Saying no

[tokyo]

My lo has just turned 8 months, is crawling and is into EVERYTHING! She seems to instinctively know what the most dangerous thing in the room is and home in on it! I find myself saying 'no' all day long and I hate it - it feels so negative and naggy We have put up stair gates and removed as much of the breakable/precious/dangerous stuff as possible, but some things are permanent! Any advice for being more positive/less of a moany old witch with a newly mobile, inquisitive one?

 

[Noelle610]

I try to avoid saying no too At that age, I think the best approach is just to redirect.

This site has really helped me:

https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/babies/Positive-Parenting-Baby

3. Baby-proof and redirect. As your infant becomes a baby and starts exploring, remember that saying No all the time will cause NO to lose its power. There's also research that too many No's lower IQ by teaching your child to think inside the box. Instead, Baby-proof, Think two steps ahead, and Redirect!!

When Charlie tries to do something dangerous, I just quickly go and grab her and say something like "Oh, that's no fun!" and try to redirect her to her toys.

 

[Toms Mummy]

I love that website

 

[Noelle610]

I love that website

Another mom on here pointed me to it - it's great!

 

[Rachel_C]

At that age I tried to give a reason rather than saying no. Instead of saying no to touching something hot, I would say "Ouch, hot!", maybe even touch it myself, do an ouch face. If it was something like DVDs LO was throwing around, I would say something like "Uh oh, mess", so giving a really simple reason. They probably don't understand it but some of it goes in, they might catch the general gist from your actions or face and they do get it eventually. "No!" was restricted to immediate danger and it kept its power for a good couple of years Now, "stop" has taken its place because no is a bigger part of our conversations, but my oldest is 3.5 so I'm happy enough with that.

 

[octosquishy]

COMPLETELY agree with the second poster!
My son is now almost 15 months old, and HE tells ME no no now :\ Just remove them from a dangerous situation, after a while it'll lose it's appeal
If you say NO NO and get all worked up about it, he'll think Oooo I got a reaction...I should do it more often lol

 

[Noelle610]

At that age I tried to give a reason rather than saying no. Instead of saying no to touching something hot, I would say "Ouch, hot!", maybe even touch it myself, do an ouch face. If it was something like DVDs LO was throwing around, I would say something like "Uh oh, mess", so giving a really simple reason. They probably don't understand it but some of it goes in, they might catch the general gist from your actions or face and they do get it eventually. "No!" was restricted to immediate danger and it kept its power for a good couple of years Now, "stop" has taken its place because no is a bigger part of our conversations, but my oldest is 3.5 so I'm happy enough with that.

Oh yes, I do that too! Even if she doesn't "get it", I feel like it's good training for ME! Gets me in the practice of not just saying no and explaining the reasoning behind why something is dangerous.

 

[tokyo]

Thanks, ladies, been doing a lot of redirecting and explaining, things like saying 'it's not safe to chew wires' or 'shoes are dirty and not nice to lick' and its working great - I feel much more positive and lo loses interest much quicker, so thanks for the advice. Only problem is I now notice how much other people (grandparents etc) say no, and its really grating on me!

 

[shorman]

I will try this method is this method good for toddlers?

 

[Larkspur]

I don't know if this is actually working for me or if I'm just lucky to have a compliant child, but when LO reaches for something I don't want him to have, I say his name to get his attention, and then when he looks at me I look him in the eye and say:

"I don't want you to [touch the tap, hit the dog, pull the wire, etc]" in a firm, calm voice, and then give a simple reason, "It burns/it hurts the dog/it's dangerous." If he protests or tries again, I acknowledge him and repeat what I want, "I know you want to touch the television and it's frustrating when you can't." If he keeps trying (or if I'm already holding his hands to stop him doing whatever it is) I say, "You're having trouble not doing that, so I'm going to help you by [taking you over here/moving the thing]."

It only takes a few times and after that he just doesn't seem to touch. I have friends who are really amazed at how he will actually listen when I say, "No, that not for you. I don't want you to touch it."

 

[Rachel_C]

Thanks, ladies, been doing a lot of redirecting and explaining, things like saying 'it's not safe to chew wires' or 'shoes are dirty and not nice to lick' and its working great - I feel much more positive and lo loses interest much quicker, so thanks for the advice. Only problem is I now notice how much other people (grandparents etc) say no, and its really grating on me!

at licking shoes, I think/hope we're past that stage now, although I've been seeing my oldest (3.5) giving books a sneaky lick recently!

It's annoying when people say no so much, but I bet it isn't half as annoying as my MIL who makes noises like you'd make at a DOG at small kids doing something they shouldn't... a kind of Psssssst noise followed by no explanation at all! I could barely contain my anger at that one!

 

[lozzy21]

I used to go for " don't touch please, it's hot"

 

[ImmysMom]

As others have said, I try to explain rather then just say 'no'. I also use 'stop' sometimes too (with an explanation) as an alternative as in some circumstances it's actually what I want her to do e.g. Stop pulling the dogs tail, it hurts her.