Reusing name of miscarried children. I need opinions.

[MamaLa]

Thank you all. I am going to leave this alone, and deal with it when we get there.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I lost my baby girl at 22 weeks. My SIL proceeded to get pregnant after ( We both had 3 boys older) and named her new baby girl the name of my ANGEL didn't even ask, tore the family apart.. we don't speak i don't go to family functions. I refuse to sit there and her the name being called, my heart breaks, I don't know why she did this to us,, never mentioned a name her whole 9 months.. She broke my heart and her brothers ( My husband) if I ever see her i will probably end up hurting her, this is why I keep my distance.. I would definitely ask first, the pain is so bad, i was already down and this bitch kicked me further down ..My own SIL..23 yrs. she is my SIL..

 

[MamaLa]

I lost my baby girl at 22 weeks. My SIL proceeded to get pregnant after ( We both had 3 boys older) and named her new baby girl the name of my ANGEL didn't even ask, tore the family apart.. we don't speak i don't go to family functions. I refuse to sit there and her the name being called, my heart breaks, I don't know why she did this to us,, never mentioned a name her whole 9 months.. She broke my heart and her brothers ( My husband) if I ever see her i will probably end up hurting her, this is why I keep my distance.. I would definitely ask first, the pain is so bad, i was already down and this bitch kicked me further down ..My own SIL..23 yrs. she is my SIL..

Wow. . That's crazy! Omg. Im so sorry.

 

[kazine]

I lost my baby girl at 22 weeks. My SIL proceeded to get pregnant after ( We both had 3 boys older) and named her new baby girl the name of my ANGEL didn't even ask, tore the family apart.. we don't speak i don't go to family functions. I refuse to sit there and her the name being called, my heart breaks, I don't know why she did this to us,, never mentioned a name her whole 9 months.. She broke my heart and her brothers ( My husband) if I ever see her i will probably end up hurting her, this is why I keep my distance.. I would definitely ask first, the pain is so bad, i was already down and this bitch kicked me further down ..My own SIL..23 yrs. she is my SIL..

That is horrid

I wouldn't ever use an angel's name again... Also agree with asking the mother's feelings... She might totally not want it.

 

[Starry Night]

We had named our angels and asked our brother and SiL to not use them when they got pregnant again. We asked as politely as possible but I would have been VERY VERY hurt if they went ahead and used them anyways. No mom wants to feel like their babies never existed. It is different if it was your own angel but my DH and I have found we couldn't reuse the names. We did contemplate using them as middle names but we've found something else we liked.

I wouldn't expect my friends to not use my angel names though. I like classic names so am not overly protective of names in general. But family is different.

What makes it tricky is a "Jr" would be naming your child after your OH. I hope you're able to make a decision that everyone can be happy with.

 

[bumpbear]

It was his Angel too. I'm surprised he wants to give two of his kids the same name to be honest?

Having said that, my cousin who died within a few weeks of birth had a younger sister (uncle and aunt's rainbow) named after her. I guess everyone feels differently on these issues but it is important to know mum's feelings before making a decision I suppose.

 

[anxious mommy]

Historically, people used to reuse the names of children who survived birth but died in infancy or even later in childhood, and lots of people pick the same name as others particularly in the same family. I think this makes it entirely up to you. I don't know what relationship you have with the other mother, and her feelings should be considered in terms of not being deliberately callous or disrespectful, but your partner's feelings matter more because that's the relationship you have to make work. As such, I'd consider Junior as a first name and choosing a different middle name, or if you're using Junior in the traditional sense of giving him his father's name, reverse the first and middle given names to switch things up. Just a couple of ideas.

 

[messica]

I would never have the gall to even ask the mothers permission, much less just do such a thing...

There are so many names out there you could choose instead. What a dagger to the heart it would undoubtedly be........I just can't even fathom it. Or the fact that the father would ever consider it an acceptable thing to do


Not only do I think it would be incredibly callous, but to know every single time I said my child's name my child's father would not be just thinking of him, but his dead son too...the literal and direct association would just be too much all around.

 

[Buttercup84]

I wouldn't/couldn't do it personally...

 

[MamaLa]

Historically, people used to reuse the names of children who survived birth but died in infancy or even later in childhood, and lots of people pick the same name as others particularly in the same family. I think this makes it entirely up to you. I don't know what relationship you have with the other mother, and her feelings should be considered in terms of not being deliberately callous or disrespectful, but your partner's feelings matter more because that's the relationship you have to make work. As such, I'd consider Junior as a first name and choosing a different middle name, or if you're using Junior in the traditional sense of giving him his father's name, reverse the first and middle given names to switch things up. Just a couple of ideas.

Thank you. Those are great ideas.

 

[heidi87814]

Personally I don't think I could do it. I can't even begin to imagine how the mother would feel - Maybe she would feel like it's kind of negating the angel baby. I feel like once the angel babies are given names, that's theirs. They're acknowledged as their own beings.

Is it really super important the baby's a Jr? I mean, it's going to have your boyfriend's genes and (I'm assuming) his last name. There are lots of other amazing names out there. Maybe something similar to his name?

Like if your boyfriend was a "William", you could adapt the baby's name to "Liam", or if your boyfriend was an "Andrew", you name the baby "Drew". Something like that maybe?

 

[LucyLake]

In this circumstance, you shouldn't do it.

However, we did do it personally. We had a miscarriage at 8 wks in Feb '13. We think it was a boy and we had our baby buried and saw him... I had waited 10 yrs to have a second child because my hubby was fine with our one son. We TTC and discovered modi identical rainbow surprise twins on 7/28/13 at 6+0. My husband really wanted to name the baby who came after my egg split after our angel. We believe on some level that God put one back for us, again we have very special circumstances here and understand that this doesn't apply to others since we have twins. We also felt that the spirit of our miscarried baby was alive in our twin boys. Our miscarried baby's name meant courageous lion and that's exactly what our Baby B had to be in my very high risk pregnancy. We're very happy with our decision, but I never would have agreed to it if God hadn't "put one back" in the form of twins in our case.

 

[_jellybean_]

I think that if he really wants to use his name, then you should. Yes--the mother might be hurt, and you can ask her what she thinks if you want, but it's his name, so if it means a lot to him to have his son named after him, then it'd be fine I think. Do you still have a lot of contact with his ex? That would play into my decision as well because I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

 

[MamaLa]

I think that if he really wants to use his name, then you should. Yes--the mother might be hurt, and you can ask her what she thinks if you want, but it's his name, so if it means a lot to him to have his son named after him, then it'd be fine I think. Do you still have a lot of contact with his ex? That would play into my decision as well because I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

No I barely know her. My boyfriend and I were just friends when they were together. But I know that he keeps in contact with her due to their history. But honestly I am unsure if she knows that I am pregnant. But my boyfriend has been yelling it from the rooftops because everyone keeps congratulating me. Lol. But we'll talk more about names after we find out the gender on June 11th. If its it's a boy I am going to ask him to contact her so we can get her feelings.

 

[SmallBear]

What if you did Name Name III?

That would honor the other baby and your husband, and your son would always know he had a big brother once.

I realize it's an unusual use of that name construction (so-and-so the third), but it's a unique situation, too.

 

[lilmonkey86]

I have never miscarried so I can't say how I would feel in this situation as the mother of the miscarried twins, if the babies were stillborn and named and buried I would think that is completely off limits, if the name was just a random name that they had come up with together then again I think off limits, but seeing that it is his name I think it should be completely ok, it is his child and his name and he should be able to use it if he wants.

 

[Rickles]

Personally I think it would only be ok if his ex gave her blessing given the circumstances. xx

 

[jhughes0709]

personally I wouldn't. I miscarried around 14weeks with our first. We planned on naming the baby lucas for a boy and abigail for a girl. We've never considered either of those names with any of our pregnancies since.

 

[hopefulfor1st]

Personally I think if he really wanted to have that name on a future child it's something he should have considered when putting it on the stillborn baby.

 

[lilmonkey86]

I have one question, were the twins miscarried or still born? I think that makes a difference, by the sounds of it the names were just tentative names they planned on naming the babies. honestly I think it makes all the difference, since becoming pregnant I have changed my babies name 5-6 times, now we are completely decided but we changed it multiple times in early pregnancy, had I miscarried at any point before being 100% set on the names I would not consider those names off limits, now that I am past my vday and I spend all day referring to my son by name, that is 100% his name and I could never reuse it. although if it were my husbands name and we were to split and he wanted to name a new baby that, it is his name and he can do with it what he pleases. I see where it is sort of a tough spot for you. in all honesty you owe nothing to his ex. if he wants to use that name i say it his to use and his to defend to her.