    i am so sorry i hope you can find some people who can help you through this time better than i can

    big hugs xkx
     
  11. Bumpontherun

    Bumpontherun Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Messages:
    1,383
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs::hugs:i don't judge you at all. I used to work in a childrens hospital and have seen 1st hand what babies with severe heart defects go through in terms of surgery and quality of life. I don't know what I would do if I were in your position but I completely respect the choice you have made. My heart goes out to you, your OH and your wee angel. I hope one day you will feel strong enough to try again and will have a happy healthy pregnancy.

    I've you been to the ethical losses section? I think you'll get loads of support there:hugs:
     
  12. Risstron

    Risstron Guest

    That is such a difficult decision to make :hugs: Be strong! No one here is judging you hun.
     
  13. hope4bump

    hope4bump Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2010
    Messages:
    2,124
    Likes Received:
    0
  14. aww hunny that is such a hard decision you had to make! but, it was truly up to you and your OH and God, and that is the decision that suited you best. i know its easier said than done, but with my miscarriage my motto that i truly believed in was time heals all wounds. praying for you. xx
     
  15. nattys

    nattys TTC no.2

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2010
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you so much ladies xxx I will have a look at the ethical loss forums to x
     
  16. Lashes85

    Lashes85 Mommy to FOUR boys <3

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2010
    Messages:
    1,821
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im with the other ladies, it is nobodys bussiness to judge!!
    My thoughts are with you and your OH. Stay strong xx
     
  17. Ouverture

    Ouverture Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2010
    Messages:
    2,092
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nobody is going to judge you hun, you have had to make one of the most difficult and horrifying decisions any mother will ever have to go through. I'm so sorry your baby was sick - she'll be so much healthier in heaven where she can try to come back in a body that works properly!

    I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. As a mother, you are protecting your baby and that's exactly what you have done. Even at just 12 weeks you may find solace in naming her and having a ceremony - I hope that you recover quickly and I'm so so sorry for your loss.

    :cry:
    :hugs:
     
  18. SarahJane

    SarahJane Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    2,071
    Likes Received:
    0
    So sorry for your loss hun. You must be heartbroken :hugs:
     
  19. abc123x

    abc123x Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2010
    Messages:
    1,853
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm not trying to "judge" you, but to be honest... I cannot help but feel disturbed.
     
  20. Lawhra

    Lawhra NowProudMumOfTwo!!

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,754
    Likes Received:
    1
    I am so sorry you had to go through this heartbreaking decision. I can only imagine how difficult that decision must have been to make. My heart goes out to you both and your families. Please don't worry about judged, you had to make the right decision for yourselves.
    I hope you have a good recovery and wish you a healthy pregnancy when you are ready :hugs:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice