Seriously!!! Vent

[Miskas mommy]

Seriously, you have got to be friggin kidding me.. My best friend says to me today.. So my period is 10days late, I think I am going to test i think I'm pregnant.. Her husband has had a damn vasectomy!!!! Meanwhile the already have a 4 year old and a 15 month old, and dh and I have been trying for 2 and a half years!!!! I am so angry then she had the gall to tell me, well there is a 1 in 1500 chance that I can get pregnant still even with him being fixed... I wanted to slap her!!! She know how long we have been trying and had no regard for how telling me that would make me feel.


Sorry I just needed to vent.

 

[KatO79]

Sorry Miskas mommy

Unfortunately people that have had an easy time conceiving don't think about it when they blurt things out like that. Even though she knows you're having problems, it just doesn't register properly because she doesn't understand it. I kinda know how you feel as I've had people blurt things out like "Don't you want one?" and "Don't you guys want kids?" Mostly it's DH's friends that all had a super easy time conceving. It's super annoying to hear remarks like this

Maybe you could try and tell her that you find her comments inappropriate and hurtful considering you've been trying for so long? Maybe say you're not the right person to discuss/tell things like that with/to? Nothing wrong with setting some boundaries. You need to protect your emotional health after all!

 

[Bekah78]

Aww I'm sorry your friend was so insensitive. Hugs.

 

[Smille24]

People are so ignorant. Lots of hugs!

I made the mistake of discussing our fertility problem with my cousin whom I am really close to. She is so insensitive and says hurtful things all of the time. We've been referred to an RE and she had the nerve to tell me to give up. She said I have 1 kid I should be fine with that. I'm not fine with it, no one is fine with it. My dd wants a sibling so bad, my dh adopted my dd so he wants a child of his own and I'm not satisfied with the size of my family.

People need to learn how to word things more appropriately or not say anything at all. I think before trying to discuss the topic, they need to educate themselves. We are already having a hard time dealing with the difficulties in ttc, we don't need hurtful words to kick us when we're down.

 

[Miskas mommy]

I suppose they say ignorance is bliss right? They just have no idea about what you want in your heart, even when you tell them. My dh's family is sort of the same way, when we told them we were going to an re, his sister said to us, well my friend did that and spent thousands of dollars and it didn't work, you should just stop trying, that's what they did and it worked.... I could have slapped her...
My family gets is, but they are over an hr away, so it's hard to see them as often as I would like to talk about it.

 

[Smille24]

Oh how awful. We refuse to tell his family what's going on bc they will tell everyone they know and his mom will say it's against God's plan for us. My mom is very supportive which is nice. I'm sorry you aren't getting much support .

 

[Bekah78]

My MIL was the queen of tactless/bitchy. She 'advised' me just after DH and I got married to not even mention the idea of having children as "that's why he left his first wife" (loads of bull that was) and when she then heard we were trying and struggling ...going through IVF again she said that my not falling pregnant was Gods way of telling me id be a bad mother. All this from the woman who walked out on her family when DH was 10 as she was having an affair with FIL's friend.

We haven't bothered telling her that her first grandchild on the way as she's toxic and we don't want her around our little one.

 

[Smille24]

My MIL was the queen of tactless/bitchy. She 'advised' me just after DH and I got married to not even mention the idea of having children as "that's why he left his first wife" (loads of bull that was) and when she then heard we were trying and struggling ...going through IVF again she said that my not falling pregnant was Gods way of telling me id be a bad mother. All this from the woman who walked out on her family when DH was 10 as she was having an affair with FIL's friend.

We haven't bothered telling her that her first grandchild on the way as she's toxic and we don't want her around our little one.

That is so awful. I agree, if she's that toxic do not subject your LO to that. Idk why seeing an RE weirds people out of makes them think less of us. Sometimes you just need the added help. Congrats on your success!!!

 

[Bekah78]

Thank you!

I have no idea why it does.... After all one in three couples needs help these days. It's hardly unheard.

Guess there needs to be more awareness so that it's not such a difficult for some to get their heads around. It's strange since announcing out success and how we got there so many friends/acquaintances have told me of their troubles conceiving and treatment stories. If people talked about it more then maybe it would have made the journey easier to deal with.

 

[Miskas mommy]

Oh geesh Beckah that's horrible... I would agree that is unneeded stress on your family...

 

[KatO79]

I suppose they say ignorance is bliss right? They just have no idea about what you want in your heart, even when you tell them. My dh's family is sort of the same way, when we told them we were going to an re, his sister said to us, well my friend did that and spent thousands of dollars and it didn't work, you should just stop trying, that's what they did and it worked.... I could have slapped her...
My family gets is, but they are over an hr away, so it's hard to see them as often as I would like to talk about it.

I'm so sorry I think the problem is that most fertile people are completely clueless of how conception works. They assume it's just a matter of having sex and relaxing. I'd stop talking to people in your DH's family if they're going to come with insesitive, stupid remarks like that. Just shut them down, a bit rudely if need be to get your message across. Can't you call your family once in a while to talk about it with them? Maybe you could also join a support group?

My MIL was the queen of tactless/bitchy. She 'advised' me just after DH and I got married to not even mention the idea of having children as "that's why he left his first wife" (loads of bull that was) and when she then heard we were trying and struggling ...going through IVF again she said that my not falling pregnant was Gods way of telling me id be a bad mother. All this from the woman who walked out on her family when DH was 10 as she was having an affair with FIL's friend.

We haven't bothered telling her that her first grandchild on the way as she's toxic and we don't want her around our little one.

So sorry about your toxic MIL I have a toxic mother, aunt (my mother's sister), 2 brothers and 1 sister myself so know how that goes Saying it's because you'd be a bad mother is such BS! My own highly toxic mother conceived her 6 kids super easy (all with 6 different men, one being from an affair) and has been awful to all of us, especially to her daughters and most especially to me the chosen scapegoat of the family despite the fact I'm the youngest of her kids.

I think it's wise to keep her away from your child. I'm planning on doing the same once I do manage to get pregnant and have a baby. Currently in IVF treatment (our 1st IVF resulted in a CP so doing IVF #2 in January) so hoping it happens for us soon.

 

[Bekah78]

I think it's wise to keep her away from your child. I'm planning on doing the same once I do manage to get pregnant and have a baby. Currently in IVF treatment (our 1st IVF resulted in a CP so doing IVF #2 in January) so hoping it happens for us soon.

Best of luck with round #2 hope it goes well for you.

Guess people can be insensitive but it says more about them than us. People find themselves alienated after a while if they come out constantly with rude comments as people only take so much of it. Their loss, not ours. Sometimes it takes the difficult times to find out who your true friends are, but your life is richer once you've worked this out.

 

[Smille24]

You ladies are right, if people are going to be ignorant and toxic they don't deserve a relationship with us.

I've come to the conclusion that I will not discuss our troubles anymore with my cousin, let alone keep our friendship. She had the nerve to message me and tell me that she wants to get pregnant to get the benefits of welfare. It really crushed me, because I think that's a terrible reason to have another baby. Then had the audacity to tell me how to get pregnant. REALLY?!?! I'm pretty sure after 2 years, we've tried everything possible. At this point I despise her for her ignorant comments and insensitive behavior. She is such a hateful person that I need to cut out of my life.

 

[Bekah78]

Sounds like she isn't someone to have a relationship with at all. Got to feel sorry for any kids she brings into the world with an attitude like that. I'm guessing she won't be winning any mother of the year awards!

 

[KatO79]

I think it's wise to keep her away from your child. I'm planning on doing the same once I do manage to get pregnant and have a baby. Currently in IVF treatment (our 1st IVF resulted in a CP so doing IVF #2 in January) so hoping it happens for us soon.

Best of luck with round #2 hope it goes well for you.

Guess people can be insensitive but it says more about them than us. People find themselves alienated after a while if they come out constantly with rude comments as people only take so much of it. Their loss, not ours. Sometimes it takes the difficult times to find out who your true friends are, but your life is richer once you've worked this out.

Thanks, here's hoping it does work

True although in my case it has resulted in my 2 toxic siblings (the 1 brother, the eldest, I have 0 contact with because he's never been there for me or treated me with much respect but expects me to be supportive when he needs it) and cousin alienating themselves from me because they think I'm being "too sensitive" when they're making insensitive and rude remarks about my infertility, they seem to make it about them and talking about their struggles every single time (my brother and his wife used 5 years and countless IVFs to get pregnant with #1, my sister conceived #2 on Clomid after a 2 year struggle but had a super easy time conceiving #1). An example was I'd posted an article on FB about how telling infertiles to relax isn't helpful. My brother than tried to get into a debate with me, insisting he was right and listened to nothing I had to say - my sister joined the conversation and supported him and talked about her struggle for #2 and what it was like. When I tried to politely disengage from the discussion, my brother told me I only wanted to stop because it "wasn't going (my) way" and that when I was "ready for an adult discussion, post on." So yeah, my siblings are just behaving horribly. Especially my brother as he hasn't been supportive at all.

My siblings have stopped asking me about it and have pretty much stopped talking to me at this point, they seem to have issues with me creating healthy boundaries for their toxic and selfish behavior. My cousin only wrote to me some months ago to complain about how my toxic mother treated her DH poorly, no question about how fertility treatments are going or anything even though she knows.

 

[Smille24]

Sounds like she isn't someone to have a relationship with at all. Got to feel sorry for any kids she brings into the world with an attitude like that. I'm guessing she won't be winning any mother of the year awards!

True. She complains all of the time how her step son's mother uses him as a 2nd paycheck, but she views children the same way so they have a lot in common.

 

[Lues]

I love the poster who said that fertile people think getting pregnant is all about having sex and relaxing. Lol, that's so true.

It's a shame people are so insensitive. While a lot of people need help these days, I don't think people know what that MEANS, and that it's not just, oh here, take this pill and then you'll get pregnant. And they certainly don't know the pain and the struggle and the genuine terrifying fear that goes with it.

I know I wouldn't if I hadn't gone through it.

I hope you have other people who can be more supportive.

 

[Miskas mommy]

Yes absolutely. I do wish there was more support groups in my area. But we don't have any at all.. That's why I have you ladies! Thanks for all the kind words, and I am glad tobe here for you all as well

 

[Kerry R]

Hi im Kerry im new to all this thought id register have you ever tried seven seas conceving tablets ive heard great results how some women are on their second packet and end up pregant so second month of taken them they also look like the pill if you ask me they have the days on them and there just as small as them too suppose to be great vitamins for before you come pregnant but i believe they also help regulate your periods and might help you ovulate better ? Ive not used them my self yet as im on the injection just now but end of Jan ill be trying them myself xx

 

[Kerry R]

Hi im Kerry im new to all this thought id register have you ever tried seven seas conceving tablets ive heard great results how some women are on their second packet and end up pregant so second month of taken them they also look like the pill if you ask me they have the days on them and there just as small as them too suppose to be great vitamins for before you come pregnant but i believe they also help regulate your periods and might help you ovulate better ? Ive not used them my self yet as im on the injection just now but end of Jan ill be trying them myself xx