Reusing name of miscarried children. I need opinions.

[MamaLa]

So my boyfriend was in a previous relationship and they were expecting twins. Unfortunately one of the twins weren't developing properly, and their heart rates kept dropping. She ended up miscarrying around 20+ week.

My boyfriend had the names already picked out. He was going to name the girl McKenzie and the boy was going to be a Jr.

As we start talking about names he will bring up girl names, but won't talk about boy names. I know deep down he really wants a Jr.

But we both are feeling some type of way with using the name. But I know that he wants a Jr. I don't know.

What's your opinion?

 

[pineapple91]

how do you feel about using it as a middle name

 

[MamaLa]

how do you feel about using it as a middle name

Yeah, and that is the plan, but I can see the sadness. But that could be in regards to what happened in the past.

 

[fides]

personally, i won't use our miscarried baby's names again, but that's just me - that's the name of my little

however, i can also see how it could be an honor to use the name of a miscarried child, kind of like how we might use the name of a deceased relative/friend.

i think it just comes down to what you're both comfortable with

 

[Maybe1daysoon]

I personally think it would be extremely disrespectful to the mother of the twins. It doesn't matter how the relationship ended but put yourself in her shoes.... if you use the name of her baby it would almost be as if the original Jr didn't exist. And that's terrible. And as the saying goes karma is a b!t¢h...

 

[hopefulfor1st]

I personally think it would be extremely disrespectful to the mother of the twins. It doesn't matter how the relationship ended but put yourself in her shoes.... if you use the name of her baby it would almost be as if the original Jr didn't exist. And that's terrible. And as the saying goes karma is a b!t¢h...

I agree with this.

 

[babylove x]

I agree as well, unless the mother is involved.. As first names anyways - middle names would be sincere, an honor, either way.

 

[RileysMummy]

My son was stillborn at 25 weeks and although his name is still the only boys name I truly love I could never reuse it. Abit different from your situation but thinking of the mother of the baby I think she would probably be very hurt. Even now nearly 5 years on I feel a twinge of sadness when I hear another child called Riley. X

 

[the why bird]

I wouldn't, personally. I'd feel it was negating the existence of his other son. You wouldn't give two brothers the same name. It feels almost like saying the first child doesn't count, which I think would be very hurtful for the mother.

A middle name on the other hand could be a good way to compromise.

Are you sure the pain he is feeling is specifically about the name, and not just that this is stirring up a lot of feelings about his previous loss?

 

[raisin]

Gosh, that's a difficult one. And very personal as everyone will have their own individual feelings about what is right for them.

For me personally, I have never wanted to re-use names of my angel babies that didn't make it. This is based on personal, and partly religious belief, that although they are not here in this world with me, they still exist and are always around me, waiting for me in the next life. They have their names, and those names are theirs.

There is no right or wrong. You need to go with what feels right. x

 

[hannah berry]

do what you think is best for you. if you really want to use it and you both are ok then do it. with my first pregnancy i miscarried at 12 weeks and we were going to name our baby either Alexis (boy's name in french) or Alice. When we found out we were pregnant again with our little girl we thought it best to think of a name for her that didn't remind us of what we lost so thats what made up our mind. this time i think we are looking at a boy and even though husband really wants to use Alexis i don't feel comfortable using the name so we settled on christophe or the english Christopher.

 

[bumpbear]

I think it would be really important that you consult with Jr's mother and get her blessing if it is going to be a name that you use. Losing a child at 20 weeks must be so heartbreaking and personally, if I were in her shoes, I would not want my baby's name reused for a sibling.

 

[Brightxeyes]

I'd definitely see it more of a middle name. And I'd speak to his ex partner and explain how you both would love to use it in remembrance, and I'm sure she'd probably understand your partners grief, but at the same time don't be surprised if she's fully against it.

 

[Dark_Star]

If he wants a child named after him, that is a very different thing than re-using a deceased child's name. I think it's just fine.

 

[ljo1984]

Our first baby was a girl and called her grace. This is our eldest's middle name now. If I knew the sex of the baby we lost last year I would have named it and given this as a middle name to this one if same sex. X

 

[butterfly80]

Gosh it's really difficult, I definitely think out of respect you should ask the ex. X

 

[krystinab]

This is a tough one...I mean it is your husbands name...so part of me thinks its ok....

My DH wanted us to use the name of our angel but I just cant do it. I told him I was ok with using the name as a middle name, which he finally agreed to.

I think its a personal choice between you and DH. Good luck

 

[MamaLa]

Thank you all so much. It really put it in perspective for me. I can honestly say I didn't even think about the ex's feelings. (How unthoughtful ) I would love to get her input. But im not to totally against it, but I am uncomfortable with the idea due to religious, and superstition.

I know he refuses to use the little girls name. But I know it's partly because he's a Jr that he would love to keep the name going. But I am definitely going to seek out the opinion of the ex. Although I am sure that she would be against it.

 

[modified]

If he wants a child named after him, that is a very different thing than re-using a deceased child's name. I think it's just fine.

This.

If the name was actually Junior, I can see how that might be an issue with the boys mum - but if it's naming a boy after your OH? I don't see an issue with that at all.

God forbid anything were to happen with this pregnancy, I'm not sure what I'd do. Her name is my one and only truly loved girls name but I couldn't tell you how I'd feel should the worst happen.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

If he wants a child named after him, that is a very different thing than re-using a deceased child's name. I think it's just fine.

This.

If the name was actually Junior, I can see how that might be an issue with the boys mum - but if it's naming a boy after your OH? I don't see an issue with that at all.

God forbid anything were to happen with this pregnancy, I'm not sure what I'd do. Her name is my one and only truly loved girls name but I couldn't tell you how I'd feel should the worst happen.

I think this is why I'm not comfortable discussing names until much later in pregnancy