Second pregnancy, only just feeling 'excited'

[Jennifurball]

I feel so guilty. With my first it was my whole world, every day was wrapped up in excitement of buying clothes and sorting the cot etc.

This time round, it's already started off bad because the dad is a dickhead, I am doing it alone, I have a 4 year old and Christmas is coming up - so finances are putting a dampener on it but even aside from that, I haven't felt 'excited' - of course I love him, but I am scared I won't love him as much as my first and it upsets me soooooooooooo much.

I am nearly mid 30's, knackered, working, just moved house and in middle of decorating, everything is just overwhelming.

Is it normal to feel this way on your second or do you think its my circumstances that have taken the shine off it?

I am going for a bonding scan in 2 weeks so I can see his little face properly and hopefully that will make it feel more real. I think that's it really, it doesn't feel real yet. I am not even close to being prepared apart from mountains of clothes I have for him. His dad can't be involved because of his serious mental behaviour so it feels already like not a 'normal' pregnancy because I have no one.

Sorry to moan lol, I should be over the moon. x

 

[SleepyBaby]

im on the same boat as you!

I love baby, I want baby to be happy and well and all things to go good but i cant picture myself in three months sitting with a new born, its real, i know its real i can feel kicks and stuff but being real and feeling real is two different things!

Im not excited, im stressed, but i do know when baby comes it will all change, there will be a living breathing little human who wwill need me and when hes out and in my arms reality will set in and all will work out!

Im not prepared, my next door neighbour keeps giving me baby shoes so ive about 14 pairs of those, a cot with no mattress and a sterilizer ith bottles i got off amazon as it was in a half price sale! other than that whatever i need ill come in time!

this is my 6th pregnancy, 3rd thats made it past 12 weeks so hopefully everything is gonna be awesome but the whole being excited bit i think will come when baby does! on the bright side not tracking every day of every week has made this pregnancy fly past so far!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I felt the same with my 2nd (and 3rd) and felt really guilty! Once they were born the love and bond were instant and so so strong.

 

[Jennifurball]

Ah thank you both that has made me feel better. It isn't that I regret it or anything, I just can't imagine having another baby. I can't wait to put a little sleepsuit on him and hold him, but it just doesn't feel real lol x

 

[rose.]

I think it's quite common - with the second you just don't have as much time to think about it and get excited! I am looking forward to my little girls arrival but I am no where near as excited as the first time around and that makes me feel guilty I haven't enjoyed pregnancy much this time around especially now I'm getting so big and uncomfortable. I can't imagine loving another baby as much as my son, although my mum said she was worried about the Same thing when pregnant with my brother and all was fine so I think that's quite normal too.

 

[KBCupcake]

I feel the same way. We're excited yes, but at 13 weeks I'm only barely really feeling the excitement. My feelings are much more tame than when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's probably because everything was so new and special because she was our first.

 

[Jennifurball]

I'm glad to know it is a common thing, even though it does make us feel crappy. Life gets in the way sometimes. I am sure once my maternity leave starts and I have time to myself, and time to prepare for his arrival, it will soon become what it should.

 

[2have4kids]

Kids don't remember the stuff you give them, they remember the special quality time that you spend with them. So maybe your finances are tough this year but you can still make for one heck of a Christmas by doing free stuff and making a special time of it. Go to a park and have a marshmallow roasting outside in the fire pit...sledding with some of his friends...my sister in law in Scotland was divorced early on and had 3 small kids. She took her money and rented an old barn house with no heating. They slept in the living room around the fire. It was for her, some of the most stressful moments of her life but she put on a brave face for the kids and it was some of their most cherished memories.
We have a 1 year old and twins on the way so I know this year will be absolute chaos but I intend to make every day wonderful...somehow. DH and I have been fighting terribly lately (we hide it really well from DD though) and it's been stressful with talk of divorce. But whatever happens I know things will be OK, it's about the memories you make & love you share. Never about things and there will never be enough money but somehow we will survive.

 

[Fruitmash]

I'm still not even remotely excited and currently not even happy about it. I also suffer from mental illnesses and am having real problems with them right now so I think that's why I feel nothing. But my mum told me before I got pregnant that it's normal, especially to worry you won't feel the same love for your second baby but promised you will. I just try to keep that in mind. Pregnancy is hard

 

[sewing_mama]

I am not feeling the excitement in the same way either. My first pregnancy was unplanned but I was so happy about it from the moment I found out. This time it's planned, but my every thought is about my daughter and how she's going to get on with having a sibling, how I'm going to manage her needs and cope with a newborn, how will I love and care for the baby without my daughter feeling pushed out. I tried pregnancy yoga recently and they talked a lot about connecting with your baby, I realised I haven't done that at all yet really. Looking forward to my 20 week scan and hopefully discovering the gender, maybe that will help?! Xx

 

[2have4kids]

I am not feeling the excitement in the same way either. My first pregnancy was unplanned but I was so happy about it from the moment I found out. This time it's planned, but my every thought is about my daughter and how she's going to get on with having a sibling, how I'm going to manage her needs and cope with a newborn, how will I love and care for the baby without my daughter feeling pushed out. I tried pregnancy yoga recently and they talked a lot about connecting with your baby, I realised I haven't done that at all yet really. Looking forward to my 20 week scan and hopefully discovering the gender, maybe that will help?! Xx

How old is your first born? There are some really great books out there that discuss siblings. We just got a few from Amazon...
Snuggle the Baby - interactive book where you can change the diaper, feed baby with a bottle, put baby to bed & swaddle it in the interactive part of the book.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1419711245/ref=pe_386430_121528420_TE_dp_1
We Have a Baby - very few words so you can make up your own stories each time. Also a mixed race book, we're caucasian but it's nice to see a multicultural book with bf-ing.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0395739705/ref=pe_386430_121528420_TE_dp_2
The New Baby (Little Critter)
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0307119424/ref=pe_386430_121528420_TE_dp_3
More of a classic book about some things that might not work for older kids when playing with a newborn and somethings that do work well...

 

[sewing_mama]

How old is your first born? There are some really great books out there that discuss siblings. We just got a few from Amazon...
Snuggle the Baby - interactive book where you can change the diaper, feed baby with a bottle, put baby to bed & swaddle it in the interactive part of the book.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1419711245/ref=pe_386430_121528420_TE_dp_1
We Have a Baby - very few words so you can make up your own stories each time. Also a mixed race book, we're caucasian but it's nice to see a multicultural book with bf-ing.
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0395739705/ref=pe_386430_121528420_TE_dp_2
The New Baby (Little Critter)
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0307119424/ref=pe_386430_121528420_TE_dp_3
More of a classic book about some things that might not work for older kids when playing with a newborn and somethings that do work well...

Thanks for the suggestions! Those sound lovely. We have 'there's a house inside My mummy' and a few other pregnancy related ones from the library but would be nice to get some baby ones. My little girl is 3.5years. She is mega excited about the baby and talks about it all the time, she's been playing games about the midwife, ultrasounds and birth all day! It's more me who's worried.

 

[2have4kids]

Thanks for the suggestions! Those sound lovely. We have 'there's a house inside My mummy' and a few other pregnancy related ones from the library but would be nice to get some baby ones. My little girl is 3.5years. She is mega excited about the baby and talks about it all the time, she's been playing games about the midwife, ultrasounds and birth all day! It's more me who's worried.

Well it sounds like you've been preparing her which is key to a nice transition. I'm sure there'll still be a dethrowning period as they call it but if she knows she can be a little helper to you she'll enjoy the new addition moreso. Don't worry things will be great - you'll be a wonderful mother to 2 beautiful angels!

 

[Tracy81]

I've been feeling similar and only just starting to get a bit more excited at 21 weeks. I think partly due to shock and also becoz I am not sure I can love anyone as much as my first. I'm sure that will all change once this one comes along.
I'm also stressed about needing to move house.
Hope you have less stress and get the house sorted xxx

 

[PeachSalsa]

I can relate as well. With my first I had the phone app with the daily updates, buying stuff from early on, very excited. But now with the second - even though we planned it, I just feel mostly overwhelmed and 'WTF are we getting ourselves into!' haha. We also are in the process of moving and I work full time and pregnancy has been horrible this time around. Even feeling the baby movements doesnt phase me much - I guess the 2nd time you've already been through it once so its not as novel...

 

[hazelpanda]

Aw...This will get better!! Once the baby actually arrives it will seem more real and less scary and stressful. No doubt you are feeling most of this bc you are on your won right now. The joy will come.

I used to worry I would love my first born more than my second....and especially bc it was another boy. But that is totally not true. It is so fun to get to know your little one and watch them grow.

You are going to get through this. Stay strong mama. Prayers from PA

 

[Amygdala]

It's interesting, I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with my second but not now with my third. I used to worry so much that I wouldn't be able to do another baby justice, that I wouldn't love them as much or that I'd not give my first born all the attention they deserved. But of course I did! It took a while btw. I've always loved my second, from the very first moment. But the relationship was different from that with my first, probably for nearly the first year. Toddlers are so much more interactive and you already know their personalities and have fallen in love with who they are. Now that they're both a bit older, I honestly feel exactly as close to each of them as I do the other and they've grown to be great friends as well btw.
So this time, I don't worry. I do try to make an effort to talk to the baby and let DH feel kicks etc. But I don't feel under pressure to bond because I know it'll happen. I also don't worry about the impact on the older two because I know our family will be happier for another child to share life with. It'll be ok, it really will.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

It's interesting, I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant with my second but not now with my third. I used to worry so much that I wouldn't be able to do another baby justice, that I wouldn't love them as much or that I'd not give my first born all the attention they deserved. But of course I did! It took a while btw. I've always loved my second, from the very first moment. But the relationship was different from that with my first, probably for nearly the first year. Toddlers are so much more interactive and you already know their personalities and have fallen in love with who they are. Now that they're both a bit older, I honestly feel exactly as close to each of them as I do the other and they've grown to be great friends as well btw.
So this time, I don't worry. I do try to make an effort to talk to the baby and let DH feel kicks etc. But I don't feel under pressure to bond because I know it'll happen. I also don't worry about the impact on the older two because I know our family will be happier for another child to share life with. It'll be ok, it really will.

Agreed with my second baby it was very different and the relationship has been different than with my first, I had less of an instant connection and more something that is growing over time. He is a very different baby than my first. I also am married this time around and we tried very hard for DS2. DS1 was a surprise for me in a very bad situation and I was alone, but our relationship was and is an incredible bond.

I'd say it sounds more like having a second baby than your situation, but both can attribute. Wishing you the best!