octoberlove
Active Member
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2014
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
Hi everyone. I'm new to this site, and forums in general. I haven't been an active member of any community since high school 10+ years ago to be honest. I found this site only by googling "trying to conceive forum" because I am desperate for some support. As some of you probably know, trying to conceive (and the struggles that come with) are not generally a public matter. So I'm just going to blurt out my story and hope for the best.
Background info: My husband and I have been together for about 5 years. We were married 3 months ago in early October. He has a 7 year old daughter who is with us every other week. He is an extraordinary father and is as much a part of her life as he is physically (and legally) able to be. Her bio mom is a despicable human being, having gotten pregnant about a year after she and my husband (before he was my husband, obviously) were together, and while they were in the midst of a break up. She went off of birth control without telling him, got him drunk (and yes, I know it takes two to tango), and 9 months later he was a dad. She has used this child to get at him ever since. First trying to scare him into staying with her. Since that didn't work she continues to use their child as a pawn as well as for financial gain. Though we have 50/50 custody he still pays child support because he makes more than her (she works part time and has been fired from numerous jobs). Needless to say she and I do not get along in the least, despite my many efforts to do so simply for my stepdaughters sake.
Now that the annoying part of my story is out of the way... My husband and I went on a weeklong, amazing honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Approximately three weeks later I asked him to pick me up a pregnancy test "just to be sure I wasn't pregnant" as I had realized I'd been drinking pretty frequently since going off the pill in late September. We had decided to just "go with the flow, see what happens"...
Some more background info: I am 28 years old and have had a lifelong fear that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Don't ask where it stemmed from, I have no idea. Though I'm guessing it relates to the fact that for as long as I can remember I've never wanted anything more than to be a mom.
Back to that pregnancy test... 4 positive tests later we were certain I was pregnant. My fear soon turned to joy after I googled the effects of moderate drinking so early in pregnancy and determining that I likely hadn't done any damage... I made an appt, started my pre natal vitamins and started to digsest the fact that I was actually going to be a mom...and on our first try no less.
Obviously by the past tense you can assume this didn't end well. About two weeks later I started getting period pains, except they were much worse than anything I'd ever experienced and I knew something was wrong. Fast forward through one of the absolute worst days of my life and yes, we can deduce that I had a miscarriage.
Doing some more fast forwarding...we decided about two weeks later that we would trash the "go with the flow" idea and start actively trying. As I said, I'm 28, my husband is 29, and I've always dreamed of having a big family. Now along with my fear of having troubles conceiving I had an even bigger fear that any pregnancy would end in another miscarriage.
This all happened only two months ago, so we have only actually tried twice since the MC. But because it happened so quickly the first time I am terrified to my core about the fact that it hasn't happened again...and even more so about what might happen when/if I get pregnant again.
I have a drinking problem, though as soon as I found out I was pregnant I quit immediately with no hesitation or problems. I wanted to continue abstaining from alcohol after the MC but that hope dwindled only days later. Since then I've fallen back into my old ways...drinking every night. Some nights more than others.
I'm worried that my drinking along with my stress (due mostly to the MC and my stepdaughters mom/the issues she constantly brings to the table) is going to cause serious problems with my fertility.
Augh...I've rambled on forever... Please, I'm just looking for some support. A shoulder to cry on, someone who can relate, some advice/tips on TTC, words of wisdom from any stepmoms going through something similar. Anything. I feel so damn alone and I don't know where to turn.
Background info: My husband and I have been together for about 5 years. We were married 3 months ago in early October. He has a 7 year old daughter who is with us every other week. He is an extraordinary father and is as much a part of her life as he is physically (and legally) able to be. Her bio mom is a despicable human being, having gotten pregnant about a year after she and my husband (before he was my husband, obviously) were together, and while they were in the midst of a break up. She went off of birth control without telling him, got him drunk (and yes, I know it takes two to tango), and 9 months later he was a dad. She has used this child to get at him ever since. First trying to scare him into staying with her. Since that didn't work she continues to use their child as a pawn as well as for financial gain. Though we have 50/50 custody he still pays child support because he makes more than her (she works part time and has been fired from numerous jobs). Needless to say she and I do not get along in the least, despite my many efforts to do so simply for my stepdaughters sake.
Now that the annoying part of my story is out of the way... My husband and I went on a weeklong, amazing honeymoon immediately after the wedding. Approximately three weeks later I asked him to pick me up a pregnancy test "just to be sure I wasn't pregnant" as I had realized I'd been drinking pretty frequently since going off the pill in late September. We had decided to just "go with the flow, see what happens"...
Some more background info: I am 28 years old and have had a lifelong fear that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Don't ask where it stemmed from, I have no idea. Though I'm guessing it relates to the fact that for as long as I can remember I've never wanted anything more than to be a mom.
Back to that pregnancy test... 4 positive tests later we were certain I was pregnant. My fear soon turned to joy after I googled the effects of moderate drinking so early in pregnancy and determining that I likely hadn't done any damage... I made an appt, started my pre natal vitamins and started to digsest the fact that I was actually going to be a mom...and on our first try no less.
Obviously by the past tense you can assume this didn't end well. About two weeks later I started getting period pains, except they were much worse than anything I'd ever experienced and I knew something was wrong. Fast forward through one of the absolute worst days of my life and yes, we can deduce that I had a miscarriage.
Doing some more fast forwarding...we decided about two weeks later that we would trash the "go with the flow" idea and start actively trying. As I said, I'm 28, my husband is 29, and I've always dreamed of having a big family. Now along with my fear of having troubles conceiving I had an even bigger fear that any pregnancy would end in another miscarriage.
This all happened only two months ago, so we have only actually tried twice since the MC. But because it happened so quickly the first time I am terrified to my core about the fact that it hasn't happened again...and even more so about what might happen when/if I get pregnant again.
I have a drinking problem, though as soon as I found out I was pregnant I quit immediately with no hesitation or problems. I wanted to continue abstaining from alcohol after the MC but that hope dwindled only days later. Since then I've fallen back into my old ways...drinking every night. Some nights more than others.
I'm worried that my drinking along with my stress (due mostly to the MC and my stepdaughters mom/the issues she constantly brings to the table) is going to cause serious problems with my fertility.
Augh...I've rambled on forever... Please, I'm just looking for some support. A shoulder to cry on, someone who can relate, some advice/tips on TTC, words of wisdom from any stepmoms going through something similar. Anything. I feel so damn alone and I don't know where to turn.