preparing myself for the possibility that it will never happen. anyone else?

[NavyWife84]

Thanks Wonderstars, good luck and I hope you get your IUI appointment before Christmas.

Well I think AF is on its way, the spotting got gradually heavier and now it's bright red but very light. Clomid seems to have made my period weird and lighter than usual - i'm worried that means its done something bad to my lining, as that's not being monitored, they're only doing Day 21 Progesterone bloods.

I am finding this month very hard. The late period, then the big fat negative test. I know not many people are lucky enough to get BFP on first Clomid cycle, but I feel "if this cycle on it didn't work, why would the next two cycles work?".

Well today something has FLIPPED inside me. Tonight my brother (who is usually an asshole anyway) started making some snide comments about the fact I am getting a puppy tomorrow and he kept biting at me and I kept bitching back and then I WENT OFF. Stood up squaring up to him and shouting in each other's faces, wow let me tell you my shouting and screaming and swearing in the heat of that moment would have made most men blush. It's no excuse but I'm sure it's due to the stress of LTTC. It was a huge row and my dad even had to get between us and hold me back off him as he thought we were gonna come to blows! I do have a bit of a short fuse but this was unreal. So I've decided it's probably time I go to the doctors on Monday and ask about depression medication because I am an emotional trainwreck. LTTC has made me crazy. I know lots of people on here have been trying far longer, but 14 months (going onto 15th cycle trying now) for me is just unbearable and I feel incredible anger and emotional exhaustion at this intolerable suffering. I feel like the whole world is against me. I alternate between crying and feeling incredible anger and bitterness.

Does anyone know anything about anti-depressants when TTC? Will it decrease chances of conceiving?

xxx

I don't know about interfering with conception, but I do know you have to be REALLY careful when you are pregnant and BFing. I was on a high dose of Zoloft (Have also been on a bunch of others too) and chose to get off of it when I decided TTC. The NP kind of laughed at me but said that she understood. She prescribed me Welbutrin and said that it is basically herbal, so it is completely safe. I still didn't feel right about being on an antidepressant at all. I am too scared of harming my baby if/when I get preggo. We have been trying for so long, I just don't want to risk it, you know?

Have you thought about seeing a therapist, yoga, accupuncture or anything for your moods? I had a wonderful therapist when I was younger and wish I lived close so I could go back to her. DH and I are currently pretty tight on money, so I am not seeing anyone right now. I tend to be very cynical too, so lots of times I just laugh at therapists. Sometimes it is like dating, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince...you have to see a lot of therapists until you find the right one.

Good luck and I hope this advice helps.

 

[no_regrets_91]

Thanks Wonderstars, good luck and I hope you get your IUI appointment before Christmas.

Well I think AF is on its way, the spotting got gradually heavier and now it's bright red but very light. Clomid seems to have made my period weird and lighter than usual - i'm worried that means its done something bad to my lining, as that's not being monitored, they're only doing Day 21 Progesterone bloods.

I am finding this month very hard. The late period, then the big fat negative test. I know not many people are lucky enough to get BFP on first Clomid cycle, but I feel "if this cycle on it didn't work, why would the next two cycles work?".

Well today something has FLIPPED inside me. Tonight my brother (who is usually an asshole anyway) started making some snide comments about the fact I am getting a puppy tomorrow and he kept biting at me and I kept bitching back and then I WENT OFF. Stood up squaring up to him and shouting in each other's faces, wow let me tell you my shouting and screaming and swearing in the heat of that moment would have made most men blush. It's no excuse but I'm sure it's due to the stress of LTTC. It was a huge row and my dad even had to get between us and hold me back off him as he thought we were gonna come to blows! I do have a bit of a short fuse but this was unreal. So I've decided it's probably time I go to the doctors on Monday and ask about depression medication because I am an emotional trainwreck. LTTC has made me crazy. I know lots of people on here have been trying far longer, but 14 months (going onto 15th cycle trying now) for me is just unbearable and I feel incredible anger and emotional exhaustion at this intolerable suffering. I feel like the whole world is against me. I alternate between crying and feeling incredible anger and bitterness.

Does anyone know anything about anti-depressants when TTC? Will it decrease chances of conceiving?

xxx

I don't know about interfering with conception, but I do know you have to be REALLY careful when you are pregnant and BFing. I was on a high dose of Zoloft (Have also been on a bunch of others too) and chose to get off of it when I decided TTC. The NP kind of laughed at me but said that she understood. She prescribed me Welbutrin and said that it is basically herbal, so it is completely safe. I still didn't feel right about being on an antidepressant at all. I am too scared of harming my baby if/when I get preggo. We have been trying for so long, I just don't want to risk it, you know?

Have you thought about seeing a therapist, yoga, accupuncture or anything for your moods? I had a wonderful therapist when I was younger and wish I lived close so I could go back to her. DH and I are currently pretty tight on money, so I am not seeing anyone right now. I tend to be very cynical too, so lots of times I just laugh at therapists. Sometimes it is like dating, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince...you have to see a lot of therapists until you find the right one.

Good luck and I hope this advice helps.

I did accupuncture for 3 months once a week until we moved. I did it to help my cycles which i didnt notice any change with that but it did change my moods. I always felt so much calmer and optimistic after the sessions. It definatly helped with the anxiety and depression.

 

[mg80]

*

 

[Sophe]

Thanks Wonderstars, good luck and I hope you get your IUI appointment before Christmas.

Well I think AF is on its way, the spotting got gradually heavier and now it's bright red but very light. Clomid seems to have made my period weird and lighter than usual - i'm worried that means its done something bad to my lining, as that's not being monitored, they're only doing Day 21 Progesterone bloods.

I am finding this month very hard. The late period, then the big fat negative test. I know not many people are lucky enough to get BFP on first Clomid cycle, but I feel "if this cycle on it didn't work, why would the next two cycles work?".

Well today something has FLIPPED inside me. Tonight my brother (who is usually an asshole anyway) started making some snide comments about the fact I am getting a puppy tomorrow and he kept biting at me and I kept bitching back and then I WENT OFF. Stood up squaring up to him and shouting in each other's faces, wow let me tell you my shouting and screaming and swearing in the heat of that moment would have made most men blush. It's no excuse but I'm sure it's due to the stress of LTTC. It was a huge row and my dad even had to get between us and hold me back off him as he thought we were gonna come to blows! I do have a bit of a short fuse but this was unreal. So I've decided it's probably time I go to the doctors on Monday and ask about depression medication because I am an emotional trainwreck. LTTC has made me crazy. I know lots of people on here have been trying far longer, but 14 months (going onto 15th cycle trying now) for me is just unbearable and I feel incredible anger and emotional exhaustion at this intolerable suffering. I feel like the whole world is against me. I alternate between crying and feeling incredible anger and bitterness.

Does anyone know anything about anti-depressants when TTC? Will it decrease chances of conceiving?

xxx

Hi I am on my third round of clomid, feel just the same way as you do. It was making me act outof character also... you are not alone, its just the worst thing, i can't explain what happeend to me, the neighbours even complained about my shouting I am normally very placid..

I have been given anti depressants, they are safe when TTC and can actually help, I used to get soooo stressed I'd delay my ovulation! Not all meds are safe but your DR can advise on which ones you need.

If you need to talek to someone message me, we are going through the same thing.

Sophe x

 

[mg80]

*

 

[AndreaFlorida]

If I don't get pregnant naturally, then we'll try IUI, then IVF (if we can afford it) and then adoption. If we can't make any of that work, then I'll just work on being the best aunt that I can be to my nieces and nephew. And probably own lots of dogs. lol

My best friend's story gives me hope when I'm feeling discouraged. She had to go through h.e.l.l. and back with her first child. She and her hubby tried for 3 years unsuccessfully before finally getting pregnant via IVF. The story doesn't end there. When she was about 6 months pregnant, the doctors came to her and told her that her baby had a very rare VERY serious problem and that they recommended she abort her baby. It seems that her baby was developing wrong - heart inside out and backward - and would probably not be carried to term, and if he was he wouldn't live more then a couple years, and not have a normal childhood ever. He was the (at that time) only living person with the variation of disease that he has. All others had passed away prior to being carried to term or before they reached age 8.

My BFF struggled with this so much! I mean, trying for 3 years and great expense only to be told your baby should be aborted? Ugh. I can't even begin to imagine what she and her hubby were going through. They decided in the end that they would NOT abort their baby and that they would take things as they came.

In his first 2 years of life he had to have several major surgeries to right his heart/make it workable. Also for that first two years, she and her hubby had to live basically in seclusion because their son had NO immune system. They bought antiseptic hand wash by the gallons. Against the doctors prediction, their son did well with the surgeries and survived past the time they predicted. Since that time, he's now 7 years old and doing really well! He's running and playing just like any normal kid - looks like any normal kid! (they said btw, that he wouldn't survive past 2 and would never run or play like a normal kid).

They also told my bff that she would never have kids again because of the trauma that this pregnancy caused to her reproductive system. However, 2 years later, she had a little girl with no complications and no trying!

I guess my point is that I don't know what life holds in store for any of us, but I do think that there is a plan. Sometimes it's not what we planned or hoped for, but in the end, I think it's always a walk along the path that we needed to get where we end up.

Totatlly just completely made me cry....made me realize how selfishly I've been acting and just need to let things go for a while. Thanks so sharing this beautiful story!