Sex life...

[vebanfield80]

...sorry for such a personal post, but just wanted to know if any of you other LTTTCers feel really out of touch with a normal sex life?... we have been trying for 13 months now, so not as long as lots of you lovely ladies, but I can hardly remember what it was like to just "do it" because we felt like it, when it didn't feel so calculated and functional. I seem to have completely lost my libido - I don't seem to enjoy it like I used to and its all down to this "trying to conceive" mission.

We have been married for just over a year and it just feels like sex is all about baby making, which is entirely my fault - my husband must feel like he's going to bed with a praying mantis sometimes!

I was reading some fertility information yesterday and it was talking about a study of women who tried unsuccessfully for years and when that relationship failed and they tried with a new partner they suddenly became fertile as deep down they knew they were with the wrong partner. Now I know that I love my husband dearly and want nothing more than to have a baby with him, I just wish this journey so hadn't turned me into this obessive person, I just want making love to my husband to feel natural again.

I did have a heart to heart with my husband last night and said we need to make more of an effort with one another and break away from this cycle...

Sorry for the long rant

 

[fluffystar]

I know exactly what you mean.

We dont seem to have "recreational sex" very often anymore and I miss it!!!

At our FS appoint, he asked how often we had sex. We were too embarrased to say that we rarely did unless it was "that" time of the month in order to TTC.

Love fluffy x

 

[hopes fading]

I can relate to this. I really wonder if we can ever have a 'normal' sex life again. Most of the time I think we can but sometimes I fear that TTC for so long has killed it dead.
It seems so much harder on my OH than on me; I am happy to be BD'ing any time I think we may conceive but he seems to resent it so much.
Of course I know he wants to be a Dad but it seems to me that men don't need it in the same way as women do - and certainly not with the same all consuming urgency.
When we first started trying I remember talking about how obsessed some women become and joking that I'd never turn into the kind of woman who calls in the middle of the working day and says "quick, come home now, I'm ovulating"!
I turned into that woman way back - and oh, so much worse! I think it's par for the course though ladies and only after we have conceived will we truly know how much damage has been done to our relationships and sex lives?
I envy pregnant women and Mum's like nobodies business - I envy them the simplicity of their relationships and love making as much as their babies.

 

[vebanfield80]

I know exactly what you mean.

We dont seem to have "recreational sex" very often anymore and I miss it!!!

At our FS appoint, he asked how often we had sex. We were too embarrased to say that we rarely did unless it was "that" time of the month in order to TTC.

Love fluffy x

Thanks Fluffy... i know what you mean, we seem to save it up for the 2 weeks around ovulation and then nothing for the rest of the month. We had a FS appointment a couple of weeks ago and she said that this could be causing us more problems as a man should go longer than 7 days without "refreshing", so to speak, so advised that we should be doing it 2-3 times per week to always ensure a fresh supply of sperm.... but i thought that the rest of the month our cm was hostile, so the surely they wouldn't get very far??? Anyhoo, tried to take on board what she said and have tried to not leave it as long in between... its really hard when you know that you won't get pregnant on those day!

 

[vebanfield80]

I can relate to this. I really wonder if we can ever have a 'normal' sex life again. Most of the time I think we can but sometimes I fear that TTC for so long has killed it dead.
It seems so much harder on my OH than on me; I am happy to be BD'ing any time I think we may conceive but he seems to resent it so much.
Of course I know he wants to be a Dad but it seems to me that men don't need it in the same way as women do - and certainly not with the same all consuming urgency.
When we first started trying I remember talking about how obsessed some women become and joking that I'd never turn into the kind of woman who calls in the middle of the working day and says "quick, come home now, I'm ovulating"!
I turned into that woman way back - and oh, so much worse! I think it's par for the course though ladies and only after we have conceived will we truly know how much damage has been done to our relationships and sex lives?
I envy pregnant women and Mum's like nobodies business - I envy them the simplicity of their relationships and love making as much as their babies.

Thanks Hopes Fading... its horrible that we turn in to such baby nutters, I hope people that conceive straight away realise how lucky they are, they shouldn't take their "normal" sex life for granted, like you I just hope that once mission is accomplished we can get back on an even keel - I just wish that I could turn my brain off sometimes, I think wayyy too much.

 

[vicks78]

Hi, we have been trying for just over 2 years now and I know exactly what you mean. Our FS told us to forget about cycles and to BD every other day (if we could!!) and we have been trying to do that and I think its helped a lot - we don't often manage every other day but we don't go too long, probably 3 at most and it does feel like we have some normalicy back. Although haven't forgotten about my cycle and we do go for it at that time of the month too!!

 

[Leila Fae]

Yup, all this sounds very familiar!

DH and I have been together 8 years and married for 4 (yesterday!) so we're past the first flush of wanting to be at it all the time and to be honest we've both got a fairly low libido anyway. At times it feels like TTC has destroyed even that and as Fluffy puts is, recreational BDing is very rare.

Is it wrong that I'm actually kind of relieved when I know I'm past ovulation and don't 'have' to BD any more? It's not that I don't love DH, I do, I love him to bits!

 

[FutureMommie]

I totally understand, we have been ttc for 31 months now and it starts to feel like a chore after a while. We alway bd a lot during my O week, and then after Oing we usually take a break for like a week afterwards

 

[FutureMommie]

Yup, all this sounds very familiar!

DH and I have been together 8 years and married for 4 (yesterday!) so we're past the first flush of wanting to be at it all the time and to be honest we've both got a fairly low libido anyway. At times it feels like TTC has destroyed even that and as Fluffy puts is, recreational BDing is very rare.

Is it wrong that I'm actually kind of relieved when I know I'm past ovulation and don't 'have' to BD any more? It's not that I don't love DH, I do, I love him to bits!

Oh you must have been reading my mind.

 

[fluffystar]

Is it wrong that I'm actually kind of relieved when I know I'm past ovulation and don't 'have' to BD any more? It's not that I don't love DH, I do, I love him to bits!

Oh how familiar that sounds!!! Before I started having accupuncture my cycles were really affected by stress and ovulation could get delayed by a week or so. I struggled sooooo much to try and keep up with the BDing just in case O would happen and just held on to the hope that I would see my temp rise and then we could stop BDing. It sounds so wrong doesnt it? I know it does but I couldnt not try, just in case this was the month and then we could stop trying!!!!!

Argh, it would send me insane!!!

 

[Mrs LB]

Oh how i can relate to this, DH seems to find it all to stressful around O - pressure - as he tells me! and i can't understand why he sees it like that and why he can't just enjoy
It's been 15 months for us now and i do feel that i'm certainly not enjoying it around O as i do when it's not O - which is fustrating and ridiculous though i know it's because he's getting worked up about it

 

[pumpkin86]

ughh this is horrible..God I hate ttc..it's been the worst experience I've ever had in my life .. I sooo wish I was one of those people who conceive from the first or second try !!!

 

[Mrs LB]

ughh this is horrible..God I hate ttc..it's been the worst experience I've ever had in my life .. I sooo wish I was one of those people who conceive from the first or second try !!!

AGREEEEEEEEEEEE It's really crappy and wish could stop thinking which CD it is and how long 'til AF or O and talking to DH about when we need to and scheduling it in the diary
And to those who concieve 1st or 2nd try

 

[zowiey]

I am so happy to see this thread!! Most months when AF comes, I'm upset I'm not pregnant, but then I kind of feel a bit ugh, we have to do it all over again! I would love to have a normal sex life, but it's just not going to happen!

 

[kidloco1]

I understand totally how you all feel. Me and hubby have been married 13 months and when the witch got me today after trying non-stop on holiday I've been a mess and saying horrible stuff to hubby about having to go through sex every day at the time around ovulation. It hasn't helped this month that 3 of my friends have got pregnant and they supposedly weren't trying very hard. Going to book an appointment with the GP tomorrow as I need to get the ball moving - good luck to you all on the next cycle

 

[fluffystar]

Halleluja, im not such the strange minded weirdo I thought I was. So glad im not the only one who thinks like this

fluffy xx

 

[Leila Fae]

Halleluja, im not such the strange minded weirdo I thought I was. So glad im not the only one who thinks like this

You're certainly not alone Fluffy!

 

[fluffystar]

Thanks Leila xx

 

[sma1588]

ya i know the feeling. we used to have sex all the time sometimes 2 times a day but then it kinda went to maybe 1 time a week so 4x a month! that sucked then i told oh thats bull crap and thats just not gonna happen any more. in march we bd every other day from the begining to the end of the month and almost the same with august. other than that not much happend. we R trying but i tend to get to stressed with the temping and everything so i mainly watch cm to c whats going on. i dont tell oh when i think its time because for all i know it could b 3 different times lol

 

[moochacha]

Ah I can so relate to this, it's hard to keep up the TTC romp each month. I'm really getting over it.

Though over the weekend it was our first wedding anniversary and surprisingly when had recreational sex, I think it had something to do with the wilderness and a hot tub -TMI- but the whole time I was thinking "Ummm wouldn't this be great if this was in my fertile window".