Please help!! I'm heartbroken.... Blown away by husbands reaction to pregnancy :(

[LoveMy2Boys2]

My heart is on the floor crushed in pieces right now...... My husband n I have discussed another off and on multiple times.... We agreed on another later in a year or two (we have 2 boys) but yet we have unprotected sex all the time..... That left me to thin we were not trying not preventing.... I truly thought he'd be excited and lovey when I told him the big news..... Instead he went into panic mode when I told him on Friday.... He avoided talking about it all weekend , was mean and rude about it today, literally brought up "other options" which I am strongly against..... I want this baby , I have been wanting this baby sooooo bad, this was supposed to be exciting.... What's the difference of a year?! My boys right now are 4&5.... They are very well behaved and my husband is an amazing father..... I'm just not understanding his reaction ...... All I have done today is cry as if someone has died . He says this baby is going to ruin us, we are finally getting freedom and he doesn't want to wake up all hrs of the night and we need to get me a different vehicle and possibly move blahblahblah. Financially we are so comelpletely fine for another..... I'm SO LOST!
Has anybody been in these shoes?? Will he come around?! Do I give him space? Do I stand my ground? Why would he lead me on? Why would he be unprotected knowing this is how babies are made ?! Omg I'm dying right now over this .

 

[buddyIV]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it must be very hard dealing with a negative response. Maybe he's just in shock, and needs a bit of time to get his head around it? I think we women are so in tune with our bodies, and have such an instant connection with our pregnancies, men sometimes struggle to keep up.

I really hope he comes around soon x

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

Thanks for your response.... Just need a vent, I haven't been able to share this "happy" moment with anybody yet breaks my heart, I just want to be over the moon, how it's supposed to be..... Deep down I am of course.... But he sure is raining on my parade... I don't know how to react to him.... I hope he is just having a panic attack and comes back around to reality real soon ........

 

[DolceBella]

This pregnancy was a surprise to us. We have two girls, age 5 and almost 3. We weren't using protection, but we were very cautious around ovulation time, which was easy because my cycles were always 29-31 days. Well....I must've had a crazy cycle that was pushing 6 weeks long, because my "safe zone" obviously wasn't.

Needless to say, DH really struggled at first. I'm not sure he ever wanted to have a third. He didn't bring up "other options" because that's not what we believe in. But he was moody, distant, wouldn't talk about it, etc. I felt very alone in the beginning, during a time when I was in shock too. I gave him time and space. I didn't bring it up, didn't rub it in his face, held off on my own concerns for a little while. He eventually came around. I asked him recently if he was feeling better, or just pretending. He smiled at me and said he's getting there.

If you have a strong relationship, your hubby will come around too. I would recommend letting him have his little pity party while you give him space. Hang in there!

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

Awwww, thanks Dolce!! I'm so sorry you had to go through this similar situation also... So glad your hubby came around !! Praying mine will do the same.... You are right, I should go on letting him have his space/pitty party.... Which is exactly what I have been doing and why I'm so bottled up ! I'm just extra scared because our last baby had a lot of medical issues the 1st year and it was extremely difficult , he ran away when he should have been there the most and we almost got divorced.... Filed and court dates ready to go....With some therapy and time we grew stronger than ever before..... It makes me believe everything will be fine and we can get through this happily ever after.... Yet it scares the shit out of me is he just going to keep running and denying ugh. Men

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

Needless to say I told him to grow a pair and put his happy pants one lol.

 

[DolceBella]

I yelled at my DH one time too. I didn't actually mind that he needed time to adjust to the idea. He's always been resistant to change. But one day, early on, he was actually being mean to me. I'm sure he was just super stressed, but I don't tolerate that behavior. I let him have it good! He eased up after that.

 

[meli1981]

Im so sorry hes acting like this! He needs to grow up and slap a condom on if he didnt want another one! Clearly you guys talked about it beforehand so it shouldnt come as such a surprise!

Really hope he come around!

 

[AmysU4ea]

I'm sure he'll come around.... This is scary stuff for men, but for the most part, they just need some time to get over it.... I'm so sorry he ruined your happy moment! That would be heartbreaking! if it makes you feel any better we are all super excited for you!

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

You ladies are the very best!!!! I'm my sure what I'd do without you advice and support!!! At least he can't ruin my glory on here lol. Im going to give him a couple weeks until we have an ultrasound .... If he doesn't snap out of it by then it's gonna be real ugly ...... Maybe I should just ignore him and be happy and flaunt it so he has no choice but to join lol wishful thinking

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

NOT** sure .....

 

[maisie78]

Aww I'm sorry your husband has reacted badly. My oh was very surprised and anxious when I found out I was expecting. Like pp we weren't preventing but thought we were doing well avoiding ov

Like you our child had a lot of medical issues in her first year and we didn't get a great outcome as you can see in my signature. Oh also checked out for a while and I felt very let down. We were also on the edge of splitting up but we made it back. Whilst we have been genetically tested and assured we did not pass on the condition it still makes us very anxious about this baby. I ended up having to ask oh if he was excited as he seemed to just go in to panic mode and he said he was but so worried. Admittedly he didn't have quite as extreme a reaction as your husband but I think it amounts to the same thing, they are scared.

As another posted suggested just give him time to let it sink in and I am sure he will come around.

 

[MummyLaura93]

I'm sure he'll come round. Starting to get the impression some men are like this. Me and my bf have a son already and it was my bf's idea to have another baby so we tried once and it happened lol. But now he's all distant and horrible about it, I just don't understand. So I know what you mean about wanting to be happy about your new pregnancy but it's hard atm. Hope it gets better for you x

 

[QuintinsMommy]

hopefully he just in shock, I was TTC this one and I'm still surprised and worried about some of the changes our family will have to make when we have new baby

 

[SteffieLee]

This baby was a complete surprise. Neither my husband nor I really were wanting a 3rd baby. He never said anything about "other options" because he and I share a strong belief on that. Will never be an option. We were both very shocked but he was never upset or mad with me. It takes 2 to make a baby!!!

I strongly believe that God has a plan written out before you yourself was even born. My husband and I believe he has big plans for this baby. We joked this baby may cure cancer one day.

I'm really sorry that he reacted that way. Give him some time to adjust to the idea. We also had to get a different car to accommodate 3 car seats and are having to do a home renovation and addition to make room for baby! Its all very stressful but we are both excited about this baby now. He's probably just overwhelmed right now and unfortunately he's taking it out on you.

 

[Maleficent11]

I'm so sorry your husband reacted that way! It sounds like he was very unsupportive. He may just need a while to adjust. Even if you two weren't trying, it might be a blessing in disguise.

I wasn't trying when I found out my boyfriend and I were expecting. He was initially really supportive. Then, a couple days went by, and he started asking things like "do you think we can do this," "can we afford this." I asked him if he still wanted to go through with it. He said he would never ask me to do something I don't want to do. I took that as he would rather I had it "taken care of," but he denies that.

Anyways, I kind of feel your pain. It's a scary and exciting time, and it's hard to get through if your partner isn't sharing in those emotions. Everyone on this forum is really helpful and supportive, though.

 

[ajlj1126]

My husband and I didn't plan this one either. I have NEVER missed a pill since our DD was 6 weeks old, and she was only 8 months when I got my BFP! I felt like I was kicked in the stomach.. I felt like I had just gotten "done" being pregnant and I really didn't want to go through it all over again. My husband was devastated. I was too, though.
It took us both some time to come around to the idea. We're still not 100% there, we don't feel as excited as we did with DD, but I had my first ultrasound on Thursday and he suddenly snapped out of it. He's been talking to my belly and coming up with name ideas since then. I wonder if he just had to see it to believe it? He's actually more excited about it than I am now. I really hope you have a similar experience!

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

Wow, thanks so much ladies, I didn't expect to get this much support on this topic, I feel very relieved.... Last night he was able to talk a bit , I didn't want to overwhelm him with questions so I didn't talk too much .... But he suggested which dr he preferred and made a joke or 2 about my food cravings..... Praying he's breaking the ice here.....
Maicie, I'm so sorry to hear your story too, sounds like we have a lot in common.... Wishing you a healthy happy 9 months .... I think we learn a lot from our LO with the health problems ....they are such strong little blessings , I could never imagine my life without him.... He had horrible stomach issues, lived in the hospital 1st yr, almost on feeding tube , couldn't eat solids til after a yr old and had skin cancer on his head that had to be removed .....
There's so many to respond to.... I truly believe that God throws us curve balls and surprised to make us stronger , bring us closer, and test our faith....

 

[Pix]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

My story isn't that great and isn't about this pregnancy but the one I lost. My cycles got all kinds of messed up because of being sick so it made it a little difficult to plan time to have sex. Well I ended up pregnant last October. DH was not happy. At all. Didn't talk to me for days. All that fun stuff. He started to come around when he spoke to him mom about it which was great. I was nearly 8 weeks by then. Unfortunately I lost that baby. I had never seen him so crushed. Here I thought he was miserable and not wanting baby but he was working it all out in his head. I had misjudged his reactions. Sure he was upset at first but he did want the baby. By Christmas his one gift to me was a 'promise.' Two sleepers. One in pink and one in blue, and that he was willing to wait for when I was ready again.

The whole situation brought us closer than we had been in years. I feel like a teenager in love again and we've been together since we were 16.

Give him time. You never know exactly where his mind went even with a panic. DH joked about abortion as well but he never meant it. It was his way of dealing.

(((( hugs ))))

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

Awwww Pix that story gave me teary eyes!!! That is so sweet, I'm glad he came around and more supportive than ever before!!! Congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you a happy healthy 9 months .... I guess time heals all!!! I know deep down he will be just fine, it's just a bit upsetting ....but I guess it's not forever and it will pass......