regretting pregnancy

[rose.]

I think you've posted in the right place, and you've clearly labelled your post so people can avoid it if they think it might cause them offence.

Hope you feel more positive soon

 

[ashknowsbest]

I'd just tell people that are commenting that you don't appreciate their comments and if they can keep it to themselves. Be a bit rude if need be, especially if they're being really rude about it themselves.

As to your feelings, I can't offer much as I went through 2 years of infertility TTCing baby #1 that included 6 failed IUIs, 1 IVF that ended in a CP and first managed to get pregnant after IVF #2. There are so many women going through infertility that would kill to be in your shoes, especially the ones that are never able to get pregnant. Might be better to write about this in the gender disappointment forum to find more women that feel like you feel and perhaps spare anyone that has been through infertility from reading this because I'm sure many of them would see it in a very negative light - I know it created negative feelings in me reading your post.

I think that's a little harsh. The OP is clearly having a hard time and needed advice and reasurence. That's what this forum is here for and she should be able to be open and honest about how she's feeling without being judged by others. I have suffered myself with infertility and multiple losses but I took no offence what so ever. Just saw a lady who needed a few kind words. She clearly says in her post she feels bad enough already so in my opinion I don't think it's nice to make her feel even worse.

I've also had multiple losses and I feel only empathy for op.
I understand that I infertility and losses r awfull.
But she never said she anything offensive still.

I agree, this is a fine place for this post, people suffering infertility would only stumble across this post if they were out to torment themselves... ( we all have days where we seek out things to upset ourselves a bit because we are already feeling poop) The op can't not post her feelings because a hypothetical person might read.

I want to first start off by saying to the entire thread that I have no problem with the OP having the feelings she's having. Every person and situation is different and people are allowed to have their feelings and share them on a forum that is specifically for pregnancy support. Now ... that part that some of you may not like or understand. I also struggled with infertility for 5 years .... 1 year of trying naturally, 6 IUIs, 5 IVFs. I did not take offense to the post however, I did want to mention that just because a person who struggles with IVF gets pregnant it does NOT take away the years or month of pain they endured. The "people suffering infertility would only stumble across this post if they were out to torment themselves" is just not true. I'm now pregnant after infertility, and in my 2nd trimester and yes she worded the title correctly and I could handle it so I read it but ... assuming that a person who struggled with infertility is all of a sudden ok or won't take offense reading stories of women who get pregnant their first or second month trying is .... a large assumption.

That said, to the OP. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and as someone else suggested I think seeing a therapist or even just talking it out with family/friends (ones that wouldn't judge you of course) is a great idea because when your new son gets here it would make you feel worse to suffering with postpartum depression (or anything along those lines). I wish you the best of luck and hope you start feeling better!

 

[3babesforme]

why do i bother posting here, i always get attacked by someone. thanks to everyone who offered support.

im fairly certain id feel like this regardless of gender.

and ive been through enough struggles, my first child nearly died when he was born and had open heart surgery at a day old.

 

[Jessicahide]

I'd just tell people that are commenting that you don't appreciate their comments and if they can keep it to themselves. Be a bit rude if need be, especially if they're being really rude about it themselves.

As to your feelings, I can't offer much as I went through 2 years of infertility TTCing baby #1 that included 6 failed IUIs, 1 IVF that ended in a CP and first managed to get pregnant after IVF #2. There are so many women going through infertility that would kill to be in your shoes, especially the ones that are never able to get pregnant. Might be better to write about this in the gender disappointment forum to find more women that feel like you feel and perhaps spare anyone that has been through infertility from reading this because I'm sure many of them would see it in a very negative light - I know it created negative feelings in me reading your post.

I think that's a little harsh. The OP is clearly having a hard time and needed advice and reasurence. That's what this forum is here for and she should be able to be open and honest about how she's feeling without being judged by others. I have suffered myself with infertility and multiple losses but I took no offence what so ever. Just saw a lady who needed a few kind words. She clearly says in her post she feels bad enough already so in my opinion I don't think it's nice to make her feel even worse.

I've also had multiple losses and I feel only empathy for op.
I understand that I infertility and losses r awfull.
But she never said she anything offensive still.

I agree, this is a fine place for this post, people suffering infertility would only stumble across this post if they were out to torment themselves... ( we all have days where we seek out things to upset ourselves a bit because we are already feeling poop) The op can't not post her feelings because a hypothetical person might read.

I want to first start off by saying to the entire thread that I have no problem with the OP having the feelings she's having. Every person and situation is different and people are allowed to have their feelings and share them on a forum that is specifically for pregnancy support. Now ... that part that some of you may not like or understand. I also struggled with infertility for 5 years .... 1 year of trying naturally, 6 IUIs, 5 IVFs. I did not take offense to the post however, I did want to mention that just because a person who struggles with IVF gets pregnant it does NOT take away the years or month of pain they endured. The "people suffering infertility would only stumble across this post if they were out to torment themselves" is just not true. I'm now pregnant after infertility, and in my 2nd trimester and yes she worded the title correctly and I could handle it so I read it but ... assuming that a person who struggled with infertility is all of a sudden ok or won't take offense reading stories of women who get pregnant their first or second month trying is .... a large assumption.

That said, to the OP. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and as someone else suggested I think seeing a therapist or even just talking it out with family/friends (ones that wouldn't judge you of course) is a great idea because when your new son gets here it would make you feel worse to suffering with postpartum depression (or anything along those lines). I wish you the best of luck and hope you start feeling better!

Sorry i disagree, and its their problem not the op's!

 

[Jessicahide]

why do i bother posting here, i always get attacked by someone. thanks to everyone who offered support.

im fairly certain id feel like this regardless of gender.

and ive been through enough struggles, my first child nearly died when he was born and had open heart surgery at a day old.

Please don't explain or defend yourself, people go out of their way to be offended now days and i don't give a dam if anyone is upset by what i am posting to you, they need to grow the F*** up!! If you are easily offended get off the internet then, don't try to control other peoples feelings!! You have every right to post here and seek comfort, and i hope you got some from us, i am sorry your thread was hijacked by people who don't realise EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT THEM!!!

 

[ashknowsbest]

Jessica - I was not mean or demeaning in my response.

 

[Jessicahide]

Jessica - I was not mean or demeaning in my response.

Where did i insinuate you were?! Everyone has issues, no one else's problems are less than yours or more, this poor woman came on for advice and was essentially told off.... No one knows what its like for people who have ivf crap.... well people who have ivf don't know what its like for this lady, or for me, or for a million other women, i was not saying you were mean, i was saying if you are not in the position to comfort this lady then don't post....Simple really isn't it?!!!

 

[maryanne1987]

why do i bother posting here, i always get attacked by someone. thanks to everyone who offered support.

im fairly certain id feel like this regardless of gender.

and ive been through enough struggles, my first child nearly died when he was born and had open heart surgery at a day old.

You have no need to explain yourself. Your fully intitled to feel the way you do, and seek support and advice without being judged. You can't help the way you feel and there's lots of ladies here that understand. Don't let one reply upset you.

 

[Wobbles]

Closed for review.

 

[Wobbles]

You cannot use your own personal loss/infertility or anything else to control someone else's situation and feelings. This is a support forum, secondly it's posted in the relevant area and thirdly you don't know what the members previous history is but it doesn't matter, she reached out for support and if you cannot relate and/or offer some advice and realise it's not about you then leave the thread.

Thread reopened and will be monitored.

 

[vaniilla]

Change makes us all feel different things, we're creatures of habit by nature so it doesn't take much to throw us off. Having experienced infertility and loss like many ladies on this forum, I didn't take your post as offensive or selfish. Believe it or not I spent many weeks this pregnancy full of regret and guilt despite it taking 4 years to conceive, I kept thinking what have I done to my son? I felt like I'm turning his whole world upside down but as I got more used to the idea those feelings went away.

I think the suggestion of speaking to someone is good, they'll help you to understand that what you're feeling is perfectly normal and that many women go through it.

 

[lilesMom]

I've had 3 mcs since my son and 1 before him.
In first tri this time when I was sick, tired, and worried.
All I could think at times was why did I do this to my family and me.
Then felt guilty towards this baby for feeling that way
They r normal feelings though.
like vanilla I worried I was turning my family's life and mine upside down.
Its def a bit of a taboo to admit u Qs ur decision to ttc
After your preg.
But it really shouldn't be
I think its a very rare woman who never doubts her decision
Even for a moment.
It is a life changing thing having a child.
But its a great change and so worth it.
Hope ur feeling better 3 babes .
Please try and ignore the debate here,
And focus on all of us who do understand xxx
Hugs

 

[campn]

Thank you Wobbles! Love you!

3babes- Please don't shy away from expressing how you feel. As you saw so many of us are in full support of you no matter how you feel and we are all here to help you along in any helpful way we can to BUILD you up, not knock you down.

I see you're also due in September, come join our September pregnancy group! The ladies on there are lovely!

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

Sending you lots of good vibes, I really understand what you mean about other people's dissapointment in the gender of your baby, it's insane how people carry on about it, I get so much unwanted "sympathy" when they find out I'm expecting our 4th boy. I really think the way you are feeling will pass and that you are just going through a rough time xxx

 

[LoraLoo]

Bless you hun, I think (most) of the other ladies have given some great advice so there's nothing really that I can add, just that your feelings are as real and valid as anyone else's and that I hope things pick up for you soon x

 

[Jkelmum]

I think you might be suffering anti natel depression and need to talk to your dr or mw.

I am so disconnected in this pregnancy due to a few reasons but only posted within my bump buddy thread for fear of being judged I think your very brace explaining how your feeling and asking for support xx

 

[x-ginge-x]

I also felt like this and was seriously struggling with this pregnancy, at the point of finding out I was pregnant I had just gone through 6 months of testing to find out why ttc had been unsuccessful for a second time after having my son and they couldn't figure out what was wrong aside from me having pcos which I knew and was ovulating despite that. The first few months of this pregnancy were absolute hell for one reason or another, then add a rough patch in my marriage and I wondered what the hell I had done and wished I could turn back time to January and use something, that's how bad a felt. Still have my days but I promise it gets better and as others have mentioned I would certainly mention it to midwife as it does appear to be prenatal depression X

 

[3babesforme]

thanks everyone, most everyone in here has been wonderful. i am planning on bringing it up to my OB at my next appt.

 

[minties]

I've regretted this pregnancy in about 582516934 ways. For me it's normal, I've regretted each one at some point or other and it took 8 years to conceive our first.

For me at least, it's perfectly normal. As much as I want and love my babies, I often wonder what the hell I was thinking having another one.

 

[tommyg]

3 Babies, do you think its the idea of another boy or the idea of going back to the baby stage that is getting to you? Or the idea of the bigger age gap doing thing separately?

It's bonkers I'm desperate for another child (walking, talking, sttn, child) but truthfully I'm not looking forward to the crying, sleepless nights baby stage.

I'm sure my feelings are due to the bigger age gap and in a 6 mth period from when we started the IVF DS suddenly developed a new level of independence.

I'm also worried how the baby stage is going to affect DS. And the huge transition in his life. I had always thought positively about him having a sibling to play with but now I'm worried my gap is far to big.