Popping over from pregnancy forums...

[Flower15]

Hiya,

Im due to have my second child in April. Now Ive had the 12 weeks scan and everything looked fine, starting to think about what I want to buy and what will make life easier with a toddler and newborn!

I tried to feed my DD but we didn't last long, I'm still annoyed that I stopped, we only managed a week. Really determined to manage it this time, but as I will have a 2 year old just wanted to know how effective a wrap/sling/carrier is when feeding? I just don't want my 2 year old to lose out on my attention, so thought when I get to grips with feeding this would help so I can keep my hands free to play with her etc.

For Mummys who find wraps/slings helpful, which do you recommend, Ive read ring slings?

Thanks in advance x

 

[Piper84]

I was able to feed LO#2 while out and about with LO#1 (2 yo) with an Ergo and newborn insert. You just need to tip them to the side a bit and wear clothes appropriate for nursing.

But while it's important to give your older one your attention too, I'd make it clear from the beginning that feeding time happens no matter what. It may be that your toddler wants to cuddle up to you when you're feeding or suddenly wants to be on your knee, but it's best if they also know it's the little one's time with you first and foremost, and sometimes that means lying or sitting down quietly. Some toddlers have tantrums when younger siblings are being nursed and it's something to be aware of that can happen!

It's a challenge, but we're at a point where LO#1 is aware that LO#2 is hungry and feeding and just accepts it. He gets a book to read together or does stickers next to us. It's easier in the long term when older siblings, especially with a small age gap, know that sometimes what they want has to take a back seat. If they sense any unease, they will take advantage!

 

[Flower15]

I was able to feed LO#2 while out and about with LO#1 (2 yo) with an Ergo and newborn insert. You just need to tip them to the side a bit and wear clothes appropriate for nursing.

But while it's important to give your older one your attention too, I'd make it clear from the beginning that feeding time happens no matter what. It may be that your toddler wants to cuddle up to you when you're feeding or suddenly wants to be on your knee, but it's best if they also know it's the little one's time with you first and foremost, and sometimes that means lying or sitting down quietly. Some toddlers have tantrums when younger siblings are being nursed and it's something to be aware of that can happen!

It's a challenge, but we're at a point where LO#1 is aware that LO#2 is hungry and feeding and just accepts it. He gets a book to read together or does stickers next to us. It's easier in the long term when older siblings, especially with a small age gap, know that sometimes what they want has to take a back seat. If they sense any unease, they will take advantage!

Thankyou for this. Was if difficult in the early days to breastfeed a newborn with a toddler? I agree like you said that feeding the baby comes first and to make sure the toddler is aware of this etc, but I would hate DD to feel left out, but I suppose that could happen whether breast or bottle feeding. How have you found cluster feeding etc with a toddler? I just want to prepare myself as much as possible as to what to expect etc. Thanks again x

 

[Piper84]

Thankyou for this. Was if difficult in the early days to breastfeed a newborn with a toddler? I agree like you said that feeding the baby comes first and to make sure the toddler is aware of this etc, but I would hate DD to feel left out, but I suppose that could happen whether breast or bottle feeding. How have you found cluster feeding etc with a toddler? I just want to prepare myself as much as possible as to what to expect etc. Thanks again x

LO#2 is a completely different feeder. She drinks every two hours (he drank every 45 mins!) and has slept at night, waking up at the most twice to feed, since the day she was born! So far (4 months old), she has not cluster fed, unlike LO#1, who fed all day a couple of times. But if your LO does, it's just more practice for your DD to get to know what it's like when mummy's nursing!

Prepare yourself for the fact that this bubba may actually be quite low maintenance in comparison to your firstborn. Second borns seem to sense they've got to share their parents' attention and are often less demanding!

I was worried, when I found out we were expecting LO#2, that a 22 month age gap was unfair on LO#1 but he's been really good. Try to involve the older one in everything, like throwing nappies away, stroking the baby's head, laughing together at little things the baby does etc., but don't overdo the "you're a big girl now" talk. She'll want to know she's still your baby too!

Make a little time for the both of you each day and build up confidence. Although welcoming a new sibling comes naturally for them, I think they're all a little put out in the beginning.

 

[Flower15]

Thankyou so much for this. You have pretty much summed up exactly how I am feeling; excited at the prospect of a new baby but scared and feeling guilty about the age gap and whether it is fair on DD. Reassuring speaking to someone who is coping well x

 

[Julesillini8]

Hi. My two are 23 months apart. I breastfeed my second, just as I did my first. I will say the beginning few weeks are tough, when the new baby takes like 30-40 minutes at each feed. I had special sticker sheets, coloring books, books, etc that I had bought while pregnant that I kept up and saved and then got out for the older one during these first few weeks. Having something new kept her attention to make it work out ok. As the weeks passed, the baby became a more efficient nurser making meals much quicker, fewer feedings and things got better week by week! Now my baby is 3 1/2 months and its great. My toddler is fine and knows everything about boobs and feeding the baby! When my toddler has meals with other people, like grandma, she says " jayla ( the baby) can't eat strawberries. Too little. Jayla drinks boobie milk" hahaha. I really enjoyed nursing my first, and was also worried that I may give up with the second baby, due to the same concerns of the time and attention taken away from my toddler. But I'm so glad I stuck it out through those first few weeks as its well worth it for both me and the baby, and the toddler also has learned that she can't have moms attention 100% of the time and that it is actually ok for her.
Please give it a try, if its not working out for you, then at least you knew you tried. But know that others have been there.... It is a struggle at first but with time it really smooths out, I promise!

 

[Julesillini8]

Btw congrats on your pregnancy! So exciting.
When my first turned a year old, I quit my job and became a SAHM. Since she was used to having me 24/7 and we are indeed very close doing everything together, I had a lot of anxiety about introducing a new baby into the family. We never wanted an only child, but somehow when pregnant I was so sad that my relationship with my first daughter would change once the baby would arrive. I was so excited for a new child, but so sad about how it would effect my older daughter. Well, the new baby has only brought more joy to me and my toddler. My daughter loves her baby sister so much already, kissing her all of the time, helping with diaper changes, picking out her clothes for the day, giving her toys back after the baby drops them, etc. I knew in the long run a sibling is a great gift to give her, but I was just so worried, all for nothing. And it didn't take anything away from my relationship with the oldest, it just added to it, as together we help care for the baby.
So anyhow, congrats on adding another little soul to your family. Not sure if you have these same feeling with your older one, but for us, it was such a great thing to give to our little family. ( we are actually considering having one more in the future!)

 

[history_girls]

I am in the middle of this at the moment but my dd1 is almost 4 so I think a bit easier to entertain than a toddler.

I ff my first and so far so good bf my second. The biggest problem so far is that dd2 wants to eat all day meaning my bottom is imprinted on the sofa. Dd1 has found this hard and she won't yet play on her own as she wants mummy to play. Cue lots of tears from both of us! She will sit next to me whilst I feed which is great but she wants me to cuddle her as well and then looks so sad when I can't. My other problem is taking dd1 to and from nursery. Dd2 hates the car and I have to plan around that.

The advantages? Well dd2 is a lot less screamy! If she is upset in goes boob and quiet descends. This means oh and I are more chilled and not getting stressed with dd1. She sleeps really well at night so everyone is less exhausted. I tend to top her up if I know I've got to go out - cant really do that ff so that is a big bonus.

Ive had my wobbles about bf and about dd1 feeling left out. However I think if dd2 was ff my oldest wouldn't be better off as we'd have more screaming and less flexibility to get to nursery. I think a new sibling is a shock however you feed.

Coping when both need food? Well dd2 sometimes cries for 5 mins whilst I make a sandwich or dd1 has to wait half an hour. Trying to convince oh I need an ergo.....

 

[Julesillini8]

Ha! I just ordered an ergo on amazon, it's being shipped as we speak! Lol!

 

[Flower15]

Thankyou everyone!

This pregnancy was very planned and wanted, but since I got my BFP, all Ive felt is guilt for both toddler and baby. Guilt and worry toddler will feel left out and Il lose my relationship with her, shes very much a mummy's girl and then guilt on the newborn that I should stop worrying and enjoy the pregnancy more. Suppose the worry never stops when youre a Mum!

So all your replies have reassured me that what I am feeling is completely normal and that the toddler and baby both adjust to normal family life. Think I will definately at least give breastfeeding a go, and take it day by day, first of all to ensure that he/she gets the colostrum and any day on top of that is a plus.

Heard a few of you mention the ergo carrier, is that supposed to be easy to breastfeed in? x

 

[Piper84]

The Ergo worked well for us with newborn insert, but it depends on your body shape. There are some YouTube videos on the subject.

 

[Flower15]

Thankyou, Il have a look now!

Despite breastfeeding Ellie for a week, I still feel like I know nothing about breastfeeding. I dont understand why I find it so confusing and difficult. Thats why im trying to do lots of reasearch prior so know what to expect this time! x