Poor attention / concentration and ability to listen

[caz_hills]

My son is nearly five and in reception. His teachers are the two parents meetings have told us that he has poor concentration and would learn so much faster if he paid attention and listened more.

We see the same at home - he just doesn't listen and is sort of just in his own world.

Today the teacher told me it's now affecting his reading. They benchmarked him and he guesses words from the pictures but mainly he loses focus. It's the same when we read at home - he will read one page (and when he does he is fab!) and then gets distracted.

His listening at school is awful. I help out with reading every Friday afternoon and I must have heard the Teacher about 20 times asking him to listen, pay attention, sit still etc.

He is not a bad boy - I asked him why he doesn't listen and he says that he just wants to play. He didn't listen at all when we got home and was quite naughty so I took the iPad away (he usually has 30 mins before bath). So I'm trying consequences. I talk to him about it and explain when he is doing good listening or paying attention well.

Any ideas? I know he is a good boy but worry that at school and at home he looks like he doesn't care.

Thanks x

 

[wishingonastar]

I'd say it's quite typical tbh. When they start school the expectation is that they can manage 15 mins concentration at a time which is quite low when you think about it.

I'd suggest you try some ways to train his brain to learn to focus such as sitting with him and encouraging jigsaw puzzle completion or colouring or lego or something with fine motor skills to capture his attention. Keep at it and it will build up his attention span

 

[caz_hills]

I'd say it's quite typical tbh. When they start school the expectation is that they can manage 15 mins concentration at a time which is quite low when you think about it.

I'd suggest you try some ways to train his brain to learn to focus such as sitting with him and encouraging jigsaw puzzle completion or colouring or lego or something with fine motor skills to capture his attention. Keep at it and it will build up his attention span

Thanks - that is really reassuring! Tonight we played Lego and I said to him what wonderful behaviour he was doing. He was focusing, really enjoying it and I said to him what wonderful behaviour he was showing.

I appreciate your reply.

 

[alibaba24]

I think they expect too much ! My daughter has had an educational physcologist observe her and all she could say was "had focus at carpet time but when left alone her attention wandered " WHAT I'm sorry but she was 5 ?! I'm still like that at 31 !

 

[noon_child]

Can he definately hear the instructions being given to him? I think this behaviour is common at 5yrs, but being in his own world, repeatedly being told to listen etc can be signs of things like glue ear.

 

[caz_hills]

I'm pretty sure he can hear fine - his hearing was tested at school as standard for all reception kids a few months back and he passed that. I thought it might be his hearing so tried a few times 'chocolate' to see if he can hear things he wants to hear - and trust me he can!

Unfortunately I just think he has a very VERY short attention span and just gets too bored so ignores things.

 

[wishingonastar]

Selective hearing...don't ya just love it?!?!

It will be an ongoing battle but you will notice a gradual improvement. My eldest was like it in reception, my middle one is currently the same and I'm sure my youngest will be when she's older! Yes some children have amazing focus even at this age but most don't.

 

[Rags]

Could you try starting to read an exciting chapter book to him while he's playing? It doesn't need to be really long, something you can read over a few sittings ( Ds loved the 'captain underpants' books, amusing, a bit silly and you could read the whole thing in an hour or a few shorter sitting) Even if he's playing with his Lego and you read him a chapter or two, also a quick chapter when he's in the bath. He's only 5 and will get better but it might be a nice way of focusing him for longer periods without constantly having to ask him to stop and concentrate - he may not hear every word but that's not the important part, it's about slowly expanding his periods of concentration without him even realising and you not tearing your hair out. Good luck.

 

[tommyg]

I totally agree they are expecting too much and I doubt he is on his own.

There is a reason why kids don't start school until they are 6 in other countries. However Playing board games does help with attention span too.

 

[caz_hills]

Thanks ladies. It broke my heart yesterday as he left school yesterday and said to me that he was rubbish at school as he keeps breaking the rules. He was so sad. I asked what he meant and he said that he keeps forgetting to sit still and quietly and keeps getting told off. I asked what he thought we could do about it and he said that he keeps forgetting what to do and gets distracted.

He was so sad and I know he tries, but genuinely gets distracted and excited that his buddies at with him at school.

I know that is probably sounding like me excusing him - but he gets upset when he is told off as he doesn't mean to be naughty, he just gets carried away.

 

[SarahBear]

There are so many posts about kids with reading issues in the UK. Why do they push reading so early?!

 

[wishingonastar]

Bless him, perhaps it'd be a good idea for you to meet with teacher to ensure you're all thinking along same lines as be a real shame if he stops wanting to go to school

 

[caz_hills]

Thankfully he loves school. The teacher seems exasperated at the start and end of the day I really don't want to bother her. I will see if the opportunity arises. I help in class on a Friday so if after school there is a moment I will.

He said today she told him that he nearly got a sticker for something so he was really proud (only nearly but that's good!) and he said today was better.

I know it must be hard for the teacher with 30 kids but seeing my sons little face and him being disappointed at himself was so upsetting.

I appreciate all your comments ladies x

 

[caz_hills]

Hi ladies, I think I will need to speak to the teacher.

He came back again today upset that he is getting told off. He said that today the teacher told him that he was "the third naughiest in the class" and then named the two who she thinks are the 1st and 2nd. He says he doesn't know what to do.

His listening is terrible at home too and as I've said, I've seen him in the classroom and he is not listening and is not paying attention. But I don't know what to do - we have tried reward charts, taking away ipad time etc but nothing works - he says he just forgets.

He is getting frequently upset and 'down' is the only way I can describe it - I feel like I can see his confidence leaving him which is sad.

I feel so sad for him I could cry!

 

[tommyg]

Oh bless poor wee guy. I really feel for him. He just sounds like my wee guy he has found his listening ears at age 5.

Try being positive, don't punish for what happens in class (the teacher already has). Tbh I think it is poor teaching for her to label him bad kid. It sounds like she can only see the bad in him. Count the days to end of term and a new teacher for next year.

Be positive point out all the things he is good at. Ask about the good things he did.

I would maybe ask for an Ed physiologist to observe him to check their isn't anything else going on (ADHD) or to give ideas on how to help his concentration. Since what you and the teacher have been doing for the last 2 terms isn't working. (really I'm having a dig at the teacher not you but if you say its all the teachers fault she isn't likely to help)

 

[wishingonastar]

With our eldest we find she fluctuates. Some weeks her behaviour is impeccable and others bloody awful and others it's a mixture. We have found the reward chart hasn't 'cured all' but it's definitely helped. It's reinforcing expectations and boundaries and teaching regular consequences.

The teachers comments are shocking tbh. They should not be labelling your child's behaviour. Every child is both good and naughty as it's the nature of being a child! It's just the type of behaviour for each child varies and you can bet your life some of the best behaved ones at school are terrible in ways your son isn't. My middle child is a model pupil, teacher thinks she's a class angel and she's popular with all. It's been this way since nursery...however at home with me it's a different story and I get daily tantrums, whinging, stroppiness whereas my eldest is more straightforward in some ways even though she's having behavioural issues! I absolutely do not agree with labelling children as I have seen the damage it can do...children and adults have a tendency to become the label and can't often see a way back from that. Luckily your son is very young and will be able to change things but just be aware to prevent labelling as later in his schooling he'll be more impressionable with such things.

A teacher should not have favourites openly yet that teacher has in effect just told your son she has favourites and he's pretty much farthest removed from that list. A terrible message to give a child from someone in her position.

At this point I would be requesting a meeting and attending with a bullet point list of my concerns and areas to discuss. If I wasn't happy with her responses or things didn't change I would escalate to request a meeting with head of yr or head of school.

Also, given the teacher seems a bit pants could you get into the habit of asking teacher how he's been and then if he seems to have had a reasonable day then even if he hasn't got sticker from teacher you could reward him with a sticker on chart at home and a small treat (we give one choc coin or an individual star burst). I literally make a point of directly asking the teacher how my eldest has been then based on the feedback I make my own judgement as to reward as to be honest sometimes they now get so caught up in monitoring her behaviour that they pick up the normal stuff as well as the concerning behaviour. The teacher once told us she'd had an iffy day as she'd jumped in a puddle and splashed her shoes. My take on that was she hadn't slashed another child, she's 6, that to me is a learning curve as she had to walk around in wet socks and shoes and probably won't puddle jump again! Lol. She got a treat that day cos if that was the worst she did then I'm thrilled

 

[caz_hills]

Thanks ladies. He said he tried harder today.

Weirdly another two parents mentioned the same feedback they have had. One with a girl and one with a boy - the boy in my eyes is amazingly behaved! They both said they had feedback from school that their children weren't listening either and the girls mum said the girl was very upset.

We also found out that the teacher has been giving. The 'good' kids (who get on the smiley face lost) Haribo sweets at the end of the day. We weren't told about this and of course it's a good incentive but actually we don't have sweets in the week until Friday's so wouldn't be my first choice for him!

My husband and I spoke about t at length tonight and we have decided that at home, if we observe it, we need to manage it and explain consequences of him not listening / take away things if need be. But I agree at school, he seems to be having enough negativity that I don't want to compound it.

I will start asking the teacher though about it daily and then if it's just negative all the time will suggest my Hubbie and I meet with her to discuss it. We both believe he isn't naughty inside, he just struggles to concentrate and listen. Of course that's not good enough and needs to be better but we don't want him losing his confidence.

X

 

[wishingonastar]

Sounds like a plan just don't let it go on too long as your son is very young and it seems the teacher is not making allowances for this and is perhaps looking at him in a resigned way so will likely see negatives as a result. I say this as I come down hard on my eldest where needed but I also fight her corner when I could get away with not saying anything. By this I mean I had an incident where she was sternly told off for something by the teacher and i agreed. A few days later it became apparent that the teacher had been incorrect about the incident and my daughter had not been as badly behaved as first thought. I didn't see the teacher for a few days due to supply teachers being there but I made sure to raise it and clear her name at the next opportunity. I guess I see it as my job to keep the teacher on track and not let her be too harsh

 

[tommyg]

I really think the teacher is so wrong to label children given yours isn't the only one I would be tempted to speak with the school head and if possible ask the other parents to do the same.

He's still 3 months shy of being 5, seriously around the time my little boy turned 5 he just seemed to mature and started listening.
Nursery commented he was getting better at end of January, one sports coach commented just before Easter and another just after.

 

[_jellybean_]

The teacher shouldn't have said that to him. Glad you're going to meet with her again. That's what I'd do. We give out treats on Friday, but sometimes I give them out during the week as well, but if you don't want him having sweets during the week, I'd let her know about that too.

Has she tried giving him his own behavior (sticker) chart? That might help? She can put one on his desk and give him a sticker when he's doing the right thing. I've seen children have lots of trouble paying attention in kindergarten and then by 1st grade, be fine in school. Every lo is different. Hope things get worked out.