Relationship issues :( - Need Advice

[mommyberry]

DH and I have been married for about 6 years now and this is my first pregnancy after 2 angel babies and 2 years of TTC. Each person has different sex drives during pregnancy and I for one have a crazily increased sex drive.

DH on the other hand hardly looks at me. It has been 3 months since we did it and it is driving me crazy! The sexual release that I want is not happening. It is not just pregnancy. He has been like this for a while now and he shut me out from talking about our degrading sex life.

I tried talking it out to him and he is simply keeping quiet and is not saying anything. Could he be cheating on me? Why is he quiet? Why isn't he opening up with ME? What should I do now?

I am so stressed and can't talk about this to anyone who knows us without stirring up nuisance. Please advice girls!

 

[gemstone]

U poor thing! I have a pretty impressive sex drive now too. I don't think he is cheating, mayb he is just worried cause everything u guys have been through to make this lil 1 after 2 losses. The only thing I can say is try & have a chat with him. But make it into a bit of a joke? Take the seriousness out of the convo. Men hate to be backed into a corner. Mayb a bit of harmless innuendo? 'say it's been so long i've forgotten what that feels like' & laugh. Then he will talk while laughing with. Sure it's just nerves. Hopefully you'll both sort it soon. GD luck xx

 

[Nikko88]

Sex drive is such a tricky thing. You should talk to him about it and make sure there isn't something he's dealing with that's holding him back.

As previously said, you can try making things fun and spice things up. But if he's not interested this can get frustrating fast.

Might be medical, emotional or psychological... or it just might be his sex drive at the moment.

My husband's sex drive is normally lower than mine. I usually take some 'me time' for masturbation when all I want is the release. With the baby on the way, my husband has been working really hard to get things ready around the house. So he's just physically more tired than usual and that tamps down his sex drive.

If he's not interested, I find other ways of getting the physical contact I want by hugging or kissing him. Sex satisfies a lot of needs at once. When that isn't happening regularly, sometimes it takes multiple activities to satisfy those needs.

If your husband is cheating on you, that's on him. There is nothing you can do other than touch base about your relationship with him. If he's gone that route, it's his choice. Try not to drive yourself crazy worrying about that possibility. I've dealt with that before in a previous relationship. All you can do is be responsible for yours actions and your part of the relationship.

 

[wookie130]

One thing I know about this subject, is that the more he feels pressured, or that he has a "duty" to fulfill in the bedroom, the harder it will be for him to ever get in the mood. And honestly, some men really do geek all out over pregnancy and sex. Perhaps he is just viewing you a bit differently recently in light of the pregnancy (and that does NOT mean he loves you any less, or is any less attracted to you), and needs some understanding. Sexual droughts during pregnancy are not uncommon, and often, it is the man's lack of drive (fear of hurting you or the baby), or some kind of wierd mental thing he's going through...

My advice? Give him some time and space with it, and remove all nuances of pressure from the bedroom. Reacquaint yourself with your vibrator, if you must. Remain physically intimate (hugs, kisses, hand-holding), but remove any sexual advances, and let him sort of work it out. Let him know that you're there if he wants to get frisky, but it's his move.

I'm also sorry to hear about your losses. I also had 2 consecutive miscarriages, and struggled with infertility before Hannah was born. Both of my pregnancies were sexual droughts, and I found that after my daughter came, and my body was once my own again, and we weren't as tired or anxious, sex started picking up again. Good luck.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I know my hubby was weirded out a bit at first with the thought that he was going to "touch" the baby, even though I told him there was a cervix and an amniotic sac between the two. Even now, on my third pregnancy, he still doesn't like it when I mention baby at any point during sex or foreplay, because it will still weird him out if he thinks about it.

How was he during your MCs? If he avoided sex then, too, then I would think it's totally a pregnancy-related issue for him.

 

[mommyberry]

Thanks all you lovely ladies

U poor thing! I have a pretty impressive sex drive now too. I don't think he is cheating, mayb he is just worried cause everything u guys have been through to make this lil 1 after 2 losses. The only thing I can say is try & have a chat with him. But make it into a bit of a joke? Take the seriousness out of the convo. Men hate to be backed into a corner. Mayb a bit of harmless innuendo? 'say it's been so long i've forgotten what that feels like' & laugh. Then he will talk while laughing with. Sure it's just nerves. Hopefully you'll both sort it soon. GD luck xx

I'd understand if he is worried but what I don't get is his silence. He could atleast tell me that he is scared of hurting me or baby. But he is suspiciously quiet and that's what is getting to me.

But as you said, I will try to make it funny and remove the seriousness and crying from the equation. It will probably make him feel more comfortable joking about it. Thanks much!

 

[mommyberry]

Sex drive is such a tricky thing. You should talk to him about it and make sure there isn't something he's dealing with that's holding him back.

As previously said, you can try making things fun and spice things up. But if he's not interested this can get frustrating fast.

Might be medical, emotional or psychological... or it just might be his sex drive at the moment.

My husband's sex drive is normally lower than mine. I usually take some 'me time' for masturbation when all I want is the release. With the baby on the way, my husband has been working really hard to get things ready around the house. So he's just physically more tired than usual and that tamps down his sex drive.

If he's not interested, I find other ways of getting the physical contact I want by hugging or kissing him. Sex satisfies a lot of needs at once. When that isn't happening regularly, sometimes it takes multiple activities to satisfy those needs.

If your husband is cheating on you, that's on him. There is nothing you can do other than touch base about your relationship with him. If he's gone that route, it's his choice. Try not to drive yourself crazy worrying about that possibility. I've dealt with that before in a previous relationship. All you can do is be responsible for yours actions and your part of the relationship.

You are right regarding the work part. Since I've gotten pregnant, his work pressure has increased too and probably his mental state is also under readjustment to provide well for the baby. I'm actually a very understanding person, I only wish he'd speak to me about it openly and discusses any of his inhibitions.

Me time and masturbation is not doing it for me.

Like you said, there is nothing I can really do if he is infact cheating on me. So I should stop bothering with that atleast till the baby is out. Thanks a lot!

 

[mommyberry]

One thing I know about this subject, is that the more he feels pressured, or that he has a "duty" to fulfill in the bedroom, the harder it will be for him to ever get in the mood. And honestly, some men really do geek all out over pregnancy and sex. Perhaps he is just viewing you a bit differently recently in light of the pregnancy (and that does NOT mean he loves you any less, or is any less attracted to you), and needs some understanding. Sexual droughts during pregnancy are not uncommon, and often, it is the man's lack of drive (fear of hurting you or the baby), or some kind of wierd mental thing he's going through...

My advice? Give him some time and space with it, and remove all nuances of pressure from the bedroom. Reacquaint yourself with your vibrator, if you must. Remain physically intimate (hugs, kisses, hand-holding), but remove any sexual advances, and let him sort of work it out. Let him know that you're there if he wants to get frisky, but it's his move.

I'm also sorry to hear about your losses. I also had 2 consecutive miscarriages, and struggled with infertility before Hannah was born. Both of my pregnancies were sexual droughts, and I found that after my daughter came, and my body was once my own again, and we weren't as tired or anxious, sex started picking up again. Good luck.

I only make subtle moves and let him take the lead if he feels like it so that it is not pressurizing. Also seldom do I bring this up at all. Now that you point out I notice that kissing has also been out of the equation for a while now. Hugging... yes... I hold onto him every chance I get. Looks like rekindling romance is quite a task.

I only hope he talks to me. Thanks a bunch.

 

[mommyberry]

I know my hubby was weirded out a bit at first with the thought that he was going to "touch" the baby, even though I told him there was a cervix and an amniotic sac between the two. Even now, on my third pregnancy, he still doesn't like it when I mention baby at any point during sex or foreplay, because it will still weird him out if he thinks about it.

How was he during your MCs? If he avoided sex then, too, then I would think it's totally a pregnancy-related issue for him.

If hurting me or baby is the problem, then he should really tell me about it so that we can talk or possibly consult my doctor about it. My previous MCs were quite early on like 6 weeks and 8 weeks and we didn't have intercourse during that time as suggested by my doctor because I was on infertility treatment.

I understand how husbands would feel about TOUCHing the baby but why won't he tell me that it is what he thinks.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[junbait]

The first tri, I had no interest at all. Second tri, my interest is still a bit low, but it has come back a little. However, my DH is totally freaked out to do anything with me and now that I'm showing a little I know there is no way he is going to get around to the idea of having sex. We still have other physical contact and if I need release I just masturbate on my own. However, this lack of sex has not really gotten me or DH down, probably due to all the other physical contact we have in and out of bed.

 

[mommyberry]

The first tri, I had no interest at all. Second tri, my interest is still a bit low, but it has come back a little. However, my DH is totally freaked out to do anything with me and now that I'm showing a little I know there is no way he is going to get around to the idea of having sex. We still have other physical contact and if I need release I just masturbate on my own. However, this lack of sex has not really gotten me or DH down, probably due to all the other physical contact we have in and out of bed.

That is so cool that it hasn't got to you or your DH. Note to self: Develop other physical contact.