Rant - Feeling so hopeless about sleep!

[bananaz]

Our night was shitty. Charlotte is really congested and she half-woke multiple times. On top of that, bedtime as been such a fight lately. She's been throwing all of her stuff (blankey, pacifiers, etc) out of her crib, screaming and then laughing when I come in to "save" her. It's very frustrating because I work a really long day and after bedtime is my time to relax and enjoy some alone time with my husband.

I know it could be so much worse. As I was putting her back down at 4am, I thought, "Don't complain, because you know just how bad this could be". But the truth is I am still tired and really feel the need for some alone time. I just need a break. Sorry, feeling a bit down today.

I always feel really down and depressed after a rough night. What happens when you don't "save" her? Does she just immediately escalate?

 

[bananaz]

We had an interesting night. LO went down at 7:40pm and got up a couple times between 3-5am screaming bloody murder, only to suddenly go quiet and lay back down after less than a minute. She's done this several times earlier in the week too. I'm wondering if it's night terrors, or maybe teething-related?

Anyway, she ended up sleeping until 6:30am, an hour later than usual! And for once she actually seems happy and well-rested this morning. I would loooooove it if she made a habit of this, but I'm pretty sure it was a one-off.

 

[Noelle610]

Our night was shitty. Charlotte is really congested and she half-woke multiple times. On top of that, bedtime as been such a fight lately. She's been throwing all of her stuff (blankey, pacifiers, etc) out of her crib, screaming and then laughing when I come in to "save" her. It's very frustrating because I work a really long day and after bedtime is my time to relax and enjoy some alone time with my husband.

I know it could be so much worse. As I was putting her back down at 4am, I thought, "Don't complain, because you know just how bad this could be". But the truth is I am still tired and really feel the need for some alone time. I just need a break. Sorry, feeling a bit down today.

I always feel really down and depressed after a rough night. What happens when you don't "save" her? Does she just immediately escalate?

She'll go on and off. My DH and my mom friends all think I should just let her CIO. I really dont' want to go that route, but this is a clear issue of a kid who just doesn't *want* to go to sleep. It's not like anything is wrong. I'm not sure what we'll end up doing.

I just feel a bit discouraged.

 

[bananaz]

She'll go on and off. My DH and my mom friends all think I should just let her CIO. I really dont' want to go that route, but this is a clear issue of a kid who just doesn't *want* to go to sleep. It's not like anything is wrong. I'm not sure what we'll end up doing.

I just feel a bit discouraged.

Yeah, that is difficult. I wonder if you might get some good advice in the toddler section? I'm guessing this is not an uncommon issue for older babies. Of course you can't really explain a whole lot to an almost-11-month-old so that makes it more difficult.

 

[Noelle610]

She'll go on and off. My DH and my mom friends all think I should just let her CIO. I really dont' want to go that route, but this is a clear issue of a kid who just doesn't *want* to go to sleep. It's not like anything is wrong. I'm not sure what we'll end up doing.

I just feel a bit discouraged.

Yeah, that is difficult. I wonder if you might get some good advice in the toddler section? I'm guessing this is not an uncommon issue for older babies. Of course you can't really explain a whole lot to an almost-11-month-old so that makes it more difficult.

Very true! I'm going to try this now. Thanks!

 

[seaweed eater]

I'm sorry, Noelle. I wish I had advice. All I can say is that I know how much pressure there is to CIO, but if that's not what you want to do, we will support you in your decision.

Leids :wave: I think the link Noelle posted is a good one. I just wanted to echo from personal experience that it really can actually be easier for them to learn to settle in one place than to be moved after they fall asleep. Best of luck. We had a hard time going from bassinet to crib so I'm sure bedsharing to crib is a whole other level of challenging.

 

[VikkiD]

If I have angered anyone in this thread with my response in the parking thread I apologise.

Daniel slept well a few moans out of him but no bottle an he got up at 5am but was tired really early so ended up having 3 naps.

 

[bananaz]

If I have angered anyone in this thread with my response in the parking thread I apologise.

Daniel slept well a few moans out of him but no bottle an he got up at 5am but was tired really early so ended up having 3 naps.

Sounds like a pretty decent night, though 5am wakeups are never fun. Now I'm curious about the parking thread, haha

 

[VikkiD]

If I have angered anyone in this thread with my response in the parking thread I apologise.

Daniel slept well a few moans out of him but no bottle an he got up at 5am but was tired really early so ended up having 3 naps.

Sounds like a pretty decent night, though 5am wakeups are never fun. Now I'm curious about the parking thread, haha

Before you read it I apologise an admit yes I am wrong x

 

[bananaz]

If I have angered anyone in this thread with my response in the parking thread I apologise.

Daniel slept well a few moans out of him but no bottle an he got up at 5am but was tired really early so ended up having 3 naps.

Sounds like a pretty decent night, though 5am wakeups are never fun. Now I'm curious about the parking thread, haha

Before you read it I apologise an admit yes I am wrong

lol No worries, I am not easily offended

 

[charlie15]

Sorry noelle that you are feeling so bad, I seriously think chronic, long term sleep deprivation has made me see things on another level that I never understood before. I hope someone in the toddler section can give you some good advice.

Seaweed eater, interesting what you ask about Dad getting her to sleep. It caused me to just have a lightbulb moment! Previously I used to be able to get S down at bedtime like clockwork between 6.30-7pm. I came on here as she wouldn't nap. Now I can get 3 naps, mostly short ones of 30-50 minutes long, but I'll take that thank you very much! I can get her to sleep for those in 10 minutes. The problem now has changed to bedtime! No matter what I do, however fast and prompt, so not to over stimulate her, nothing works. The magical booby does nothing! I can rock her for ages and as soon as I out her down she screams. However for naps I rock her, put her down, she whimpers a little then I place my hand on her belly and off she goes to sleep! Anyway my lightbulb moment is as she is almost 6 months, clearly very aware of a lot now, I was wondering if she is holding out for dad to put her to bed, as he can do it no problem, where a few weeks ago, it was only me! I shall have to see what she's like on his days off. When he's at work if she goes to bed at 7 pm she won't see him at all. Hmmmm what do you think? Is it possible that babies can do that at her age??

Leids, I co sleep and OH is in the other room. I have started the transition to crib as I think it'll help my sleep to get back into my own bed and may help Sophia's. I have started using the cot for naps during the day, the next stage will be to get her to start the night in her cot, but as you can see that bit may have to wait as bedtimes are now a problem. But after that I would probably part time co sleep to start with, so cot and then if needed when she wakes would co sleep for half the night. When do you move house? How long do you have. I totally get why you don't want your baby in with your OH, I don't either at the moment but would consider it in future with a large bed if S really won't sleep the night in the cot.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

Noelle - sorry that you're having stressful time at bedtime. I know what you mean about being discouraged. I feel like that every other day. It's an ongoing sleep battle

Banana - glad to hear Elsie had a better night and later morning today. Did you get to sleep the same stretch?

Things here are still shitty. We had another MOTN from 2 am to 4 am :/ she had pooped and we changed her but she just would not go back down for hours. The MOTN's really kill me and she's done the same now three nights in a row. Her diaper rash seems to have cleared today though so hoping that last night was the end of no sleep.

I feel so discouraged too...we have one good week and then a really shitty one. 3 nights of less than 4 hours of sleep has been really tough...I keep getting into arguments with DH and then start to cry

 

[polaris]

Sorry to hear about all the bad nights.

Noelle, those bedtime games sound very draining. It is probably just a phase and she will get bored of it soon. When you go in to return the lovey, I wouldn't engage with her at all, don't make eye contact or talk to her. If you keep it really boring then the game will get boring for her quicker. I also wouldn't rush back in to return it. I don't mean let her get hysterical, but just don't go rushing in immediately to give it back to her. Just leave her five minutes or so and let her begin to realize that if she throws it out she doesn't have it. Also if there any way you could clip it onto the crib bars so she can't throw it? Don't know if that's possible or not.

Shadowy Lady - arrggh, why does it always go bad again after a good stretch? Clara is sleeping a bit better this week but I just know it isn't going to last. It does get so discouraging. Baby sleep is just like a puzzle that you just can't solve!

Things here are good - after a few days of very late naps and late bedtimes, Clara took a third nap today from 4.45 to 5.30 and was asleep by 7.15 and hasn't woken up yet. I wonder if we are back to three naps again for the moment - and if so, maybe some of our difficulties were due to having dropped the third nap too soon? The annoying thing is that if we are back to three naps, then we'll have to go through the transition to two naps in another month or so, so as soon as I get her into a good routine it will all change again!

 

[Radkat]

I think I need to join this discussion. My LO is 6 mo. Over the past month she's been up anywhere from 3 (unusual) to 8 times a night. She is breastfed and we introduced solids about 10 days ago at 6mo, but she is only getting one meal a day around 7pm. Her naps are not good, usually 3x 20 minutes, but gets an hour nap about 1x/week. Used to nap in the stroller, but hasn't done that the last few walks we've taken. OH stays with her during the day and says she won't resettle after waking up and seems awake and happy when she does wake up.
Our schedule is:
7:45ish - Start bedtime routine - change diaper, into pjs, story, feed, bed. (I know, I know. I need to not feed her last. I working on it.) She's not asleep when I put her in her cosleeper, drowsy though. Started the sleep phrase a few nights ago.
From here, it's a crap shoot. She usually has an active time during the night, but it switches up. Sometimes it's right after she goes to bed, sometimes the middle of the night, sometimes in the early morning. Active time is her waking up and needing to be resettled by me or OH. Sometimes shush and pat works, more often she needs to be picked up and resettled.
I feed her 3x/night. Usually 12 or 1am, 3 or 3:30, then 4:30 or 5:30, when she really won't resettle. When she's fed, she goes right back down. Up for the day usually around 7.
Oh and she's teething. 2 teeth in the last 10 days. Any suggestions are appreciated.

 

[NotNic]

Ah Vikki don't worry. Whether someone agrees or not, there's no excuse for nastiness and they could have been much more polite in disagreeing with you. No ill feeling here Hun. x

The early mornings are kicking our butts still however I did get OH to settle him this morning. Yay! Also he's pretty much sleeping through though twice last night he moved to sleep against the headboard setting off the movement sensor.

He's also wanting to have two naps again. I'm really confused. Like Jack, Boo, Finlay's had a lot of teeth come through. All of the top four are now broken through and travelling down. He's still tugging on his ear and he's got nappy rash from the yucky nappies. Hope Jack is perkier now.

Noelle - sorry to hear you're having a bad patch. I wouldn't do CIO with Finlay as he escalates, but I would start slowing my response time down with him and just be consistent with the no eye contact / no cuddle / laying back down / walking back out. I'm pretty sure they know that it gets reactions from us but by responding the same way each time I'm hoping it becomes boring and not worth him staying awake for. (Fingers crossed!)

 

[NotNic]

Wow Radkat there's a lot going on for your lo! I think it'll probably be easier if you tackle one or two issues first. Do you want to begin night weaning, teaching self-soothing or naps first?

 

[Radkat]

Thanks for the validation, NotNic. I feel like it's a lot too! It's hard to know which thing to tackle first. I've already started to night wean a bit, working on that middle feeding. I'm reducing the number of minutes she feeds, so far from 7-10 minutes, now we're down to 4 minutes during the 3am feeding.

I feel like naps are an issue, but I have less control over those since OH is home with her during the day. He said he would discuss whatever I think is appropriate, but he definitely thinks it's less of a big deal than I do. He's more in wait in out mode. Oh and he walks her to sleep for the naps.

Self soothing is also a good goal. She can do it sometimes, but not consistently. There are a few wakeups during the night that she can get herself back to sleep, but others that she can't.

Any thoughts on a good place to focus first?

 

[NotNic]

Hmm Noelle really is the expert here and I'm sure she'll have a good action plan. In my novice's opinion I'd say introducing good habits will make tackling the bigger steps easier. Your bedtime routine sounds pretty good to me and its good that you can put lo down drowsy and you don't have to put them down asleep. It sounds like your lo could be a good self soother but just needs the practice. Try to encourage your baby to nap without extra support from mum and dad - so avoid patting, rocking, walking with her to get her to sleep, in a place you really want her to sleep. You can still try those things if she's upset, but I think there's a big difference between a baby grumbling about a change in routine to one that screams. If you're comfortable with it let your baby chatter or whimper to itself and see where it goes. You can always resettle your lo or reassure her that you're there by putting your hand on her tummy / back, but see if she'll fall asleep without you having to do anything. Being consistent whenever she goes to sleep will help. A lovey / blanky toy might help her to settle too. My son is very tactile and loves to stroke or nuzzle his blanky toy or a muslin and whenever I see his sleep cues and we're not at home I give him his toy so he can lull himself to sleep.

Well done on the night weaning. I think you're doing it the way most experts would recommend and you'll notice a big difference soon. Some of the ladies on here have done it recently. I think they might have some suggestions.

 

[seaweed eater]

Hi Radkat I agree that it sounds like you have a few different things to tackle and self soothing might be a good place to start. But I'm really not an expert.

Out of more selfish curiosity, how has cutting down night feedings gone? Has your LO protested much? I would like to attempt that soon, but we nurse almost to sleep (like you) and mine gets upset when I take him off before he's done. Usually it prolongs things instead of shortening them. So I haven't been sure whether there's a way to do it without separately teaching other methods of settling. But it sounds like you've been able to make some progress? That is good to know. How long did it take to cut down to 4 minutes?

Here's my rant for the day. Naps were really good today but DH and I had someone over to watch LO starting 15 min after his bedtime so we could go out for dinner. We told her that he tends to whimper at the 45-min mark but 95% of the time doesn't even wake up, but to let us know if he does. Well, an hour and a half later, I get a text message saying he's been awake for an hour!! Fortunately we were already on the way home, but I was a little upset about it. Maybe I just need to loosen up, because he wasn't crying during that hour and she said she was even able to get him to sleep in her arms (just not into the crib). I just feel bad for him, because he's already struggling right now even without this kind of disruption...and a little nervous for what the next 24 hours will bring for me, too!

 

[polaris]

Well we had a dreadful night again last night! Awake for long stretches several times and clearly having problems resettling. I do think it may have been teething related this time though as I am pretty sure I can feel one of her bottom teeth under the gum.

Seaweed eater - I wouldn't worry too much about the disruption to routine. It's only a once off. I do know what you mean about being annoyed that you hadn't been told sooner, I am like this too, however I am slowly accepting that this is actually the control freak in me and that I do need to let go a little bit of needing to micro manage every second of my child's day. For me it is from the best of intentions in trying to make things as perfect as possible for LO but it's an impossible task to control every angle and I am trying to learn to loosen up about these types of situation. It's not the end of the world if his routine was disrupted a bit - and at least you got to enjoy your evening out without worrying about him. It would be different if he was really upset, obviously anyone would expect to be informed of that.