She just doesn't like her dad.

[Serene123]

Caitlyn has two people she doesn't like. One of them is Rich! She will scream and cry and kick and pinch with both of those two people for no reason. I have no idea what it could be, she just doesn't like them. Well this gets Rich down and he has started blaming me for it. He keeps getting really angry with the both of us. I told him she is just a baby and I can't tell her who to/ and not to like untill she understands me!! I'm fed up of him telling her to "shut up," and me to "sort it out."

 

[clairebear]

ah hun this makes things hard for u but like u said its not ur fault u dont control her feelings x

 

[Elli21]

Shes only a baby! You cant tell her not to do something coz she wont understand. Maybe he needs to have more patience and understanding that its not your fault. Maybe if he stops telling her to shut up and getting into a mood she'd stop acting this way??

dont let it get you down hun, some men look to blaming everything on other people coz they cant handle it.xx

 

[nikky0907]

Maybe she doesn't like him because he says things like 'shut up' to her! Or the fact that she doesn't see him much (I know,not his fault,he works)...

Maybe if he 'sorted it out' once in a while she would grow on him.

I think it's really not fair that he blames you,what on earth could you have possibly done to make Caitlyin feel like that?

 

[Serene123]

I really don't understand it. She just doesn't want to be with him atall. She will sit with strangers, anyone, apart from person number 2 (one of my mums friends) and she is fine! I thought maybe she can sense the tension between the both of us right now, but that wouldn't explain her not liking my mums friend.

Oh I don't know why I let it get me so worked up. I can't do anything about it. I'm quite happy to take her off him and comfort her, but then he bloody complains about that too!

Can't win..

 

[Carolyn]

babies pick up on anxiety and tension, tones of voices etc. that'll probably be it. you'll have to say to rich that he's the adult, he has to make her like him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she'll always prefer you unless you/him promote your oh to her. i've had to do this with my oh. abigail likes her dad, but prefers me because i have better boobs! when he picks her up, to settle her if she's upset, she follows me with her eyes!! he perseveres though and so she likes him. i think it's a breast feeding issue, i know others would disagree. i also make sure she spends plenty of time with jonathan, when he's not at work!

personal question - do you mind that she doesn't like him? (you don't have to answer that obviously. i'm asking because, to begin with i was secretly pleased that i was favoured, then i realised we're a partnership and i'd crash and burn without j's help.)

 

[Serene123]

I do mind when he can't have her for 5 minutes so I can have a bath, or dry my hair, or even little things like getting a drink! She really just doesn't feel comfortable with him.

 

[cherylanne]

They do say babies and animals have a fine tuned sense of other people and can sense the good from the bad. I'd also agree that they pick up on others emotions. I hope it works out for you, it's not your fault and him getting angry with you isn't going to help the situation at all x

 

[isil]

hopefully it's just a stage. Ally doesn't not like Kurt...but he definitely prefers me so I can't imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to leave her with him for even a short amount of time

 

[donnad]

both my 2 were like that with their dad when babies my daughter will still only come to me when she's tired she won't go near oh(she's 3)and neither will let daddy take them to bed.It's just because i'm the 1 that does everything for them while oh works.

 

[Ratty]

I had the same problem in the beginning, I was the only one who could settle him and my OH got upset and thought he was a bad father. What sorted it in the end was when I left the house for a while and my OH couldn't just hand him back. It took a little while for my OH to realise that if he got upset or angry with the crying it just made it worse. The moment he learnt to relax my LO relaxed and was quite happy to be with him. These days sometimes I can't settle him especially if I'm tired and irritable and I hand him over to my OH and all is well.

I know its a hard thing to do, but you need to let him spend more than 5 minutes with your LO and also try not to hang around as this makes them more nervous / tense because they are worrying that we are disapproving of what they are doing.

 

[Reedy]

If he's telling her to shut up she's probably picking up on his tone of voice & not liking it x Dont let hiim blame you sweety

 

[Serene123]

I had the same problem in the beginning, I was the only one who could settle him and my OH got upset and thought he was a bad father. What sorted it in the end was when I left the house for a while and my OH couldn't just hand him back. It took a little while for my OH to realise that if he got upset or angry with the crying it just made it worse. The moment he learnt to relax my LO relaxed and was quite happy to be with him. These days sometimes I can't settle him especially if I'm tired and irritable and I hand him over to my OH and all is well.

I know its a hard thing to do, but you need to let him spend more than 5 minutes with your LO and also try not to hang around as this makes them more nervous / tense because they are worrying that we are disapproving of what they are doing.

I don't hang around him but when she is screaming, bright red, and stopping breathing from crying so much, I have to step in!!

 

[Jo]

It could well be that he doesn't know how to interact with her, i think i remember you saying a couple of weeks ago that Rich didn't really spend time with her, that you were keeping her close with BFing and things I think it was in the " me Time" thread

At around 3 months a lot of babies get arsey LOL they are more aware of their surrounding, tones of voice etc....

Just give it time and she'll be fine

 

[xarlenex]

Toria im not wanting this to come across cheeky, but I remember in another thread you said you took Caitlin from Rich if she got upset..Maybe you should persevere a little bit, let him learn, like Ratty done.

Sorry meant to also say that I would do this After he learns shes a baby and he cant tell her to shut up.

 

[1st_baby]

My friends baby was like this with her dad too , she sensed he had no patience when she cried so sh would fuss and kick when he came to pick her up ..so what my friend did was for half a day she was in the basement sorting things out while dad stayed with the baby ..yes she cried and fussed but he took up his courage and rocked her and tried to make her smile ..until he found something they can both agree on (watching tv ) lol there much better now

 

[Serene123]

I do take her off him when she's crying but I do give him a chance first. It's not easy to watch your baby scream and cry to the point she's choking and forgetting the breathe.

 

[1st_baby]

Yeah i know that feeling hun

 

[Serene123]

He gets so angry with her I don't particularly want to give him a chance half the time, but I do. Sooo frustrating.

 

[Mamafy]

not an easy situation

Caitlyn is definitely picking up that rich has no patience for her or his tone of voice.

He needs to learn to 'parent' her, but learning from you may be too stressful for you him and caitlyn so maybe his mum/your mum? He needs to learn techniques to cope with the crying, things to distract her; playing with her. Even if he only gets 5 minutes of giggles it help them to bond, I suspect they have failed to bond but this can come. Rich just has to want to learn to be patient and more loving towards her and she will start to pick up only on good vibes from him.

hope you get this sorted hun