Should I go foward with pregnancy ?

[Mommy_DK]

Yes I know I'm an awful irresponsible person for getting pregnant and now having to ask if I should go through with it instead of thinking it through carefully beforehand. But I want to do what's best for everyone not just what DH wants or what I think I want

Everything is so stressful right now. Dh's hours are so crazy he's never here to help except for 2 hrs in the morning where he is suppose to get the kids to school ON time and he gets them there 30-40 mins late everyday. The school just called and said their chronic lateness cannot continue. I have them from the afternoon until bed time and when DH comes home at 12am they've been sleep for hours. I also stay home with my 3 yr old daughter all day so I'm wiped by the end of the night. If I have to get up at 6am and take them to school and he has to do nothing I'm basically a single mom at that point and all DH does is pay a few bills but does nothing with the kids physically. Doing this all by myself while being pregnant is going to be TOO much! I'm already exhausted from doing bed time, homework, bath and dinner by myself I can only imagine having to do morning route too. I hope I'm not being selfish but I am extreemly overwhelmed.

I do not have help from my mother or any family and we don't get help from his family either. I know it was stupid to even consider having a baby in the first place with all of this going on but I didn't think it would get so bad! Now I don't know if I should move foward with pg or let it go what would you do??

 

[Mommy_DK]

Because his hours are so rediculous and he gets home so late (12:30am) Its hard to get him to help me on the weekends because he's so tired. So I literally will be doing it all from Sunday to Sunday with no break unless mil takes them for a day once in a very blue moon.


Sorry for the rant!

 

[GoHawks]

I definitely think you should continue with the pregnancy. I know things are hard right now and it seems chaotic, but you can do this. There is always a reason to not continue or do it, but I'm positive that you would regret it if you chose not to continue. Maybe you and your husband need to have a talk about responsibilities around the house. If he was able to get the kids to school on time and helped out more would you be having the same thoughts you are now? Is it possible for him to look at a different job hours that better fit raising your kids?

Also, hormones are raging right now and everything seems much worse than it is. I wish you good luck! I hope everything works out for the best for you!!

 

[maryanne1987]

Maybe sit down and have a heart to heart with your dh hunny. Sounds like things are getting you down. Maybe discuss a change of job, maybe better hours to share the responsibility of the children a little more. I hope you feel better soon! Raging hormones really don't help either on top of the worry of the first tri. It's a lot to deal with. Hugs x

 

[spunky84]

That's only something you and your husband can decide. Maybe sit down this weekend and have a serious discussion. How does your husband feel about it?

Is there any possible way his hours could change or be changed? What about daycare for a few hours a day for your 3 year old?

It's a permanent solution when situations can change. Nothing in life is guaranteed. You can be rich on day, broke the next. You can have a job one day, unemployed the next.

Just some thoughts, but regardless, this is a serious discussion that has to take place between you and your husband. Only the two of you can decide this.

It's hard, absolutely. This pregnancy was a complete shock to us and at the worst possible time. I'm in nursing school full time (if I have to drop out or fail out, I have to wait a full year to re-enroll). I quit my job to do this so we're one income now. And in the recent days, DH has found out that he may not have a job much longer, so by the end of the month it's possible that neither of us will be employed with mortgage and other bills to pay with (as long as things progress) another mouth to feed in fall (DD is almost 17 months).

It feels overwhelming. It feels impossible. Circumstances can always change in an instant. I'm not saying this to persuade you one way or another. I'm saying this just say that things change. You're looking at a permanent solution to something that could end up being temporary. I'm just saying that's something to take into consideration. If you want this baby, have the baby. You have a lot of time to sort things out.

But the bottom line is, you need to talk to your husband and make the decision together

 

[Mommy_DK]

No I probably wouldn't feel this way at all if his hrs were normal or if he could atleast get them there on time. Your probably right maybe it seems worse than it is because I'm 10times more exhausted and hormones are going crazy but I could use a little more help from him. The school calling me just made me crazy because their education is important to me and I shouldn't be having this conversation with them every month ! Just pissed me off with DH.

He is looking for another job and hopefully he'll find better hrs because I need his help with the kids. DS starts football in May and the girls start gymnastics and guess who will be doing all of that with them ? ME

 

[Mommy_DK]

Spunky- so sorry you're going through hard times right now too it is tough. And very stressful especially knowing you have to bring another life into this world. I can't afford daycare myself right now, but you're absolutley right , it isn't a permanent situation I know something will change , it has to. I can't take much more of this arrangement. Thank you for sharing your situation with me just reading that has made me feel a little better

 

[GoHawks]

I think having a talk would be really benficial! Sometimes guys are completely clueless. He may not have any idea that you are struggling until you have a talk about it!

 

[Mommy_DK]

I have tried talking to DH about his hrs and Ive told him several times how difficult this is for me. but it seems to me that it's a sacrifice he doesn't want to make for some odd reason he likes working those hrs. I'm guessing it's because he doesn't have to deal with the kids as much? Or because he doesn't like going in early

But he wants more kids....

 

[spicyorange]

Sorry to be harsh but if you didn't want the baby you shouldn't have got pregnant, but you did, so imo you've made your choice! You can't just throw it away because you changed your mind.

 

[His Princess]

I think you definitely need to talk to your Husband ASAP.

Whilst I get that it must be difficult to raise 3 children whilst your OH is at work all day, were you not actively TTC? I may be wrong but that was the impression that I got. If that is the case, did you not discuss his home/work balance beforehand?

 

[GoHawks]

I think that if you explained to your husband that you are having doubts about continuing the pregnancy, that he would help out more. Especially since he wants more kids! And if he isnt willing to make the sacrifice, then sorry to say hes a crappy person!

 

[Tristansmom]

Ultimately the only one who can make that decision is you, darling. I know that's hard, but it's the truth - and whatever your decision is, you'll feel so much better about it knowing that YOU made it, not someone else you've never met!!

 

[mel28nicole]

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I only have one child but DH is in the oilfield business. He is usually working out of town monday-friday and I'm by myself 24/7. When he is working in town at one point he was working 3am-8pm and by that time DD is just about in bed. I know having one is a lot different than having multiple children, but you figure out how to make things work. Maybe changing hours could help. Like others have said ultimately it is your decision and you will make the best decision for yourself. If he wants more children then you both need to sit down and talk. Figure out both wants and needs and what you both are willing to do.

 

[mum140381]

Sorry to be harsh but if you didn't want the baby you shouldn't have got pregnant, but you did, so imo you've made your choice! You can't just throw it away because you changed your mind.

harsh but i tend to agree yes its very hard i have 6 to look after my husband works as well try to get some me time hun even if its putting ur kids in front of the tv and having 5 min out of the room

 

[xprincessx]

I know things are difficult right now hun but that's all it is...RIGHT NOW. Things change, things get better, things get easier. And they absolutely will.

I just know that if you were to not continue with this pregnancy it would be something you'd end up regretting for the rest of your life.

Please, please don't make any rash decisions. You clearly want this baby or you would not have gotten pregnant in the first place. Everything will slot into place, I promise. Just don't make any choices that can not be reversed.

I also imagine (although you may not feel this way yet) that if you chose not to continue with the pregnancy you and your OH would end up resenting one another and place blame. It may get to the point where you can't stand to look at each other for the choice you had made, especially given the reasons you'd choose to do so.

 

[hivechild]

What's happening in the mornings that the kids are so late out the door? I would think that addressing that first and making changes to the routine would be a good first step.

It shouldn't take hours to get the kids fed, into school clothes (laid out the night before), lunch in bags (packed the night before), teeth brushed and hair combed and out the door.

Are they all in the same school or different schools requiring multiple drop offs? Can you and your husband divide the drop off with you taking the closest and easiest? Do you have friends/classmates who live close by that would be willing to ride share and pick up your kid(s) in their class on the way to school? Buses?

I'm not even going to address the question you posed in the thread title, because you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment, but the kids being late to school is a longtime and ongoing problem, and the help you get or won't get is long term as well. Your pregnancy continuing or ending will not change either of these issues that you and your husband need to sort out.

 

[minties]

Are you staying up to greet him when he comes home from work past midnight? I would cut that out right now if so. No wonder you are tired. Also I can see why the kids get to school late if he has to be up so soon after getting in from work.

Surely organising the morning routine the evening before could help. Have clothes ready and lunches made etc.

 

[bebedreamr]

Hey there, I can hear the desperation for some peace in your post. Being a Mom is BUSY, and so hard in first trimester when emotions are all over the place. Heck, we call it the pregnancy crazies at my house because my patience is so thin.

I know you mentioned to your DH his hours are causing you stress and you need help, but have you told him what you just told us? How scared you are of what will happen if things don't change and this baby comes? I think you might benefit from saying to him, "Husband, we need to have a serious conversation, and sit down at the table to discuss. I am feeling _______, because of you working these long hard hours. I appreciate what you do, but I need you, because I am reconsidering our decision and it's killing me. I need you to do _________, _________ blank. PS. The school called".... Obviously you don't have to say this exact thing, but I think you and he need to be open with this feeling.

I won't lie- I have 1 toddler, and we actively tried for another baby. I have totally freaked out, felt worried, depressed and unsure of if I can handle more.... and this baby is planned! And you already are working it with 2! I think its a normal part of first tri. Have you had any mental health screening done? There is also prenatal depression, which could be why you feel hopeless. If you have access to counselling I would say now is a good time to hire a babysitter for an hour and go to a few sessions!

Please discuss this with your partner first... I sincerely hope he listens to you with an open heart and does his best to help you. I feel for you mamma. It will be OK, a lot can change in 7 months (or however many you have left!)

 

[MamaBunny2]

I couldn't just read this thread and not comment. I was actively TTC with my SO and after 6 or so months decided it was NOT a good time for us - financially or mentally - then I surprisingly got my I wasn't happy at first but it's something I did want so badly and made the choice to be intimate with my partner without protection. How far along are you? I cannot see terminating the pregnancy over your concerns, or at all for that matter. I know plenty of people desperately trying to conceive that would love a newborn baby of their own or would gladly take someone else's. My SO works from 3am until sometimes 5pm or later and I work 8am-4pm, M-F. I'm not sure how old your kids are, I think you said your DD is three? I already have two school-age children and I must take the time to take each of them to their school every morning, one at a little after 7am and the other at about 8am on my way to work. They ride the bus home in the evening. I also manage most of the household chores, which is by my choice because my SO works so many hours and is also trying to remodel our new bedroom so we have a room for the baby. I ask my kids to help out around the house when things get overwhelming and my partner will accompany me to the grocery store or cook dinner at times. If he cannot change his work schedule, perhaps you and your partner can reorganize the workload at home and who takes the kids to school? Is there anyone that can assist you with the kids, a trusted friend? I know it does get very tiring and super overwhelming but I make sure I get enough sleep and also allow days where I completely ignore housework. When you have children it's a full time job and are not guaranteed breaks. If your kids have an early enough bedtime, that would allow you an hour of down time. I have major anxiety and fear as to how I will manage when the baby arrives and I have to go back to work but everything will eventually fall into place and work out and it will for you as well! Have faith and confidence that you CAN do it! Ultimately though, like a previous poster said, it's your choice... just make sure your choice isn't one you'll end up regretting. Good luck to you!