retrospect

[EmmySocks]

Anyone who has one or more already (or anyone who has had a wtt epiphany) - knowing what you know now - would you give you past self any advice or do things differently if you could?

would you have changed your timing of having your LO - earlier or later in life?

would you have saved up more money? or did you worry about money and then find it wasn't as expensive as you'd thought?

would you have moved house? or did you move and now feel that you shouldn't have bothered?

would you have liked to spend more time as a couple without kids? or did they arrive and you wondered why you'd waited?

anything you'd tell your wtt-self? because chances are someone is mulling over the same wtt decisions you were a few years ago - and also it might be fun

 

[babydustcass]

Anyone who has one or more already (or anyone who has had a wtt epiphany) - knowing what you know now - would you give you past self any advice or do things differently if you could? Buy less haha although I know I'll totally ignore that next time around.

would you have changed your timing of having your LO - earlier or later in life? We had our first aged 17. Crazy young but I'd never change it for the world. Everything that happens to us is all character building and we wouldn't be who we are now if it werent for the tough times. It has taught me that though we had little money we were rich in everything else, support, family friends and most importantly each other. Gush. 9 months is a lot of time, usually enough time to get the important things done. We are about to buy our first home now and we are having renovations and we have chosen to not start ttc until they are well on the way to being finished because being pregnant / having a baby on a building site is not the one.

would you have saved up more money? or did you worry about money and then find it wasn't as expensive as you'd thought? Yes probably, we would have liked to have a little more money in the pot to relax. We are both self employed and own our own businesses and because of this our leave was limited. Next time I was enough saved to take a whole year off carefree

would you have moved house? or did you move and now feel that you shouldn't have bothered?
We only lived in a 2 bed when we had our second and I'm glad we didn't move to a bigger house. Crazy as it seems living in a shoe box for 2 years made it feel like we were moving into a 4 bed mansion when the time came haha! Moving with kids is fine!
would you have liked to spend more time as a couple without kids? or did they arrive and you wondered why you'd waited?
I guess a little longer than eighteen months would have been nice but we have still have had lots of us time during the last 9 years we've been together. To be honest, I am of the mind that unless there is a really "perfect " reason to wait, there is never a good time so go for it

anything you'd tell your wtt-self? because chances are someone is mulling over the same wtt decisions you were a few years ago - and also it might be fun
Time flies! And stop looking at the new arrivals threads lol if you have a really good reason to wait then keep busy and pin pin pin on pint rest to pass the time. If you are procrastinating... There really is never a perfect time. It is always perfect

 

[EmmySocks]

Thank you babydustcass. We've been wtt #1 for sometime and i always hear that there's never the perfect time but it doesn't stop me worrying about whether we should wait for a better time...

i know what you mean about buying less stuff though - i could tell you now before any babies that i will regret the amount of stuff i'll buy.. but that won't stop me when the time comes!

We've just bought a new house (3 bedroom) but we lived in a 2 bed before and definitely could have had a baby there. Just at the time it felt important to move before trying. The main difference is now we are actually home owners but still not sure that's going to make a lot of difference!

I think with the age thing -(this plays on my mind a lot) a lot of people (my family) - say we're too young (24) and that we should live our lives first, but i really feel this is a huge part of what we want from our lives and am now feeling that i shouldn't have listened to them so long!

And money - i never feel like we've got enough money! we could have £5000 in the bank and i'll question whether that's really enough (even though he'll continue working and i get maternity pay)!

I sort of had the 'there's never going to be the perfect time' epiphany and really want to try now... i don't think it'll be too much longer!

 

[MissN8]

I am beginning to think this myself there will always be something more you want to do and if we keep waiting we will never go for it. I have been feeling so broody lately and feel so down about waiting. Ideally I would like about 4000 saved, quarter if the way there.

 

[babydustcass]

I agree I think you can over think it, we are waiting but part of me is saying oh to heck with waiting it could take time to happen anyway. I understand that niggling feeling. For our second we were more concerned with the age gap becoming too big. There are still 4 years between ds and dd and if we continue waiting there could be as much as 5 between our number 2 and the new baby. The age gap doesn't worry me as much this time though. I dare say it is really easy to have one in school and a new baby at home! Ask me again when I am juggling 3 monsters in sheer horror at my new predicament. The thought of having 3 children makes my head spin but the thought of not having another is even scarier.

 

[dizzy65]

Anyone who has one or more already (or anyone who has had a wtt epiphany) - knowing what you know now - would you give you past self any advice or do things differently if you could? Yes for sure, i would tell my self to wait and not start trying for a baby in high school because it is a lot of hard work and not all fun and games.. also i would tell my self not to let others parent my child for me and to not let them walk all over me.

would you have changed your timing of having your LO - earlier or later in life? i think i would of changed the timing to later in life as i was only 20 when i had my oldest

would you have saved up more money? or did you worry about money and then find it wasn't as expensive as you'd thought? Yes i would of tried to save up some money as the initial stuff to buy for baby was a lot more expensive than i had thought plus all the diapers and such.

would you have moved house? or did you move and now feel that you shouldn't have bothered? I think i would of prefered that we lived in our own place, opposed to living with FIL

would you have liked to spend more time as a couple without kids? or did they arrive and you wondered why you'd waited? Well we were together about 4 years before our first arrived so that was okay

anything you'd tell your wtt-self? because chances are someone is mulling over the same wtt decisions you were a few years ago - and also it might be fun .. just to relax and in joy the ride.

 

[fxmummyduck]

I don't think I'd have done things differently, perhaps tried to worry less about my fertility ( took my mum 2 years, thought things could be the same) we ended up pregnant first try! If I'd change anything, it would be to have got married earlier! Was a bit out of my control though lol!!! I was 6 weeks pregnant on my wedding day. It was very special to have that secret tho.

We are still in our 2 bed place, and definitely need more room now but I'd say if you're in a smaller place you'll be ok for a while. We're moving in the Autumn, but abroad so that's why we've waited so long.while baby is small and not so mobile it's not been a problem.

Money hasn't been too bad, altho formula is expensive! Just have to be careful buying lo extras he doesn't need.

We were together a long time before lo arrived, if anything we should've been more prepared or had some pre baby counselling for how it was going to impact our relationship. I think it was almost harder that it was just us for so long, it was a bit of a shock being a three.

Only problem now will be the age gap! Lol, there still never feels a right time whether it's baby 1 or 2. Sometimes you just have to make a leap!

 

[ask86]

There are very few things I would change... Because if I changed anything I wouldn't have Leia - exactly as she is
And the only reason why I am not just saying I want another lets do it is because I have to make sure that Leia is well taken care of!
With the first, just do it!!!! Money isn't the end all be all of existence! My husband was in college until I was 8 months pregnant and didn't get a full time job until our daughter was almost 2 months old, and we made it work with no compromises in terms of which stroller/ brands we bought etc. We lived in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment and that is where we brought our baby home and it was the most amazing home! We now live in a large 2 bedroom and plan to bring #2 here and could not care less about "space" - bedrooms are for sleeping - if a crib and rocking chair fit in the room you have enough room! My friend spent $1900 on a nursery... her son does not give a damn that his crib cost $950, and my daughter sleeps wonderfully in her $250 crib!
The ONLY thing I would tell my pre baby self is to stop trying to control everything - it will never work out that way anyways! Enjoy, go with the flow, and if you want to have a baby and it is safe to do so, go for it!

 

[MindUtopia]

I wouldn't have changed anything we did as I think we really took these things into account when we did decide to have a child, but I would say don't rush into it. Do all the things you really feel like you want to do as a couple before you have a child. Travel. Be selfish. Have lots of dinners and nights out. Go away and visit friends you don't see often. Take weekend trips just the two of you. Go on that big backpacking trip around Asia you always said you wanted to do. Get yourself into a point in your career where you're comfortable and ready to take a break (I don't mean financially, just that you've accomplished the things you wanted to do career-wise when you still had time and energy to put into it, or work a late night, or be able to easily go away on a business trip). Sleep in. Just really exhaust doing all those things alone as a couple before you get ready to have a child. I think that's been the hardest bit. We did do all those things, but that's what I miss the most about my pre-parenting days, just being able to go away for the weekend just the two of us, or have dinner out without it taking 2 months of planning. We traveled lots. We spent several weeks just before TTC in India. We slept in. We went away to stay with friends for the weekend (much harder when you have a baby in tow and your child-less friends can't understand why you can't just go out drinking with them). We really did all that stuff and I'm very grateful.

I don't think money is a big deal and honestly the only expensive bit about having a child is paying for childcare (and then in theory, you'll be working again anyway and you shouldn't be using a form of childcare that isn't already affordable on your regular income, so no need to save up for it). The house you live in doesn't matter much to start, though I wouldn't want to move with a small baby, but a toddler will need outdoor space. In the early days, it doesn't matter much.

Really, I would just say, don't take for granted the freedom you have now and how ridiculously easy life is without kids. Enjoy it. Make the most of it. Being a parent is the best thing I've ever done, but it's exhausting and you don't get time for yourself again until they're older without a whole lot of planning, so make the most of it now.

As for whether to have a baby earlier or later, it's all about where you are in life. I had my first at 32 and that was great. I absolutely wouldn't have wanted to do it earlier. I loved the freedom of having my 20s all to myself and to be able to go to school and travel and spend time with my friends and my husband. But it's really about where you are in life and what you want now and in the future. There is no perfect time.