Separation anxiety (me)

[EmSmith1980]

So, my little lady is now 17 months (13 months corrected), and I haven't left her with anyone, other than my husband. Even when I leave her with him, it's for no longer than 6 hours. The thought reduces me to tears, and I start to panic. The in laws think I'm some sort of weirdo, and now don't even speak to me as they think my problem is with them.

Today Anya's preschool home teacher from her special needs playgroup (she has mild hemiplegia) was at the house for a catch up and she thinks I may have adult separation anxiety, and that she has come across many mums of preemies that have it.

Is this normal? Has anyone else felt like this? Every time I even this about leaving her, I am reliving having to leave her in the NNU when she was 3 days old. xx

 

[danielle1987]

I feel the exact same. My little man is 10 months, (6 and a half) corrected. we have had him home since 6th Sept and I have not left him with a single person apat from my partner, longest i was away was 3 hours. I get panicky thinking of leaving him with anyone. Everyone wants to have him and says it will do me good. (He is a grumpy baby and does cry alot of the time) but I just don't feel the desire to leave him. I had to leave him every night for 102 days and I cant bear being seperated from him.

I think its completely normal, dont feel bad for feeling this way. People just need to deal with it. xxx

 

[AP]

It's the same for me too. I don't worry so much about Tori, both the girls have stayed overnight from us but only twice , but I can only trust my best friend with Alex. I still freak out about her but I know she's in great hands. Still can't shrug it off though. I think time is a healer and now she's growing up and finding independence in her own ways I'm not so scared

 

[EmSmith1980]

It's so hard. I'd love to have a wee night out with my husband. Just the two of us. But I can't bring myself to do it.

The in laws seem to forget that I was separated from her for almost 20weeks. They really ought to live a day in any our shoes, I'm sure they'd be quick enough to hand them back.

I'm quite happy for my other 3 to go away with family or friends for the day/night. Lol. Xx

 

[AP]

The in laws seem to forget that I was separated from her for almost 20weeks. They really ought to live a day in any our shoes, I'm sure they'd be quick enough to hand them back.

Spot on. I reckon one night would put them off in the future

 

[danielle1987]

Definitely. I dont think ppl understand unless they have had a premature baby. Reece was in hospital for 102 days, I just dont feel at ease on leaving him with anyone. I would love some couple time with my hubby but cant stomach the thought of giving reece to anyone. He is hard work tho, He has severe reflux so he 1 cranky baby 24 7, and isnt a great sleeper, So i think i would constantly worry that whoever has him wouldnt cope. xx

Im hoping when he is bigger i can let go a little. xx

 

[25weeker]

I think you need to do whatever you are comfortable with and not worry what anyone else thinks.

I did struggle initially to leave holly and even now I will only leave her with my in laws as holly absolutely loves them and gets so excited when she sees them and forgets we are even there!

Now it's actually nice to go out and not know that holly isn't missing us in the slightest. Today I am sitting relaxing in the house as holly has went to the shops with granny & grandad

 

[Srrme]

I feel the same way. My oldest is going to be 17 months, and the only time he's ever been away from me was when I had to have a cesarean section with my youngest. Even while in the hospital recovering, he was right with me (slept on the hospital bed with me at night and all!). I don't care. I'm not ready to be separated from him, and I don't trust anyone other than my husband.

 

[EmSmith1980]

Exact same as me Srrme. My eyes well up just thinking about it. Xx

 

[angelina2]

My little man is 5 months (3 and a half months corrected) and I am crushed at the idea that I will have to leave him when I go back to work even though it is not going to be for another 5 or 6 months...I have the feeling that noone will be able to comfort him if he is upset...I am already panicking!

 

[Srrme]

Exact same as me Srrme. My eyes well up just thinking about it. Xx

Mine too. I just can't bring myself to do it right now, and I'm okay with that.

 

[Agiboma]

I thought i was the only one that felt this way Micah is 20 months and I still have trouble leaving him with his dad, even if Im just going to teh store OMG. I cant even think about next year when Im suppose to put him into a playgroup just the thought of it makes me want to
Any moms with older prems that have gotten over this feeling please advise.

 

[toothfairyx]

Mine aren't older than a lot of you guys LOs, but I have had to leave mine from a very early age as I could only take a very short maternity leave. In fact with Jonny I was back at work before he was discharged, but he didn't go to nursery until a month after he came home with various domestic arrangements including being with me whilst I was at work which the patients loved!
When I was considering what I was going to do with Jamie I wondered about either a nanny or nursery. We have no family close by. I chose nursery as I thought he would be better stimulated in that environment than at home all day with a nanny whom I couldn't check on so easy, and I went in to see them at the nursery several times to check the arrangements and make sure I was happy it was all safe for him.
It was odd the first few days, but no worse than leaving him in hospital to be looked after by other people. I also think it is one of those things that is easier to do the earlier you do it, for both you and LO.
Jamie has totally caught up and more, in fact he has the speech of a 2 year old at this point and I think a lot of that, and his good nature and ease around others is due to the environment he was in from so little as it is so structured. I hear my friends saying they really struggled with having to go back to work later and leaving their LOs, and I see the new older babies crying when dropped off at Jamies nursery and he's never done that.

Of course if I had been able to stay home with him then I wouldn't have put him in daycare so I'm not saying everyone should just get on with it and get over it. It was purely a circumstantial thing for me and I had no choice, but what I can tell you is, I did it, and it was OK so don't be stressing about it. When the time comes that you have to leave them it will all be fine, I promise!

 

[Bec L]

I can totally empathise with you all and my eldest is almost 4! I have never left her (or her sister) overnight with anyone and only our families have ever looked after them or babysat.
Our eldest was 6 weeks prem and we had to leave her in hospital for 2 weeks. We were lucky I could spend most of the day with her but it broke my heart every single time I left. I had some counselling when she was 6 months old as I was in tears every night about going back to work (for 2 days a week when she was 13 months). Even though she was with my parents I hated it.

Luckily our second little girl was only 3.5 weeks prem and we took her home the same day

Our eldest is starting pre school in September and once again, I am in tears every night at the thought of leaving her every day with other people (even though it's just for 2.5 hours!)

Sorry to ramble, had to get that off my chest!! I'd love to say it gets easier (and I know that deep down, both of us will be fine when she goes to school) but I know I will really really miss her!!!
xx

 

[vermeil]

I think it`s all normal! I also said goodbye to my son every night 105 times in a row - heck if I was leaving him again once he got home! I was lucky in that i was able to be on sick leave while he was at the nicu, then have the government maternity leave start when he got home.

At 17 months he had NEVER been without mom or dad. I would leave for 2 hours tops if I absolutely had to. But by then I had to go back to work (DH is a full-time student). We were lucky to be accepted in an amazing daycare associated to a readaptation center because he was diagnosed with mild hemiplegia (which has since disapeared completely ). The first few days I would only leave him an hour. Then two, and three. I wasn`t even able to be physically far, how silly is that! I would park myself in the hospital cafeteria and stare at the clock for 3, 4 hours until I could pick him up.

Obviously, eventually I had to leave him the whole day - we both got used to it and he now LOVES it there, he basically shoos me off in the morning and rushes in to play with his friends

When my son was 17 months old I had to go back to work