PND Support Thread

[Petite]

I think I'm having a relapse
I've been off meds for at least three months and I was doing fine up until last week I'm scared to go to the doctors for more tablets as I remember how I felt the first few days of taking them. They make you worse before you get better and I really can't afford to feel any worse then I do. Abbey doesn't deserve this.. Has anybody else ever had something similar? I feel awful, I'm sure Abbey picks up on how stressed out I'm getting and that makes her behaviour sometimes difficult, plus she is teething. My relationship with hubby is at breaking point and I've told him on a number of occasions that me and Abbey would be better off without him, which is awful I know. It's killing him. It's killing me.

 

[Raggydoll]

Yes. You GP will be able to refer you to your local Mental health team. X

Thanks it just all feels pretty hopeless at the minute my husband and mum are doing so much of the looking after my daughter and i feel guilty that they have to coz i just can't cope right now.
Guess at least i'm on the meds now.
Do they do counselling on the NHS?

[/QUOTE]

 

[Raggydoll]

Hi Petite.

I would speak to your GP. You don't have to go back on the medication but the may be able to help you using CBT.
How quickly did you come of your medication?
I'm having a similar low period ATM although I hadn't reduced my medication I was hoping to be able to start reducing. My Dr. Put me back on diazepam. It feels like such a back step but I'm trying to focus on getting myself well for my LO. I've just got to keep reminding myself I can get through this.

Has there been anything to trigger your relapse?

Feel free to PM me if you need to chat. X

 

[Luke's_mummy]

:'(

I'm so Low.

I feel like giving up.

I feel like selfharming again

Please. Help me.

 

[carly_mummy2b]

Hello, im not sure whether i have PND or something else i just dont know, i think i have suffered from PND from the start and i thought i had got better but now im not so sure or what it is that is wrong with me.

For weeks i have been getting worse, but this morning i had a moment of clarity with my partner that has made me question my behaviour

Four weeks ago i started watching 'Marchlands' on ITV1 for anybody that hasnt watched it in a very basic form in the 60s a little blonde girl called Alice was found drowned and her death was always a mystery to her mother, then in the 80's a little girl called Amy has been befriended by Alice and sees her regularly this little girl Alice has a nasty streak and killed her cat.

Now i know all of this is just a programme but it has deeply deeply affected me and now this Alice is haunting me, i see her in my mind all the time im frightened to sleep and then the worst happened to me at 3am this morning, i dreamt about her, she was in my room and i found her socks in my bed, i tried to turn my light on and it didnt work and i looked over to Vinnie, my LOs cot and she had him and i was so scared i screamed out loud and my partner woke me up from my dream. this is when i started to explain to him and when i realised how affected i am, its like im fearful of this girl all of the time, like its only a matter of time until she gets to me and my baby and i dont understand where it has come from, i dont sleep and in the day when i am alone i never ever leave my baby anywhere, he sleeps in his pram downstairs with me and even when i have a wee i push the pram to the door so at all times i can see him and that way neither of us are alone and i know he is safe

Im nervous and on edge all the time and when im alone i am terrified and since this dream its like i have been totally invaded by this girl and im torturing myself with the thought of going to bed tonight xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[becs0375]

Lukes Mummy, is here anyone who can help you or listen to you??

Carly, I would say go and see your GP, sounds like you have an anxiety problem, do you suffer from panic attacks?

 

[Luke's_mummy]

that may be PNA (post natal anxiety)

Meh, I'm under perinatal mental health, but no appt till April!!

 

[carly_mummy2b]

Hmmm i had never considered it being anxiety, im not sure what i thought it was i was scared it would be something more sinister, i think im going to book a doctors appointment for tomorrow, the only thing i hate is you have to tell the bloody receptionist why you need an appointment, i dont know who they think they are x x x

 

[becs0375]

I don't think there is alot of support for PND, I saw the mental health nurse the other day and all he could advise was that I paid for counselling as my PCT won't fund it! Thanks for nothing, like I have a spare £50 an hour!

 

[becs0375]

Carly my Dr's is like that, she is a right old dragon too!!

 

[carly_mummy2b]

i know you find yourself begging for an appointment or exaggerating your symptoms to pursuade her to give you an appointment! total cow, but thank you for your advice when your so used to being in control and then suddenly you feel like this its scary and i know its irational but i dont want to lose my baby x

 

[Luke's_mummy]

You can say that its confidential and that you dont wish to discuss it with them

 

[carly_mummy2b]

thats a good idea, thank you x x x

 

[becs0375]

I told her last time it was none of her business!!

Carly I really hope you get the help you need, and don't worry you won't lose your baby xx

 

[carly_mummy2b]

im so pleased i discovered this thread, i was so unsure where to post it and in baby club there are some rather unforgiving people who dont really understand x x

 

[becs0375]

This thread is fab, makes you realise you are not alone xx

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I think I'm going to ask about going on meds. I just can't do this anymore.
It's 6:20am here and I'm wide a fucking wake. This is the latest I've got up in 2 weeks because Livi now thinks anywhere between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning is an acceptable time to wake up. And due to my insomnia I'm only managing 2 or 3 hours of sleep.

I don't even want to be near her anymore. Even when she's not crying I just don't want to be near her. I have my good moments, where I'm laughing and we're playing, but it's always clouded by something and I hate it.

I HATE medications of all kind, especially anti-ds and mood stabilizers. I've never had a good reaction to them and I've been on plenty. But I just can't do this anymore. It's actually getting dangerous at this point. Like this morning I screamed at her, like full on shouted at her to just go to bed. And then I proceeded to grab my hair by the roots and dig my nails into the side of my face. I actually drew a bit of blood from how hard I was pressing. I was just trying to calm down. I'm pulling out chunks of my own hair all the time just trying to deal with the stress of raising her.

And it doesn't help any that my mother ALWAYS makes me feel like a terrible mother. She constantly has something to say about how I'm not doing this right and how I'm not doing that long enough. It drives me insane. And recently it's pissed me off so badly that I just want to punch her. Like I can actually imagine myself just punching her in the face.

I really dread talking to my therapist about this though because even though she's nice, we are two entirely different kind of people. She's the "everybody's innocent, no matter what you've done" kind of person and I'm the "He killed a child? Just blow his fucking head off" kind of person. I'm bitter and I'm cold and I hate the human race. Hence the reason I'm in therapy to start with. She's all smiles and shits rainbows and I fucking hate it. Especially since I'm their for abuse counseling. So I'm telling her all about what the ******* did and she's sitting there trying to reason for him! I leave there more bitter and cold than I started. But I can't do anything about it because she's the only therapist the state will pay for me to see and I can't afford another one.

So I'm stuck with a shit therapist, a shit home life, and a baby who cries all through the night. Yeah, life if pretty swell.

 

[carly_mummy2b]

Just been diagnosed with PND but TBH it was just to confirm what i already knew, what a damn shit fucking illness to have!

 

[Raggydoll]

Carly_mummy2b, it's an awful illness. It does get easier. Just take it a day at a time. What support have you been offered.

Bec's it's awful you have no counselling support. The PCT in my area offers CBT and it's really helped. Can you speak to another GP.

Luke's mummy it's a shame you have to wait so long for an appointment but it'll be worth it.

Keep chatting on here. It helps knowing you are not alone.

Croc - o Dile. Massive hugs. Will post more later as I'm just leaving work. Do you have anyone who is supportive?

For you all. x

 

[becs0375]

Croc, that sounds exactly how I felt before I started my meds, its awful feeling out of control and so angry. I really think you need to go and speak to someone about some help, you have done well regognising you need help xxx

Carly, so pleased you got seen, did you get some meds?

Raggy, I am so pissed off with my surgery, they think meds help, yes they do but I want to find out why I feel like this, not just mask my feelings with happy pills!