Really stressed...

[LennaG]

Im super stressed out. So Im 21+6.

However, for the past 10 weeks I've been dealing with a dilemma.
OK so..I had been sleeping with my ex boyfriend all of March. On the first of April (1-3rd) I slept with another guy, as being manipulated and emotionally forced to by my ex. Anyways, I took a first response and clear blue April 5th-7th and they were positive. I went to the clinic on the 8th of April and the test was very faint, but confirmed positive. They set me up for an ultrasound on May 3rd, which they measured me at 7weeks2days at a clinic...with a due date of Dec 18th.

Fast forward a few weeks, I went to my first OB appointment on June 8th. She asked me when my last period was, and I didn't remember, as I have irregular periods that can be off by a week or so. She ordered a dating scan the same day and I went, where I was measured at 13weeks1day..which is 5 days earlier then the last scan...with a due date of Dec 13th.

Anyways, so Im very young 19..recently moved back home after things went south with the ex. My family and everyone thinks the baby belongs to my ex. However, considering the guy I slept with April 1-3rd...Im just stressing out about who the father is. Thing is..the guy I slept with April 1-3rd was african american, while my ex is white. SO Im at the point where I don't know what to do. It's going to be very embarrassing if I have the baby and it turns out darker than me. While I am NOT racist at all, I just feel like it would be very embarrassing..considering the fact that everyone thinks its my ex's, which I've been telling myself it is because getting a positive test only 5 days after sex with the other guy is unheard of that early. This pregnancy has been so hard on me and my family already...and this has just been stressing me out from the beginning. Paternity tests aren't really an option, considering I don't want an invasive one and the two guys don't even live in the same state.

I dont need any negative comments. This is really hard on me and I know I made mistakes.

 

[LennaG]

If anyone has some input that would be great...really hoping it's my ex's like the dates of the U/S suggest

 

[Amygdala]

With a positive pregnancy test 5 days after you had sex with the other guy, there is no way it's his baby. The fertilised egg wouldn't even have implanted yet and definitely not been producing enough hcg to be picked up by a test. Plus baby measuring further along at one scan suggests that it might have been conceived earlier, not later. So no doubt at all that it's your ex's.

 

[LennaG]

With a positive pregnancy test 5 days after you had sex with the other guy, there is no way it's his baby. The fertilised egg wouldn't even have implanted yet and definitely not been producing enough hcg to be picked up by a test. Plus baby measuring further along at one scan suggests that it might have been conceived earlier, not later. So no doubt at all that it's your ex's.

Even tho I got a faint positive at the clinic with a urine test 7 days after? The tests I used at day 5,6 after sex were first response and clear blue.

Also, how accurate would my scans be? I don't know when I conceived as I have irregular periods that can be 1 week before and 1 week after when I had my last period the following month my last

 

[Amygdala]

Scans are usually very accurate. They *can* be up to 5 days out but in my experience they're always been within 2 days of my dates (which I knew for sure) early on, in both my two previous pregnancies and this one as well. Tests can stay faint for a while, some women take weeks to get a strong positive. But a positive home test 5-6 days after conception is practically impossible, even if it's a first response test. Some women think they have positives that early but usually just ovulated earlier. Implantation only really starts to happen from day 6 and no hcg is produced before then. So I really think you can be sure it's your ex's baby.

 

[LennaG]

Scans are usually very accurate. They *can* be up to 5 days out but in my experience they're always been within 2 days of my dates (which I knew for sure) early on, in both my two previous pregnancies and this one as well. Tests can stay faint for a while, some women take weeks to get a strong positive. But a positive home test 5-6 days after conception is practically impossible, even if it's a first response test. Some women think they have positives that early but usually just ovulated earlier. Implantation only really starts to happen from day 6 and no hcg is produced before then. So I really think you can be sure it's your ex's baby.

Im really hoping it's my exs. Im not sure which scan I should go by tho, the one that put me at 7+2 or 13+1. My dating ultrasound put me at 13+1 (21+6 now) with a due date of Dec 13th and thats what my doctor is going by. I couldnt go by my LMP as I can't remember when it was, although most likely sometime within the first 2 weeks of march. Either scan puts conception around March 22-27th, so that would be my exs. Its just SO stressful to think about. This hasn't been an easy pregnancy for me, although everything is healthy with my baby girl, the emotional stresses have been so tough. Its really getting me down some days. Some days I'm happy thinking "Oh its for sure my ex's, theres nothing to worry about" and then the next day Im like "But what if it's not my ex's.." its just always in the back of my mind. I know the best way to resolve all this is DNA testing, but thats not an option as I have no contact with either men and they both live in a different state. Its just very stressful, which is why I'm asking for reassurance and input to try and ease my mind. I know stress is bad for the baby and Im trying my best! Im so young too, only 19 and will be a single mommy!

 

[skyesmom]

With a positive pregnancy test 5 days after you had sex with the other guy, there is no way it's his baby. The fertilised egg wouldn't even have implanted yet and definitely not been producing enough hcg to be picked up by a test. Plus baby measuring further along at one scan suggests that it might have been conceived earlier, not later. So no doubt at all that it's your ex's.

This! The kid can be only your exes, no chance to get a positive HPT at 5-6 days after the intercourse, as the embryo is not even implanted by then. The fact that doctor's test was faint is because doctor's offices use less sensitive (and much cheaper) tests than the ones that you buy over the counter - so even if the HCG concentration in your urine grew in the meantime, the test will appear fainter. Normally, early detection tests like the ones you used have a detection limit of 10-20 Units/mL, while doctor's one are usually from 100 Units/mL and above - so 5-10 or more times less sensitive than the early pregnancy kits. Also, in those early days, the amount of HCG varies largely upon how much you drink and it also influences the test coloration.

Based on what you say, on your EDDs and your conception dates, there is REALLY NOTHING you should worry about.

And generally - i think everyone would be much happier if they minded less of what others think of them. So many people lead unfulfilling lives or anxiety or worry-filled lives, thinking "if i do this or that, what will the others think of me?". So in the end, you end up doing stuff to please the others, instead of ever really learning to get to know your own self and discover what is it that YOU really want. People are quick to judge - but judgments always say more about the one who speaks, rather than the one that's being judged.

Good luck to you and your baby daughter - I am sure you will do a great job as her mom!

 

[Twag]

I knew exactly when I conceived both of my children but my dating scan's still put me ahead a week however, my babies didn't come until they were a week late (so in effect on time)
As the dating scan is based on length of you baby if like mine your baby is long then of course it will be put ahead

However, I don't think you have anything to worry about as the other posters have said it is very likely to be your exes baby as it is unheard of getting a positive test 5/6 days after sex

GL

 

[LennaG]

Thank you guys for your responses. It's been very stressful.
I am really hoping it's my ex's. Either way, neither men will be involved as I have no contact/want no contact with them. My ex was emotionally abusive and manipulative and I don't want my child around that.

At my dating scan that put me at 13+1 (Due date dec 13th) which is what my DR is going by, should I go by that date to figure out conception? Or the early scan that put me at 7+2 (Due date Dec 18th)?

Im not sure how accurate the scans are. I have been told various things like the one at 7+2 would be more accurate because it was earlier, then others say the one at 13+1 is more accurate?? SO CONFUSED.

I just want it to be my ex's. Am I stupid for worrying SO much?

 

[LennaG]

Should I just stop worrying and be confident and sure that the baby belongs to my ex?

 

[Twag]

All of your maternity notes will be based on your dating scan even here in the UK despite the fact you know when you conceived and you know your LMP everything is based from the dating scan

honestly neither scan is 100% going to tell you when you conceived or who the father is - the scan dating is based on how big your baby is - some babies measure ahead some babies measure behind

However, from your dates of :dtd: and when you got your positive I would say you could be fairly comfortable in it being your exes

I hope it works out the way you want it too ultimately once baby is born none of this will matter

 

[Tropiclands]

Yes, it sounds like the information you've provided confirm the baby belongs to your ex. Now focus on your pregnancy and informing him and those you need to of what has happened.

 

[LennaG]

Trying not to be stressed out. Im one of those people who likes to know things ahead of time and be certain...however thats not possible without DNA testing, which isn't an option.

Also my period from February started on like the 12th or 13th....I don't remember when I got it in march, as my periods don't come very consistent every month sometimes a week earlier or later my guess is I started my period between March 9th-14th...Because I know I wasn't on my period on my birthday weekend which was March 18-19 and I wasn't on my period Easter week (March 24-27)

 

[Tropiclands]

Well this baby will take away your ability to be certain and know things ahead of time. Perhaps that's why God has allowed this into your life.

 

[LennaG]

Well this baby will take away your ability to be certain and know things ahead of time. Perhaps that's why God has allowed this into your life.

Yes, but I would really like to be certain who the father is before I have this baby. All my family think it's my ex's as they don't know about the 1 night stand

 

[LennaG]

I know it's likely to be my ex's based on what everyone has said. Im too embarrassed and ashamed to talk to anyone about this, as I have already told my family, friends that the father is my ex. They don't know about his abuse and what he made me do. I've come close to telling my mom a few times, but I just can't. This pregnancy has already been VERY hard on me emotionally. I know she won't judge me as she has been supportive all through this, but I really just can't do it. If I tell her, she will tell my family and all our relatives, explaining to them because I honestly can't! And Im too embarrassed and ashamed and this pregnancy has already been very embarrassing considering the circumstances and I don't need anymore embarressment. Telling her would be hard enough. And then I'd have to explain to all my friends, and Im really not ready to go through all that. As for a medical professional, I have a mid wife but I've never been comfortable talking to anyone. Also doesn't help that my mom comes with me to every appointment and stays in the room with me while talking to her. I just can't tell anyone really.

Please God just be my ex's baby..

 

[Tropiclands]

Well you need to reach out and talk to someone. Is there anyone who you trust?

 

[LennaG]

Well you need to reach out and talk to someone. Is there anyone who you trust?

Not really. I trust my mom but Im not ready to tell her about what happened with my ex and his friend and how he manipulated me. Its very embarrassing for me. And I don't want people to know what happened because everyone thinks it's my ex's, and I don't want to have to explain the whole story to everyone..family..friends..etc. This pregnancy has been hard enough on me. And if the baby comes out to be a different color, being my ex's friends baby, then this is all gonna come out and I'm not ready. I just want it to be 100% my ex's because I can't deal with this. I can barely deal with this pregnancy, I don't need anymore things to deal with and have to explain

 

[skyesmom]

can you find a councilor somewhere in your area? i am sure there must be some sort of a support group? and go there without your mom and just talk to someone neutral?

 

[Tropiclands]

Maybe start out confiding in someone in here and see if you can find some support online or somewhere you feel you can receive confidential help? There has to be a teen center somewhere.