Seriously hurt feelings by coworkers!!!!

[Breadsticks]

Some people!

You are a mother now, we all are, and it is your choice to celebrate or not My husband most likely doesn't have anything planned as we are on vacation visiting family, but we will be spending the day with my mom and grandmother which sounds pretty perfect to me!

I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day!

 

[MumToEva]

Afraid I don't really get it either, but that's just my opinion. Your just going to have to accept that other people will feel differently from you on the subject though. Just ignore them and celebrate away - it's your life!

 

[Ambivalent]

"Sure, my DD isn't here, yet, but that doesn't make me any less of a mother."

Actually, it does. I am with your co-workers. I wouldn't call myself a mother until I have a child. This is just the transitional phase.

I don't mean to trivialise your feelings but I just want to make the point that it really doesn't seem a hurtful thing to say to me, so assuming we think the same, your co-workers didn't mean to hurt you and probably don't understand why you would be upset.

 

[Anon Male]

"Sure, my DD isn't here, yet, but that doesn't make me any less of a mother."

Actually, it does. I am with your co-workers. I wouldn't call myself a mother until I have a child. This is just the transitional phase.

I don't mean to trivialise your feelings but I just want to make the point that it really doesn't seem a hurtful thing to say to me, so assuming we think the same, your co-workers didn't mean to hurt you and probably don't understand why you would be upset.

I have to agree with this, and disagree with most of the previous posts on this thread.

My DW is expecting in July and we didn't celebrate Mother's Day. As we see it, we are not parents yet - and won't be until she's holding that little bundle of love in her arms.

That's our view. It's also the view of our families and friends. Obviously, OP, your co-workers share that view, too.

In no sense is that intended to minimize what expecting mothers-to-be go through (though our families and friends would, I'm sure, be quick to remind us that We Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet). Nor is it some sort of personal or generalized attack on, or disparagement of, you and your condition. Of course no-one can stop you from celebrating it, but other people will legitimately hold the view that Mother's Day is for people who have already had children, not for expectant mothers. You cannot expect to bend everyone's opinion to match yours and it's useless to get oversensitive because people disagree with you. Does it occur to you, OP, that from their perspective, it might look as if you're being just a little bit self-centred and wanting everything NOW?

If you crave their acceptance, then you'll have to be patient. Your time will come. It's not for much longer, after all.

But of course, you don't exactly need their permission or acceptance anyway. Do what you want.

 

[Mum2BKW]

"Sure, my DD isn't here, yet, but that doesn't make me any less of a mother."

Actually, it does. I am with your co-workers. I wouldn't call myself a mother until I have a child. This is just the transitional phase.

I don't mean to trivialise your feelings but I just want to make the point that it really doesn't seem a hurtful thing to say to me, so assuming we think the same, your co-workers didn't mean to hurt you and probably don't understand why you would be upset.

I have to agree with this, and disagree with most of the previous posts on this thread.

My DW is expecting in July and we didn't celebrate Mother's Day. As we see it, we are not parents yet - and won't be until she's holding that little bundle of love in her arms.

That's our view. It's also the view of our families and friends. Obviously, OP, your co-workers share that view, too.

In no sense is that intended to minimize what expecting mothers-to-be go through (though our families and friends would, I'm sure, be quick to remind us that We Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet). Nor is it some sort of personal or generalized attack on, or disparagement of, you and your condition. Of course no-one can stop you from celebrating it, but other people will legitimately hold the view that Mother's Day is for people who have already had children, not for expectant mothers. You cannot expect to bend everyone's opinion to match yours and it's useless to get oversensitive because people disagree with you. Does it occur to you, OP, that from their perspective, it might look as if you're being just a little bit self-centred and wanting everything NOW?

If you crave their acceptance, then you'll have to be patient. Your time will come. It's not for much longer, after all.

But of course, you don't exactly need their permission or acceptance anyway. Do what you want.

I agree with this, but on the flip side I saw Mothers Day cards in the shops for Mummies-to-be and secretly hoped that my Hubbie would get me one..... he didn't, and I was a little disappointed. Saying that, we won't be 'celebrating' Mothers day until next year as I feel that it's something to celebrate once your baby has arrived, even if he had got me a card that's as far as it would have gone. I certainly wouldn't have wanted a gift or a dinner out etc (thought next year..... )

As the guy above said, it feels a bit premature to me to celebrate this year. But if you want to, go for it!

 

[babyface15]

boo hoo don't be such downers on mothers day this is the only place where we can come and complain and be overly emotional without shame

happy mothers day ladies!!!!!

 

[sue_88]

I just don't understand the argument you're not a mum until holding the baby / or because baby not here yet.

What happens if the baby dies while in the womb? The baby had then never 'been here' , would you begrudge that person being called a mother because she hasn't got a baby?

If you didn't do your duty as a mother from conception to protect, love, feed, youd be having a very sick frail child. Which no woman would ever actively do. The role doesn't start when you have the baby.

 

[Anon Male]

boo hoo don't be such downers on mothers day this is the only place where we can come and complain and be overly emotional without shame

happy mothers day ladies!!!!!

Not meaning to be a downer - I actually forgot that it is Mother's Day in some parts of the world, ours was in March

 

[Anon Male]

I just don't understand the argument you're not a mum until holding the baby / or because baby not here yet.

It's a point of view. There will be others who will "just not understand the argument" that you can be simultaneously a mother and a first-time mother-to-be.

What happens if the baby dies while in the womb? The baby had then never 'been here' , would you begrudge that person being called a mother because she hasn't got a baby?

You're trying to make an emotional appeal there (essentially, you're asking how anyone could be so cruel as to disregard the feelings of someone who had undergone such tragic circumstance). That's not exactly an argument that people will necessarily "understand" either - nor is it really a fair one. In any event, it's nothing to with begrudging anyone anything. People can call themselves what they like. No-one has a right to expect everyone else to see things the same way, though. If the worst happened to us between now and the due date, we would not consider ourselves to be parents.

If you didn't do your duty as a mother from conception to protect, love, feed, youd be having a very sick frail child. Which no woman would ever actively do.

The high number of terminations in the West alone call that assertion into serious question - even if one ignores the number of expectant women who either don't know they're pregnant (and therefore are not actively doing any duty at all) or who continue to follow lifestyles that are inimical to the health of the baby (drinking, smoking, drugs).

 

[fatandlumpy]

I'm British too... OH got me sod all for the UK Mother's day, but then again - the pair of us are crap and don't even get our own Mums a card. Unless mine rings up and shouts at me (I think she did this year). The next 'Hallmark-sponsored-rip-off day' is Father's Day in June (in the UK), and the chances of me getting the OH something to celebrate are zilch as well.

... in fact the only 'Day' the boyf has tried to 'celebrate' is March the 14th (steak and a BJ Day) and was told to 'sod-right-off' then as well. Although we had the steak as a compromise.

FTR - we don't even get each other Christmas cards or Easter eggs (no we're not Jehovah Witnesses) - I was raised in Yorkshire and OH is a Scot and I think we're just a bit grumpy about what we perceive as a waste of money. Put it this way - one year he got me a blender for my birthday and I was initially pleased. Then I thought about it and was a bit pissed off... I got over it though as it's a good blender (Magimix) - but then again I got him 4 new tyres for his car for his birthday...

I'd rather celebrate everyday a little bit, then save it all up for 'special days' in the year.

OP - don't be sad or offended. Just look forward to the day when you can hold your little one and I'm sure that your perspective will change. You don't need a 'special day'. We are special anyway

 

[fatandlumpy]

... I have to say I am also amused by Anon Male's attempt to conduct a dispassionate, rational argument in a forum full of pregnant women...

Mate - Picture the salmon.... swimming upstream. Yep - like looking in a mirror isn't it. You're not going to win. Please accept a 'word to the wise' and give up now.

 

[Anon Male]

... I have to say I am also amused by Anon Male's attempt to conduct a dispassionate, rational argument in a forum full of pregnant women...

Mate - Picture the salmon.... swimming upstream. Yep - like looking in a mirror isn't it. You're not going to win. Please accept a 'word to the wise' and give up now.

LOL, stereotyping much?

Totally with you on the thing about cards. We've started trying to make more of an effort lately though, so that by the time the child is aware of such things, he doesn't pick up our current bad habits on that score.

 

[babyface15]

fatandlumpy you're a comic gem!!

 

[Breadsticks]

Does it really matter if someone wants to celebrate Mother's Day while pregnant with their first child? That's what I don't understand, if it is all about an opinion then OP's coworker shouldn't have been so rude. If someone told me I "wasn't a real mother yet," or even that my husband wasn't a real father yet, I would be furious. If her coworker wanted to state her opinion, she could've been a lot nicer and just said that she didn't celebrate before birth instead of saying OP couldn't.

This is how I see it, I am a mother from conception. I take care of my daughter differently now than I will when she is born, no doubt about that. Will I be any less of a mother when she starts kindergarten and is gone part of the day? What about when she goes to college, moves out, marries off, whatever? Absolutely not, even though I won't be mothering her in the same way by that point.

Happy Mother's Day, ladies! Whether you celebrate this year or not

 

[lilesMom]

my first baby died at 10.5 weeks, i will hopefully get to have this baby (my 2nd) in a few weeks
i am a mom to 2 babies .
u are arguing u cant change someones mind on if im a mom or not, fair enough but why then are u tryin to change ours? unless u carry a little bub in ur tummy and feel the kicks , rolls and ripples u wont know. this baby is most def a baby even if not born yet so if i have a living baby in my tummy how am i not a mom?
if a person has a child and it dies, is that person no longer a mom cos their child is dead.
what exactly is the definition of a mom?
everyone differs and im gonna stop typing before i upset myself more

 

[Anon Male]

my first baby died at 10.5 weeks, i will hopefully get to have this baby (my 2nd) in a few weeks
i am a mom to 2 babies .
u are arguing u cant change someones mind on if im a mom or not, fair enough but why then are u tryin to change ours?

Is this directed at me? If so, the answer is that I'm not trying to change yours, or anyone else's. I am not nearly so delusional as to think I can change anyone's mind on the Internet. Besides, you can view yourself as a mom if you so wish. Just don't expect everyone to agree with you, that's all. Sure, they may not say so to your face IRL (and the poster above yours does make a fair point about coworkers' lack of tact and discretion); but this is the Internet, and people generally aren't so circumspect about their opinions. It's a very bad place to go if you're seeking to have your opinion validated; someone will invariably hold, and express, a contrary one, and if that is likely to upset you, then it's probably time to take stock of whether it's the right subject matter to be reading at that time. Expressing it is not the same as trying to get others to adhere to it, though, and few people go out of their way to try to upset people.

unless u carry a little bub in ur tummy and feel the kicks , rolls and ripples u wont know.

My wife is carrying a little bub in her tummy and can feel the kicks, rolls and ripples - as can I, from time to time. As such, from my perspective, she is as qualified to hold an opinion on this matter as you are. So any attempt to play that card against me would receive short shrift.

And as far as she is concerned, she doesn't consider herself a "mom" yet. Are you going to be the one to tell her she's wrong?

 

[lilesMom]

i never tried to tell her she is wrong but u seem to be trying to tell me i am.
im unsubscribing to this now cos i dont like your opinions which is apparently by your defintion fine of me to say so, even though i would normally find it rude .
sorry to original poster that ur thread has gone a bit squiffy
hope ur feeling better now

 

[Anon Male]

i never tried to tell her she is wrong but u seem to be trying to tell me i am.

With all due respect, you basically said, in as many words, that I was unqualified to have an opinion. By contrast, I've consistently said that how people view themselves is entirely up to them. As such, you'll forgive me if that statement seemingly stretches credibility.

i dont like your opinions

There's not much I can do about that, I am afraid. There are plenty of people for whose opinions I don't much care either; I don't expect them to change them for my benefit or peace of mind.

 

[Evana]

hi..

had no idea it was mothers day today till i received a msg from family member wishing me a happy mothers day ..made me feel really good !!!

to all of us pregnant here if you consider yourself already a mother ...then who cares what others think if you are a mother or not ... celebrate any way!

and to all who don't consider themselves or their wife a mother yet thats fine too ....nobody is taking anything away from you or raining on your parade ....