Please help. Feeling so lost and broken inside

[Sammyrose334]

Hi, ladies. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and we talked about trying for a baby. Well he’s a smoker of 20+ years & I have asthma and absolutely hate smoking more than anything. So we talked and I explained to him how I felt and how I did not want to have a baby with someone who smokes. He reassured me over and over again that he would quit smoking as soon as he seen a positive test. He promised me over and over again that he would quit smoking cold turkey because “a baby changes everything”
Well here we are 6 weeks pregnant and I’ve already found him lying and hiding cigarettes and smoking behind my back twice. I don’t know where to go from here. I feel lost and broken over this and he calls me crazy and says it’s the pregnancy hormones making me act coo coo. He says he doesn’t care about how I feel or lying to me since it’s over smoking. But this is why I told him so many times before we even started trying how I felt about smoking! This isn’t right for me and I don’t deserve this! But he doesn’t see it that way and says I’m taking this way out of hand! I don’t know where to go from here and could really use some advice please. I feel so lost, hurt and broken on the inside. I constantly sit here and think is he smoking, is he lying to me about smoking, I just don’t know what to do.

 

[stephx]

He’s gaslighting you.

He doesn’t sound like he wants to change either, so it’s unlikely anything you say will influence that.

It is bloody hard to quit, especially cold turkey, but it’s his attitude that worries me here.

Talk to him calmly, explain your stance again, offer your support with quitting (GP, patches etc), but ultimately he needs to know its a dealbreaker for you. If that falls on deaf ears I’d be out of there

 

[playgirl666]

I'm sorry your going through this, I had this with my ex, he kept promising to quit, told me he had but he hadn't, he knew how much I hated it but he always did what he wanted to, if u need a chat just message me x

 

[Sammyrose334]

He’s gaslighting you.

He doesn’t sound like he wants to change either, so it’s unlikely anything you say will influence that.

It is bloody hard to quit, especially cold turkey, but it’s his attitude that worries me here.

Talk to him calmly, explain your stance again, offer your support with quitting (GP, patches etc), but ultimately he needs to know its a dealbreaker for you. If that falls on deaf ears I’d be out of there

Thank you for the response. I have talked to him over and over again about how I felt and he constantly says it’s just smoking so he doesn’t care how I feel or about hurting me. It’s a stupid thing for me to get so worked up over but this is why I told him how I felt about it. I’m willing to work with him and help support him with quitting and it doesn’t even have to be cold turkey and he knows this but he still keeps lying to me! I don’t understand !

 

[Sammyrose334]

I'm sorry your going through this, I had this with my ex, he kept promising to quit, told me he had but he hadn't, he knew how much I hated it but he always did what he wanted to, if u need a chat just message me x

thank you for the response. It is so frustrating & kills me inside. I hate being lied to so many times

 

[Bevziibubble]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like he has completely the wrong attitude to this

 

[Suggerhoney]

I absolutely hate smoking. I was a smoker myself on and off from age 17 onwards.
But I gave up completely going cold turkey over 3 years ago now.
I'm not gonna lie it was hard but I did it.

I really want my husband to quit. I even said we cud do it together but nope.
I've came home with leaflets from the midwife and discussed all the things he can do or take to help him quit.
But he just won't.
He said his cigarettes are his only vice. He doesn't drink or take drugs but he enjoys smoking.

I hate it tho. The smell is absolutely vile but I have just given up with trying to get him to kick the habit now.

Thankfully he does not smoke in the house and will only smoke outside.
But my gosh with pregnancy hormones making the nose extra sensitive I can smell him b4 he even comes back into the house.

It really gets me down sometimes.
I refuse to kiss him and that makes me feel like a bad wife. But I just can't Stand the smell.

I've told him it's like kissing a ashtray.
Again I know that's mean but that is what it's like.

The smell is so disgusting it makes me feel sick.