saying no

[becsboo]

dont want to beat around the bush here but dh sister will want to come for christmas lunch we dont want her to come she has been a few years and this year we want it just us
how can i say this to her without sounding like a total cow

 

[Tanikins]

Tbh I'd just pull her aside and say it. No need to be rude just clear and honest 👍

 

[becsboo]

She would cause trouble for us she doesn't like to be told she can't do or have things her own way

 

[wildflower79]

Is there a specific reason you don't want her there? Will she be on her own if she doesn't come? I'd probably feel sorry for her and let her come anyway.

Other than that, just be honest and tell her you just want to spend the day together this year.

 

[Talia12]

See, I'm not one of those people who can just tell someone straight haha. It might be bad but I'd need to come up with an excuse (fake if necessary). I think that does save people's feelings more as well. The two things I would suggest (I don't like "outsiders" to the immediate family coming for Christmas either...) would be to see if there's anyone else in the family that could invite her for lunch? Or if that's not possible for you to do then maybe tell her you're doing something different this year...could say you're going out for lunch maybe? Or that you're having a different relative over (maybe say someone from your side of the family) and there won't be space?
I mean I agree that if she's going to end up totally alone for Christmas you're probably better off just inviting her (goodwill etc, haha). But a lot of the time I think it becomes kind of a precedent that a certain person will come to yours, and then they don't make other plans even though there are other people they could spend it with.

 

[SmartieMeUp]

Say you've already made plans or tell her you want it just the 11(?) of you this year, but always welcome next year (even if you don't mean it).

 

[becsboo]

thanks everyone she just gets drunk starts arguments and i cant not be bothered with all the drama this year i will make up an excuse because i just cant tell her straight im to soft lol

 

[SmartieMeUp]

If she tries to guilt trip you and you feel bad and let her come, make sure it's strictly no alcohol.

 

[Talia12]

Agree with pp re alcohol - might actually make her change her mind about wanting to come too! If you do end up having to invite her

 

[c1403]

We don't drink much alcohol and you'd be surprised the people that don't offer to come over because of that (they don't say that's the reason but we aren't big drinkers so never have it in the house a they can't have fun without getting stupidly drunk..it's mainly DH family so I'm actually quite glad ha ha)