regretting pregnancy

[3babesforme]

i sound like an awful person, but, the closer i get to having this baby the more i am regretting it. i was excited at first, but, now i am not whatsoever. i get tons of sympathy comments for having my third boy, and that doesn't help either. i was perfectly content with my two boys. the worst thing is this pregnancy was planned. i sound selfish and ungrateful, but, i honestly cannot help feeling this way.

 

[campn]

Big hug! Is it because you are scared of having a third child or because it's another boy? I say both feelings are so normal to have and they will not last. I remember with my first pregnancy I had so much excitement but at times I'd wonder "the heck did I do to myself! I was free!"

But really what greater thing I could have done with my life? I can't cure cancer! Our jobs are so humble and not the most glamour filled but it strips you off everything you are and changes you into this completely selfless self.

Have you gone shopping for this one yet? I think you should find a store you like and go and buy him some outfits and blankets and whatever else. Even if you have all the stuff you need, you need to celebrate his little soul and I think this might spark some happiness in you! stay strong mama! You're a great mama.

 

[maryanne1987]

Honestly I think your being really hard on yourself. I know there's this taboo surrounding gender disappointment and this pressure to be happy to just be having a healthy baby but sometimes it doesn't work that way. And the shame of feeling the way you do and not being able to talk about it can build up and make you feel even worse. I fully admit that I was expecting to have a girl this time, I was convinced I was, when I found out I was having a boy I was shocked. I couldn't believe it and I had to let go of the little girl I had imagined. Then the guilt I felt for my immediate reaction made me feel like a horrible mother and that I didn't deserve this baby. Fast forward to a week later and I'm overjoyed with my boy. I cannot wait to meet him. But for some ladies it takes longer. Have you tried doing a bit of shopping for your little man? Or picking names. It's what helped me. Do you have anyone you can confide in or talk to? Im sure hormones are playing a huge part in this too, your not an awful person so don't even think that x

 

[smileyfaces]

I think we all have days like this at some point don't be too hard on yourself.

This was TOTALLY unplanned for us. I have days where I'm so happy and excited and other days where I'm so scared and wishing it had never happened.

You will be okay have you talked to your OH about how you feel?

 

[Conundrum]

Lots of You're not selfish at all. It is an adjustment and not always an easy one. Between pregnancy and the newborn stage it is enough to make the strongest woman hyperventilate. I hope things get easier on you. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM

 

[george83]

I felt like yourself when I was pregnant with ds3 except ours was a surprise pregnancy so I put a lot down to that. We stayed team yellow but I was utterly convinced all along that we'd have our third boy which we did end up doing. I found myself really disconnected from my bump at times and was really upset that this new baby was going to take me away from my other boys already especially ds2 who was only 7 months old when I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say when he arrived everything fell into place and now I can't imagine him not being here. His older brothers completely dote on him too. I still have days where I feel gender disappointment creeping in but that more a reflection on something I'll never have rather than not wanting my boys (the gender disappointment section is incredibly supportive if you haven't tried it yet you should).

I hope you manage to enjoy your pregnancy again soon

 

[Jessicahide]

People are such idiots, 3 boys are the best!! Please tell them to stick their sympathy up their bottom. I was in costco with my two boys and my andrew bump and an old lady asked what i was having, i beamed "a boy" and she said "oh, your happy then..." I went on to explain its not a great world for girls at the moment and i was perfectly happy with my men... Shut her right up.... I think you are just having usual jitters, you will be so in love once you see his little face.... xxxxxxx

 

[emicakess]

My life is so stressful right now, I am hoping things relax soon so i can feel more happy to be having another baby! The stress is making me feel regret. Its putting weight and strain on my relationship with OH. My hormones arent helping at all either. I don't know if that is similar to what your going through but i think everything will be fine. Thats what i have to keep telling myself lol. It will be. Big hugs hun

 

[rose.]

I am struggling with DH at the moment and its taking some of the excitement away. He didn't want another but agreed for me, but now I'm pregnant he's being weird about it. Some days he seems ok and other days he's a massive idiot. I'm just hoping things get better once he's got used to the idea as I feel like I'm walking on egg shells at the moment.

 

[lilesMom]

Hugs hon xxx
Being nervous is totally normal.
Feeling disconnected is too.
Giant hugs xxx
I think we all swing between happy and terrified ay the change.
Ur not alone
And there is nothing bad about you or your feelings xx
Be easier on yourself.
Hormones exaggerate feelings too
I agree with the ladies who said maybe a bit of shopping for bub
Anything to bond a little
And help u feel like its actually going to be ur adored little son
Just like ur others.
Cos it will be when the time comes.
Hugs again xx

 

[bumble b]

I'm expecting boy number 3 & i feel a bit like you do at times but i don't think it's babys gender, it's other peoples disappointment that pisses me off! The feeling of regret is the realisation that i go back to square one with sleepless nights etc not that i don't love my baby. I'm hoping once he's here, he will just slot in like a missing piece of a puzzle
Going from 2 to 3 is scaring me more than it did 1 to 2, people act as though we have no tv haha & our family is massive now there are nearly 5 of us lol! Its ridiculous really x

 

[MissBoss]

We all have our ups and downs and I think its just the pregnancy hormones talking right now. You are blessed to have a healthy baby there are so many things that could go wrong. you are truly blessed and i know once you have him you will never imagine your life without him. All the best hun

 

[KatO79]

I'd just tell people that are commenting that you don't appreciate their comments and if they can keep it to themselves. Be a bit rude if need be, especially if they're being really rude about it themselves.

As to your feelings, I can't offer much as I went through 2 years of infertility TTCing baby #1 that included 6 failed IUIs, 1 IVF that ended in a CP and first managed to get pregnant after IVF #2. There are so many women going through infertility that would kill to be in your shoes, especially the ones that are never able to get pregnant. Might be better to write about this in the gender disappointment forum to find more women that feel like you feel and perhaps spare anyone that has been through infertility from reading this because I'm sure many of them would see it in a very negative light - I know it created negative feelings in me reading your post.

 

[maryanne1987]

I'd just tell people that are commenting that you don't appreciate their comments and if they can keep it to themselves. Be a bit rude if need be, especially if they're being really rude about it themselves.

As to your feelings, I can't offer much as I went through 2 years of infertility TTCing baby #1 that included 6 failed IUIs, 1 IVF that ended in a CP and first managed to get pregnant after IVF #2. There are so many women going through infertility that would kill to be in your shoes, especially the ones that are never able to get pregnant. Might be better to write about this in the gender disappointment forum to find more women that feel like you feel and perhaps spare anyone that has been through infertility from reading this because I'm sure many of them would see it in a very negative light - I know it created negative feelings in me reading your post.

I think that's a little harsh. The OP is clearly having a hard time and needed advice and reasurence. That's what this forum is here for and she should be able to be open and honest about how she's feeling without being judged by others. I have suffered myself with infertility and multiple losses but I took no offence what so ever. Just saw a lady who needed a few kind words. She clearly says in her post she feels bad enough already so in my opinion I don't think it's nice to make her feel even worse.

 

[lilesMom]

I've also had multiple losses and I feel only empathy for op.
I understand that I infertility and losses r awfull.
But she never said she anything offensive still.

 

[lilesMom]

Also just like to say she is posting in second tri
People who r currently struggling with I fertility wouldn't be posting or reading here usually.

Kat not trying to attack u either
Congrats on your little miracle xx

 

[Jessicahide]

I'd just tell people that are commenting that you don't appreciate their comments and if they can keep it to themselves. Be a bit rude if need be, especially if they're being really rude about it themselves.

As to your feelings, I can't offer much as I went through 2 years of infertility TTCing baby #1 that included 6 failed IUIs, 1 IVF that ended in a CP and first managed to get pregnant after IVF #2. There are so many women going through infertility that would kill to be in your shoes, especially the ones that are never able to get pregnant. Might be better to write about this in the gender disappointment forum to find more women that feel like you feel and perhaps spare anyone that has been through infertility from reading this because I'm sure many of them would see it in a very negative light - I know it created negative feelings in me reading your post.

I think that's a little harsh. The OP is clearly having a hard time and needed advice and reasurence. That's what this forum is here for and she should be able to be open and honest about how she's feeling without being judged by others. I have suffered myself with infertility and multiple losses but I took no offence what so ever. Just saw a lady who needed a few kind words. She clearly says in her post she feels bad enough already so in my opinion I don't think it's nice to make her feel even worse.

I've also had multiple losses and I feel only empathy for op.
I understand that I infertility and losses r awfull.
But she never said she anything offensive still.

I agree, this is a fine place for this post, people suffering infertility would only stumble across this post if they were out to torment themselves... ( we all have days where we seek out things to upset ourselves a bit because we are already feeling poop) The op can't not post her feelings because a hypothetical person might read.

 

[beanzz]

Huge hugs! Cant imagine how much it sucks to feel that way. I didn't plan either of my pregnancies so I feel a bit like thanks for the lemons, life! I didn't want kids at all and did my best to prevent Only thing keeping me sane is knowing as soon as they plonk baby in my arms I will fall in love straight away like with my son.. It will be the same for you!! Just gotta ride out this pregnancy and the hormones and it will all be okay

 

[Wombat]

I am sorry you feel this way

Knowing your story I think a lot of it comes from wanting a girl.
So, I think, in a way you still grieve for a girl you never had...
Maybe you should try to allow yourself to have those feelings.

I am not a specialist, maybe a psychologist could help better, but you need to sort it out before this boy is born.
You might develop (if haven't developed yet) a pre natal depression, which can lead to a pnd, and its a bad bad place to be with a newborn.

 

[campn]

Kat- I hope you mean well and just couldn't reflect that on your post, but she doesn't have to go through what you went through to be able to be upset about something, and just because she didn't struggle like you it doesn't mean she never struggles ever or isn't allowed to. Feelings and thoughts are involuntary, we can't help what we feel or think. She's coming here for a few encouraging words right?

This is a pregnancy thread, not a trying to conceive thread.