Rant - Some people should keep their mouths shut!

[SugarPie07]

Me and my DH have been TTC for a little over a year now with no sticky beans yet. We had a family reunion for my DHs extended family this weekend - family he's never even met before. So, there is the usual chit chat... what do you do, where do you live, etc. Well, this absolutely horrible woman asked if we had kids. My DH tells her no, but we are trying. Well, she goes on a rant about how there's no rush, they take up so much of your time and "wink, wink" are you REALLY sure you want to have them? Perhaps I'm just overly sensitive because I JUST had another chemical earlier this month... but I wanted to slap the shit out of her and ask her who the hell she was to make ANY assumptions about us. I didn't talk to her the rest of the evening, as I had no desire to get to know anything about her.

It's not just her though... even some of my friends... one in particular who shared her own fertility struggles (and now has a beautiful 7 month old little boy). She will call and rant about she hopes I'm ready for no sleep and how much the first 3 months such. I'd seriously give so much just to have the opportunity for a LO to keep me up. But sadly, I've not had that chance yet, and it makes me sad and angry.

Do any of you experience this as well? How do you handle it? I went ahead and told DH to please not tell "strangers" that we are TTC, but that doesn't do much for my friends... who I think I've started to alienate because I just don't want to hear them complain about their perfect, beautiful children.

 

[JustUs2]

That's terrible!! Some people can be so rude! I'm sorry to hear about your chemicals people can be so insensitive.. Especially what you said about your friends!

I'm going through similar problems myself.. My partner and I are ttc#1. When we announced our engagement a while ago, his grandmother (who is quite rude and openly disapproves of me) told him in front of me, to stop with that and don't have kids and he shouldn't rush into it with me and finishing her rant with "so I don't want to hear about any pregnancy's from you". I couldn't believe it! I suppose my strategy is the same as yours, we just don't see them anymore. It makes it hard when it's people close to you though because my sister is exactly the same. She has 2 beautiful children but whenever I make a joke about me getting pregnant (no one knows we're ttc) she says things like "oh no!" or "god you scared me!" Drives me crazy!

Anyways sorry I rambled on a bit just good to have a vent.. But I hope this works out for you, maybe try telling your friends how you feel? Some people just can't put themselves in your position so maybe don't understand the things they are saying are wrong? Good luck!

 

[jtotro]

I know exactly how you feel. We have been trying for three years and even people that know our struggle will say "when are you guys gonna have kids?" Or "it's about time for you two to start a family" like I don already know that! It just makes me think about it even more and my husbands family has babies like its no big deal and here we are trying so hard.

 

[Cowgirl07]

I am so sorry about your chemicals!
I don't blame you. I don't handle it well at all. I normally keep my mouth shut until I get home. It happens from strangers as well as family.
My favorite as of late my friend knew we were going to start trying this summer, well we jumped to gun and started 3 months earlier. She told me oh its not that hard, proceeded to tell me how ttc is easy and what it is like going off the pill. She got pregnant 2 weeks after going off the pill with #1. He is now 4 months old. I was so upset. Made me feel like crap. Thus I don't talk to her much anymore.
On a brighter note, I noticed your from Wisconsin too!

 

[SugarPie07]

That's terrible!! Some people can be so rude! I'm sorry to hear about your chemicals people can be so insensitive.. Especially what you said about your friends!

I'm going through similar problems myself.. My partner and I are ttc#1. When we announced our engagement a while ago, his grandmother (who is quite rude and openly disapproves of me) told him in front of me, to stop with that and don't have kids and he shouldn't rush into it with me and finishing her rant with "so I don't want to hear about any pregnancy's from you". I couldn't believe it! I suppose my strategy is the same as yours, we just don't see them anymore. It makes it hard when it's people close to you though because my sister is exactly the same. She has 2 beautiful children but whenever I make a joke about me getting pregnant (no one knows we're ttc) she says things like "oh no!" or "god you scared me!" Drives me crazy!

Anyways sorry I rambled on a bit just good to have a vent.. But I hope this works out for you, maybe try telling your friends how you feel? Some people just can't put themselves in your position so maybe don't understand the things they are saying are wrong? Good luck!

No need to apologize! I'm sorry to hear about the grandmother I know it must be hard when it's family like that.

I guess you are right, that they probably don't know they are wrong, or being insensitive. I try to go back and remember how I felt before we started TTC - but I still would have never said things like that to someone that confided in me they were trying. I feel like just getting preggo will make so much of this better, but it's been so long and I'm getting anxious.

 

[SugarPie07]

I am so sorry about your chemicals!
I don't blame you. I don't handle it well at all. I normally keep my mouth shut until I get home. It happens from strangers as well as family.
My favorite as of late my friend knew we were going to start trying this summer, well we jumped to gun and started 3 months earlier. She told me oh its not that hard, proceeded to tell me how ttc is easy and what it is like going off the pill. She got pregnant 2 weeks after going off the pill with #1. He is now 4 months old. I was so upset. Made me feel like crap. Thus I don't talk to her much anymore.
On a brighter note, I noticed your from Wisconsin too!

Oh no! I would have been upset too. My younger sister, who already had a beautiful 2 year old, went off the pill last November - just because - and popped up pregnant 2 months later - called it an "accident". I wish it would have been that easy for me!

Where in WI are you? That's exciting to see that someone is nearby I'm in the Madison area.

 

[bananaboat]

It's really awful. We were married in 2008, and our family and friends were so intrusive before we even said 'I do.' We had no plans to start trying for a few years at least and they couldn't fathom why we didn't want children right away. They're finally now just started to back off.

I don't think folks understand how insensitive these comments are, especially when the couple is trying!

 

[Wantbaby3]

That is horrible! Me and my DF have 2 kids each, so 4 total and we want one together. Well one of my friends asked me if we really needed another baby! Who is she to judge us! Her kids are only 11 months apart! Did she "need" another baby when hers was only 2 months old! It really mad me mad. We love all of our kids and take care of them with no problem so if we want one together who is she or anyone else to judge us! Good luck on your baby journey! Sending lots of baby

 

[kyrabeth]

Im finding even 3 days after the wedding frustrating with people asking when kids are coming, more people announcing their 'accidents' and my SIL dropping out they are planning no 2 and hope it will be a 1st month accident again Just had another negative test after 4 months of TTC and burst into tears. It's so unfair, it seems like the more maternal people struggle the most

 

[frsttimemama]

I completely agree. People don't think about what they have and complain or they speak out of turn about something they have no business talking to you about! I have deleted people off of Facebook because I don't want to hear them complain about their babies that is a week or two younger then mine would be who has colic and why did she want another screaming baby blah blah blah.. seriously? DELETE! Or the nun who told me, "Oh, it's okay, just have another." You have got to be out of your mind, lady! (We lost our son at 39 weeks -- he was stillborn.) We ARE trying to have another now, but that's not the point. If they don't know what to say, don't say anything.

 

[Cowgirl07]

We live in the sw corner of the state, about an hour from madison!

 

[kalijohanna]

I totally understand the anger and frustration that comes with friends being so insensitive. My friend has been going off about the fact that she "might" be pregnant and how she just wishes AF would hurry and show up. She has already had one abortion a few years ago and now for this cycle she took the Plan B pill. Then she proceeded to ask me tons of questions about the pill until I finally told her that I've never even researched that pill because I've never thought about taking it EVER! She knows my struggle with ttc and yet she still talks about "getting rid of her problems" before they even have a chance. It seems so easy for the people NOT wanting children to get pregnant. Grrrr! Sorry to rant on your rant.

 

[amgraf86]

I understand this completely! before my husband and I were even married we received a letter at my bridal shower from his grandma saying that she expected a grandson in February 2014 and we better deliver! then someone asked our moms how many grandkids they would like his mom who understands my hostile uterus says as many as we are given then my mom say ZERO I don't want themto have any. I was crushed I never expected my mom to say something like that to me.
We hear from people all the time isn't time to have kids when will you be popping out some and it just surprises me . After 2 losses I am trying to be careful and not allowing it all to get to me.
I hope you all get your BFP soon!!!

 

[frsttimemama]

I agree with how it seems so easy for people who don't want kids or are HORRIBLE parents to continue to get pregnant like it's nothing.. and then there are the rest of us. You know, the people who would be WONDERFUL parents, the ones who want babies more than anything else.. and they struggle and struggle and struggle. I know God has a plan for me, and for all of us, but sometimes I could pull my hair out waiting to see what it is! I don't understand how people can be so insensitive, but they sure are sometimes! I'm sorry that you all have to deal with people like this, even family. I sure hope we all get a BFP soon!

 

[SugarPie07]

Not that I feel good that ANY of us has to go through this, but I am comforted by the fact that I can talk with others who have experienced it.

On a side note, I'm 10dpo today, got an ever so faint BFP yesterday and this morning. I hope this is my sticky rainbow bean!

 

[Cowgirl07]

Yay!! I hope it sticks Congrats!

 

[frsttimemama]

Congratulations!! That is SO exciting, and I'm so happy for you! Good luck!! Hope it sticks.