Please help! I am 18, getting married and would like a baby!

[SkyeC19]

Hello,

I am 18, just finished my VCE and my biggest dream is being a mother, I have been raised around children and desire a child more then anything.

Last year, I tried to fall pregnant, I attempted for 7 months but no success.
My sister and mother have both got cervix cancer in there early 30's and have had it removed.
I am so worried that my time is slowly coming up and may not have long to fall pregnant.

I don't think I'm too young. I am an adult and I can make my own decision but I unsure what to do and need advice from experienced young mums.

I am getting married next year, moving out of home the year later and planning on going to uni next year. Everything I do is for my future husband and future kids.

What do you all think I should do? Should I have a baby, I am so worried that there is something wrong with me and knowing my family history I'm worried I am running out of time. It is the biggest dream and I do not know what to do, if I cannot have a child!

 

[Rickles]

Hi Hun

I think you should probably try posting this in the TTC or teens section. For what it's worth - if you are 18 you have LOADS of time... and If I was you, I'd get married, have some fun/travel/party with OH, get uni finished and then think about babies (in say 5 years). Honestly you will never have this kind of time for yourself again - and you will spend the rest of your life a Mom. I didn't have my first until I was 32... I have wanted to be a Mom since I was 4/5 (and my little brother came along)... but the great thing about waiting a while was I got to finish doing stuff for me, get a career sorted, travel etc. BUT ideally I would have started about 28 - I just hadn't met the right man...

There is NOTHING wrong with having a baby at 18 - it is just personal choice - but I would wait a little while and enjoy my life without them first... xx

 

[babydustfairy]

I think you should make an appointment with ur gp and explain your concerns and go from there but honestly I know exactly how you feel about wanring nothing more than a baby but I think you should make the most of the next few tears, enjoy uni, have some lovely holidays, get ur home set up and then think about it! You have plenty of time xXx good luck with whatever you decide x

 

[Mummafrog]

Your thread might be removed sweetie because it is not in the right place.. but I wanted to reply because I have lived the desperate desire for a baby and being 'too young' or in the 'wrong position' to raise a baby for years.. My whole life I have struggled with feeling a need for a baby, I managed to keep going with A levels and get to university before it happened but I am still young.

People can say enjoy being young and go traveling etc but for me I couldn't enjoy any of it without the baby I wanted, having a baby is the most wonderful, exciting thing, nothing else is even important to me and that is what I have chosen. Now I am pregnant I am constantly, this is what is meant for me. My point being I understand if you feel the same and people telling you to wait or do other things just doesn't help.

You will know when it is right for you and your partner to have a baby and no one should stop you; it is the biggest, most life altering commitment you can make so be absolutely sure it is what you want and be sure that you can manage it even if no one supports you, then take the plunge.

None of my comments here have meant to be dismissive of those above, I have been speaking from personal experience of what family/friends have said to me a few years ago etc.

Any way, I am very lucky to have complete support from everyone in my life and my OH is wonderful and wants this as much as I do, there are good and bad points to a baby at any age! So it's just about what is right for your family.

Good luck and light to you

 

[Mummafrog]

Oh and I want to add.. it would be a mighty shame if you worrying about your health is what pushes you to have a baby early, don't let that be a factor because you may well regret not waiting till you were older, if that is the reason. There is so much medical help to have babies now, I think when you are ready you will find a way, so try to think about having a baby taking the health issues out of the situation and decide that way, that's my opinion xx

 

[SkyeC19]

Okay thank you. what got me through schooling was my fiance and supporting my baby. Last year i tried for a baby for 7 months but i gave up but now i think I'm more then ready just deciding when i would like to start!!

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

Unfortunately i cant give you advice on if you should have a baby or not because that is no-ones choice but your own hun, if you feel ready then do what you feel, i was 20 when i fell pregnant with my first and id had an operation and fertility treatment to get him, i was married and had my own place, i knew i was ready and iv never looked back, i got told i was too young and was silly iv even been tutted at in the street ( i looked very young) but age does not make a difference to if your a good mother, and i would never want to go back in time and do things differently, people said id miss out but not at all nothing is more wonderful than being a mum! Xxx

Edit edit to add my marriage lasted 6 years we had two kids together then he left, however i STILL would never change things, my children are everything to me and always will be x

 

[Night Flower]

I think you should wait a couple years as your marriage settles. This is just my opinion and experience, but the first couple years of marriage is really the "honeymoon" time. By the time you're 20 you may have a bump or two in your marriage. I really think you both need time to grow alittle more within yourselves and your marriage.

Your man and you should go to college, or have a real good full time job. And save money. Buy a car and have money for a house.

Too many young couples rush in the early stages of marriage.

 

[MommyJogger]

I married at 18. DH and I had been steady (knew we were a life-long match and grew in compatibility as we aged) for 8 years at that point. I gave birth to our first at 25. We had insurance, a decent savings account, the degrees and qualifications to obtain a job that would support a family without serious struggle, and we had spent several years enjoying our marriage and bonding as a married couple before the stress (and no matter how much you love it or how easy you find it, it does add stress to life) of having a baby was added to the mix. To be honest, I would have loved to have children earlier. But without at least those first three things, it would have been a disaster. We would have been struggling and the stress from that would have caused serious strain on the relationship, despite the fact that we've always been incredibly stable together.
You want to be able to enjoy your children. And you'll be able to do that a lot more if you wait until you're in a stable place monetarily and you've finished the bulk of your education. I'm a grad student now. I don't have classes. I can't imagine coming home at the end of the day and knowing I still have to study instead of spending time with my son. I can't imagine getting up with him several times a night (or more) if I have a big exam the next day (and make no mistake, some kids wake at night and you'll have to get up with them well into the third year of life). Or having a sick child and having to leave them because I can't miss a class or have a lab/exam.
The realities of having children while doing all of these things you still need to do is stark. I understand your worries, but waiting at least a few years and working hard to prepare will really, truly pay off and you'll still be well under the age your family seems to develop the disease. Don't jump the gun out of fear. Letting your fear have a say in your decisions is never a wise strategy.

At the very least, make a plan, an expectation plan. Write out clear expectations for the first year of your child's life, keeping in mind everything else you'll have going on. What is expected of you? What is expected of your OH? What is expected of baby? What is expected of your families? Write out an hour-by-hour week's schedule. Then take all of these to other adults with young babies and let them add in all the stuff you forgot (you could give a google doc to baby club and let them go at it). Let them tell you if your idea of "day-to-day" is realistic and if all the expectations are fair and doable with an infant in the mix. If you're going to do this, do it with your eyes wide open.

 

[StephtheHiker]

People will always tell you what you can and can't do. If you are worried about cancer and your fertility, I'd see a doctor sooner than later. Good luck!

 

[bettybee1]

I had my daughter at 18 and am 21 now and I have just got pregnant through ivf am also married I went out and travelled before I was 18 , as soon as I was 18 I stopped drinking it didn't appeal too me anymore tbh I think a lot of people say it's better waiting etc but the fact they say that is because at that point in there life they just wasn't ready everyone is different !!!

I would suggest going too a docter tell him you have been trying say your worried about your families past ! And ask him for a smear test ! Too check for pre cancerous cells !

Then carry on trying and go back once you have tried for a year if your not pregnant and ask too be refereed to a fertilty docter !


If you don't have regular periods now ask him too check your hormone levels !

I have just qualified as a nurse & I have just started my midwifery training there's no right time too have a baby !!
People these days are actually leaving it far too late tHats why there's a massive increase in genetic disorders x

 

[bettybee1]

* I also got married 14 months After I had my daughter !!! We are still going strong. !!!!

I think a lot of people are stuck in the 1950's thinking you should have a perfect layout !!! THERES NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT and if people think there perfect there's the ones that probley the other halv has been having an affair for several months x

 

[magicwhisper]

there is no such age as a right age to have a lo


it is up to you and your oh when the time is right

but if you are worried health wie ask for a health check with your gp

 

[SkyeC19]

Thank you, that is all useful and well thought information. That's why I asked for opinions.

Today I just landed a job and so has my fiancé. We are at least on our feet.

I love the idea of the day to day schedule, I will draw one up! I'll try and add the cost into it aswell =D

I don't plan starting til after I get married but I do strongly want it within a couples of years of my marriage.

I'm just worried, I know I shouldn't be but wanting to be and young mother and knowing the possibilities it may or may not happen is scary.

I had a deep conversation with my fiancé last night about our life etc... and its in both our near future. I am a person, that will not agree or do anything I do not feel 100% about because I feel I am not being true to myself and my family and friends.

This is what I would like to happen (if goes my way).

19 years - get married/job/university
20-21 years- job/university/save up and move out of home.
21-22 Save up or get a loan for a house and buy a house. Should have finished Uni!
22-23 get myself a good job with my uni degree for a 6 months- 1year.
23-24 Have kids! But I want kids buy the time I am 24 not start then.

My life never works out the way I plan.

The chances that not going to plan is high! I have a decent plan but it kills me seeing babies and pregnant woman everywhere and just makes me want to have children even more! I just have not decided when!

 

[justhoping]

Hello,

I am 18, just finished my VCE and my biggest dream is being a mother, I have been raised around children and desire a child more then anything.

Last year, I tried to fall pregnant, I attempted for 7 months but no success.
My sister and mother have both got cervix cancer in there early 30's and have had it removed.
I am so worried that my time is slowly coming up and may not have long to fall pregnant.

I don't think I'm too young. I am an adult and I can make my own decision but I unsure what to do and need advice from experienced young mums.

I am getting married next year, moving out of home the year later and planning on going to uni next year. Everything I do is for my future husband and future kids.

What do you all think I should do? Should I have a baby, I am so worried that there is something wrong with me and knowing my family history I'm worried I am running out of time. It is the biggest dream and I do not know what to do, if I cannot have a child!

first off cervial cancer DOES NOT RUN IN FAMILIES, it comes from a std (HPV) that causes cell change which can end up as cervical cancer, this is why all women should be tested every six months...the earlier the better to treat it..

* Some of this post has been edited by admin.

 

[lovelylaura]

Im not even going to bother getting into it but if you live together and have marriage on the cards and have decent jobs then why not? Just because a lot of people arent ready then it doesnt mean that everyone isn't. Do what pleases you. good luck x

 

[SkyeC19]

I totally agree!! In Australia, were recommended to have a pap smear when we become sexually active or turn 20. Then every two years after. My fiance want to wait until were marriade then start n were going to get a savings account going to move out of home n a baby.

 

[SkyeC19]

I forgot to we still live at home!! =]

 

[amytrisha]

Nobody on this forum can tell you if/when you are ready - only you and your partner can decide that. I would however make sure your financially stable and ideally have a steady place of your own to call home first.


Good luck on whatever you decide

 

[Flower15]

I was fairly young when I had Ellie, I was 21. I'm 23 and pregnant again. It was planned, I wanted a close age gap.

Think age at conception is very sensitive subject. What one person believes is the ideal time and age may differ from another's views. Yes there are some terrible young mums, but there are also some terrible older mothers too. If you think you can emotionally and financially support a child and that's what you and your partner want I'd say why not. Age doesn't defy how good of a mother someone will be!!

In response to losing a chunk of my life I completely disagree. I think I only realised the importance of life when Ellie was born. My life only started when I had her. She is my world and I am very proud of her. I'm so grateful and blessed that I get to enjoy her for as long as possible as I am at quite a young age. x