Please help

[Lyrah]

Hi all.

My friend has just told me that his girlfriend told him last night that she's pregnant. The only problem is that she has an eating disorder.. and she's told him that she might lose the baby because of this.

Apparently he didn't know she had an eating disorder until she told him last night.. but he said that last time he saw her, she wasn't skinny or anything. He said that she eats normally infront of him. She has also had a baby with someone else before she was with him. They reckon she is around 3 weeks pregnant.. maybe less. She found out she was pregnant last night.

She told him all of this in a heated argument too.

I just need some help because I really don't know what advice to give him.

He's in the army and only sees her some weekends when he comes home.


Thanks

 

[Lyrah]

I forgot to mention, she has also been getting some stomach pains (which I have said could be ligaments stretching to make room for the baby) and she hasn't been feeling well past few days.

 

[Cowhugger]

Hi Lyrah-

Wow, that's quite a situation your friend has there!

First of all those stomach pains are not round ligament pains- it is way too early in the pregnancy for that. The pains are most likely caused by stress and/or the disorder.

Because the pregnant girl's feelings about the pregnancy (is she happy about it? Is she willing to tackle the disorder for the sake of the pregnancy? Can she get support from him and her friends or family?) are unknown, it is difficult to offer any advice.

He needs to sit down and talk the entire situation through. He needs to see how she feels about whether a pregnancy fits into her immediate plans. The problem is that between pregnancy hormones and the disorder, it would be difficult for her to make good choices without her feeling secure. So your friend helping her to feel secure and supported is the first step.

After he speaks with her, perhaps they can go to a trusted friend or family member for further support/another perspective?

This process will have to happen in small steps.

Ultimately, the important thing is that if she proceeds with the pregnancy, she is going to have to come out about the disorder (at least to her doctor) and get help.

I hope this helps!

Amanda x

 

[Cowhugger]

Another thing I forgot- as eating disorders are about remaining in control, it might be best if he emphasises that she can take control of her situation. She controls what she is going to do, how she is going to respond to the pregnancy, who she is going to tell, etc. This might help as well.

I wish your friend good luck.

 

[anita665]

I have a friend who has has and still kind of has an eating disorder. She found it VERY hard to concieve so your friends g/friend has been very lucky.

The best thing she can do now is get help for her disorder and start to eat! Maybe if she really wants this baby then her feelings for it will be stronger than the disorder in the end.

I know my friend even when pregnant still struggled but she did manage to force herself to eat.

 

[brownhairedmom]

My friends cousin just gave birth last week to a beautiful 7lb baby girl while dealing with anorexia. It is veryyy possible for her to have a happy, healthy pregnancy. She needs to speak to her doctor asap and explain her situation.

 

[Lyrah]

Thank you so so much all of you.

I felt bad cos I really didn't know how to help him as I have never been in that kind of situation.

I'll let him know

I really appreciate it

 

[sparkle]

I'm not sure if this can help but I had an eating disorder when I was younger (although it's never really gone), I had treatment and lots of help and am really lucky to now be expecting my first baby. I've explained everything to my midwife and the support I've recieved so far has been fantastic. I must admit that it hasn't been easy and this early weight gain has been really tough. All I can say is that your friend's gf must see her doctor as soon as possible and I hope that she will be brave enough to tell everything.
Please do let me know if I can do anything to help.