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Pregnant after recurrent miscarriage and stillbirth or neonatal loss? Join me here!
- Thread starter Tasha
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I wish we didn't either. It's crap and lonely.
Yeah I'm definetly finding the closer I get to 24 weeks the anxiety is picking up, I get past RR's dates and then H's begin.
How many weeks are you now hun?
Tia do you have any scans coming?
Yeah I'm definetly finding the closer I get to 24 weeks the anxiety is picking up, I get past RR's dates and then H's begin.
How many weeks are you now hun?
Tia do you have any scans coming?
Hey to you both,
Sorry for slow response, I hadn't checked the thread in a while and then every time I tried to post yesterday it kept booting me off. Here's hoping it doesn't do it again at the end.
So I had a scan last Thursday and all looked good. She was just under 2lbs at 24 + 4 (or 3). Next scan is not until the 16th but I feel it's too far away given the stage I a, at. My bile acids came back at 6, although my consultant said screening doesn't really tell them much and they can shoot up quickly. It's not a gradual increase which makes it harder to manage. He says he is making a decision about the next stage on Wednesday when I see him again. Not sure what to do for the best. If i can't have ctg monitoring as it's too early I'm not sure how useful it will be to go in and stay for them to just listen in with a Doppler. I would like the blood test twice a week so if it does go up I can start treatment but he seems to think weekly is enough. I don't agree.
Anxiety levels are through the roof, I know exactly how you feel Tasha. I am not really sleeping much and am them exhausted all day.
Can't believe you're 9 weeks already Hope, seems to have flown in!!
I also know what you mean about not knowing where you belong in this forum. I can't bring myself to post on the Parl thread. I read but I've found some of the discussions of late about miscarriage vs stillbirth/neonatal loss a bit insensitive. I know it wasn't framed like that but I don't think you can compare the losses. Having being on both sides of the fence, the trauma of losing Laurie far exceeds any early loss I have ever had. I wouldn't say that there though, because loss is so personal. But when you say losing a baby you gave birth to or sat with for weeks in NICU is the same as early miscarriage I do think it is a very naive statement to make, and one only someone who hasn't experienced it would make. Loss is so crazy isn't it, but the trauma and baby loss through stillbirth and neonatal loss leaves your life ripped apart, just as it would for any mother to lose a child. Losing the hope of a child is different to facing the reality of losing and burying a child. Our babies are our children, who kicked us for months, who we knew, who we laboured for or had our tummies cut open for. They are why we produced milk to feed them and had stones worth of weight to lose. Who we had to register a birth and a death for. Who we ached for from the bottom of a very very dark place, when you think you might have died yourself. I remember heartache at my early losses but I know the brutality of what happened with Laurie will never leave me, and whilst having another baby is all I desire I certainly know it won't heal my heart or the want that will never leave me for her to be with me and not in her little coffin in the cemetery.
I feel like we scare those women who don't understand. I know I don't belong there. I don't care if my breasts are different after a miscarriage. Mine were certainly different once they produced milk. I can't worry about that stuff. It seems too trivial. But I feel bad for feeling that those chats are too trivial for me.
The day Laurie died was the worst day of my life, and I've had a colourful life. But that day, is a day that changed me forever.
Sorry to sound so miserable girls xxx
Sorry for slow response, I hadn't checked the thread in a while and then every time I tried to post yesterday it kept booting me off. Here's hoping it doesn't do it again at the end.
So I had a scan last Thursday and all looked good. She was just under 2lbs at 24 + 4 (or 3). Next scan is not until the 16th but I feel it's too far away given the stage I a, at. My bile acids came back at 6, although my consultant said screening doesn't really tell them much and they can shoot up quickly. It's not a gradual increase which makes it harder to manage. He says he is making a decision about the next stage on Wednesday when I see him again. Not sure what to do for the best. If i can't have ctg monitoring as it's too early I'm not sure how useful it will be to go in and stay for them to just listen in with a Doppler. I would like the blood test twice a week so if it does go up I can start treatment but he seems to think weekly is enough. I don't agree.
Anxiety levels are through the roof, I know exactly how you feel Tasha. I am not really sleeping much and am them exhausted all day.
Can't believe you're 9 weeks already Hope, seems to have flown in!!
I also know what you mean about not knowing where you belong in this forum. I can't bring myself to post on the Parl thread. I read but I've found some of the discussions of late about miscarriage vs stillbirth/neonatal loss a bit insensitive. I know it wasn't framed like that but I don't think you can compare the losses. Having being on both sides of the fence, the trauma of losing Laurie far exceeds any early loss I have ever had. I wouldn't say that there though, because loss is so personal. But when you say losing a baby you gave birth to or sat with for weeks in NICU is the same as early miscarriage I do think it is a very naive statement to make, and one only someone who hasn't experienced it would make. Loss is so crazy isn't it, but the trauma and baby loss through stillbirth and neonatal loss leaves your life ripped apart, just as it would for any mother to lose a child. Losing the hope of a child is different to facing the reality of losing and burying a child. Our babies are our children, who kicked us for months, who we knew, who we laboured for or had our tummies cut open for. They are why we produced milk to feed them and had stones worth of weight to lose. Who we had to register a birth and a death for. Who we ached for from the bottom of a very very dark place, when you think you might have died yourself. I remember heartache at my early losses but I know the brutality of what happened with Laurie will never leave me, and whilst having another baby is all I desire I certainly know it won't heal my heart or the want that will never leave me for her to be with me and not in her little coffin in the cemetery.
I feel like we scare those women who don't understand. I know I don't belong there. I don't care if my breasts are different after a miscarriage. Mine were certainly different once they produced milk. I can't worry about that stuff. It seems too trivial. But I feel bad for feeling that those chats are too trivial for me.
The day Laurie died was the worst day of my life, and I've had a colourful life. But that day, is a day that changed me forever.
Sorry to sound so miserable girls xxx
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Huge 
Tia. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. On Wednesday explain that even if it isn't medically needed in his view, it is his job to care for your mental health too and twice a week is what you need.
Does Hope have you on fb? If so she can start a conversation with both of us in and we could chat more privately there?
Happy nine weeks hope xx
Tia. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. On Wednesday explain that even if it isn't medically needed in his view, it is his job to care for your mental health too and twice a week is what you need.Does Hope have you on fb? If so she can start a conversation with both of us in and we could chat more privately there?
Happy nine weeks hope xx
Hope39
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Awe Tia you put that all so perfectly, I'm crap with wording things
My early losses were devastating but I coped with the early losses, losing isaac did rip mine and OH life apart , it's still ripping us apart now, as did you for losing Laurie and Tasha for losing Honey & RR
Xx
My early losses were devastating but I coped with the early losses, losing isaac did rip mine and OH life apart , it's still ripping us apart now, as did you for losing Laurie and Tasha for losing Honey & RR
Xx
Sounds good to me.
It's hard to rebuild your life after these things, but you do, somehow someway.
My mums coming with me on Wednesday as partner is too busy. She will ask a million questions which is good. He says he knows he isn't being very supportive but he just got too hurt last time so is struggling. Xx
It's hard to rebuild your life after these things, but you do, somehow someway.
My mums coming with me on Wednesday as partner is too busy. She will ask a million questions which is good. He says he knows he isn't being very supportive but he just got too hurt last time so is struggling. Xx
Hope39
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It's a slow build though isn't it
There are now days when I crack a smile or find myself laughing and then there is the dark days too where I wish it was all a dream and I didnt have to have this pain in my heart for the rest of my life
It is hard for the men, Adam is quite supportive though. He wants to come to every flaming appt where as I wish he wouldn't. Lol. I think I've talked him out of coming to the midwife booking in, he has a habit of waffling and talking about other things so we end up there twice as long
Xx
There are now days when I crack a smile or find myself laughing and then there is the dark days too where I wish it was all a dream and I didnt have to have this pain in my heart for the rest of my life
It is hard for the men, Adam is quite supportive though. He wants to come to every flaming appt where as I wish he wouldn't. Lol. I think I've talked him out of coming to the midwife booking in, he has a habit of waffling and talking about other things so we end up there twice as long
Xx
It definitely is Hope, and so few people understand.
My OH was so angry the day Laurie died that he got into a row with the midwives. They were bwing super defensive as he was questioning how this could have happened within hours of being given the all clear. They wrote some things in my notes about it which really upset him, I had only noticed it lately. He really can't stand them now which makes it quite hard. Xx
My OH was so angry the day Laurie died that he got into a row with the midwives. They were bwing super defensive as he was questioning how this could have happened within hours of being given the all clear. They wrote some things in my notes about it which really upset him, I had only noticed it lately. He really can't stand them now which makes it quite hard. Xx
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Matt did the same Tia, he was furious that they handed me a scan report saying fetal demise two weeks before, we'd had a scan six days before and ctg three days before! That was the hospital Honey was born at, we didn't go back there after. We use the same hospital Riley was born in and he can't come face to face with the man who took me off the blood thinners.
I forgot to say before holding your baby, burying it changes everything doesn't it?
I forgot to say before holding your baby, burying it changes everything doesn't it?
Hope39
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Had my scan today girls and all is good still, very strong heart and a little wriggle too
Measured me at 8w 4d
We questioned the sonographer about the consultants comment in weekly scans, she is also in agreement it's complete nonsense
They tried to make me wait 2 weeks for a scan so off Adam started with the nurse! Next scan is in 10 days x
Measured me at 8w 4d
We questioned the sonographer about the consultants comment in weekly scans, she is also in agreement it's complete nonsense
They tried to make me wait 2 weeks for a scan so off Adam started with the nurse! Next scan is in 10 days x
Don't blame you either Hope, I am a little superstitious about those things.
Counting down days to my scan. Have a pain in my stomach (left side) today. If it doesn't go in a couple of hours am gonna call my doc.
Not long Tasha, my cervix length has been good on scans and stitch is looking ok too. Just hope those infections stay away.
Counting down days to my scan. Have a pain in my stomach (left side) today. If it doesn't go in a couple of hours am gonna call my doc.
Not long Tasha, my cervix length has been good on scans and stitch is looking ok too. Just hope those infections stay away.
It does indeed Tasha, such a messed up situation. I just wantes to run out the door wirh her. Kept expecting her to cry. The silence is deafening. We looked over every inch of her. She was perfect. Makes you feel like you're burying your own heart xx
Saw him last Wednesday and seeing him again Wednesday x
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