Really need your help please deciding what to do..

[allyp]

Hi, I really need some advice please. Sorry for the essay and thanks in advance to anyone who reads this and can offer any advice. Here goes....my little boy is now 19 weeks old and is exclusively breastfed. He used to take bottles of expressed milk with no problem but more recently we've struggled to get him to have a few ounces from a bottle but we try every day and it is improving. He feeds to sleep most of the time despite me really trying to find alternatives. Although he slept through for a couple of weeks last month he doesn't do this anymore and can have between 1 and 5 night wakenings. Apart from the 4am wakening when he genuinely is hungry the rest I think he is just looking for comfort and pretty much to be latched on...not even sucking! I've tried shushing, patting, pupd but he literally screams endlessly and has made himself sick until he gets a nipple in his mouth. My husband is unable to settle him at all in the night and last night was horrendous when he tried.

So...the immediate problem I have is that in 2 weeks I need to have an operation and will be in hospital overnight. Once home I will be pretty useless as it's an op on my inner ear so know I will have no balance and feel terrible. I will have to have some quite strong anti-emetics and painkillers and it will probably be 2 days before I can feed him myself and then it will be very difficult as any movement will feel like the world is rocking violently (my little boy is quite a size for his age and is constantly moving and distracted when feeding). I've been trying to address these issues for weeks now (I feel terrible for ending up in this situation and know it's due to me allowing him to feed if he is struggling to settle himself to sleep) but suddenly the operation is just round the corner and am really concerned what is going to happen with my son.

I see my options really as
a) keep doing what we're doing now and feeding him myself with some feeds by bottle and we will just have to deal with whatever happens when I'm in hospital / back home or
b) moving all his feeds to bottle feeds with as many of these being expressed milk with the hope that this will make it easier for my husband / mother-in-law to settle him at night and less upheaval for all feeds.

I've considered trying to move the op back but I'm struggling so much on a daily basis and need to have the op to resolve these balance issues and I don't think there will ever be a good time to have it to be honest. So, any advice or opinions will be much appreciated or other options?

Many thanks, Alison

 

[MelanieAnn]

Hi Alison

What a dilemma! That is a really hard conundrum. What is your heart telling you?

It might really help to call one of the helplines and chat it through with a Counsellor. There are so many variables, and it's not easy to make a decision when it's all inside your own head, IME.

You say that you've considered moving the operation back, but there will never be a good time. I can completely understand that. But if you were to wait till solids are a part of your LO's diet, would it make any difference? Would your husband feel easier looking after your babe if he knew he could give a bit of mashed banana to tide baby over?

In terms of the time after the operation before you can BF again, could you call the BfN drugs helpline to discuss? There might be some ways to modify the situation so as to mean the baby could be back on the breast quicker. A different drug, or given via a different method, or a different formulation, or even just double checking the milk plasma levels.

Could your baby take milk via something other than a bottle? If bottles aren't good for him? Even young babies can manage beakers, for instance.

I've attached some links which might be useful
https://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/html/when_moms.shtml
https://www.nbci.ca/index.php?optio...utside-the-home&catid=5:information&Itemid=17

 

[catfromaus]

honestly, in this situation I'd want to use the bottle. Express as much as you can, but the operation will probably play havoc with your milk supply anyway. Maybe one of the more experienced ladies can offer better advice, but don't feel guilty if you decide on formula. Your health is important, and your baby will still get everything he needs.
You're doing amazing in such a hard situation, hats off to you!

Cat
xxx

 

[allyp]

Thanks for the replies. My heart says.... it is breaking over this. I love breastfeeding and can understand why he finds it such a comfort but it has turned into a major prop for him with regards to falling asleep. I don't want to have to stop breastfeeding him.

Thanks for the link to the Breastfeeding network...I had previously been in touch with La Leche League and had received some technical info on all the drugs I need to take but was having difficulty deciphering it into actually how long I need to leave it before being able to feed again. I phone the BfN and they rang back and said I am actually ok to feed my son as soon as I feel able to which is amazing (they said at worst he may be sleepier than normal but that may not be the worst thing in the world at that point). I know I will be feeling dreadful but with some help at least I know he can feed if needs be. I will still work on getting him to take a full feed from a bottle.

In terms of delaying the operation I have debated this at length with my husband. So far I have been able to pretty much care for my son myself...despite the dizziness (room-spinning and spaced out variety) and accompanying nausea. I hardly get out the house though and can't do long walks, be in a shop for more than a few minutes and I can't drive etc etc. My symptoms are mainly brought on by looking down or up or to the right. As my son is becoming more active it is getting harder and I cannot imagine how I would cope when he is crawling. He also is coming up the point where he needs to get out of the house more and I'd like to go to mother and baby groups etc. which I really can't do at the moment. Also, I had to start my maternity leave early due to feeling so bad and so will have to go back to work in Feb. I've spent too much of my leave feeling ill and want to spend some quality time with my little man before I have to work again.

I will still endeavour to wean him off the need to be latched on in order to fall asleep...I have numerous books I've bought to get some ideas. He is a stubborn little fella tho!

Thanks again
alison

 

[cutie4evr01]

I'm not sure how you feel about sleep training, but if you are willing to give it a shot, I can highly recommend sleepsense. My daughter wasn't fed to sleep, but it got to the point where we were rocking or pacing her for over an hour for every nap and bedtime. Sleepsense does involve crying, but you can stay in the room beside the crib and pat, reassure, and even pick up if you want. The first couple nights are rough, but my daughter was falling asleep with minimal fuss at bedtime by the third night (we started when she was just turning 5 months old). Naps took much longer for her to learn to settle, but we were a little slack about it because I can't handle too much crying. Anyway, now she sleeps wonderfully and can settle herself back if she wakes in the night, so I know when she cries out she really is hungry (still feeds one-two times a night, but I hear her wake, shuffle, and resettle herself without making any sounds a few times each night). There is a sleepsense support group over in the groups section if you decide to give it a shot and need support. Good luck whatever you decide!

ETA: I'd probably stick with option a if I were you and just have hubby and your MIL offer occasional feeds by bottle between now and then, rather than going cold turkey on him and removing all BFs

 

[allyp]

Thanks, I'll check out the Sleepsense support thread now.