Please tell me I'm not crazy

[cdejdemommy]

I'm going back and forth like some kind of maniac lately! I don't know what to do! At times I feel like crying at the mere thought of waiting any longer than 6 more months to TTC and then there are times that I'm wondering if I want a 3rd baby at all! Does anyone else suffer from these feelings like I do?

I know for sure that I don't want only 2 kids. I want 4 children for sure but it seems like the closer our TTC date gets the more scared I get about it! I know I should be an old hand at this TTC, pregnancy, childbirth, newborn - toddler care thing by now... but the simple truth is... I'm SCARED of the changes that a third baby will bring into our lives! I guess it is just fear of the unknown.

I'm scared that we won't have enough space, I'm afraid someone (either one of the kids or both or my husband) will be pushed to the back burner for a while and I don't like the thought of that because all 4 of us are so close and tight-knit right now. I'm afraid of being too tired to take care of 3 kids properly, I'm afraid I'll ditch furthering my education once again for the sake of being too busy taking care of a newborn... the list goes on and on!!

Someone... ANYONE please tell me it's going to be ok?!! I don't want to get my hopes up for 6 months or more and then still feel like I'm "not ready" when half of me is dying to be pregnant NOW and half of me is TERRIFIED of the prospect of another baby sometime in the near future!!

 

[PhoenixRising]

Hi hun,
I don't know exactly how you feel as I am not a mummy yet - but I am still worrying about how we are going to make a second child work once we are established with a first.
You sound all up in the air at the moment - maybe you need to just hang on in there until you are sure. Although I think its always natural to have doubts - did you feel this way with both your other children or is it new to the third - maybe you just need a little more time?!
I'd say don't stress about it until you get to ttc and then see how you feel - you don't have to go for it even then if you don't feel its right (although I'm pretty sure you will)
And IF you end up with just your two and the oh - would that really be so bad at the end of the day, it sounds like you have an amazing family
Judt don't put pressure on yourself - if you are not ready in 6 months you aren't ready and you wait a bit longer!
Big hugs though - I know the turmoil we put ourselves through.

 

[lovehearts]

Aww hunni, it will be ok. Like phoenixrising said if you still arnt ready in 6 months then put it on hold a little and talk to your OH. xxx

 

[futuremommy91]

Well, the nice thing is that you are still young- you have PLENTY of time. And while you may be scared now, it sounds like you really want 3+ children. I think that will stick.

Don't worry about having another baby right away- I have a friend who is 5 years younger than her brother. The nice thing about siblings with larger age differences is that they usually get along a lot better. And you get to spend more time in each stage (infancy, toddler, etc- if that makes sense). They won't all be rushed through.

 

[cdejdemommy]

Thanks girls. As of right now, nothing is set in stone (see my Reoccurring Nightmares post).

As of right now I still plan on getting my Mirena out in February and the potential TTC date is still May 2010 IF I decide I'm ready. We'll just use condoms between February and May (and possibly longer if I decide or we decide that we're not ready to be expecting again). I'll take that time to get my body back to normal, start charting and finish up any goals I've physically set for myself (like losing the 30 pounds I need to and get back in shape).

I also don't want to rush the boys. I feel like if I have a third child they will be "the big brothers" together and they're really still just little guys that need lots of love and attention - almost as much attention as a newborn baby would.

So, from now until May I'll just be chilling out. When May finally gets here we'll see how I feel then.

 

[PhoenixRising]

Sounds like a good plan to me
I'm glad you are taking a breath and not putting any more pressure on yourself - just enjoy your boys for now