Sensitive kids group

[DaisyBee]

I tried oh so hard to get Jordan to sleep in other places. One of my drs for pregnancy said as a moms point of view only as she wasn't a pediatrian that she thinks that you should get children used to sleeping in other places than just there crib. That's the reason Megan won't sleep anywhere else she thinks. So when Jordan was small I wondered if she was right, was it my fault that Megan won't nap in places other than a bed? And it turns out no. It's not my fault. It was like a switch. One day Jordan would nap in her swing with Megan running around and in her carseat, in my wrap. The next day nadda. Her swing was then only used for a higher viewing point of the world and a distraction tool. Haha

Im not sure Megan is ready for no nap. She woke last night around 11 and couldn't fall back asleep until 4. and today is when mil is going to "wear her out". Dh says well either she would be awake all evening or all night so what's the difference. Haha obviously he sleeps through both of them being woken by each other! I could tell she was getting overtired this weekend and if it was during the week I would have had her sleep for 1/2 hr but dh was so against it thinking we really needed to try to see if she can adapt. Well sat him bringing her outside vs even a rest time wasnt helpful at all. Think that was the start of it, Well change is not easy for her to just jump right in to it and if overtired she is going to just get insomnia. I'm assuming she will be wired today and mil won't listen to me when I tell her that wired or hyper in Megan means overtired or overstimulated. Mil is trying to be helpful but she really doesnt get it.

I think my frustration with things is when ive now had to juggle the 2 girls. Megan is stuck at home a lot as Jordan needing her naps. And then Megan is more of a handful as she is stuck at home. I really feel like things with Megan were much easier before Jordan was born. To get both girls to adapt around what each other needs is harder then when it was just Megan trying to adapt a bit. Next weekend we are traveling to my parents house for early thanksgiving with my family and it's 2 1/4 hr drive. We are trying to figure out best driving time to and from. So thinking we need to leave here right after girls eating breakfast and hope to get there for jordans am nap. As a 10 minute car nap isn't going to cut it. And leaving Sunday right after eating lunch and hopefully Jordan will make it home before needing her pm nap.

 

[polaris]

What age was Jordan when she stopped napping in other places? At the moment Clara will still nap in the sling (probably her preference at present) and in the carseat (although she tends to wake up as soon as we stop). Thomas used to nap in the bouncy chair and the pram at her age but she doesn't really like either. Although she has only ever been in the pram a handful of times.

That definitely sounds like over-tiredness, poor Megan. I found it so stressful when Thomas wasn't napping and he was over-tired and just going into emotional meltdown all the time. So I do feel for you at the moment. Is there maybe a compromise position if she's not ready to totally drop the nap? Maybe napping twice a week and having a later bedtime on those days?

Trying to juggle both of their needs is really hard. Clara is an easy baby so far but she still has needs obviously and that's only going to increase as she gets older. I do worry about how I will keep Thomas entertained if we end up needing to be home for Clara's naps. I just keep reminding myself that each phase or stage is short-lived in the bigger scheme of things and the issues that I have now won't be there in another few months or years. I totally get it about trying to schedule the drive around naptimes, although we didn't have that specific issue because I was lucky that Thomas would always sleep in the car if the drive coincided with naptime. But we had many similar type situations that required total micro-management to try to get them to run smoothly. I think with a lot of babies you don't really have to worry about those things and people don't really get it and think you are being over-anxious or over-controlling.

 

[cutie4evr01]

I just read through quickly, but wanted to mention that we have always stayed home for Caitlyn's naps - neither of mine sleep well anywhere else, not even on the 4+ hour car ride it takes to get to my family or DH's family. We reserve special games/activities to do while Caitlyn is sleeping. When the weather was warmer, we would play ball or frisbee out in the front yard, draw with chalk or blow bubbles (with a monitor of course), and now that's it's cold we often do playdoh, painting, or play board games with small pieces while Caitlyn is asleep. These are all things we have attempted while Caitlyn is awake, but she still puts everything in her mouth or gets paint everywhere so we've learned they are best done while she's sleeping, and Christina loves having special activities Caitlyn is too little for, so it's a win-win.

Daisybee I think your driving plan sounds like a good one - I hope it works out for you! Hope your MIL didn't set you back too far today. I'm thinking the juggling may be a lifelong struggle, but we do the best we can!

 

[DaisyBee]

Im thinking of trying naps again but limiting to a very short nap. I can barely keep her awake til 6pm which makes the end of the day stressful and rushed. Maybe even a 15-30 minute nap would work? I would like to be able to keep her up until 7. If she would fall asleep by 9 I would be fine with that. I just need to figure out how to get that to happen!

Jordan stopped napping other places right at 3 months.

I learned a lot today. It was my first day away from Megan for basically a whole day. I've rarely been away from her at all since she has been born. I was really shocked at how different my day was with Jordan. I realized how much work Megan is. She has been that way since birth. Jordan was more "talkative" then I've ever seen her, so I think she is quiet because Megan is so vocal. I got so much done today and spent one on one time with Jordan and even had a nap! I realize I need some time away from Megan once in a while. I'm not sure how I'm going to get that, but she is exhausting me. And today her NOT being there made that more obvious then ever before.

Im hoping that when Jordan is on one nap vs 2 that we can at least get out of the house in the am or pm. We were doing that with Megan once she was on one nap, before then it was very hard to go places besides the grocery store. And once Jordan won't need bottles I wont need to be doing that in her room without Megan. Jordan will eat fine in her highchair, its only bottles. Which I don't understand but so hopefully things will improve with time.

 

[polaris]

Daisybee and Cutie, do you find you are stuck in the house most days while the younger ones are napping or do you manage to get out in between naps? I think I would find it very very hard to entertain Thomas for a full day at home, especially in winter when we can't really get out into the garden so much.

I actually think Clara has been reading this thread as today she refused to sleep in the car on two separate occasions despite being tired and ready for a sleep. Luckily we were visiting a friend with children and I was able to swaddle Clara when we arrived and put her down for a nap in her baby's cot, which she settled perfectly for. Then we left at 6.30 p.m. which is when she would normally go to sleep for the night, I fed and changed her before we left and I was sure that she would just drop off in the car seat on the way home but she didn't. I do think she is going into a wonder week at the moment though because she is visibly changing this week and becoming more interactive with the world and just looking at things in a different way. So I'm hoping maybe this is just a temporary thing rather than a permanent change. But if it's not then I really wonder how I will cope with having her at home for naps but keeping Thomas entertained too.

Daisybee, how did today go for Megan? Did you try the short nap idea?

 

[DaisyBee]

We were getting out after I got jordans naps figured out when she was on 3 naps. She was waking at 6 and napping by 8 for 45 minutes so we could get out or go to a 9am toddler class and then be home in time for lunch and both girls would nap, then Jordan would have a 4pmish nap.

At 6 months Jordan dropped her 4pm nap and started napping instead of at 8 at 9am til 10:30 -11. So we've been stuck at home in the am then now. 11 -11:30ish they both want lunch and I was having Megan do her normal nap time and awake before 2 and Jordan was going down by 1:30/2ish and sleeping til 3:30 usually, once in a while 4. We eat dinner by 5 and Jordan is melting down if not in bed by 7. Megan can't handle going out after dinner at all, even in the yard as she gets wound up and then awake all night. That nap change happened right at 6 months so for the past 6 weeks or so we have been stuck at home it seems and it's really starting to get to us. Megan is getting very bored and I'm getting stir crazy.
I was going to look and see if there were any openings left for a 12:30 class that they have and see if we can swing that one? I don't know if we could. We wouldn't get home til after 2 and that is pretty late for even a rest time for Megan and jordans nap wouldn't happen til 2:30 or 2:45. I'm hoping even in a month or 2 that she can handle a bit longer awake time and I can "force" her to be a bit more flexible with what time both her am and pm nap happen.

Yesterday I had Megan nap but I fell asleep from being awake the whole night before and she ended up napping 1 1/2 hrs. She fell asleep last night by 9:15 which I think is fine ( dh would rather her be asleep by 8.) but she woke up in the middle of the night saying she was hungry and asking for crackers. She has been hungry more often recently while in bed and I'm trying to figure out if she is really hungry or just thinking it's fun to eat in bed. So I gave her a cracker and some milk, but she then was awake for a few hrs. Dh had to get up at 5 for work today which is earlier than usual, and she was giggling in her bed. She did eventually fall back asleep and I woke her at 7:15. Today I let her sleep 30-45 minutes. I wasn't totally sure when she dropped off, but it was about that. It was hard to wake her, but she then has been in a really good mood. She was helping me make soup and jumping on the trampoline and now playing hide and seek with daddy.

Hopefully it's just a phase for Clara!

 

[polaris]

Of course we would all rather they were asleep by 8 but I agree that 9.15 is a reasonable price to pay for having a well-rested child. I hope the shorter nap works out well for Megan. Thomas is usually in a horrible mood if I wake him too early from a nap (I always have to wake him, but he's generally fine if he's had at least an hour), so that's great that Megan was in good mood after the shorter nap.

The positive thing with Clara today was that even though she wasn't able to settle to sleep in the car, she still settled quite easily once she did get into bed. If that was Thomas, he wouldn't have settled by that stage because he would have moved into overtiredness - we had such a short window for getting him to sleep when he was younger and if you missed the window it became very difficult to get him to sleep.

I really really hope we don't end up stuck at home for naps, I really think that would be very very hard and I'm not surprised you are going a bit stir crazy as you put it.

 

[DaisyBee]

Haha - yes I think dh would think she should sleep from 7-7 but sleep in when he is home on the weekends so that he can sleep in. Lol but he also isn't here with her all day all week when she is overtired and he isn't the one getting up in the night if she wakes from being overtired. mil asked me how Megan is going to handle school if she can't go without a nap lol how do you even respond to that? Well I said she has plenty of time til then and I'm sure it won't be an issue then. Haha she isn't even able to start preschool til next fall. And that is optional although we would like her to go. But that is 2 or 3 days a week only and 2 1/2 hrs either am or pm and I would try to get her in the am class. And then she has preschool the year after as well which is 3 or 4 days a week for 2 1/2 hrs as well. The year after when she is 5 1/2 is when she starts kindergarten and that is only 1/2 days. Haha so mil's worry about nap interfering with school is quite funny.

I am hoping that I feel comfortable with jordan in the shopping cart with Megan soon, so then we can get real grocery shopping done. With Megan in the top and Jordan in her carseat carrier in the main part of the cart there is no room for groceries. So I've been having to wait til they are sleeping and then going doing any shopping but by that time I'm tired and not wanting to do big shopping trips so I end up at our local more expensive store vs the store we like in the bigger town near here. That store in the bigger town - their carts have room up top for 2 kids with buckles, the store in our town only has room for 1 child with 1 buckle. And Megan can't walk in the store, she just wants to take everything off the shelves. Lol

I think most of megans issue is her insomnia issue vs her naps. But I'm hoping tweaking naps helps a bit.

Jordan fought her naps today and ended up with 2 shorter naps. She doesn't act like she is teething, so I'm trying to figure out what's up. Maybe she will start crawling? She is frustrated about it, but I don't think anywhere close, lol. Poor girl. She is very much like Megan in the physical department. She isn't even hardly rolling. Just lays there on her back most of the time, once in a great while will roll once. Mostly when i really encourage her or start her in a roll and she will then go the rest of the way. She is sitting but i cant leave her without a pillow behind her yet. She stays on her back in her crib and once in a while will lay on her left side. She doesn't scoot around her crib at all though, Megan was not very physical at this age either.

 

[cutie4evr01]

We had an awful day today. Unfortunately I had a meeting at church last night and DH had a game (he is a coach), so we left the girls with a sitter and DH put them to bed when he got home, but they were both upset I wasn't there and it was about an hour later than usual. So of course they were both a little thrown off today and Christina had at least 4 meltdowns, one of which was while we were out, which is very unusual for her (she didn't want to leave to go home, despite numerous reminders/warnings from me in advance that we were leaving soon).

I got the book in the mail today though and have skimmed some and read some and made my way to the toddler/preschool chapter. I like it so far, it validates her behaviors and I appreciated the tips for building confidence/self-esteem. I feel VERY guilty that often we do isolate her when she's having a meltdown, which the author advocates against. I often tell her to sit someplace or I leave her in her room and tell her I'll be back when she's calmed down. Admittedly it almost never works - I don't think she knows how to calm down on her own. Instead I keep checking on her every 3-5 minutes asking if she wants me to pick her up or if she wants a snack, drink, xyz - if she's ready to calm down she will agree to one of those things, and if she's not she continues melting down and I just leave her to it a few more minutes and repeat. According to the book I should stay with her until she calms down, but I'm not sure how to do that while watching Caitlyn too, unless she also must stay in the same room, but sometimes it could take 30 minutes or more! I may try it some this weekend (I'll be working Th/Fr) and see if she does better with that approach. When she was younger it didn't seem to make much difference whether we were around or not.

Polaris, unfortunately there was a time when we were stuck at home most of the day due to naps. When Caitlyn was on 3 naps, we had short periods during the day when we could get out as DaisyBee said (maybe between 9 and 11, and again around 2 or 3). But when she switched to 2 naps, they did not coincide with Christina's, so we were stuck. Caitlyn napped at 9/10 and again at 2/3 whereas Christina really needed to be napping by 12/1. So almost all day someone was napping. Caitlyn has been transitioning slowly to one nap, so for the past few weeks she's had only one nap. She gets tired by about 11, but I have managed to stretch her to nap at the same time as Christina (around 12:30/1). It has been so glorious, because we have the morning and afternoon free, and I have a short amount of free time when they are both asleep. Christina never naps longer than an hour (usually about 45 minutes), so we still have a little one-on-one time before Caitlyn gets up, although pretty often Christina wakes up grouchy from her nap, so it takes that time to calm her down. After today, I'm pretty sure Caitlyn is not sensitive, because she continued napping through one of Christina's 30-minute meltdowns!

DaisyBee do you have any sort of wrap or baby carrier you could wear? I grocery shopped for the first 10 months or so by wearing Caitlyn in my Moby wrap and having Christina sit in the cart (I call it a buggy here in the south, but I know buggy has a different meaning in UK ). Now Caitlyn can ride in the cart so it's not an issue anymore, but the wrap was a lifesaver at that age.

 

[DaisyBee]

It's always so hard when they are off routine isn't it? It's when Megan has the worst time as well. When things arent in our normal she has a tough time and she also doesn't sleep as well. And for us it then gets in a cycle of that for a while before we can get switched to good moods, no meltdowns, and better sleep.

I've not read the toddler/ preschool chapter yet. Just looked at the book and that's the chapter I'm on next. I'm almost done with the baby chapter.

Megan seems to have a tougher time calming down with me right there. It almost makes it last longer. I bring her to her room but she isn't seeing it as any sort of punishment. I put her weighted blanket on her and she looks at some books. I leave her door open.. And im on the same floor but not in her room. She doesn't like to talk about it much afterwards lately so we hug and I ask if she is feeling better? The weighted blanket has helped her a lot calm down from the meltdowns. They stop in a matter of a minute sometimes vs lasting forever. I think calming down is something Megan has been really working on as she is able to do it better now. But I don't know if she would be doing it without the blanket? We use it while reading books before nap and bedtime and sometimes if she is watching tv. She uses it while sleeping as well, but after it being on for a while she pushes it off as I've noticed she doesn't sleep with it all night.

She also is using chewing sensory toys as she was chewing on nails and trying to find other things to chew on. She was feeling bad and guilty about chewing on different things as she would give them to me and say take it away or she would throw it down and look upset. ( like with Jordans baby toys ). She knows these are for only her and they are for big kids for chewing on. And she really chews hard on them. She uses them only during meltdowns or wind down times ( like while reading books with us).

I am looking into the idea of other sensory things for during meltdowns. Squishy toys, a rainmaker, etc.

 

[DaisyBee]

I do have a boba wrap which is like a moby. Jordan liked it a lot when younger, but she hasn't been loving it lately. And I don't feel she is that secure in it anymore when she doesn't want her upper body in it at all. The carriers I have are cheaper ones and they hurt my back too much. I had thought about getting an ergo carrier but dh thought it would be a waste of money since she will shortly be able to be in the cart. We've just bought the girls a wagon for their big Xmas present and we are hoping by spring we can be using that for places like the park or zoo, etc. We have a used double stroller which I don't love either, it's very bulky and no storage and very difficult for me to put up and down for in the car without dh.

That's the stage we are in... Of where it feels like someone is napping all day. Lol

 

[polaris]

Totally off topic but Clara slept fine today in both the car this morning and the baby carrier this afternoon. Yay!

 

[DaisyBee]

Yay! Great news!

I had a big argument with my mom this morning and it's exhausted me... I'll write more later..

 

[cutie4evr01]

Way to go Clara - that's terrific! DaisyBee, hope you're ok - I'll be thinking of you.

We had a good night tonight (she was at daycare all day - it's in-home, so more like childminder), but no meltdowns tonight and minimal stalling at bedtime.

 

[cutie4evr01]

DaisyBee, where did you get your chewy sensory toys and have you been pleased with them? I offered Christina one of Caitlyn's teether toys to chew on tonight when she was having a meltdown, and she calmed right down and seemed to enjoy chewing on it, so we were thinking of getting her some of her own chewing toys.

 

[DaisyBee]

I love the chewy toys we got and these have been the only thing that megan has been ok with chewing with. The baby toys she would chew on and then get mad at herself, almost like scolding herself even when I would tell her it was ok and they aren't just for babies she obviously didn't agree. These we told her are only for big girls and we make sure they stay out of jordans hands.

Amazon is where I bought them from. These are the ones we got as I wasn't sure which she would go for, but she likes all of them. Its been nice having more than one though as she keeps misplacing them even after all my simplifying. Lol. I think maybe the triangle is her favorite but has willingly used any and all of them.

https://www.amazon.com/Chewy-Tubes-...53287378&sr=8-2&keywords=Chewing+sensory+toys

https://www.amazon.com/THE-GRABBER-...53287405&sr=8-7&keywords=Chewing+sensory+toys

https://www.amazon.com/The-Sensory-University-TRI-CHEW/dp/B0018BVAD6/ref=pd_sim_hpc_11

I also highly recommend the weighted blanket. https://peaceweightedblankets.com/Default.aspx

She sells on eBay as well and I ended up ordering off eBay vs her website. She was very fast and professional and after researching lots she seemed to be good price and I liked the style of blanket, it's more draping on her vs some looked like an air mattress they were so packed, I can't imagine that would be very comfy? It's the best money I have spent for Megan I think.

My arguement with my mom was a long time coming. I told her that I havent felt like she has been very supportive since jordans birth and that it's very tough what's going on here and I need her to be there for me. She has been selfish I feel and it was really bothering me, so I finally got the courage to let her know. But I think it needed to happen so we could both start acting normal again.

We went down this weekend and ended up not driving when we planned to. But jordan did great! She had 1/2 hr morning nap in the car on the way down and then slept in a crib at my moms in a dark bedroom for most of the afternoon. Megan was "camping" on sleeping bags in the family room right outside of the bedroom where Jordan and dh and I were. Jordan woke up when dh and I went to bed. And then a few more times in the night. I think from hearing us. Neither girl does well sharing a room. Megan woke a few times confused and afraid, but would go back to sleep after I comforted her. Jordan slept in the crib for am nap today and then pm nap for 1hr!! In the car. Both girls were so overstimulated and tonight both went to bed early. Megan didn't nap today and she was acting so odd. She was so overtired and just had way too much. My brothers and their gf/ spouse and my dad were all being so over the top with both of them. Dh and I would ask them to cool it or how about a book instead of all this insane play. ( like bouncing Megan up and down on an exercise ball, or flipping her around and around, etc) everyone was in their faces all crazy like. I don't understand why they can't tone it down? None of them if acting "normal" are very loud or crazy people, they are all pretty mellow calm people. Its like they are trying so hard for the kids to laugh and like them that they just go way over the top and they don't get that they don't have to be crazy for the kids to like them? My mom was the only rational one of the bunch. Lol

We had fun though and I'm so happy that Jordan handled things so well. We were realizing that maybe some of what was going on before she has outgrown? She would cry at times but would get over things quickly. She handled being overstimulated and didn't start being really fussy til we got home.

Megan is so afraid of toilets and public bathrooms. Anyone else dealing with this at all? I'll write more about it later...

 

[polaris]

Daisybee - I hope that the argument with your mum has cleared the air a bit and that she will respond and start helping out a bit more. That is great that your weekend went smoothly and that Jordan coped so well with all of the excessive stimulation. Do you think part of the reason she copes better is that you are so much more aware now of how to minimize over-stimulation and help her with it than you would have been with Megan? I definitely feel that Clara benefits hugely from my experience with Thomas and that this contributes to her being such a laid-back contented child. With Thomas I was totally clueless at first and it took so much trial and error to realize what he could and couldn't handle. Whereas with Clara I'm so much more aware of protecting her from over-stimulation and making sure she sleeps when she needs to, etc.

That must be quite difficult that Megan is afraid of public bathrooms. Thomas used to be afraid of the hand-dryers but he's fine with them now.

I am taking Thomas to the doctor this afternoon as he hasn't been himself since he was unwell at the end of October. He always seems to take ages to get over illnesses and it is always a worry since he was so unwell at 18 months. Hopefully she will refer him for blood tests to put my mind at rest. I also want to get his eyes tested as he has been rubbing his eyes a lot recently and back to being extremely sensitive to bright lights (wanting curtains closed, complaining that his eyes hurt in the sunlight).

Another issue I am having is that Thomas really doesn't like to say sorry, for example if he hurts me by accident. I know that he is sorry and he will hide his face and won't look at me. He seems to feel it so strongly that he just isn't able to say that he is sorry. I feel like when I make a big deal about it and try to get him to say he is sorry, that it makes him feel even worse and it feels like it is a bit too much. I don't want him to feel bad about it (if it is an accident) but I do want him to learn to say sorry. Does anyone else get this or have any suggestions for the best way to handle this?

 

[DaisyBee]

I do think it helped clear the air a bit with my mom and I now know where her head is at. Unfortunately I don't think she is going to be helping anymore then she has been. She also doesn't want me to vent to her at all about the kids which is hard for me as I kind of need that right now. But at least now I know not to count on her so I won't be as upset that she isn't there. I can't change her so I'm trying to just deal with it in a rational way. I can't handle being very upset at her right now as that won't be healthy for me when I need to be in a positive mood for the kids.

I do think Jordan benefits greatly from what I've learned from Megan. I really think as well that me doing cc with her so early has really helped her cope with overstimulation. I don't know if that makes sense, but i saw a huge difference in her self soothing skills vs just being able to go to sleep. So a side affect of cc with her was her being able to calm herself a bit when things get to be too much. She was very fussy last night and letting it all out, and thats what I've seen recently. In the moment she is putting up with things and handling them and then letting it out later when we are home. She slept awful last night as well and that's typical when she's had too much stimulation during the day as well. So it is affecting her, but she is coping vs just screaming all day. I think she is starting at a much lower stimulation level for things. When megan was a baby and I didn't know how to help her, I think she spent a lot of time being overstimulated as a baseline vs calm being baseline. Does that make sense? I feel horrible about that as I feel like if I would have figured things out sooner or done some things differently she maybe could have coped better.

The bathroom situation is getting worse for us instead of better. She is now unwilling to poop anywhere but home if she can help it. She wouldn't go all weekend at my parents house even. And now is very constipated and crying in pain over it. It is an issue whenever we go to the store or somewhere. I think some of it is the automatic flushers have made her scared of all other toilets. She also doesn't feel as secure on any of them as they don't have a kids seat, just the regular one. I'm thinking of having her use just the regular one here at home and see if that helps a bit with that. She hasn't ever used a potty, but has used a special seat that pulls down on top of the regular seat. On the way to grandmas we stopped at a gas station to use the bathroom. They had a very loud exhaust fan that turned on with the light. She didn't like it and was crying and holding her ears. They also had the radio on in the background cranked way up so it was very chaotic sounding in an echoey cold bathroom. She did pee but didn't want me to flush it and wanted me to hold her when I was going. She then was scared of my moms bathrooms and was covering her ears. We were showing her there wasn't any fan so she finally stopped holding her ears in the bathroom after like the 3rd trip to the bathroom. But she still cried every time she had to pee. We talked about how it looks like our bathroom... Made it seem familiar. We offered to let her flush or get toilet paper or look at the tub, it's like ours, etc. But wasn't really helping.

I hope Thomas is ok. I was going to ask you about that as you mentioned his health issue he had in another thread and I had forgotten all about that. That was 18 months? What was going on again then? Hopefully they will do some blood tests, maybe his eyes is related.. Do you think he gets headaches?

 

[DaisyBee]

Oh and the saying sorry. I have the opposite problem. Lol Megan says sorry when she gets hurt or does something that isn't a time she should be saying sorry. When at home with us she is too polite at times. When at my parents house she wasn't saying please or anything, was very bossy with her aunts and uncles telling them what to do. I kept reminding her to ask them nicely but she was overstimulated and also showing off and she wasn't herself at all. So I let her be a bit. But at home she will trip and fall down and say I'm sorry mommy. Well she shouldnt say sorry during that and I can't figure out how to get her to realize that. She says sorry and please and thank you so much that it's almost odd to me. If I ask if she has to go potty she says, no thank you. Lol

Let me think about it a bit to see if I can think of what would help. As I know what you mean about if you go overboard with him then he just feels bad. My first thought is just if you make sure to overdo it when you do something so he is hearing you. So saying oopsy I didn't mean to tip over your toy, I'm sorry. Like do little things on purpose that you could then be using I'm sorry for things that maybe it will help him pick up on that saying sorry isn't all just about guilt but letting the other person feel better?

 

[Tacey]

Hello all! What a great thread! Lovely to read about your sensitive little ones. I've been having a bit of a wobbly lately, and have been having some pressure from various places to get Alice assessed, but I don't think it's right for us at the moment.

I've been quite vocal on the site about Alice's sensitivity, but here's a bit of an introduction. She was a very high needs baby. Constant screaming, and needed to be held all the time. She is very sensitive to noise. Sometimes she can cope by covering her ears, sometimes she can't walk down a street because a car has its engine running. She has fainted at loud, sudden noises on quite a few occasions. She's highly independent, and with play alone for hours. She's not at all affectionate, and won't even let me kiss her. She has a very set way of seeing things, and woe betide anyone who moves something out of line!

Our issue lately has been toddler groups. I bowed to the pressure others put on me to 'socialise' her by taking her to toddler groups, and it was a total disaster. I've backed right off, and although she still goes out, we're doing structured activities rather than free play. We're all much happier!

Polaris - we have the same thing with saying sorry. Alice will say it if it's not a big deal, like accidentally bumping, but can't bring herself to when she really feels bad about it. Personally, I'm not too worried. It's the remorse I think is important, and the word will follow as they mature and learn to deal with the attendant embarrassment. I tend to say something like "I can see you're feeling sorry you did that. Would you like to say sorry?" but leave it if she doesn't.

Daisybee - the toilet thing is a nightmare isn't it? I've not got much advice, other than we went on a 'safe' toilet hunt round town to find the ones with no hand dryers, which is the main issue for us. Alice chose the ones she was happy with. It doesn't help for the other things she finds hard about it though.

Wow. Big post! It's so nice to discuss it with others who understand