Preparing sibling for the baby

[Bonnie11]

As the title suggests, what are you ladies doing to prepare siblings for the new baby? Or experienced mum's what would you do/have done differently? I'm thinking about getting her a book on siblings

I've tried to explain as much as I can to her, I think she gets it but I know jealousy is also likely to kick in at some point during mammoth feeding sessions etc. She's almost 4 so can entertain herself pretty well but I remember sitting on the sofa feeding her sometimes for hours on end and I'm not going to be able to do that this time around!! I have school runs etc to do.. how does it work?

 

[Fire_fly]

My second lo will be here in 7 weeks and my daughter will be 2.7 years. She's been helping me put away babies clothes and we'll set up the Moses basket etc together aswell. I've been telling her once baby's here, she can help mummy look after him (it helps that she absolutely loves babies).
I've also asked family and friends if their bringing a gift for baby to also bring something for my daughter, doesn't have to be expensive but I don't want her feeling left out, I'm going to buy some small things in aswell incase someone forgets so I can say they brought her something too. Planning on letting her pick baby's first teddy to too take to hospital and buying a little present from baby to her.
I'm hoping all that will make the transition a little easier for her as it's going to be a big adjustment for her, not just me and oh. It's difficult isn't it? But I'm sure everything will fall into place once our baby's are here!

 

[krissie328]

I am also curious on this. DS will be just over 3.5 when baby arrives.

So far we have talked about his baby sister. We have a Daniel Tiger book on being a big brother and watched some of the episodes where baby comes home and Daniel helps help with baby.

I am hoping that he will adjust well, but I am also planning to set some special time away just for him. I hope it works out as it was one of the suggestions from my mom.

 

[Guppy051708]

The most I did was include my kiddos in some of the prenatal appts. Mostly the nurse home visits where they get to help check my BP and fetal heart tones. I have also bought them a babydoll to play with, yes even my boys.

I'll be honest though, I have never experienced any form of jealous with any of my kids. A wise mom of 12 (12! ) once told me the best advice she could give was to make sure that once the baby is here, that you try to meet the needs of the eldest ones first, where possible. She said normally the needs of the older kiddos are easier to take care of, dont take a long time to complete and you can get back the baby quicker than you can meet needs of baby and then push the older one aside, it reminds them they are not replaced, and can be a way to continue to show those children you still love them and are there for them even though there is a new needy baby in the picture. Obviously, this is a little more challenging to do when the baby is screaming, your toddler wants something, and your eldest just wants to chat. So it isn't always able to be done, however, I try to stick with her advice and I totally believe it made the difference for my kids. They have never had issues of jealousy and they get along beautifully, hardly any fighting. So i tend to think her advice worked. I realize that isn't doing much to prepare the older ones during the pregnancy, but all in all i think it made the positive difference. I also think sometimes its easy to get caught up in the new baby and at times its easier to get a certain way towards the older kids. But we have to remember they have needs too. They will suddenly look much bigger once the baby is born but important to recognize that in the grand scheme of life, they are still very little themselves. Good luck. I think books, movies, and a babydoll can go a long way though.

 

[KatBar]

We’ve been reading a kids book to our son about being a big brother, and just talking to him about having the baby, and him getting a little brother etc. I am not sure he really understands, as he is not quite 2 and a half yet.. He always points at my belly and says “Baby”, but whether he actually realises one will apppear soon enough, who knows haha.

Someone said to me about buying him a doll (like what pp has said), and to get it a bottle and dummy etc. Then when I am feeding baby, I can tell him that he can feed his baby etc, and make it a little “game” we do together. I think I will try this, as I think if my son feels included as much as possible, I genuinely feel it will ease the jealous emotions a lot.

 

[Reiko_ctu]

So practically, we got this book and it's the best. I buy it for all my friends when they have their second. https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/00619...oanna+Cole&dpPl=1&dpID=51dNZzuKGpL&ref=plSrch

We were also really careful about when she played with her dolly, she wasn't doing anything with it that we wouldn't do with a real baby. Like she liked to wrap the baby's blanket around her body and her head... nope we never wrap a baby's head sweetheart!!1

We also got her to talked to the baby and we knew it was a girl so we talked about how her sister would love her and be her best friend.

I will say though, based on personality, it can be an easy transition. My DD never once acted jealous of her baby sister in the first few months. Things were always smooth between them until baby could crawl and get her sisters toys and that started some problems lol. But I wouldn't count on the jealousy, she may have a very loving nature and be enamoured with the baby!!

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Oh yes, and what Guppy said about meeting older kids needs first. A baby will fuss for an extra few minutes if you're helping the older child but will hardly hold it against you.

 

[Bonnie11]

Def good advice on the attending to the older ones needs first! I'll remember that. It's her birthday next week and Xmas after so I'm trying to ask for toys that will keep her entertained and then put them away so she has something exciting to play with for when the baby is here. I'm going to try and be flexible on feeding too and hopefully get pumping so that she can help with feeding etc as she was a really slow feeder, I remember sitting on the sofa one day for nearly 8 hours on and off cluster feeding which is just not possible this time when I've got her there too!

 

[Perplexed]

When I was pregnant with my second, I read to my first about the baby and told her about the baby in my tummy ans she was so loving and cuddly. My mother in law had a swaddled doll all ready for dd to play with whenever she was over and gave her the "toy baby" to hold. She didn't really show any jealousy at all when he was born, in fact she was more nurturing even though she was still a baby herself.

My kids are more jealous of each other now than back then, lol, but I think it's to be expected.

 

[xdxxtx]

Besides what has already been said about letting baby wait for the big sibling's needs to be met first, I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. I have 5 children and 0 jealousy. I keep the jealousy at bay by making each baby OURS as a family instead of OURS as a couple. The baby isn't just Mommy's and Daddy's, but the baby belongs to their big siblings as well. The big siblings are proud to care for our babies and to love them and play with them. We also have dolls so the siblings are able to practice caring for a baby before we get a real one. They also like to mimic our parenting on their dolls, which is very sweet and helps them to gain empathy. There are a few things that we do that many wouldn't allow their kids to do, like we will let them hold the baby by themselves (sitting down only as newborns, carrying the baby as soon as the baby is strong enough to hold their head up well, and we let them carry the baby for a few seconds at a time so they learn how to do so properly, one hand on the upper back and one hand under the tush so they don't wobble or fall)... Safety is of utmost importance, so your older kid has to gain trust, but it really helps for them to be able to treat the baby the same way you do.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

My daughter will be 3 in jan and she is experiencing a lot of jealousy but more due to not getting quite as much attention, in reality in have found that it doesn't matter what u do it will have an effect on them. Yes I deal with her needs first but she requires a lot of stimulation and obviously I can't always entertain her. She has tried various ways of getting extra attention, whether good or bad, including starting to wet herself in the car, and just generally playing up and being defiant. My advice is deal with each thing as it comes up because there is so many things that they could do that you will exhaust yourself if u try to stop them all before they start. Plus u could be creating an issue where there wouldn't be one.
Do what u have to do to help your eldest get through it because they have to realise by themselves that mummy and daddy still love them.

I have been trying to get my daughter to play areas where she doesn't require me to entertain Her, gives her the time where things are no different because her little brother isn't affecting things and it gives me time where I'm not having to tell her off and I'm not as stressed.

She loves her brother and gives him several kisses and cuddles every day and always wants to hold him so not likingbhim being around isn't the issue it's just hard for her to adjust to the change in circumstances.

 

[Zephram]

We also experienced major jealousy on the part of DS1 when DS2 was born. We did all the recommended things to prepare him, but when it actually happened he was just not ready to share us and he really did not take to his new brother for quite some time.

There are a lot of lucky women on this thread if they haven't had jealousy issues, but as I understand it it's pretty common. I really don't think we could have done anything more to prepare DS1, he just had to get through it in the way that was natural to him. It's a big change for a young kid to have this new baby come into their lives. My midwife always likens it to OH bringing home a new wife and just being like 'They're here to stay'.

Sometimes, no matter what you do you will experience jealousy or competitiveness. DS1 eventually warmed to DS2 and I would now call them best buddies, although they fight all the time over everything. They love each other, but they are both what I'd call 'alpha males' in the form of tiny children, so they both want to be first all the time, which causes issues. Personality has a lot to do with it - DS1 is quite highly strung and I'm not as worried about DS2 with our third baby coming as he has always had a sibling, so the situation is not new to him. DS1 being older now understands much better about DS3 coming and is quite excited about having a new brother this time around.

Another useful tip is to prepare your first for what a newborn baby is actually like and what they actually do. They aren't really exciting, they can't play, they breastfeed all day, sleep, cry and poop and that is basically it. Explain it takes time for them to learn to talk and move and play with them.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

Zeph I'm glad I'm not the only one who's child didn't get jealous lol. I was beginning to think I was alone or I had done something wrong. My daughter was amazed for a day or so and I thought we were going to be ok but then her behaviour slowly got worse. We've had a good few days with her now so hoping she's coming out of it by herself.

 

[PaulaR]

My daughter was 2 yrs 9 mos when my son was born and took it really well. I always let her touch, hold, feed, play with the baby so I think she felt like it was her baby too not just mine