Thank you for responding to my post. I'm having a hard time functioning today. I sent my fiancé off so I could cry and self loathe in peace. I just want Zahrah
But your words did comfort me a little bit.
I'm so sorry about your baby boy. I'm in the stage of crawling through the life right now. I feel like I could stay in my bed forever if my fiancé wasn't home making me get up with him. (Even if I only go as far as the couch). I wish I had gotten the chance to hold her and tell her I loved her. I wish she had gotten to know my touch...
You know what, crawling is good! There's a saying that I like "even if you fall flat on your face, you're still moving forward". You'll have a lot of days where you fall flat on your face, and some days/weeks where it feels like you're permanently on your face and that's ok too.
You've been through such a trauma that it's not going to be something that you get over and forget about. What I will say is that things become more manageable on a day to day basis, I just can't tell you when that will start. There will be a day when you get from the couch to the kitchen - and that will be a big step. For me it was getting dressed, brushing my hair and finally bothering to put any make up on.
Are you able to get some counselling? I had a bereavement midwife through the hospital and she was amazing. I just needed that person to talk to outside of my partner/family/friends where I could just say exactly how I felt without those close to me worrying that I was going insane.
Do you mind if I ask how far gone you were when you had your loss? Please don't feel that you have to answer.
There are also some really great charities out there who offer support, I've used a couple and they have also helped me massively and I've made a good friend in one of the ladies on there, we often text and see how each other is doing.
Xx