Really struggling with breastfeeding and feeling so down :(

[WanaBaba]

Hi. My daughter is 10 days old and I am really struggling with breastfeeding her. I couldn't manage to get her to latch on properly at the hospital due to not knowing how to do it so four days of this my nipples were cracked and bleeding and so sore I was really struggling to carry on. So when I got home I hired an electric pump and used it for two days until my midwife who is also trained in breastfeeding could come out to see me. She showed me how to latch LO on correctly and things were starting to get better. Nipples were still VERY sore but not getting any worse. Although feeds were still really painful it was nowhere near the pain I felt whilst feeding in the hospital. Fast forward a few days.. Today has been awful, for some reason I just can't seem to get LO to latch on properly. And if I do she somehow manages to slip down onto the end of my nipple and it hurts so bad! I am at the point where I'm not sure how much more I can take, I dread feeds, I've spent tonight in tears (and last night). I feel so guilty, I should be enjoying these first few weeks but instead I'm stressed, feeling really down, exhausted frustrated and not enjoying my baby like I should be
But I really really really want to make it work with the breastfeeding. I know I will regret it if I give up now, I gave up after only 3 days with my first dd and regretted it so much and still do.
I keep hearing/reading that in a couple weeks it will be so much better and just to stick with it til then but it is so hard! I'm not even sure how to get through another day of this nevermind a couple of weeks
I just want to enjoy my new little baby, I'm scared that I'll look back and regret this time.
I don't know what to do anymore

 

[irish_cob]

Have you read over your other thread, it isn't normal you are still having so much pain. Her not latching on/sliding down the nipple are all signs of a bad latch/potential tongue tie. Your midwife doesn't seem to be doing you any favours. Whereabouts are you? I'm on mobile so can't tell. Have you looked into an IBCLC? You need to get on top of this and aggressively so your bfing relationship can move forward otherwise you will end up giving up. It doesn't have to be painful!

 

[irish_cob]

You may think I'm being cruel and harsh! I'm not trying to be. But I've been there and done that and been given crap advice by midwives and health visitors and only got sorted once I saw a properly qualified IBCLC. I spent ages second guessing myself and listening to the rubbish advice the mw was spouting but I shouldn't have done, I should have gone straight for the properly qualified infant feeding specialist who finally confirmed my daughter had a very meaty posterior tongue tie. You need to take action, not suffer at home, you desperately want to bf I can tell, and I you don't get help you will give up and no doubt regret it later. I'm rooting for you, but I can't stand by and idly offer platitudes and say "there there it'll be ok" because that's not being fair xx

 

[lau86]

It sounds like you really want to continue so I am going to encourage, but please don't feel down if it doesn't work out, you've done a brilliant job getting this far!! (My first had tongue tie and feeding him was worse than child birth).
The poor latch and sore nipples sounds exactly like tongue tie. I think if you've been shown how to latch her correctly, and she won't, there is something stopping her.
My GP was very dismissive of tongue tie and all the problems I had as a result (mastitis and thrush), so I went to a local charity called home start who were able to refer me to the local hospital to have it snipped. It was a very easy procedure for him, he had it done at 6 weeks but the earlier the better so they don't get into bad habits. I am in north west uk and I know they have pretty good services here if you push for it.
There are ladies that swear by lansinoh nipple cream but I found it made my nipples worse. Allow your boobs plenty of time to air dry and you could try nipple shields too.
Good luck x

 

[irish_cob]

Are you in the UK wanababa?

 

[lau86]

How did we all miss that it says she's in Germany??

Eta just seen your on mobile Irish-cob, guess it's just me that can't read ha ha

 

[WanaBaba]

I'm in Germany. But I'm from the uk. I have no idea where I'd go to check for tongue tie?
Half the time we can manage to get a good latch and she gets milk every time, would this still be the case if she had tongue tie?
I do think my midwife may be IBCLC, she runs breastfeeding courses, she has been doing breastfeeding support for 40 years I think she said.
She came out a couple days ago and watched me do a full feed and said LO was a very good feeder and couldn't see any problems. But that feed did go well.

 

[irish_cob]

Go here
https://www.ilca.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3337

I searched for Munchen and got a list, you can search to see if your midwife lady is on here too x

 

[WanaBaba]

Go here
https://www.ilca.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3337

I searched for Munchen and got a list, you can search to see if your midwife lady is on here too x

Thankyou, couldn't find her on here. I am in paderborn but couldn't find any close by? So it would have to be a IBCLC I'd have to see to check for tongue tie?

 

[irish_cob]

Well no, any suitably qualified person should be able to look. But they all seem to be clueless. I've heard so many tales like mine and lau86's. It seems that full classic tongue tie is the only thing they generally get right. My dd1 couldn't latch on at all, full stop, she was being syringe fed at your daughter's age - yet no one thought it was tt until I got help from an IBCLC who realised it was a thick posterior tie.

A lot of health professionals don't realise the consequences of a tongue tie as lau86 says about her GP, this is wrong, so wrong. TT has been shown to have an impact on bfing over and over again but everyone seems clueless about it!

 

[irish_cob]

It might be worth a phone call to the lady who is an hour away, Iris-Susanne. She may be able to help or if not point you in the direction of help x

 

[_Meep_]

I have felt EXACTLY the same way. Only now is it beginning to get better and my daughter is 22 days old. We still have crap days too. I felt so bad I had a little breakdown about it - I felt like I was hurting my baby (I have an oversupply and forceful letdown which sometimes chokes her) or starving her when she fussed and couldn't latch properly. What helped me was seeing my health visitor and talking it all through - she reassured me that my baby was perfectly healthy and doing well despite my anxiety, and it helped me relax. It didn't seem such a big deal after that and suddenly things improved. I think babies are very tuned into mum's emotions.

Just try to calm down and not panic. Your baby is fine. You CAN breastfeed right, even if it's hard some days. Persevere. Don't get too down. As my lovely HV said, 'This too shall pass' - it won't be forever.

 

[WanaBaba]

A little update..

So yesterday we had a whole day of painless feeds
I stuck to the side lying down position and it was great, could lie there watching tv whilst baby fed happily. Come night time though, as in 1 am we started to have problems again, baby not latching on properly both of us getting frustrated. I think the tiredness may have been the main cause of this as I was exhausted and my dd was very sleepy. I woke her up bcos she had been asleep for 4 hours!! Was this the right thing to do?

Midwife came out to see me today and checked for tongue tie she said lo does not have it, she said she did see a slight lip tie but that it doesn't seem to be affecting her top lip as it flanges out no problem. She showed me how to position lo better during the cradle hold position and we've just had a big long feed just about pain free (still a bit painful because of sore nipples) midwife also said that my nipples are looking a lot better and that if lo did have tongue tie they would be getting worse not better?
So we are doing well so far but Still struggling a bit with the latch. She has been soo sleepy the past couple of days, is this normal?

Eta .. some not so good news though is that I seem to be developing mastitis

 

[patch2006uk]

What colour are your nipples at the end of a feed? Do they come out white? My eldest blanched my nipples and it was so sore. His mouth just had to grow a bit, no quick fix, sadly.

The newborn stage is hard. I really struggled to get established with my first, and I do look back on those days and wish I'd been able to just enjoy him more, but it was more important for me to breastfeed him, and longterm I knew breastfeeding would make me happier than switching to formula just because it was harder than I'd anticipated it would be. If you feel the same, then demand better support. Don't allow yourself to be convinced you've 'done enough' if in your heart you want to continue. The support is there, you just need to know where to look.

As long as your baby is gaining weight, weeing and pooing, then all is fundamentally well. It could be that you need to hold your breast more as she feeds, perhaps slightly shaping the nipple. Are you letting go of your breast as she feeds? It could be that she's losing her latch due to gravity rather than anything physically wrong. I always have to support my boobs to feed, as they are just too heavy for a baby to keep in position by themselves. It is good that you're not getting any sorer. Allow plenty of time to air dry after a feed. Express a little milk and let it dry into your skin. Perhaps try some coconut oil to help soothe (I don't really rate lansinoh personally).

You've already done the hardest bit. Now it's just tweaking the technique. You're learning a new skill, and so is your baby. Give yourself time to get things right.

If you're at risk of mastitis, then try nursing in some different positions. It might be that the side lying is stopping your breast being drained properly. Massage out any lumps or blockages you can feel using your hands or I found an electric toothbrush worked really well for clearing stubborn bits. Allow hot water to flow down your breasts while you hand express while in the shower. To prevent mastitis, you've got to keep the milk moving. If the milk is just sitting there, you'll get inflammation of the ducts and mastitis. Lots of feeds, express if needed.

You can get this all sorted. It really is just a few short weeks. But I know how daunting that can sound when you're in the middle of it all. One feed at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow, or a week from now. Just keep getting through the next feed. And never make big decisions in the middle of the night

 

[lau86]

It's really good that it's getting less painful! I think patch has given some great advice