scared of trying again

[Melly]

after 5 months of tests following our angel baby being lost, they've finally said we can try again.

basically after the MC they found i have an underactive thyroid, its taken a few months but its now under control. they also found a few weeks ago that i have 'fatty liver' but have said if i eat healthily and exercise, and basically lose weight, it should sort itself out.

hubby is over the moon, he wants to start right away......but im terrified of trying again and the same thing happening, because i know i couldnt cope with it a 2nd time around.
trouble is we are both 30 this year, and i feel like time is going to run out before i actually mentally 'get over' whats happened

is this normal?!

 

[Dazed]

Yes, it is completely normal to be scared about trying again.

 

[hb1]

Hi Melly

I am now 5 weeks following my mc mid dec 09 - I have pcos so have a 50% chance of it happening again which is quite high I have started to worry a lot but the idea of never having a baby is worse - I am 32 so have this time issue too.

i don't think I'll ever get over what happened and whenever I tried again I would worry the same.

It is great that you have had testing and a handle on the why's and where - for's and whenever you are ready your oh will be too but you may never feel totally calm, cool and collected about it. Unfortunately miscarriage does take a lot away - not just your baby so yes - it is totally normal

Hope you get to a place where you're ready to try again - it is hard and we're all here to support you on your journey

hx

 

[Melly]

thank you, im glad im not just being neurotic about it all

i find im almost pushing hubby away because i know he is desperate to have a baby, i am too, but i just feel sad about it all still, i remember how over the moon we were when we got the BFP and how destroyed we were when the MC happened.

my excuse was always 'we arent allowed to try again, the doctor said so', but now they've said ok, ive told him i dont want to until i've lost weight...partly its true, i dont want to be as overweight as i am now because i want to give me and future bump the best start possible, but its mostly because im just plain terrifed and i cant bring myself to tell him so

 

[Mamabel]

Hi Melly,

Sounds to me like it makes sense to be sad. Also, the weight loss is a really super idea before TTC again. There was some research out a few weeks ago that suggested that babies born to overweight moms are more likely to become overweight as children, as their body had been pre-programmed in utero to carry more weight. Sorry for that yucky news, but now you have an even better excuse to wait a little bit longer before TTC! Also, you'll be more likely to have a healthy pregnancy and less likely to develop diabetes, pre-eclampsia and all of that other yucky stuff in the third trimester. Best of luck with dieting and working out though...I hate doing it, but know how important it is, so really force myself to. Maybe six months from now you'll be thinner and it'll be easier TTC. You can do it!

 

[mummyto3]

hello hunni 1st i wanna say how sorry i am that you ost your angel and i feel angy that u had to lose your angel b4 you found out about yr thriod cos that was me 4 years ago unfortunatly i lost thryiod probs and i hav2 angels b4 i found out abput my thriod i was only 22 then i also have thyriod probs i have hashimotos and ist under controll now were ttc no#3 so im anxiuos too but im sure if its menat to be it willbe good luck sweetheart and if u need some 1 to talk to just message me xx

 

[Melly]

thank you ladies you've made me see im not being silly.

good news is i lost 4lbs last week but probably put that back on this weekend with the curry we had saturday

 

[Kiki09]

Hi hun, sorry for your loss, I have underactive thyroid, pcos and aneamia, so I know how you feel, its scary.. but they now have you on medication for it and so you are in good hands..

Well done with your weightloss

 

[Melly]

thank you, its nice to know there are others in the same position!

im slightly worried that its not as stable as the results showed. On the day of the blood test i took my tablets as normal about 8am, didnt have breakfast because i had a scan that morning, so had nothing in my stomach, so i wonder if the tablets dispersed into my system and because the blood test was 2hrs later its shown as a higher amount than it should have, and if later in the day, or if i'd had the test before taking the pills, would it have been the same result?
reason i think this is because i feel SO sluggish all the time, i dont feel any better than i did before starting on the tablets, im also still suffering from the headaches, and i was told this should have got better when the levels were back at normal?

 

[Ten]

I'm so sorry for your loss.... and I think it's perfectly normal to be terrified. You lose that pregnancy innocence when you lose your child - I don't think it's possible to go back, just like I don't think the sadness will ever really go away.

If you feel sluggish, you're right, they don't have your meds adjusted right. Find a different doctor who will listen to you, if you need to - my mom had her thyroid taken out about five years before I was born and she had to go through a bunch of doctors before one finally got her dosage right. Not to say it'll be that hard for you - but to tell you not to slack off in advocating for yourself!!

 

[padbrat]

Hey Melly... so sorry you are here...
I have an underactive thyroid too and when it was discovered 4 years ago I suddenly got pregnant following meds... since then I have lost 4 babies and have now been referred to the recurrent m/c clinic.

I am blinking petrified of it happening again.. but all the best things in life are worth the battle. Unfortunatley some don't survive and some do... all mine didn't, but I don't stop fighting, even though I wonder if I can handle it happening again... Ten always sums it up perfectly - we lose our pregnancy innocence and joy... but we chose whether to continue the fight...