flamingpanda
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I'm at a bit of a loss and I don't know what to do. This is our second baby. Sorry in advance because I think this is going to be LONG.
I'm suffering a number of problems this pregnancy and am desperate to talk to someone regarding my birth options but whenever I try I feel I'm just being ignored or my concerns dismissed.
I suffer from anxiety, have done since I was a teenager. I sometimes take citalopram for it but I stopped 3 months before getting pregnant due to risks to the baby (as I did with our last) as I'm usually fine throughout pregnancy but this time I'm not. My partner found a lump in his neck a few months back and this led to scans and rushed hospital appointments. They're not sure what it is at the moment and it's terrifying me. As soon as we found this out I started with my usual symptoms - tight throat, waking at 3/4am unable to sleep, I feel weepy most days, short temper, head pains etc...
I was already under consultant care due to my BMI which was a little high. I didn't mention this at my last appointment as I thought I was coping at the time.
I also have SPD, which again, I had last time. I have painkillers for this but they barely touch the pain most days.
I had my GTT which I failed. So now all my care has been moved into the city rather than locally so I can be monitored. My 28 week scan showed excess fluid around the baby, which apparently is common with GD but it still has me worried.
I have posted about my last labour here before so I won't go into too much detail but just to say it was fairly traumatic. I was induced at 42 weeks. The induction process made me incredibly sick. This resulted in me having to have a drip and be monitored constantly.They spilled my blood all over the floor. They shouted at me and forced me to lay on my back despite the fact it hurt too much (due to the SPD - which I think damaged something). My midwife was pretty rude throughout, telling me to be quiet when I screamed in pain. I had a 2nd degree tear which never really healed right and although she finally came she was 8lb 15 and it was pretty touch and go at the end. The ward after was worse as she was quite poorly and pretty much no one cared. It was all about trying to get us BFing, which she never really did. I was kept in 3 days before they finally let me go when I broke down in tears on the last day in fear my baby was starving. They didn't acknowledge my anxiety issues at all, in fact it was like I didn't exist. The loneliest 3 days of my life.
This time I was very much hoping to go naturally (no induction). However I have been told if I control the GD they will let me go no further than 39/40 weeks. If I don't it's induction at 38. As soon as I found this out it's like my anxiety went through the roof and I can't get control of it anymore.
I still had one last appointment with my normal midwife which I kept in hopes that I could explain it to her. However when I got there she was on holiday and there was another midwife instead. She used the entire appointment talking to me about the importance of breastfeeding. I did say we were thinking of going for formula this time as I found the last time incredibly stressful. I even asked a question about the hospital policy on formula. However she didn't take the hint and carried on. I sat nodding and agreeing until she said "is this upsetting you?" and then I just lost it. I broke down and she sat telling me it was my choice and up to me. I couldn't really speak back as I was crying too much. Then out of nowhere she whips out a bible and asks if she could "pray for peace" for me. I was so confused I asked her again in case I was imagining it. Then I told her I didn't think it would make a difference and I'd prefer not to. She gave me some number for a midwife in the city that "listens" but I haven't called it because the stress of getting to another appointment is something I don't want right now.
I asked for a referral for the SPD. Last time I had to attend a class telling us how to sit etc, which was useless. Then the second appointment I got to see someone who gave me a support belt (which did help a bit). I'm sure I was told if I ever had issues again I could just skip the first bit. However this midwife on Friday said I had to do the class first. Keeping in mind I'm 29 weeks and the class will take a few weeks to be arranged this has left me feeling I have no help for that. I did try my doctor too but he said that the midwife has faster pathways for referrals. I feel like I've damaged something in my bum this time, it's really localised and I'mhaving trouble sitting.
I explained my anxiety about birth and I was told "it's usually faster the second time". Not exactly the help I was looking for.
So ... and I'm here crying as I type all of this ... how do I find someone who will listen? I'm worried I'm running out of time and I feel if I'm not just harming the baby by feeling this way all the time if one more thing happens I'm going to have some sort of breakdown.
I want to discuss my birth options with someone who will actually listen to me instead of trying to paint some fairytale out of it all. I'm terrified of the damage I might do to me, I'm terrified the baby will be too big. I'm worried it's all going to hurt again and end in a section ... or worse. If that's the case I'd like to just discuss the possibility of a section anyway and take the anxiety out of the maybes. But how do I even find someone who will talk to me? I thought maybe the consultant in the city (at the GD clinic) but he was so cold and English clearly wasn't his first language as I had some trouble communicating with him last time. I didn't feel he was someone I could explain anything to.
Can anyone here help? Who do I go to to get the help I need? I'm so tired of crying all the time. I feel exhausted.
I'm suffering a number of problems this pregnancy and am desperate to talk to someone regarding my birth options but whenever I try I feel I'm just being ignored or my concerns dismissed.
I suffer from anxiety, have done since I was a teenager. I sometimes take citalopram for it but I stopped 3 months before getting pregnant due to risks to the baby (as I did with our last) as I'm usually fine throughout pregnancy but this time I'm not. My partner found a lump in his neck a few months back and this led to scans and rushed hospital appointments. They're not sure what it is at the moment and it's terrifying me. As soon as we found this out I started with my usual symptoms - tight throat, waking at 3/4am unable to sleep, I feel weepy most days, short temper, head pains etc...
I was already under consultant care due to my BMI which was a little high. I didn't mention this at my last appointment as I thought I was coping at the time.
I also have SPD, which again, I had last time. I have painkillers for this but they barely touch the pain most days.
I had my GTT which I failed. So now all my care has been moved into the city rather than locally so I can be monitored. My 28 week scan showed excess fluid around the baby, which apparently is common with GD but it still has me worried.
I have posted about my last labour here before so I won't go into too much detail but just to say it was fairly traumatic. I was induced at 42 weeks. The induction process made me incredibly sick. This resulted in me having to have a drip and be monitored constantly.They spilled my blood all over the floor. They shouted at me and forced me to lay on my back despite the fact it hurt too much (due to the SPD - which I think damaged something). My midwife was pretty rude throughout, telling me to be quiet when I screamed in pain. I had a 2nd degree tear which never really healed right and although she finally came she was 8lb 15 and it was pretty touch and go at the end. The ward after was worse as she was quite poorly and pretty much no one cared. It was all about trying to get us BFing, which she never really did. I was kept in 3 days before they finally let me go when I broke down in tears on the last day in fear my baby was starving. They didn't acknowledge my anxiety issues at all, in fact it was like I didn't exist. The loneliest 3 days of my life.
This time I was very much hoping to go naturally (no induction). However I have been told if I control the GD they will let me go no further than 39/40 weeks. If I don't it's induction at 38. As soon as I found this out it's like my anxiety went through the roof and I can't get control of it anymore.
I still had one last appointment with my normal midwife which I kept in hopes that I could explain it to her. However when I got there she was on holiday and there was another midwife instead. She used the entire appointment talking to me about the importance of breastfeeding. I did say we were thinking of going for formula this time as I found the last time incredibly stressful. I even asked a question about the hospital policy on formula. However she didn't take the hint and carried on. I sat nodding and agreeing until she said "is this upsetting you?" and then I just lost it. I broke down and she sat telling me it was my choice and up to me. I couldn't really speak back as I was crying too much. Then out of nowhere she whips out a bible and asks if she could "pray for peace" for me. I was so confused I asked her again in case I was imagining it. Then I told her I didn't think it would make a difference and I'd prefer not to. She gave me some number for a midwife in the city that "listens" but I haven't called it because the stress of getting to another appointment is something I don't want right now.
I asked for a referral for the SPD. Last time I had to attend a class telling us how to sit etc, which was useless. Then the second appointment I got to see someone who gave me a support belt (which did help a bit). I'm sure I was told if I ever had issues again I could just skip the first bit. However this midwife on Friday said I had to do the class first. Keeping in mind I'm 29 weeks and the class will take a few weeks to be arranged this has left me feeling I have no help for that. I did try my doctor too but he said that the midwife has faster pathways for referrals. I feel like I've damaged something in my bum this time, it's really localised and I'mhaving trouble sitting.
I explained my anxiety about birth and I was told "it's usually faster the second time". Not exactly the help I was looking for.
So ... and I'm here crying as I type all of this ... how do I find someone who will listen? I'm worried I'm running out of time and I feel if I'm not just harming the baby by feeling this way all the time if one more thing happens I'm going to have some sort of breakdown.
I want to discuss my birth options with someone who will actually listen to me instead of trying to paint some fairytale out of it all. I'm terrified of the damage I might do to me, I'm terrified the baby will be too big. I'm worried it's all going to hurt again and end in a section ... or worse. If that's the case I'd like to just discuss the possibility of a section anyway and take the anxiety out of the maybes. But how do I even find someone who will talk to me? I thought maybe the consultant in the city (at the GD clinic) but he was so cold and English clearly wasn't his first language as I had some trouble communicating with him last time. I didn't feel he was someone I could explain anything to.
Can anyone here help? Who do I go to to get the help I need? I'm so tired of crying all the time. I feel exhausted.
. Have you tried calling the nct helpline 
