Recurring PPD? Anyone else terrified to go through it again?

[HopingFor2v1]

About 3 months after the birth of DD1, I went and got treated for PPD. I remember the first 2 weeks after she was born were pure mental hell. It didn't help that DD1 had 6 months of colic and reflux so bad she would scream at me every waking moment. It took me 3 1/2 years to 'get over' the trauma from those first few months to want to start trying again, and after a few cycles, we're expecting baby #2. The fear of experiencing PPD has been a bit overwhelming and caused me a lot of anxiety.

At my first Obgyn visit this past week, the nurse practitioner wrote in my file that she wants to see me 2 weeks after giving birth, instead of the normal 6 weeks, to assess whether or not I'm suffering from PPD a second time. I know that I have a 30-50% chance of PPD recurring since I've had it before, so I was surprised and a bit nervous about waiting 2 whole weeks to set up a treatment plan.

Is that 2 week timeline post-baby normal?

 

[ChickenMommy]

I'm nervous as hell. I had serious ppd after #2, but it didn't show up right away. It took a month or two to come up. I really think our struggles with breastfeeding combined with the fact that our son was colic and never slept and just cried and cried and cried. It was horrible. And I had this (albeit, irrational) fear that if I reached out for help, CPS would take my kids. I suffered for months. It wasn't h till my son started sleeping through the night at a year old that things started to get better.

That being said, I'm terrified to go through it again. But I know better, my husband knows what to watch for, I know to get help before things get bad.

As for the 2 weeks, I'm sure if you're feeling it come on before that your doctor will see you as quickly as need be.

 

[HopingFor2v1]

I'm nervous as hell. I had serious ppd after #2, but it didn't show up right away. It took a month or two to come up. I really think our struggles with breastfeeding combined with the fact that our son was colic and never slept and just cried and cried and cried. It was horrible. And I had this (albeit, irrational) fear that if I reached out for help, CPS would take my kids. I suffered for months. It wasn't h till my son started sleeping through the night at a year old that things started to get better.

That being said, I'm terrified to go through it again. But I know better, my husband knows what to watch for, I know to get help before things get bad.

As for the 2 weeks, I'm sure if you're feeling it come on before that your doctor will see you as quickly as need be.

Thanks for your reply!

It's so scary. Did you ever get seen for your PPD? Colic is so incredibly tough, I almost feel like I have some form of PTSD from all the crying. Glad you are on the other side of PPD!

 

[Nikko88]

I had some pretty bad pp anxiety due to difficulty breastfeeding. I just about burst into tears this morning when I had a flash back to trying to get my screaming newborn to nurse and feeling like she was starving because I couldn't get her to nurse.

I'm trying to remember that each pregnancy and baby is different and pray nursing isn't as difficult this time around. But if it is, I know what to do now. That mixture of hormonal shift and identify shift plus lack of sleep and stress from crying, not to mention anxiety over that little life now your responsibility is a recipe for anxiety and depression.

Maybe set up support ahead of time with your spouse, family and friends.

Definitely check in with your doc earlier than 2 weeks if you feel you need to.

 

[ChickenMommy]

I'm nervous as hell. I had serious ppd after #2, but it didn't show up right away. It took a month or two to come up. I really think our struggles with breastfeeding combined with the fact that our son was colic and never slept and just cried and cried and cried. It was horrible. And I had this (albeit, irrational) fear that if I reached out for help, CPS would take my kids. I suffered for months. It wasn't h till my son started sleeping through the night at a year old that things started to get better.

That being said, I'm terrified to go through it again. But I know better, my husband knows what to watch for, I know to get help before things get bad.

As for the 2 weeks, I'm sure if you're feeling it come on before that your doctor will see you as quickly as need be.

Thanks for your reply!

It's so scary. Did you ever get seen for your PPD? Colic is so incredibly tough, I almost feel like I have some form of PTSD from all the crying. Glad you are on the other side of PPD!

I didnt. I just waited it out and hated life. My husband didnt even know how miserable I was. I remember being on the new baby high for a good month or so after he was born. Literally laying in bed with him and crying because I was so happy to have him after trying for 16 months. And then everything came crashing down. I would be up with him in the middle of the night, rocking him, trying to get him to stop crying and nothing would work. Id look at him and feel no connection at all. It was heartbreaking. I was better during the day, but still not the mother I wanted to be. I was short and snappy with my daughter, the house was falling apart, I didnt ever want to do anything or see anyone. It was bad. I never hurt my kids, but I could see how some moms just snap. Its no excuse, but I understood a little more.

My husband just found out recently how bad it was after I discussed my fears of ppd with this baby with my therapist. He knows to keep an eye on me. I know Im at a greater risk of having it simply because I have had bouts of depression and deal with anxiety on a daily basis. Im hoping this time I'll be rational enough to reach out for help before it gets too bad. And if I cant bring myself to do it, that my husband will notice and step in to get me the help I may need.

 

[HopingFor2v1]

I'm nervous as hell. I had serious ppd after #2, but it didn't show up right away. It took a month or two to come up. I really think our struggles with breastfeeding combined with the fact that our son was colic and never slept and just cried and cried and cried. It was horrible. And I had this (albeit, irrational) fear that if I reached out for help, CPS would take my kids. I suffered for months. It wasn't h till my son started sleeping through the night at a year old that things started to get better.

That being said, I'm terrified to go through it again. But I know better, my husband knows what to watch for, I know to get help before things get bad.

As for the 2 weeks, I'm sure if you're feeling it come on before that your doctor will see you as quickly as need be.

Thanks for your reply!

It's so scary. Did you ever get seen for your PPD? Colic is so incredibly tough, I almost feel like I have some form of PTSD from all the crying. Glad you are on the other side of PPD!

I didnt. I just waited it out and hated life. My husband didnt even know how miserable I was. I remember being on the new baby high for a good month or so after he was born. Literally laying in bed with him and crying because I was so happy to have him after trying for 16 months. And then everything came crashing down. I would be up with him in the middle of the night, rocking him, trying to get him to stop crying and nothing would work. Id look at him and feel no connection at all. It was heartbreaking. I was better during the day, but still not the mother I wanted to be. I was short and snappy with my daughter, the house was falling apart, I didnt ever want to do anything or see anyone. It was bad. I never hurt my kids, but I could see how some moms just snap. Its no excuse, but I understood a little more.

My husband just found out recently how bad it was after I discussed my fears of ppd with this baby with my therapist. He knows to keep an eye on me. I know Im at a greater risk of having it simply because I have had bouts of depression and deal with anxiety on a daily basis. Im hoping this time I'll be rational enough to reach out for help before it gets too bad. And if I cant bring myself to do it, that my husband will notice and step in to get me the help I may need.

Thanks for sharing your story! It's tough explaining to people that haven't experienced PPD how challenging and scary it actually is. Plus, it's the judgement from others that makes you fear speaking up about it. It's great that you know the warning signs, and really, I guess that's all we can really do to try to prevent it from happening again. Having been there myself, I truly hope you never experience PPD again.

 

[HopingFor2v1]

I had some pretty bad pp anxiety due to difficulty breastfeeding. I just about burst into tears this morning when I had a flash back to trying to get my screaming newborn to nurse and feeling like she was starving because I couldn't get her to nurse.

I'm trying to remember that each pregnancy and baby is different and pray nursing isn't as difficult this time around. But if it is, I know what to do now. That mixture of hormonal shift and identify shift plus lack of sleep and stress from crying, not to mention anxiety over that little life now your responsibility is a recipe for anxiety and depression.

Maybe set up support ahead of time with your spouse, family and friends.

Definitely check in with your doc earlier than 2 weeks if you feel you need to.

So true! I need to keep trying to remind myself that every pregnancy/birth/baby is different. Thanks for sharing your experience! Nursing was pretty rough for me too, i never felt as though she was completely satisfied, mostly because she cried all the time. Such difficult times! I hope you don't have to experience the same difficulties with your next baby!

 

[Smille24]

I am so terrified that I'll get ppd again. My 1st had problems latching. The hospital I gave birth at gave her formula bc of the latching issue and she ended up being allergic. I was young, so I thought they were doing the right thing, but I regret letting them intervene. I took that hard bc I felt like I failed her. I couldn't do the one thing a mother should be able to do. I am so afraid I'll be unsuccessful again with this baby, but I'm determined bc I want that bonding experience.

She also had colic for the 1st few months and would cry off and on for 12 hrs starting at 6pm. I tried everything to sooth her, but nothing worked. Most nights I'd rock her and cry with her. I felt no bond with my baby and felt worthless. I started lashing out on my dh and it took a toll on our relationship. I did seek therapy which kind of helped. It was a male therapist, so he was not knowledgeable. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she said I was silly to be depressed. Once she grew out of the colic, the ppd eased up and we were back on track.

I think it's completely normal to have this fear, especially when you've gone through it. We shouldn't feel ashamed, it's a huge change in our lives and it is overwhelming.

 

[Pixie19]

I had awful PPD with my second. I had a pretty tough pregnancy and labour which I think was a huge part in it.
I was suicidal at parts of my pregnancy and would often stand at the top of the stairs wanting to fall down and kill me and my unborn baby. When she was born it didn't get any better, I cut myself and made myself throw up, im still on antidepressants (well, I'm supposed to be but I stopped taking them a few weeks ago)
My daughter is 18 months now and it took about a year to bond with her.
I am beyond terrified of getting PPD again, I didn't want another baby but I guess life had other plans

 

[HopingFor2v1]

I am so terrified that I'll get ppd again. My 1st had problems latching. The hospital I gave birth at gave her formula bc of the latching issue and she ended up being allergic. I was young, so I thought they were doing the right thing, but I regret letting them intervene. I took that hard bc I felt like I failed her. I couldn't do the one thing a mother should be able to do. I am so afraid I'll be unsuccessful again with this baby, but I'm determined bc I want that bonding experience.

She also had colic for the 1st few months and would cry off and on for 12 hrs starting at 6pm. I tried everything to sooth her, but nothing worked. Most nights I'd rock her and cry with her. I felt no bond with my baby and felt worthless. I started lashing out on my dh and it took a toll on our relationship. I did seek therapy which kind of helped. It was a male therapist, so he was not knowledgeable. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but she said I was silly to be depressed. Once she grew out of the colic, the ppd eased up and we were back on track.

I think it's completely normal to have this fear, especially when you've gone through it. We shouldn't feel ashamed, it's a huge change in our lives and it is overwhelming.

There were many days/nights where DD and I would both be in tears. It's good that you know what to look out for now, but hopefully you won't experience PPD again Thanks for sharing your story!

 

[HopingFor2v1]

I had awful PPD with my second. I had a pretty tough pregnancy and labour which I think was a huge part in it.
I was suicidal at parts of my pregnancy and would often stand at the top of the stairs wanting to fall down and kill me and my unborn baby. When she was born it didn't get any better, I cut myself and made myself throw up, im still on antidepressants (well, I'm supposed to be but I stopped taking them a few weeks ago)
My daughter is 18 months now and it took about a year to bond with her.
I am beyond terrified of getting PPD again, I didn't want another baby but I guess life had other plans

Thank you for being so honest! It's so incredibly difficult, and I'm really hoping none of us have to go through that struggle again. I'm assuming since you said you were on antidepressants that you sought medical help with your PPD?

 

[Pixie19]

Yeah I did, my husband recognised the signs as he sufferes from depression too, my doctor was so supportive!

 

[HopingFor2v1]

Yeah I did, my husband recognised the signs as he sufferes from depression too, my doctor was so supportive!

That's fantastic that you had a support system!